To not want neighbours coming in my garden?

[Hosta13]

I don't particularly like my neighbours. They have a lot of unruly children, and the family as a whole are generally quite loud and irritating. That said I'm happy to keep myself to myself, and accept noise is a fact of life when you live in a built up area and houses are only a few feet apart.

What I do object to is them intruding (for want of a better term), into my property. The children used to ride bikes on my driveway, I now keep my front gated locked. They also used to frequently climb over the 4ft fence between our properties into my back garden. I replaced it with a 6ft fence last year but have had suspicions they still enter my garden as things would be moved, or I'd hear a ball being kicked over but when I'd go outside to look there wasn't one there.

Today I was in the garden and found 4 of their balls that must've been kicked over earlier today which I threw back - I always do throw the balls back, although sometimes it might be a day or two as I don't go out in the garden every day, am at work, can't be bothered going out there if its raining etc. They very rarely knock to ask for the balls back and rely on me throwing them over but if they do ask I give them back straight away.

So about half an hour later I hear all the kids in the garden (its warm and sunny here today so I've got windows and doors open)whining to the parents about how their balls are in my garden, and can't dad just lift the fence panel again so they can retrieve them. There are 2 that it seems I missed, ones in a bush and another one in the far corner and despite having 10+ balls and the 4 I've chucked back, they need these ones. They've seen them from looking over the fence I assume, they have a climbing frame near the fence which they can see over into my garden from. So anyway dad kind of fobs them off ineffectually but its clear this is what they've done more than once for them to even suggest it. They're still going on about it an hour later and saying well we'll climb over her gate then and get them that way.

This isn't on is it? I wouldn't have dared go in someones garden when I was a child and there's no way my parents would have allowed it either. I'm now trying to work out how I can stop them lifting the panel, because clearly although they didn't do it today they have and I'm sure will again. It feels really intrusive and unpleasant.

They're not tiny BTW, ages range from 8-13.

Oh yeah- can’t you just lob them over another side of the fence and suggest silly old you- you thought they’d come from elsewhere! They can traipse around the neighbourhood/undergrowth seeking them out

Cheeky little so and sos in our last house used to climb over our 6ft fence to use our kids’ trampoline. Their mother asked me one day if we could jointly put a gate in the fence, she was worried they might hurt themselves!

Some people have no inkling of privacy.

I have been in your shoes OP. Dreadful neighbours with a plethora of kids. I ended up on tablets and had to move (shared ownership). I really feel for you.

Your neighbours sound like my neighbours at my old house. I got to the point of thinking they were doing it on purpose. Once had 11 balls, 20ish Nerf gun bullets, Lego, some other random bits and a 2 man tent, it was then I stopped throwing it back.
The parents never said anything, we've never fell out I think they probably just know I got sick of it. The kids were feral and not parented at all!
It's just completely disrespectful. I'd have to tell the dad your sick of it and that you know they sneak in, sometimes with his help and completely embarrassed him. Tell him you're securing the panels and putting anti climb paint on the top and that if it continues threaten with speaking to the police.

Just seeing the posts there about lobbing the balls into other neighbours gardens if the balls end up in yours.

That is exactly what I would do.

I'd also install a motion activated camera that records movement in your back garden (for security purposes of course and not to record them lifting fence panels).

Then if they come knocking, you can state that you haven't seen their balls and they are not in your garden.

If you really wanted to up the ante, if you happen to see any balls in your garden, gather them up and once or twice, under the cover of darkness, distribute them throughout your neighbourhood. Some by the side of the road, some in a neighbours front garden, some you'll lob back into the CFer's back garden but most you'll just leave in random placed in the area. If you live in an estate and there is a green space, leave one or two there as well. The kids will spend more time trying to locate their property than playing in their garden and you'll get the peace and quiet that you're looking for.

Dont stab the balls thats mean, just make them disappear 😆

Wow, I was brought up on a farm, not near neighbours. But was taught, that people's gardens where private property.
You didn't go in through someone's gate unless invited too. I would never had dared to lift a fence panel.
Now I live in Sheffield, the houses back onto each other, I thought my son, if his ball went over the fence, he had to wait for the neighbours to return it, or ask them too, if he saw them outside. He did so, even when he list both balls and couldn't carry on playing football.
I would never suggest lifting the fence panel.
I guess I was raised properly.

Your neighbours and their children sound like a nightmare.

You aren't being unreasonable in the slightest. Several balls landing in your garden every day and your neighbour lifting your fence panel is freaking cheeky.

