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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Queen and a Wheelchair

213 replies

Nellielephant · 21/03/2022 17:50

AIBU to be annoyed that the newspapers are reporting that the Queen does not want to be seen in a Wheelchair? For those of us who have no choice I find this attitude upsetting as if it is something to be ashamed of.
Giylrs Brandreth has said it would be undignified for her to use one!

OP posts:
Susu49 · 21/03/2022 18:05

Op you're quite right, it's an insensitive and narrow-minded statement to make.

However, optics are a huge thing with the royal family and I don't think a 90 something year old woman is in a position to impact general perspectives. Instead I look to those who are much younger and in the public eye for transforming opinions. Unlike them though, for the Queen it very much is a sign of aging and frailty and these are significant things to highlight to the world.

I also don't suppose she particularly wants to see rumours of her impending death in every newspaper!

Her choice.

ZaraSizeMedium · 21/03/2022 18:05

@ShirleyPhallus

Thank god for z list celebrities offering their opinion on subjects they haven’t been asked about!

Where is Paul Burrell when you need him?

Quite Grin
FAQs · 21/03/2022 18:07

That’s if it is true…. my Aunt is the same, she is also embarrassed by her stick, she says it’s because she has always been independent and admitting she needs help is really hard for her. It’s not because of other people, she is a woman who survived the Blitz, had a career, was a carer to my Uncle until Covid killed him, she is just a very proud woman. None of know how we will feel when/if we reach that point.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 21/03/2022 18:07

My mother missed out on so much by refusing to use a wheelchair, including her granddaughter’s wedding and great grandchildren’s christenings. She effectively made herself housebound for at least 5 years before she needed to be. And then complained bitterly how she couldn’t get to these or a number of other family occasions. Really sad.
She happily used one however for hospital and doctors appointments.

Redglitter · 21/03/2022 18:07

@Hellocatshome

I'm sure if she wasn't Queen and wouldn't get splashed all over the media in her wheelchair with people speculating when she will die she would be more than happy to be seen in her wheelchair. Surely you can see how her circumstances are different to that of members of the public who use wheelchairs.
Exactly

She probably doesn't want to be seen in one at Prince Philips memorial because you can guarantee if she does then all the headlines will be about her and her health & not the reason she was there

lljkk · 21/03/2022 18:07

Mirror reports she's refusing to use a chair at all. Maybe we should be discussing this as little old lady is being bullied into choices she doesn't like?

She's lived her whole life out in public eye. Can she just have some space to come to terms with her future mobility options.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/03/2022 18:08

I don't think you can compare the Queen with a member of the public.

There are news articles most days weeks about whether she's about to die - if she starts using a wheelchair in public, those are only going to escalate and it really can't be nice to read about your impending doom every single day!

Akire · 21/03/2022 18:09

You can still be proud and strong independent individual using a Mobility aid. Goodness it’s enlightening knowing what able bodied think of those of us who do us them. Depressing or what

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:10

@Akire

You can still be proud and strong independent individual using a Mobility aid. Goodness it’s enlightening knowing what able bodied think of those of us who do us them. Depressing or what
I'm not able bodied. Far far from it. I still don't want to need to use a wheelchair and if I can avoid it I do.
Unsureaboutit9 · 21/03/2022 18:11

@Akire

You can still be proud and strong independent individual using a Mobility aid. Goodness it’s enlightening knowing what able bodied think of those of us who do us them. Depressing or what
That isn’t what anyone here is saying, the ‘able bodied’ on here are sayings it’s down to each individuals choices, rather than grouping every wheelchair users feelings into one as you are doing.
DoobryWhatsit · 21/03/2022 18:11

I absolutely understand where you're coming from. It's completely her choice if she doesn't want to use/be seen to use a wheelchair, but I hate the tabloid way of reporting which makes it seem like of course ANYONE would (should?) be mortified to be seen in a wheelchair.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/03/2022 18:15

She wouldn't have the upper body strength to self propel, so she'd be pushed round by a minion all the time, trusting that they wouldn't tip her out onto the pavement.

And don't forget that so many places are still inaccessible to the disabled, particularly historic ones - can you imagine the fuss if she gets somewhere to find that the wheelchair ramp doesn't work and two burly bodyguards have to hoist her up and downstairs? Or being bumped over grass/catching the wheels in the shit uneven surfaces that seem to pass for pavements, courtyards and buildings that have half steps where none is necessary?

It could be argued that she would do more for accessibility if she did choose to be seen encountering those issues that every disabled has to endure as a daily reminder that they don't belong in society - but she isn't obliged to be the token/sacrificial lamb by being photographed as she's being caught by an official with her drawers on show.

