Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Nephew Show!

436 replies

ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 14:26

Would this annoy you? AIBU?

Every time (weekends) we visit DP’s parents DP’s brother’s boys are always there. Always. DP’s brother and wife never are just the boys. Even if they aren’t around, as soon as DP’s brother gets wind we are coming around he drops them over and they stay all day!

Don’t get me wrong they are lovely boys but they are tiring and constantly need entertaining. They can’t play on their own.

It used to be that when DP and I visited his parents it’d be the ‘Noah’ and ‘Ollie’ show, and we’d spent the whole time watching them perform dances, magic, singing… and SP’s parents would be all ‘ooh show DP & Clem xyz…aren’t they clever?!’ So we’d leave without having had any conversation with DP’s parents and I’d feel like I’m just there to clap and coo.

Recently they seem to have latched on to me, so when we are there they’re clambering over me, want to play with me and only me etc so I basically end up babysitting while DP’s Dad just slumps on sofa watching his sports and DP and his Mum have a lovely tea and natter. I feel like a mug (and yes I know I probably am).

So what’s brought this up again is that DP’s brother, wife and the boys were spending Mothers Day together as a family so we offered to take DP’s Mum (and Dad) out for a meal. Lovely adult time, can actually chat and get to know them. Then DP says ‘oh the boys might be coming!’ ?!?! I said why aren’t they spending time with their Mum? apparently they will be in the morning but wanted to come for the meal. Fab.

I was so annoyed I actually said to DP, God forbid they spend time with their parents! ShockConfused Probably was a bit off I said that, but I just want to spend some time with DP and his parents without DP’s nephews dominating! It changes the dynamic! Because of this I don’t really know his parents and they don’t know me!

AIBU? I feel like us visiting is seen as a chance to babysit their children. They never want to see us by the way, I can’t remember the last time they said more than a brief ‘hi’ to us as they’re thrusting their kids through the front door.

Maybe I am being unreasonable, I’m very happy to hear that I am and just suck it up.

OP posts:
Annette32123 · 21/03/2022 18:03

Your partner needs to talk to his brother.

You and his parents and his nephews aren’t the problem. His brother is the problem.

TabithaTittlemouse · 21/03/2022 18:07

I wonder if it’s because you don’t have children, maybe they think they are being kind giving you these children to play with Confused ha!
Could you say that you are allergic to them and they bring you out in hives?

LookItsMeAgain · 21/03/2022 18:07

@ClemFandangoo

Do you know what really peed me off last time. I’d spent a couple of hours keeping the boys company, then they went with DP and DP’s Mum to do something in the garden for 5 so I used that time to decompress and mindlessly scroll Instagram. DP’s Dad came downstairs and made a comment about me being unsocial and on my phone. Honestly I was Angry says the man who sits there watching TV all day and not engaging with anyone!
On this I would have had to pick him on this comment by saying something like "Well James**, I'm not actually part of this family...yet...so I don't see why it's fallen to me to keep your grandchildren occupied....I noticed that you haven't been around for the past few hours and I believe that it is also very anti-social to not be a good host and attend to your guests...but hey ho...we all have our blind spots now don't we" and give a tinkly little laugh at the end.

** name changed as I haven't the foggiest as to what your possible FiL's name actually is Grin

Blossomtoes · 21/03/2022 18:08

@Annette32123

Your partner needs to talk to his brother.

You and his parents and his nephews aren’t the problem. His brother is the problem.

No, his parents are the problem. This is happening in their house. His mum called the restaurant and added places to the booking. They’re not only allowing it to happen, they’re encouraging it. It’s unbelievable that nobody’s putting the blame fair and square where it belongs.
BluebellsGreenbells · 21/03/2022 18:08

His parents are the problem. They could keep quiet about a visit. They could tell the DB that the DN weren’t invited to the restaurant.

What is happening is the GPS are bending over backwards to have the kids or the kids are wanting to see uncle and everyone bends over backwards to facilitate it.

I wouldn’t go. I would tell the IL’s that the children weren’t invited and it was rude to include them. Make sure your DP rings them and explains how rude they were to change the booking.

LampLighter414 · 21/03/2022 18:09

Either summarise what you've said in this thread or show DP it.

Im glad you're not going and wasting your time on Mothers day.

If I were you I wouldn't visit his parents again and say you find it too tiring with the boys and you'll only go if they're not there as you want adult focused time

If he doesn't like it what's he gonna do? Nothing stopping him visiting on his own

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 18:11

I know not everyone reads the whole thread but just for those who have missed it, I’ve decided to spend the day with my Dad.

I will be telling DP when he gets home from work.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 18:14

His parents are the problem. They could keep quiet about a visit. They could tell the DB that the DN weren’t invited to the restaurant.

This has been in the back of my mind for a while actually. I think you’re right. I was so annoyed they got invited to the restaurant, I think it’s topped me over the edge tbh.