Totally understand why it would be futile to go around to speak to the parents if they're the sort who can't say no to their children and enforce a bit of common courtesy (like please/thank you when you have returned their balls) and think that lifting someone else's fence panel is okay.

The parents need to explain to their children that:
a) it is unreasonable to expect neighbours to be instantly returning lost balls
b) they could play with one of their 10+ other balls while waiting for the return of lost balls
c) they should be more careful with where they throw the balls in the first place (they are old enough to be able to do this!)
d) they shouldn't be climbing over or under fences/gates into other people's property
e) it it unreasonable to be lifting fence panels in order to trespass on a neighbour's property for a freaking lost ball.

(I say this as a mum. Occasionally balls go over the neighbours' fences. Normal etiquette is to knock on the neighbour's front door and ask politely for the ball back and if the neighbours aren't in, then you have to wait until they are.)

YANBU cctv and some signs should keep them off your property

Not read the full thread but plan to when I have more time as I could've written your post OP. In terms of cheeky loud selfish entitled neighbours, with feral kids who aren't parented. I once spoke to the father about his kids constantly battering my house with heavy footballs, hitting my windows, outdoor lights, garage door ground floor roof. He acted like it was news to him! The racket they made you couldn't miss their behaviour. I think he was just content it wasn't being done to his own house. I pointed out he'd have to pay of there was any damage, he didn't like that & claimed it was other neighbourhood kids kicking the ball when it hit mine (even though he'd also said he didn't know it was happening so how would he know who'd kicked the ball so specific that it wasn't his kids?!). Anyway he actually said to me, I could come out & give them a good telling off if they did it again! Lazy f**ker. I am aloneparent with kids of my own to raise, my hands are full. I told him I wasn't raising his kids when I had my own at home to raise! As a friend later pointed out, I would potentially be opening myself up to all sorts of accusations too if I started down the road of any kind of discipline of a neighbours kids who are like them. Claims I'd said or threatened things I'd never said etc.
I believe 100% they are like this towards me as I'm the only adult here. All other houses in our bit of the road have men present & get no sh*t. It makes a difficult life on your own even harder, with rotten ppl like these taking advantage of others vulnerability essentially.
One thing that has helped a hit, and given me peace of mind, is getting a camera. I bought one from amazon plus sd card for about £40 at the time. Its positioned inside my house in an upstairs window looking out on my front. It caught the kids deliberately targeting my house when I was away for 1 night last summer, which I raised with the dad, he denied his darlings would do such a thing, so I didn't say I have it on camera I just said 'listen, it did happen' then the penny dropped in his mind as he'd previously spotted my camera (he never spoke to me direct but went around other neighbours trying to get them angry about it saying I was invading their privacy etc to encourage them to confront me as he had no direct grounds other than the risk of his kids being captured doing damage which obvs isn't grounds for him to object... no other neighbour has an issue with my camera btw) and I think him realising if I was away but I still knew what'd gone on then my camera wasn't a dummy one & potentially if his kids caused damage he will struggle to deny it legally if I took it further. It helped and gave me some peace of mind, worth the £40 and no huge set up costs.
I hope you get something sorted OP & reset the tone between you & them. They are self-centred and you shouldn't gave to put up with ur but I know life's not that fair & you have to balance repercussions if things go sour, as kids grow too they themselves could become more menacing towards you. I'd move tomorrow if I could in my similar situation.

Would it really kill you to just turn a blind eye to them retrieving their own balls?

You wouldn't have to throw them over yourself if you decided to just chill.

Ask them to take back their balls once a day, maybe first thing in the morning, maybe last thing at night, and to stay out of your garden the rest of the time. They run out of balls after two hours of play, tough.

I have CF neighbors like this. Stabbing the balls and installing web security cams did the trick.

@girlmom21

If you heard them discussing those balls and where they were why didn't you just throw them back and call over the fence that if they ever need a ball back to just knock and ask?

Why should she be bothered? Let the arseholes play elsewhere!

@FizzyTango

I know you don’t have a dog. But the idea of my neighbors entering my garden fills me with horror. I have a dog who absolutely would not be safe if someone let themselves in. Your garden is private property, it’s not on fir people to do that!

Exactly! She doesn't need a reason!

I've got kids whose balls have landed in neighbours gardens and I also have my neighbours balls in my garden. We just chuck them over. Noone goes into each other's gardens but provided they caused no damage it wouldn't bother me.