SunshineAndFizz · 21/03/2022 18:15

Don't see the issue. Her choice. It wasn't followed by '...because there's something wrong with using a wheelchair'.

Whitney168 · 21/03/2022 18:17

God, she's 95, maybe she just doesn't want to go anywhere much - and least of all to have people speculating how long it will be till she's dead.

SevenWaystoLeave · 21/03/2022 18:18

@PinkFluffyUnicornSlippers

It’s her choice though. Some people don’t want to be seen in one, you don’t mind. Both choices are OK. 🤷‍♀️
Doubt it's a choice for OP though. The Queen lives in a castle with staff waiting on her, she can choose to live a relatively full and comfortable life without ever going off her own property - most wheelchair users can't.
housemdwaswrong · 21/03/2022 18:18

You're not unreasonable at all in how it makes you feel. But neither is she in how she feels. I use sticks to walk sometimes, and hate it. I also refused to use a walking frame last year when I really should have done. Just because some people use them all the time out of necessity, that doesn't invalidate my feelings either. Last week when I went back on them I was devastated. Not because of how it appears, but because it's another bit of me that this stupid condition has stolen. I'm allowed to feel that I think? As you are allowed to have your feelings. No right or wr9ng, just different things for different people I think. IMHO at least.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/03/2022 18:19

It's no one's business if she doesn't want to be seen in a wheelchair. It's a personal choice and there's nothing wrong with it. She hasn't said she looks down on people in wheelchairs. You're taking someone else decision personally when it has nothing to do with you.

LizDoingTheCanCan · 21/03/2022 18:19

@Akire

You can still be proud and strong independent individual using a Mobility aid. Goodness it’s enlightening knowing what able bodied think of those of us who do us them. Depressing or what
Indeed. If the Queen acknowledged that she now needs a mobility aid, and used it in public, that would go some way to changing people's perceptions of people with disabilities and overcoming the stigma.
MaChienEstUnDick · 21/03/2022 18:20

I completely agree that the Giles Brandreth comment is a disgrace. There's nothing 'undignified' about using a chair. But any individual is allowed to have a little bit of time to come to terms with a change in their health/mobility. It's just given the state of our press, the queen won't be allowed that privilege.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/03/2022 18:22

@LizDoingTheCanCan she doesn't want to. Why should she have to?! If she doesn't want to use or be seen in a wheelchair that's her choice. She doesn't need to be made an example of

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 21/03/2022 18:24

@SunshineAndFizz

Don't see the issue. Her choice. It wasn't followed by '...because there's something wrong with using a wheelchair'.
On the other side, you can see from all the answers that this is exactly what is the underlying message. It’s not possible to read that and forget about all the assumptions and judgements associated with using a wheelchair. As many posters have highlighted when they explained how much they struggled to adjust to life with a wheelchair.

I mean there will be a reason why she doesn’t want to be seen in a wheelchair won’t there? It’s not going to be because the colour of the wheelchair doesn’t match her dress or something….

Much more likely it will be because a wheelchair will be seen as one of many possible things such as

  • she is ill and doesnt have long to live
  • she is the reigning monarch. Can she still do that role?
  • a wheelchair is for the old and decrepit.
  • it’s shameful
  • she isn’t anyone any more. Just a disabled person in a wheelchair
Etc etc…

So yes she might simply be struggling to adjust. But that adjustment will have been made even harder by all those assumptions and judgments.

Clarabe1 · 21/03/2022 18:25

Why does it matter what she chooses to do? Why would you care? She is a very old lady of 95. I think she has done enough for the country without now being told she now has to be a bloody wheelchair ambassador.

Georgeskitchen · 21/03/2022 18:26

I think it stems from a picture published of Princess Margaret in a wheelchair with dark glasses on, after her stroke, and a few months before her death. A very sad picture as PM had been an attractive and glamorous woman. The Queen I believe, was quite upset at her frail and unwell sister being paraded in public in a vulnerable state

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 21/03/2022 18:26

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@LizDoingTheCanCan she doesn't want to. Why should she have to?! If she doesn't want to use or be seen in a wheelchair that's her choice. She doesn't need to be made an example of [/quote]
Well she is the Queen isnt she?

Hasn’t she been hailed as amazing when she followed the covid guidelines for her husband funeral? That she was an example for the ciuntry?

In the same way, whether she process with or Wo the use of a wheelchair, she will set the example. That’s part of her job as the Queen.

Clarabe1 · 21/03/2022 18:30

@WhyIsEverythingSoHard she is 95! Christ sake - leave her be. A recently widowed woman of 95. I think she is entitled to make her own decisions.

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