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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Queen and a Wheelchair

213 replies

Nellielephant · 21/03/2022 17:50

AIBU to be annoyed that the newspapers are reporting that the Queen does not want to be seen in a Wheelchair? For those of us who have no choice I find this attitude upsetting as if it is something to be ashamed of.
Giylrs Brandreth has said it would be undignified for her to use one!

OP posts:
PinkFluffyUnicornSlippers · 21/03/2022 17:52

It’s her choice though. Some people don’t want to be seen in one, you don’t mind. Both choices are OK. 🤷‍♀️

ShowOfHands · 21/03/2022 17:53

My Dad tries to never use his wheelchair around his grandchildren. It's his choice and a valid one.

FlowerArranger · 21/03/2022 17:53

I can empathise, given her position. Plus that awful photo of her sister in a wheelchair...

Thefrenchconnection1 · 21/03/2022 17:54

Yanbu, some people don't have a choice, should they hide?

WiddlinDiddling · 21/03/2022 17:54

Oooh err..

I would find it undignified to be pushed around in a wheelchair...

I don't find it undignified to push myself around in one or, as I do now, drive around in my powerchair.

Lots of people DO feel very vulnerable and self concious when they first need to use a chair in public, if thats how she feels then that is how she feels... but should it be reported on? Im not sure it should.

Theunamedcat · 21/03/2022 17:55

Her choice really

Also she has tried to keep visible so everyone can see her that's hard to do in a wheelchair

Hellocatshome · 21/03/2022 17:55

I'm sure if she wasn't Queen and wouldn't get splashed all over the media in her wheelchair with people speculating when she will die she would be more than happy to be seen in her wheelchair. Surely you can see how her circumstances are different to that of members of the public who use wheelchairs.

Hollyhead · 21/03/2022 17:55

I think it’s a sign of the awful ableist society we live in. I’ve learnt so much about this from following someone called Nina Tame on Instagram. Wheelchairs are just an aid and we should celebrate their existence. It is sad when people choose not to use one when their life would be otherwise enhanced. My grandad missed out on so much by not using a mobility scooter, he could have fitted so much more in to his later years if he’d just accepted he needed a bit of help!

Schmz · 21/03/2022 17:55

I get why that attitude is offensive

We have no idea that her view is as brandreth says

If she does have the view that being in a wheelchair is not how she wishes to be seen, I guess that’s OK - but no reflection on how we should view people who are seen in wheelchairs

ZaraSizeMedium · 21/03/2022 17:55

It’s her choice.

Life for my DH grandma would be much easier for her and all of us if she’d occasionally use a wheelchair, but she refuses. That irritates me but I keep my mouth shut because it’s still her choice.

The Queena choice is not something I can get at all worked up about tbh.

Littlescottiedog · 21/03/2022 17:56

I can totally understand your viewpoint that some people have no choice. I can also understand that as someone who's lived her whole life in the public gaze, she'll have more photos and commentary about her being in a wheelchair than probably anyone else on Earth. Perhaps she doesn't want that at this point in her life?

tiredanddangerous · 21/03/2022 17:56

The newspapers are reporting? Well it must be true then Hmm

Ted27 · 21/03/2022 17:56

Maybe she doesn't want to spark off endless news pieces and pointless speculation about the state of her health?

statetrooperstacey · 21/03/2022 17:57

She’s the monarch though, and so is meant to look invincible . We also don’t see her blowing her nose or wiping dogs shit off her shoe on to the kerb, or clipping her grandkids round the ear. Shes not meant to do anything ‘normal’ is she. People aren’t even allowed to touch her ! The Australian prime minister once put an arm on her to steady her and was practically flogged by the media. If she coughed they’d all be planning her funeral. She probably can’t be arsed with being all over the front pages.

Unsureaboutit9 · 21/03/2022 17:57

It’s her choice though, even the queen gets to choose for her own body, and she’s not a younger person trying to hidden a disability or something, she’s a very elderly lady who wants to be independent in her eyes. If being in a wheelchair in public makes her feel vulnerable she can’t help that. Totally her choice, doesn’t relate to other wheelchair users.

Whatthebarnacles · 21/03/2022 17:58

My nan is 90 and specifically has one side of her hair longer to hide the fact she wears a hearing aid. She's a proud woman and doesn't want people to think she needs additional help at her age. It's not being discriminatory or saying those who are deaf/hard of hearing have something to be ashamed of. I think your view is a little skewed. This is about an elderly lady who has always been seen to be strong and independent, starting to struggle - and perhaps being unsure about showing that onset of struggle in public. It's not hating on wheelchairs or throwing your lack of choice in your face. It is what it is. Sorry you feel upset by it.

nokidshere · 21/03/2022 17:59

So because some people don't have a choice her feelings should be disregarded?

Finding yourself in such a position when you have previously been fit and healthy takes some getting used to. When I first had to accept I needed crutches and a mobility scooter I felt depressed, old and decrepit. That was no ones business but mine. Of course I use both as I now don't have a choice but to be told I had to use them and be ok about it because some people don't have a choice is completely ridiculous.

Clarabe1 · 21/03/2022 18:00

How does Giles know? Has he spoken to the Queen??

Turningpurple · 21/03/2022 18:00

I think for elderly people there's a different feeling around needing it. It's the admitting you are too old to walk around. The loss of independence due to your age.

Its not really comment on the physically disabled. However, lots of physically disabled people often have the same thoughts and feelings around wheelchairs and walk aids.

Akire · 21/03/2022 18:01

She wouldn’t have to pushed around she of all people could afford a power chair even a mega expensive one that would lift her to normal height for face to face.

It’s a tool to enable you get from A to B she uses a car or carriage or golf cart or even horse. It hard to know why another tool wouldn’t be used to cause less pain and enable her to do more. The only reason you wouldn’t use one is because of social stigma. That you would be lowering yourself down social ranks etc etc cobblers. As a wheelchair user myself I find it bizarre she rather just stay at home and do nothing than use a mobility aid. How many more older and frailer people then think well if even Queen uses one to help her out I can give it a go.

Spudina · 21/03/2022 18:01

I get it tbh. I had to be a wheelchair briefly in hospital whilst having my kids and I really hated it. And I hated DH seeing me in one. I didn’t realise how vulnerable it would make me feel.

Akire · 21/03/2022 18:02

If a 96 y old can’t consider themselves to be old and frail well then not much hope is there.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/03/2022 18:02

Thank god for z list celebrities offering their opinion on subjects they haven’t been asked about!

Where is Paul Burrell when you need him?

VivienneDelacroix · 21/03/2022 18:03

I think a lot of people find it hard to adjust to needing mobility aids, and there is a huge amount of adjustment around self-concept which needs to happen. This is true for anyone, but imagine if you knew this would be commented on, and your every move filmed and photographed?

Brandreth's comments are vile, idiotic, and ableist though. He's an uneccessary, talentless man and to be honest I would find it undignified if I was known for being a rent-a-gob in silly jumpers.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:05

I am currently really struggling with my mobility. Hardly get out of the house. I have a wheelchair. I've used it twice. I don't want to use it or been seen needing to use it either. So if I can't hobble I just don't go out. I can't help the way I feel. I know I'm going to have to come to terms with it. I imagine I would feel all the more strongly about it if me being in a wheelchair was splashed all over the papers as well.