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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Queen and a Wheelchair

213 replies

Nellielephant · 21/03/2022 17:50

AIBU to be annoyed that the newspapers are reporting that the Queen does not want to be seen in a Wheelchair? For those of us who have no choice I find this attitude upsetting as if it is something to be ashamed of.
Giylrs Brandreth has said it would be undignified for her to use one!

OP posts:
godmum56 · 21/03/2022 18:30

If I had a pound for every time a newspaper had published something that annoyed me I would be a lot richer than I am.

Lovemusic33 · 21/03/2022 18:31

My grandmother is the same age as the queen and feels the same about using a wheelchair, I think for someone who has always been very active and mobile it’s hard to except that they may need a wheelchair. I don’t think it implies that there’s stigma around people using them, it’s just a personal thing.

TheseDaysGoBy · 21/03/2022 18:32

I did wonder what the big deal was being seen in a wheelchair tbh! Nothing to be ashamed of and it's that kind of attitude which fuels the taboo

GodspeedJune · 21/03/2022 18:32

I don’t think you can conflate your feelings with anyone else who needs to use mobility aids.

Like many PPs, I’ve had to use a wheelchair and found it really difficult mentally. It doesn’t mean I think there’s any shame in other people needing them. My elderly DGM also didn’t take well to needing a wheelchair and preferred to stay at home than go out using it.

Thoosa · 21/03/2022 18:33

@Nellielephant

AIBU to be annoyed that the newspapers are reporting that the Queen does not want to be seen in a Wheelchair? For those of us who have no choice I find this attitude upsetting as if it is something to be ashamed of. Giylrs Brandreth has said it would be undignified for her to use one!
Yes I had the exact same thought.

I was even entertaining the idea of writing to HMQ to describe life in a wheelchair for an ordinary (younger) working citizen in this country and somehow respectfully suggest she had the chance to change attitudes.

Then I thought that maybe lobbying a nonagenarian wasn’t on, and besides, i’m a republican. Grin

TheyCallMeJune · 21/03/2022 18:33

She is 95 and a fiercely independent woman by the looks of things. She probably doesn't want to admit to herself that she is old and frail now, and a wheelchair might mean that to her.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:34

@Clarabe1

Why does it matter what she chooses to do? Why would you care? She is a very old lady of 95. I think she has done enough for the country without now being told she now has to be a bloody wheelchair ambassador.
This 100 times over
SummerBluez · 21/03/2022 18:34

If you're happy to use a wheelchair in public then thats great. My brother is a wheelchair user and feels no stigma using it. But then photographs of him aren't likely to be beamed around the world and seen by billions of people who will then have countless online discussions about when she will die. She's the Queen, she's different to Joe Public.

EdithWeston · 21/03/2022 18:36

She probably doesn't want to be seen in one at Prince Philips memorial because you can guarantee if she does then all the headlines will be about her and her health & not the reason she was there

Good point

Also, with the exception of Jubilee events, the Cenotaph and maybe the State Opening of Parliament, people will be going to her, rather than her going to places

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:36

@WhyIsEverythingSoHard being queen does not mean she has to accept being in a wheelchair

Ozanj · 21/03/2022 18:37

I don’t think any disabled person enjoys using a wheelchair. They use it because they have to and the alternative is a bed or a static chair. So it’s possible, especially if the use is only temporary, that the queen just doesn’t see the point of being photographed in it

Thoosa · 21/03/2022 18:37

@Lovemusic33

My grandmother is the same age as the queen and feels the same about using a wheelchair, I think for someone who has always been very active and mobile it’s hard to except that they may need a wheelchair. I don’t think it implies that there’s stigma around people using them, it’s just a personal thing.
Erm MOST of us who have to use wheelchairs regularly (and forevermore) were active and mobile previously. We also find it hard to accept the change, but we have to, without the benefit of unlimited funds, special arrangements and extensive staff. Because we have responsibilities and mortgages and independent lives.

I expect people who have always needed wheelchairs aren’t exactly all delighted and thinking it would have been their first choice, either. 🙄

What exactly are you trying to say? 😡

SolasAnla · 21/03/2022 18:39

@Hollyhead

I think it’s a sign of the awful ableist society we live in. I’ve learnt so much about this from following someone called Nina Tame on Instagram. Wheelchairs are just an aid and we should celebrate their existence. It is sad when people choose not to use one when their life would be otherwise enhanced. My grandad missed out on so much by not using a mobility scooter, he could have fitted so much more in to his later years if he’d just accepted he needed a bit of help!
Or its a sign of dramatic reduction in physical health that some old people, like a 95 year old widow who recently buried her husband, have to face as their life nears an end.

