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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't normal re DS 12

381 replies

Deereemer · 20/03/2022 18:13

Ds got a tech ban this weekend due to unacceptable behaviour yesterday. The bam is for 3 weeks as things have been getting out of hand with how he has been, increasingly rude, shouty, downright aggressive at times.

He is in his bed crying and i mean wailing because he will miss the new fortnight update. When he stops crying he just stares at the wall and doesn't do anything at. All.

I am worried this is a sign of gaming addiction or depression, i don't know.

Any advice welcomed

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 20/03/2022 20:36

@Blossomtoes

It’s a sign of manipulative behaviour to get his own way. Ignore him, he’ll get tired of it when he sees it doesn’t work.
This
Original poster
Deereemer · 20/03/2022 20:36

Thanks jungle.
Hang in there.
Fortnite is like a gateway drug ime. Seems fairly innocent and then as they get better and better its actually totally over stimulating, violent and addictive.

OP posts:
berlinbabylon · 20/03/2022 20:37

I think you may ruin your relationship in the long term op

If a relationship is going to be ruined because of video games, that's a serious problem right there!

Pumperthepumper · 20/03/2022 20:38

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue

3 weeks it’s excessive. Give him a consequence but make it more lenient.

It really depend on what they did. Gaming can be quite out of ordinally. I have banned my then 4 years old from gaming for a year, since he started copying swear words. 12 years old is a bit tricky, but if the parents aren't experienced, I can see why they have to go to the extremes.

So, hang on, you allowed your four year old to play games with swearing, instead of anything age appropriate, then punished them for your mistake? That’s extreme, right enough.
BoldMove · 20/03/2022 20:38

Agree with poster saying its manipulative behaviour. Stick to the ban, ignore his response. Yes he'll miss his update but he won't repeat his rudeness in a hurry hopefully. The 3 weeks break will do him good. Kids!

Original poster
Deereemer · 20/03/2022 20:38

Agreed Berlin!

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 20/03/2022 20:40

@berlinbabylon

I think you may ruin your relationship in the long term op

If a relationship is going to be ruined because of video games, that's a serious problem right there!

I agree. Why did you let it get to this stage @Deereemer?
Original poster
Deereemer · 20/03/2022 20:40

Thanks bold
Looks like there are a few of us not sucked in by the BS that console gaming is

OP posts:
implantreplace · 20/03/2022 20:42

@Deereemer

Thanks bold Looks like there are a few of us not sucked in by the BS that console gaming is
But if it’s got to this point….
LivingDeadGirlUK · 20/03/2022 20:42

But why did he swear at you OP?

Original poster
Deereemer · 20/03/2022 20:44

Because his gaming time was up clearly

OP posts:
PutinSmellsPassItOn · 20/03/2022 20:44

Some kids just cannot cope with gaming. Especially games like fortnite which are so immersive and obsessive. We had the same issue with my dd with the sims which had a serious impact on her mental health.

She had such a bad outburst one day I did her a massive favour and binned the lot. It was ruling her life by that point. And as an adult she thanked me for it.

Ds on the other hand can regulate himself, we've never had this issue with him. And he liked minecraft etc just like most kids, but it never took over. And was never the preferred option to doing something in real life.

gandalf456 · 20/03/2022 20:45

I have a 13 year old who games a bit too much and I can tell when he does because it definitely impacts on his behaviour. I am not brave enough to introduce a blanket ban for 3 weeks but am more in favour of a short, sharp shock.

While you have got him off it, why not introduce him to other things that he could be doing with his time? Sometimes, they stick themselves on games because they don't know what else to do. Now is the time to educate him on the fact that there is more to life than gaming - take him out on a bike ride, swimming, long walks. Encourage him to bring a friend.

My son still spends more time on games than he would like but now goes out with friends to muck about in the woods, cycles into town for a bite to eat and a mooch around the shops, or goes to the park.

