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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want neighbours coming in my garden?

299 replies

Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 17:45

I don't particularly like my neighbours. They have a lot of unruly children, and the family as a whole are generally quite loud and irritating. That said I'm happy to keep myself to myself, and accept noise is a fact of life when you live in a built up area and houses are only a few feet apart.

What I do object to is them intruding (for want of a better term), into my property. The children used to ride bikes on my driveway, I now keep my front gated locked. They also used to frequently climb over the 4ft fence between our properties into my back garden. I replaced it with a 6ft fence last year but have had suspicions they still enter my garden as things would be moved, or I'd hear a ball being kicked over but when I'd go outside to look there wasn't one there.

Today I was in the garden and found 4 of their balls that must've been kicked over earlier today which I threw back - I always do throw the balls back, although sometimes it might be a day or two as I don't go out in the garden every day, am at work, can't be bothered going out there if its raining etc. They very rarely knock to ask for the balls back and rely on me throwing them over but if they do ask I give them back straight away.

So about half an hour later I hear all the kids in the garden (its warm and sunny here today so I've got windows and doors open)whining to the parents about how their balls are in my garden, and can't dad just lift the fence panel again so they can retrieve them. There are 2 that it seems I missed, ones in a bush and another one in the far corner and despite having 10+ balls and the 4 I've chucked back, they need these ones. They've seen them from looking over the fence I assume, they have a climbing frame near the fence which they can see over into my garden from. So anyway dad kind of fobs them off ineffectually but its clear this is what they've done more than once for them to even suggest it. They're still going on about it an hour later and saying well we'll climb over her gate then and get them that way.

This isn't on is it? I wouldn't have dared go in someones garden when I was a child and there's no way my parents would have allowed it either. I'm now trying to work out how I can stop them lifting the panel, because clearly although they didn't do it today they have and I'm sure will again. It feels really intrusive and unpleasant.

They're not tiny BTW, ages range from 8-13.

OP posts:
sherbertdib · 20/03/2022 09:21

Just go out and throw them
Over?

You could have done that in the time taken to write this post

lollipoprainbow · 20/03/2022 09:31

It's more of a ball over the fence issue! I'm astounded people think it's perfectly acceptable to wander into peoples garden (private property) unbelievable !!

Original poster
Hosta13 · 20/03/2022 09:32

@sherbertdib

Just go out and throw them Over?

You could have done that in the time taken to write this post

Have you read my posts? I had thrown 4 over. Should I be in and out constantly? Why is throwing balls back once a day wrong?

Posts like this and the pp above who said they would deliberately antagonise people like me Hmm make me despair. I'm glad there are a lot of others though who do think this is entirely wrong.

It's not nice to be made uncomfortable in my own garden. I'm always aware of balls coming over or being booted hard against the fence. Or them shouting at me or taking the piss. Going outside when they are out there takes a lot of effort on my part.

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 20/03/2022 09:41

@navydear And this is why there are groups of feral little shits causing no end of trouble and pain to people. Parents thinking it's hilarious. We have a group like this where we live, wannabe little gangsters antagonising local shopkeepers and residents and threatening them with knives. I despair.

Sswhinesthebest · 20/03/2022 10:04

It’s not the problem of the ball coming in. That’s typical neighbour child annoyance. It’s more the fact that they think they have a right to enter the garden.

I’d do the securing the fence and the anti climb paint then continue to amicably throw them back every so often, so you can’t be accused of being an unreasonable neighbour. And it would only be at my convenience.

Original poster
Hosta13 · 20/03/2022 10:10

I think the number of balls they have is part of the issue. Most kids I'd imagine have 3 or 4 big footballs max, once a couple go over they know they have to be super careful or play stops. When you've got the best part of 20 balls that doesn't happen.

Just looked out, there are 3 more balls in the garden from this morning alone. At this point it's tempting just to throw the bloody balls in the bin. I won't, but it is tempting.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 20/03/2022 10:16

It would really wind me up. If the parents are like some of the posters here then talking to them won't achieve anything except make it worse as apparently it's fun to antagonise others!

Somanysocks · 20/03/2022 10:31

It is very easy to stop the fences being lifted. Put a screw in the bottom corners of each fence panel so it's sticking out a bit then wind some thick wire (factory shop for about £1.50 a roll) around the screw around the post to the adjoining panel on the other side of the post. It really works. Excuse the crappy drawing

To not want neighbours coming in my garden?
Windypants21 · 20/03/2022 10:31

Ignore the posters saying they cant see the issue, they're the very ones who can't see anyone elses perspective other than their own. But if the shoe were on the other foot there would be hell to pay.

BeHappy91818 · 20/03/2022 10:39

@Windypants21

Ignore the posters saying they cant see the issue, they're the very ones who can't see anyone elses perspective other than their own. But if the shoe were on the other foot there would be hell to pay.
No there wouldn’t be hell to pay.

It’s just a ball. I have more important things to worry about then if I a kid pops in my garden to collect it Confused

WildfirePonie · 20/03/2022 10:47

YANBU.

I do wonder if the posters that say "just throw it back" would feel the same if it was their problem. I doubt it.

Greenpolkadot · 20/03/2022 10:48

I'm thinking that dad wouldn't lift the fence panel because he knows you're in as the windows are open.
I would make sure the everything is closed then sneak outside and wait, then catch him at it.

MayMorris · 20/03/2022 10:50

@Changeee15467

Jesus people are going over the top here. We’re talking about some kids kicking their ball over the neighbour’s fence. Literally an every day fact of life. I highly doubt they’re kicking them over on purpose given they are then complaining to their dad that they’ve lost the balls.

