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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want neighbours coming in my garden?

299 replies

Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 17:45

I don't particularly like my neighbours. They have a lot of unruly children, and the family as a whole are generally quite loud and irritating. That said I'm happy to keep myself to myself, and accept noise is a fact of life when you live in a built up area and houses are only a few feet apart.

What I do object to is them intruding (for want of a better term), into my property. The children used to ride bikes on my driveway, I now keep my front gated locked. They also used to frequently climb over the 4ft fence between our properties into my back garden. I replaced it with a 6ft fence last year but have had suspicions they still enter my garden as things would be moved, or I'd hear a ball being kicked over but when I'd go outside to look there wasn't one there.

Today I was in the garden and found 4 of their balls that must've been kicked over earlier today which I threw back - I always do throw the balls back, although sometimes it might be a day or two as I don't go out in the garden every day, am at work, can't be bothered going out there if its raining etc. They very rarely knock to ask for the balls back and rely on me throwing them over but if they do ask I give them back straight away.

So about half an hour later I hear all the kids in the garden (its warm and sunny here today so I've got windows and doors open)whining to the parents about how their balls are in my garden, and can't dad just lift the fence panel again so they can retrieve them. There are 2 that it seems I missed, ones in a bush and another one in the far corner and despite having 10+ balls and the 4 I've chucked back, they need these ones. They've seen them from looking over the fence I assume, they have a climbing frame near the fence which they can see over into my garden from. So anyway dad kind of fobs them off ineffectually but its clear this is what they've done more than once for them to even suggest it. They're still going on about it an hour later and saying well we'll climb over her gate then and get them that way.

This isn't on is it? I wouldn't have dared go in someones garden when I was a child and there's no way my parents would have allowed it either. I'm now trying to work out how I can stop them lifting the panel, because clearly although they didn't do it today they have and I'm sure will again. It feels really intrusive and unpleasant.

They're not tiny BTW, ages range from 8-13.

OP posts:
SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 20/03/2022 12:03

I would take tge balls indoors and wait for them to come knocking. Tell them they are not to come into your garden uninvited and to knock for balls no more than once a day.

LookItsMeAgain · 20/03/2022 12:04

Why can't the neighbours with the kids who keep knocking their ball(s) into the OP's garden, not install some netting (not as high as what you would see at a sports ground) and advise them that if they need to apply for planning permission before installation, you will not complain and it should go through no problem.
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-puts-up-huge-net-13206888

I can't understand councils like this. I really can't. Such a waste of money and effort.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 20/03/2022 12:08

@Sunbird24

Fence panel security brackets or clips… either to secure the panel to the post or to the next panel along.
This^

If they try to lift one panel, they'll have to lift ALL of them.

Nodancingshoes · 20/03/2022 12:15

We are guilty of lifting our fence panel to retrieve balls when our neighbours are out...Only so that I don't have to keep asking my neighbours to chuck balls back as I thought it was annoying for her which it must be even though she says its not. I don't think we are your neighbours though cos we are fairly quiet except for that Grin

bellabasset · 20/03/2022 12:19

I love the idea of fitting screws and wire but think it's the neighbour's fence. I'd go with tall posts and netting my side of the fence so they can still lift the fence their side but can't get through. Hopefully the netting would stop it anyway

ItsMsAtomicBobToYou · 20/03/2022 12:22

They shouldn't be coming into your garden without your permission to get the balls, and you shouldn't have to throw them back multiple times a day, but you do need to spell it out to the parents that you don't appreciate it. There's no point in saying that the parents are "ruled by the kids". Spell it out, then wedge the fence panels.

We live next door to a school, with an eight foot wall between us and balls still come over. As I see them, they get thrown back. It's not reasonable to have to do it several times a day.

I'd steer clear of barbed wire and spikes though. That just puts you at risk if someone injures themselves on it. When we moved here there was a panel on top of the wall with spikes and nails cemented into it - the surveyor told us to get rid, as it was an insurance nightmare.