I am not anti gaming and I think a lot of mistakes parents make are to be ludites about tech, which is now a big part of life and not altogether a bad thing but it is about creating a balance and too much concentration on a screen does tend to make one a bit strung out. You need a bit of physical activity, too

justasimplelife · 20/03/2022 20:47

@ThisisMax

A three week ban??? Are you nuts? Keep giving consequences like that and they will have no effect. He should be working on regulating his time online supported/coached by you. You need to back track. Only give consequences as a last resort, enforceable and immediately felt.
I agree totally with this
5128gap · 20/03/2022 20:47

@Blossomtoes

It’s a sign of manipulative behaviour to get his own way. Ignore him, he’ll get tired of it when he sees it doesn’t work.
Exactly what I was going to say.
7eleven · 20/03/2022 20:48

3 weeks is a really long time to a 12 year old. I agree that the behaviour needs a consequence, but I think that’s too much.

Also, if it’s the worse thing to him, what are you holding in your reserves for if/when he really plays up. Apologies if he’s not your first, but he’s likely to present much more challenging behaviours (it’s what teenagers do.)

If you really think gaming is the devil’s spawn, why do you let him do it at all and are you sure this isn’t just an excuse to ban it?

Lucyccfc68 · 20/03/2022 20:50

@EmpressCixi ‘what was she doing in his room?’

FFS it’s called parenting. He is 12! OP is fully entitled to go into his room and if he swears at her, he gets punished.

KneadingKitty · 20/03/2022 20:52

3 weeks is way too long, especially because it won't fix anything so how long will you make it next time?
Instead of a complete ban for 3 weeks I'd reduce his daily time. He might stare at the wall for the first few days, maybe even a week if he's very stubborn, but he will eventually look for other stuff to do.

LoudingVoice · 20/03/2022 20:53

@Winkydink

I have a year 8 boy. I’ve been told to fuck off. Then I find out that something really upsetting had happened at school/with friends/with a teacher and it all falls into place and he apologises.

Three weeks is way too long for that age - agree on some steps to shorten it down to a week.

So you’re teaching your 8 year old boy that it’s acceptable to swear at someone in his household if he thinks he has a ‘reason’?

That’s a terrible message for his future relationships, if your partner told you to fuck off because they’d had a bad day at work would you accept that too?

Original poster
Deereemer · 20/03/2022 20:54

Good to know what others would do. Im concerned about ds being addicted and or in poor mental health. I fail to see how any rational parent would not remove what is causing the problem for an extended period of time.

OP posts:
GenderCriticalTrumpets · 20/03/2022 20:55

This might have been signposted before but Young Gamers and Gamblers have a really good website with lots of resources for parents and young people.

Maryjane3227 · 20/03/2022 20:55

He probably is devastated. Gaming means a lot to a lot of kids, it's a way of belonging and connecting, it's not just the gaming itself.
You are right to set boundaries. Maybe give him incentives to lift the ban early if he can see where he's gone wrong but acknowledge gaming matters to him.
Crying, ups and downs, all normal.
Holier than thou parents who think gaming is the work of the devil, get over yourselves!

KneadingKitty · 20/03/2022 20:55

@Deereemer

Thanks jungle. Hang in there. Fortnite is like a gateway drug ime. Seems fairly innocent and then as they get better and better its actually totally over stimulating, violent and addictive.
Loling at you dishing out sarcastic parent of the year award comments but at the same time allowing your child to play a game that you describe in this way.
KneadingKitty · 20/03/2022 20:56

@Deereemer

Good to know what others would do. Im concerned about ds being addicted and or in poor mental health. I fail to see how any rational parent would not remove what is causing the problem for an extended period of time.
Because it doesn't work. Just watch.
Pumperthepumper · 20/03/2022 20:56

@Deereemer

Good to know what others would do. Im concerned about ds being addicted and or in poor mental health. I fail to see how any rational parent would not remove what is causing the problem for an extended period of time.
Because if you could be arsed to actually parent him, regulating the console you bought him before this point, rather than punishing him for becoming addicted to a situation you created would be much more beneficial to him. Punishing him for your mistake is bullying behaviour and will 100% make him worse.