OP posts:
FlamingoQueen · 21/03/2022 18:16

Good for you spending the day with your Dad. We had the same with mil - my niece and nephew were always there, but in laws were embarrassing to watch with them - really mollycoddled them and my two dc got ignored and bored. We now don’t see them.
Am really pleased you are putting your foot down. This will only get worse.

Febrier · 21/03/2022 18:17

We have something similar with DP's nieces. They are the only grandchildren and absolutely adored by their grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, as they should be.

Unfortunately the whole family just allow them to dominate every gathering. They are early teens and everyone just sits around listening to them Know Everything About Everything.

smartiecake · 21/03/2022 18:18

Your BIL & SIL are CF's.
Definitely spend the say on sunday with your dad and tell DH to take his mum out on his own. I think you need to try and find ways to exclude the nephews, or just stop visiting and send DH on his own.
They are taking you for a mug! Just stop for a few months and tell DH you don't want to spend your weekends looking after other people's kids.

Lennybenny · 21/03/2022 18:18

Day with your Dad....Best way😍

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 18:19

@gettingolderandgrumpy

Wait so they find out your coming to visit so they send their dc round and you look after them .? Op say something and get dh on board honestly stop quietly getting annoyed and speak up say no or this will go on forever.
Yes. There was a time when we came over and they weren’t there and it was nice. I even said it was nice and peaceful. We chatted and had tea. Then the phone goes and it’s DP’s brother and I can hear one side of the convo and then DP’s Dad says ‘yes they are around.’ Then 20 minutes later guess who turns up!!
OP posts:
EthelTheAardvark · 21/03/2022 18:22

Then DP says ‘oh the boys might be coming!’ ?!?! I said why aren’t they spending time with their Mum? apparently they will be in the morning but wanted to come for the meal. Fab*

Your DP needs to get straight back to his brother and say "No, the boys can't come, this is an adult meal out". Full stop, no excuses, and if they try to guilt-trip him with how disappointed they will be, ignore it.

EthelTheAardvark · 21/03/2022 18:25

DP’s Mum has already phoned the restaurant and added two more seats so that’s that then

That's bloody cheeky of her considering it's your invitation. I suggest you phone straight back, cancel the two extras, and tell all concerned that the nephews aren't coming.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 21/03/2022 18:25

The yabu is why do u go to your inlaws every weekend ? Don't you have anything else to do?

Shinyandnew1 · 21/03/2022 18:29

I actually feel bad for DP!

Well I wouldn’t. The children’s parents are cheeky fuckers, as are DP’s parents, but it’s DP who should be preventing his partner from being treated as the ‘staff’. He seems to be positively encouraging it! I wouldn’t want to be with someone who let me be treated like a skivvy whilst they spent all day having a nice chat with their mum! He is your problem here-he’s the person you’re choosing to spend your life with and he doesn’t have your back.

Shinyandnew1 · 21/03/2022 18:30

I will be telling DP when he gets home from work

Will you be spelling out the reason why to him?

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 18:30

@FlamingoQueen

Good for you spending the day with your Dad. We had the same with mil - my niece and nephew were always there, but in laws were embarrassing to watch with them - really mollycoddled them and my two dc got ignored and bored. We now don’t see them. Am really pleased you are putting your foot down. This will only get worse.
Aww that’s horrible, I do wonder if we had children whether we’d suffer the same. I also wonder sometimes if they don’t visit us because we don’t have GC for them but maybe that’s a reach!
OP posts:
Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 18:31

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

The yabu is why do u go to your inlaws every weekend ? Don't you have anything else to do?
We don’t Confused I don’t want to be rude but I’ve said several times in the thread how often we visit. Confused
OP posts:
Moodycow78 · 21/03/2022 18:33

I actually feel bad for DP!

Why do you feel sorry for him? He's not at all impacted by this, you're letting DP and his family walk all over you. Your DP is taking advantage of you as are his entire family and you feel bad for him? It's a real pity he doesn't feel bad for you and do something about this.

Pawtriarchal · 21/03/2022 18:36

Do the kids go there when you’re not there? I wonder if it’s suiting his parents too? They get to have their time with the kids taken care of with a full babysitting (you) service?

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 18:36

I’ve just seen the vote Shock Ok I guess it’s almost unanimous that I’m not BU, so at least there’s that. I honestly thought I’d get mostly comments in how I should be thankful they enjoy being around me etc. Grin Didn’t expect that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 18:38

@Pawtriarchal

Do the kids go there when you’re not there? I wonder if it’s suiting his parents too? They get to have their time with the kids taken care of with a full babysitting (you) service?
I think they are around several times a week and stay over a couple times a week too (all without their parents) I do wonder, why they bothered having them!
OP posts:
Gazelda · 21/03/2022 18:38

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

The yabu is why do u go to your inlaws every weekend ? Don't you have anything else to do?
As well as being unnecessarily rude, this is funny. If you'd bother to read OPs posts, you will realise that you've been so quick to make a snarky reply that you've missed out her several posts which state that they visit approx once a month. Now who's being unreasonable?