Dreamstate · 20/03/2022 12:25

@Nodancingshoes

We are guilty of lifting our fence panel to retrieve balls when our neighbours are out...Only so that I don't have to keep asking my neighbours to chuck balls back as I thought it was annoying for her which it must be even though she says its not. I don't think we are your neighbours though cos we are fairly quiet except for that Grin
Do you also pop their lock and walk into their house? No? Didn't think so cos that's trespassing so why do you think that's okay to do just because its a garden?
Original poster
Hosta13 · 20/03/2022 12:25

It's my fence not theirs, so there's no issue with me putting wedges or other fixings in.

They're out currently so I am enjoying the peace and quiet (my other neighbours also have children but they make so little noise I can't even hear them in the garden)

OP posts:
TrashyPanda · 20/03/2022 12:31

It’s incredibly inconsiderate and rude of the parents, who know their kids are letting balls go into your gardens numerous times a day.

Everyone with an ounce of common sense knows this bloody annoying.

Lifting the fence panels is not on. Neither is climbing over the fence, so if you do secure the fence panels, make sure you also do something to the top, so they can’t climb over. Garden fences aren’t made to be climbed on and they are expensive to replace. A good smear of treacle or marmite along the top would probably work.

Somanysocks · 20/03/2022 12:37

It's all about respect for others but unfortunately many people have none.

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 12:39

@Nodancingshoes

We are guilty of lifting our fence panel to retrieve balls when our neighbours are out...Only so that I don't have to keep asking my neighbours to chuck balls back as I thought it was annoying for her which it must be even though she says its not. I don't think we are your neighbours though cos we are fairly quiet except for that Grin
Have you asked her what she'd prefer you did?
5thnonblonde · 20/03/2022 12:39

Hmm yes some well positioned cat shit along where they lift the panel might nip it in the bud

Hutchy16 · 20/03/2022 12:43

@Dreamstate you are hilarious.

The neighbours may previously have been living next door to someone who let them do this in the past…they don’t know that they are doing something that you don’t like until you tell them.

The OP acts as though they aren’t going to listen, but why??? She hasn’t tried to speak to them so has no evidence of this.

FWIW (before you start calling me the problem with kids - I saw you do that with someone else) my son would NEVER just enter someone’s garden, even though my neighbour showed him how to jimmy the lock she has on the gate so that he can get in there.

People just need to use their big girl/boy words and work it out amicably

PrincessPaws · 20/03/2022 12:55

The neighbours may previously have been living next door to someone who let them do this in the past…they don’t know that they are doing something that you don’t like until you tell them.

Or perhaps the default assumption should be not to act like entitled bellends and trespass on someone else's property without agreeing it with your new neighbour first

Why should the OP be responsible for making it clear that something that is completely unacceptable to most people, is unacceptable?

thefamous5 · 20/03/2022 12:58

How annoying!

I've got three kids and we live in tight terraced houses with very small yards. My boys play kickabout gently. We can access gardens via a back gate (we all use the backs as our front doors) and our one neighbour has said we can go in any time to get balls or whatever, but I've told my boys if it happens more than once they are to leave it so as to not disturb her. If she goes in the garden she will Chuck it back but I wouldn't expect it. If it goes in the other side they ju St have to wait until it's thrown back over and if it wasn't (it always is) , tough, they should have been more careful x

roundtable · 20/03/2022 13:08

You need to tell the parents directly op. Regardless whether you think they'll listen. They sound too thick to take hints - you need to spell it out and then secure fences and whatever else physically stops.them doing it.

My DC have kicked balls into next door and they are told they'll get them back when the neighbour chucked them over. I don't buy replacements either. That might make me a terrible person but I can live with that. As an aside one of our neighbours needed a knee replacement a few years after we moved in. So their knee must have been painful for a long time. I'm glad that I didn't let my DC knock on the door constantly or expect them to be up and down getting their ball. You never know what someone's circumstances are and how circumstances can change.

We had the same thing as previous poster with kids kicking balls all up and down the street, hitting the cars and having to listen to thump, thump , thump all day. We asked them to stop along with most of the street and they were very indignant and full of 'wait until your children are this age.' Well my children are that age now and guess what? We don't let them behave like that. It's just common courtesy.