From your OP your main concern in general about the family seems to be them being loud. I mean they’re kids. I can’t see they’ve done anything that would mean an ASBO was warranted. Why not talk to them?

They shouldn’t be going in your garden. But all they’re doing is retrieving their balls. What’s the alternative if you secure the fence - as some PP think will be some sort of miracle cure? They’ll come knocking all the time or just find a way to climb over anyway.

Wouldn’t it better for your own stress levels to speak to them and see if there is a better way forward? As kids we used to hop over and grab the ball ourselves as the neighbour said we could. We never lingered in the garden (why would we?), the neighbour wasn’t bothered by it and everyone was happy. Is that an option? Wouldn’t you feel better having an amicable arrangement?

I just don’t get this. These kids are kicking balls over at rate of 4 plus in a single day. That is not accidental or a mishap. This is that they are not even trying to keep the balls in their garden and simply see the neighbours garden as an accessible extension to theirs. That is not on
lollipoprainbow · 20/03/2022 10:51

I I have more important things to worry about then if I a kid pops in my garden to collect it

They aren't 'popping jn' they are moving fence panels to get in which is not on.

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 10:56

"Hi, your children seem to be kicking their balls into my garden a lot and they're damaging my plants. Could you please ask them to be a bit more careful?"

"Hi, your children seem to be lifting the fence panels to get into my garden. Could you please ask them to knock the door instead and I'll throw the balls back as soon as I can?"

"Hi, we get a lot of balls in the garden and I can't always get out to retrieve them. Can you tell them children I'll throw them all back on a Friday night so they have them ready for the weekend?"

It's really easy to have a conversation.

You say they won't listen but you haven't tried.

MayMorris · 20/03/2022 10:57

Op, seems like they’re treating your garden as a readily accessible extension to theirs.

There’s no way this is an accidental mishap at this level of frequency, They’re just not even trying to prevent balls coming over.
So, time for a discussion with the parents. Say to them it isn’t acceptable at the rate it is, an occasional mishap is maybe once every few weeks.

If their kids can’t adjust how they are playing with the balls then the neighbours need to either take action to stop the balls coming over or accept that you will no longer return them as and when it happens- you will allow them to Enter your garden at a pre arranged time once per month only to retrieve all the balls and that’s it. If they enter your garden between times it is trespass and harassment and you will escalate this as it stops your entitlement to peace and privacy.

Things parents can do is putting at high netting around their garden, or buying a bloody football goal that kids could aim into . There’s lots of things they can spend their money doing to stop it. Treat it like a problem solving exercise- but make it their responsibility to resolve

Spectre8 · 20/03/2022 11:02

@girlmom21

"Hi, your children seem to be kicking their balls into my garden a lot and they're damaging my plants. Could you please ask them to be a bit more careful?"

"Hi, your children seem to be lifting the fence panels to get into my garden. Could you please ask them to knock the door instead and I'll throw the balls back as soon as I can?"

"Hi, we get a lot of balls in the garden and I can't always get out to retrieve them. Can you tell them children I'll throw them all back on a Friday night so they have them ready for the weekend?"

It's really easy to have a conversation.

You say they won't listen but you haven't tried.

She should even have to do it in the first place. Maybe the neighbours stop spend money stopping the balls going over instead. Rather than making other people spend their money to enjoy their garden when they shouldn't have to. Sense of entitlement is such a big problem now a days
girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 11:05

@Spectre8 no she shouldn't have to, but the issue is what it is and if she doesn't say anything her neighbours will assume she doesn't have a problem with it

Tittyfilarious · 20/03/2022 11:12

@Hosta13 I have those type of fence panels and my neighbors were lifting them for the kids to get stuff out of my garden , what we did was to hammer in small bits of wood between the concrete and the panel so they couldn't slide the panels up anymore.

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 20/03/2022 11:21

OP I cant explain how much rage this would give me, even reading your post has made me feel so ANGRY for you. Stab the fucking balls or coat them in a mix of honey and feathers and toss them back. In your own good time of course because unlike their parents you are not a slave to those rude, obnoxious little shites!

5thnonblonde · 20/03/2022 11:30

I’d tell the kids you don’t want balls coming over because it’s annoying so they need to be more careful. If you see balls you’ll take them into your house (to discourage them climbing over) and will knock on their door on Friday evening to return them all at once.

Dreamstate · 20/03/2022 11:51

[quote girlmom21]@Spectre8 no she shouldn't have to, but the issue is what it is and if she doesn't say anything her neighbours will assume she doesn't have a problem with it [/quote]
Again she shouldn't need to say anything. Everyone knows you shouldn't just wander into other peoples gardens without permission. It's not rocket science its basic manners and respect. You have to be pretty dim and utterly thick to think that's okay

5thnonblonde · 20/03/2022 11:53

Or just make yourself annoying to them of course. Get a little step ladder and hang over the fence chatting and having a nosy gawp every time a ball comes over. The adults might get annoyed at the invasion of privacy and the kids might get bored if you take a long time telling dull anecdotes before you hand it over…

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 11:58

@Dreamstate and clearly they are dim. Maybe spelling it out will help.

AnchorWHAT · 20/03/2022 11:59

@Rosebuud

I think things have deteriorated very badly if you could hear them, knew the balls were there and didn’t jist pop out and throw them over, you were clearly just sitting there listening. As a pp said, then jist say hey just knock if you want them

Sure it’s annoying but honestly not worth all this emotion.

Did you not read the bit where op said she was in the bath so not able / inclined to rush out to retrieve them?