And what exactly is she missing out on??
She is not exactly in a position to hop on a plane to Spain or book a B&B holiday in Blackpool.
So missing a work meet and greet or other public appearance 30 years after most people retire.....

Rachie1973 · 21/03/2022 18:39

@Nellielephant

AIBU to be annoyed that the newspapers are reporting that the Queen does not want to be seen in a Wheelchair? For those of us who have no choice I find this attitude upsetting as if it is something to be ashamed of. Giylrs Brandreth has said it would be undignified for her to use one!
God forbid should she be allowed a choice.
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:40

@Thoosa she is trying to say exactly what's she's said. What is so hard to understand? I feel the exact same way as the pp grandmother and the queen it seems.

Benjispruce5 · 21/03/2022 18:42

Not on for Gyles B to say that though.

Thoosa · 21/03/2022 18:44

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@Thoosa she is trying to say exactly what's she's said. What is so hard to understand? I feel the exact same way as the pp grandmother and the queen it seems. [/quote]
Well it’s a bit of a poke on the eye to those of us who spend our lives searching for blue badge parking, dropped kerbs and space to unload our wheelchairs for some numpty to say “ah but it’s hard for my Gran/the Queen to adjust because she was previously mobile”. Try it when you’re 35 and were previously mobile. When you have a job to hold down and children to raise, groceries to buy and a mortgage to pay.

Shouldn’t be surprised, though. The ableism on MN reeks as ever. 🤷🏻‍♀️

eddiemairswife · 21/03/2022 18:46

Princess Margaret's lifestyle was partly to blame for her decline.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:46

@Thoosa I am in the exact situation. I don't leave the house because I don't want to use a wheelchair. I don't feel poked on the eye. I completely understand why they feel the way they do. Because I feel the same why.

I'm 31 btw. There is nothing abelist about what they've said

MrsOvertonsWindow · 21/03/2022 18:51

Her body her choice. Since when did this principle change?

Thoosa · 21/03/2022 18:51

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@Thoosa I am in the exact situation. I don't leave the house because I don't want to use a wheelchair. I don't feel poked on the eye. I completely understand why they feel the way they do. Because I feel the same why.

I'm 31 btw. There is nothing abelist about what they've said[/quote]
I’m sorry. I think it’s tone deaf to suggest it’s particularly hard for older people to accept loss of mobility because they’ve been lucky enough to enjoy a long life of unimpaired mobility until that point.

On the contrary, anyone who loses mobility finds it hard. Unless you have financial security, a pension or someone to pay for you, you just have to crack on.

Sirzy · 21/03/2022 18:51

I think it’s quite a normal attitude especially when first coming to terms with the changes that have led to needing it. It’s not a judgement on anyone else but a natural struggle with how your body and ability has changed.

Thoosa · 21/03/2022 18:52

@Sirzy

I think it’s quite a normal attitude especially when first coming to terms with the changes that have led to needing it. It’s not a judgement on anyone else but a natural struggle with how your body and ability has changed.
Yes, that much agree with.

I still hope HMQ takes the opportunity to be visible in a chair, though.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:53

@Thoosa granted, but she's old. So she is finding it tough AS an old lady. I'm sure she'd have felt the same at 30

pepsirolla · 21/03/2022 18:53

@Whatthebarnacles

My nan is 90 and specifically has one side of her hair longer to hide the fact she wears a hearing aid. She's a proud woman and doesn't want people to think she needs additional help at her age. It's not being discriminatory or saying those who are deaf/hard of hearing have something to be ashamed of. I think your view is a little skewed. This is about an elderly lady who has always been seen to be strong and independent, starting to struggle - and perhaps being unsure about showing that onset of struggle in public. It's not hating on wheelchairs or throwing your lack of choice in your face. It is what it is. Sorry you feel upset by it.
This. My mum's the same. Fights her increasing immobility reluctantly uses sticks and frame. Rarely uses her scooter and refuses wheelchair. But she is strong, independent and this fighting spirit keeps her going