Good luck op - it makes you permanently tense and on edge when you are being intruded on in that way. I hope it gets better.

Dreamstate · 20/03/2022 13:10

[quote Hutchy16]@Dreamstate you are hilarious.

The neighbours may previously have been living next door to someone who let them do this in the past…they don’t know that they are doing something that you don’t like until you tell them.

The OP acts as though they aren’t going to listen, but why??? She hasn’t tried to speak to them so has no evidence of this.

FWIW (before you start calling me the problem with kids - I saw you do that with someone else) my son would NEVER just enter someone’s garden, even though my neighbour showed him how to jimmy the lock she has on the gate so that he can get in there.

People just need to use their big girl/boy words and work it out amicably[/quote]
Lol im hilarious. Really whats hilarious is you having a pop at op rather than just saying the parents should teach their kids proper manners and respect. You taught your son to right, even though the neighbour said its fine you still raised your son to display good behaviour. So why are you having a pop at op then for not speaking to the neighbour. Shouldn't you say they should teach there kids better like you taught your son.

Windypants21 · 20/03/2022 13:15

Be happy91818... because it's all about how you feel of course. Totally disregard the other persons feelings because YOU are ok with it. Proving my point that if the shoe were on the other foot it would only be your feelings that would matter.

LookItsMeAgain · 20/03/2022 13:23

Just another thought - if you know which of the fence panels they are lifting, get some plant pots with tall plants in them and arrange them in front of this (in your garden) and right up beside the panels so that when your panel is lifted, they are met by something they can't move!
Better still if you get a few of these (doesn't have to be from here or even this price) and locate them in front of your fence but don't attach them to the fence:
www.diy.com/departments/bopha-pressure-treated-wood-brown-wooden-rectangular-trough-31cm/1906371_BQ.prd

Fill the planter with heavy stones and then plant up some climbing flowers/plants in them. It'll deter them from trying to get into your garden.

Then get some of the wedges/brackets to fix the other fence panels. No reason why you can't have a nice garden and some nice plants in the garden!

tentative3 · 20/03/2022 15:09

@Nodancingshoes

We are guilty of lifting our fence panel to retrieve balls when our neighbours are out...Only so that I don't have to keep asking my neighbours to chuck balls back as I thought it was annoying for her which it must be even though she says its not. I don't think we are your neighbours though cos we are fairly quiet except for that Grin
We've been burgled twice via the back garden and it really affected me for quite a while. Someone letting themselves in via lifting my fence panels would stress me out quite a lot.
WTAFhappened123 · 20/03/2022 17:39

Balls coming o we once in a while = fine…balls coming over daily would piss me right off. I’d buy Leylandii plant along the fence line, let them fully bush above fence but strip branches from ground up to top of fence so they don’t impact on my garden . Block the f*ckers out and provide a great ball deflection.

Rowgtfc72 · 20/03/2022 17:49

I used to check the garden when I got in from work and chuck balls back. Caught the big teenager climbing over once and let tha Jack Russell out. Totally stupid dog but he didn't know that and didn't climb over again.
Came to an arrangement with the mum that I'd chuck back once a day- anything else would come in my house and wait till the next day so no point climbing over. She was sensible and agreed.
Found we had less balls after that.
The one legged boy caught fishing in my fishpond was a completely different story.

PeaceToEveryOne · 20/03/2022 18:11

Just throw them back, they are kids.

1forAll74 · 20/03/2022 18:14

Can you not speak to the children, or a parent about these annoying incidents. I would keep the balls, until they say they will be more careful kicking them around.

Topazmumma · 20/03/2022 18:14

@MushroomCow99

Stab their footballs to death and throw them back. Grin
As tempting as this is, don't do it. We had a similar situation several years ago when we had one house in our cul de sac inhabited by a skank and her 3 unruly sons. Insisted on hoofing a leather football around and kept hitting cars (despite 'no ball games' signs and letters being sent out) hubby eventually took the ball indoors. The mum called the police and we were told to give it back or it would be escalated, and if we put a knife through it like hubby wanted, then it would be criminal damage and we would face charges!!