Dh follows me to bed

[overreactionreally]

So obviously there are times when dh and I go to bed together but sometimes I like to go up first. I like pottering about, having some wind down time to myself. I'll read a bit in bed then doze off. Lately dh has started coming to bed at same time as me (regardless how early) he's in bed in seconds and wants light off straight to sleep. It bugs my routine but obviously I can't say anything as iabu.

Just wondering if there's anything your oh do that annoy you but you don't feel you can say because they are not really doing anything wrong?

@mswaltermitty I see what you mean. Might buy one and see if I want the rest.

@clary That mug is great.

@Strictlyfanoftenyears Where's your mug thread?

Youre not bu youre saying you want to read not deal with him tossing and turning

Must be triplets lol , my Husband is the same

FFS This is frustrating that women are so pitiful and wet lettuce. Just TALK to him! He is your spouse, YABU for not being able to sit him down and say "every time I say I am going to bed and start to read you follow me up and whinge about the light. Can you just let me have my time in bed to read without you spoiling it?" or something that. He's your HUSBAND! Not a stranger. Why can't you just level with him? Put your big girl pants on and tell him.

Separate rooms …best decision we ever made!

YES!

My husband comes to bed either at the same time as me or after. Never before, no matter how different our tiredness levels are or how much earlier he has to get up the next day.

I go to bed when I'm at an appropriate level of drowsy that means I'll be asleep withing roughly half an hour. Usually half ten.

He comes up with me even though he's not ready and therefore wants the lights on for ages after, meaning I lose sleep.

And sometimes, I just want to chill out in the lounge by myself for twenty minutes or so, but he will loiter around because he "misses me".

And yet he complains about disturbed sleep even though I'M the one trying to abide by a routine.

@BlueFlavour

I can post pics of mug hierarchy

Yes please!

@BeHappy91818

Does breathing count? 😂

Definitely

@BlueFlavour

When he uses my best mug It really really annoys me. I put the crap mugs to the front of the cupboard and the nice ones at the back. I can just about handle him using one of the middle ranking mugs, but when he uses one of the top three I want to snatch it away from him.

That's definitely not OK. DH has his own two mugs, I have three, we would never ever use the other's mug. But DH 7s even more fussy about it than I am.

DH sleeps on the sofa, it's been his thing for most of our marriage and it used to piss me off but now I love it and I get annoyed when we do share a bed. I totally understand why those who can do, have separate rooms.

I knew I had done the right thing marrying DH the day my DM mentioned favourite mugs and he proceeded to explain in full my mug hierarchy, I hadn't even realised he knew there was one!

@PinaColada123456

I would never “sit someone down” to then have a go at them like that

Some people are just not into confrontation and show-downs

Agree that you should be able to talk about these things though, with a partner

[quote EarthSight]@mswaltermitty I see what you mean. Might buy one and see if I want the rest.

@clary That mug is great.

@Strictlyfanoftenyears Where's your mug thread?[/quote]
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4509416-Show-us-your-Mugs?msgid=115993192

My dh usually comes up to bed at the same time as me and reads. Sometimes, though, he stays downstairs for ages and either disturbs my sleep when he comes up or I wake up in the middle of the night and realise he hasn't come up yet and he disturbs my sleep that way as I don't know when he's going to come up.
He also does explosive sneezes. He does seem to do everything at high volume, be it sneezing, when he's sick, walking up the stairs (if you're in the downstairs loo at the time it's deafening!)

All this mug talk has reminded me of my much missed favourite mug. It was a cheap market job, a dowdy colour with an abstract blue flower and some leafage on in. It was just the right size for a decent cup of coffee, the handle was perfect and it had a slight lip. I had to throw it away as the handle started to come away and I was worried it might fall off when using it. I've never found one quite the same.

My favourite mug was a gift and is personalised with my name. My friend had it made specially, my name is not common. Caught my DH giving it to a guest and he didn't see what the problem was

My DH is a real night owl. He'll often work or potter about in the evenings - fine, I do that too. Butbthen he wants to spend time together and chat from around 10.30/11pm just as I'm thinking abput going to bed. And if he comes to bed at the same time (earlier than usual) he'll want to talk and play games on his phone. I like to have time to quietly wind down and I'd be happy to chat and catch up earlier but not at bedtime. We're very different.

@sofakingcool

I have a husband who follows me everywhere , if I say I'm going up now he'll say "oh ok, I hadn't planned an early night, but one sounds good!" Or words to those effect. Drives me nutty. He does similar if he's ready to go up - will stand up, turn off the TV and say "right come on!" - even if I'm not ready for bed yet.

I now tend not to announce it, vanish upstairs to put my PJ's on then never go back down

He actually turns the TV off and tells you it's time for bed?? My husband wouldn't dare, I think I'd be answering with 'ah please Daddy let me stay up, I promise I'll get up for school tomorrow' or similar.

@BlueFlavour

I treat myself to this mug and he uses it WILLY BLOODY NILLY

Must be a Penis Beaker.... or is that the one with 'Size Matters' on?

@rifling

Totally agree OP. I live in dread of DH deciding to come to bed at the same time as me! Love the mug hierarchy. Dh rarely makes me tea and when he does, he puts it into the wrong mug! Very annoying.

I too read my kindle in bed and it has definitely improved the reading experience. I used to read under the covers! I don't have a Paperwhite though, just the bog standard one - what's the difference?

I upgraded to a Paperwhite. The screen is lit, I even use it as a torch if I get up at night!

Just tell your DH you want to read. I have a little light that clips onto the bed frame and I can point it exactly where I want. Something like this www.vikingdirect.ie/en/p/1154898?customerType=consumer&?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=surface_google&cm_mmc=Google--PLA_GEN_GOOGLE-SHOPPING_furniture_GOSC--furniture-_-1154898&gclid=CjwKCAjwoduRBhA4EiwACL5RP8w0sZb3ZX3ZG6CLgkU1wcMzOV-5yNeNWKcp4q2i3fCE6EvkPzJOzRoCS54QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Also I am the seriously loud sneezer I don't do it on purpose. I can make them quieter by pinching my nose but it hurts also I still have to sneeze after it.

Bought a new sofa last year. At dh insistence it had to be a recliner. Got one where the back of the middle seat comes down into a mini table with cup holders. He never uses it. Sits on the middle seat next to me because he likes to sit beside me. Yeah the whole two feet between the seats is too far away and he never uses the bloody recliner.

Finally persuaded him to buy a sound bar so we could get rid of the stupid little speakers dotted around the living room. Now he wants to put the old one in our bedroom which is half the size of the living room. Not happening 😂

I have so many and breathing is probably top of the list 😂

I can't seem to throw a mug away, so most of mine are crap! I've got chipped ones and some with hairline cracks. I wait til they start to leak or i graze my lip. I really need to up my game!

A great tip for the partners who follow you to bed. Half hour (or whatever) before you want to go up and read, yawn and say 'gosh I'm really tired, think I'll head up' - Cue - he then disappears and is sound by the time you do actually go up.
Or
Just say you are nipping to the loo, then quickly jump in bed. It'll take him a while to realise you're not coming down.

[quote NandorTheRelentlessCleaner]@PinaColada123456

I would never “sit someone down” to then have a go at them like that

Some people are just not into confrontation and show-downs

Agree that you should be able to talk about these things though, with a partner[/quote]
It's not 'having a 'go' at them'! Where did you get that from, @NandorTheRelentlessCleaner ? It's communicating with them and telling them you are unhappy. It's called being assertive. Right now the OP is being passive and refusing to even communicate with her husband like a mature grown woman.

I tell my DH everything that annoys me ... now I'm realising where I've gone wrong. I didn't realise I was supposed to keep some to myself

@Amlaughingsomuchnot

Separate rooms …best decision we ever made!

This No snoring, farting, watching him put his socks/ pants on, no bad breath, no being bounced awake as he " sits" on the bed. Its bliss. I feel like Ive got myself back, my room and space. Its lovely and all my female friends and work colleagues would kill for a room of their own. Theres another thread running about this atm