It bothers you so talk to them and ask them to be more careful.

So you haven’t spoken to them? Not once?

Get a handy man round to secure the fence panels so they cant be moved and maybe a trellis on top.
You could also get him to dig a trench )ready to plant veggies) 😜 along the fence to deter the dad from deciding to climb over once the kids can’t.
Alternatively,
And I’m considering this for my neighbours lads footballs, you Couid have a ball catching net put up which just stops the balls coming in to your garden in the first place.
I’m definitely going to have to do something to stop the constantl footballs coming over in the summer as it was a real problem last year and similarly I’ve had the lads climbing over to get their ball thinking I’m out.
It feels really invasive doesn’t it. 😩

@Changeee15467

Jesus people are going over the top here. We’re talking about some kids kicking their ball over the neighbour’s fence. Literally an every day fact of life. I highly doubt they’re kicking them over on purpose given they are then complaining to their dad that they’ve lost the balls.

From your OP your main concern in general about the family seems to be them being loud. I mean they’re kids. I can’t see they’ve done anything that would mean an ASBO was warranted. Why not talk to them?

They shouldn’t be going in your garden. But all they’re doing is retrieving their balls. What’s the alternative if you secure the fence - as some PP think will be some sort of miracle cure? They’ll come knocking all the time or just find a way to climb over anyway.

Wouldn’t it better for your own stress levels to speak to them and see if there is a better way forward? As kids we used to hop over and grab the ball ourselves as the neighbour said we could. We never lingered in the garden (why would we?), the neighbour wasn’t bothered by it and everyone was happy. Is that an option? Wouldn’t you feel better having an amicable arrangement?

Let them kick the balls in the opposite direction, or play elsewhere.

It's ok to expect that boundaries will be respected and that others' belongings won't be flying into one's garden on a frequent basis. Let alone the neighbors tromping in any time they fancy.

I disposed of balls that came my way, and the problem stopped. Proving they COULD control it when they were motivated to do so. It's unfortunate that they weren't motivated by respect for their neighbors, but only by the loss of their property. Vile people.

@SartresSoul

I’d probably have a chat with them about it before resorting to popping balls or installing a sprinkler. Just pop round and nicely tell the parents the balls keep coming into your garden and you don’t appreciate them lifting the fence to let their children in. It’s always best to try being civil first.

I tried that and the oaf of a father went nuclear and badmouthed me up and down the lane.

Obnoxious and intrusive people aren't worth reasoning with.

I am still struggling to understand why you aren't just talking to them. You said that its pointless because they don't respect you or your property. Have you any actual reason to not just ask them politely not to?

@Hosta13

I'm not dripfeeding, it's been pretty clear from my first post the kids are in charge and the parents do what they want.

I don't think securing my garden counts as commencing war. If anyone's the aggressor here it's them trespassing in my garden.

Exactly. Why are those of us doing nothing but enjoying out own property always painted as crotchety and mean?

As I told my "neighbors," they bought that property, not this one. And we're not in a commune. If they need more space for their kids, they need to address that, not expect they can branch out to the street and others' property.

This was after about 50 incursions plus their dog soiling my front garden & driveway dozens of times.

@navydear

This thread has me laughing, sorry op. Please don't be that neighbour that stabs footballs or hoses kids with water or makes their home a fortress with spikes all around. To be honest, if I were a kid still, you sound exactly like the type we would try to annoy more just for being so annoying and uptight. When my kids were small, we always lifted panels to let our kids retrieve their balls so as not to keep bothering the neighbours. Much better thank knocking every five minutes to ask you to get their ball. Seriously, relax, let them run in and get their ball, bigger things on life to bother yourself about.

And this sounds like the self-centered arsehole neighbor raising entitled, inconsiderate brats.

Non-drying paint along the top of the fence.

Have they got a greenhouse? Might make good target practice for you throwing the balls back.

If next door have plant pots or nice flowers etc in their garden I'd be throwing the balls over at force To deliberately break or damage their stuff. They will soon get pissed off replacing things

@Hosta13

I really don't want to speak to them. Honestly their attitude is that kids do as they please. It's not for me to help the father find his backbone. If he can't stop his kids kicking their balls over (and really the number indicates there is a deliberate element to it) now, me speaking to him will make zero difference. It is very clear they regard me as some lower form of life who isn't deserving of any respect. Me speaking to them won't so anything. In fact I suspect it may make it worse.

If you are a woman living alone, I guarantee they think they can take the piss as much as they want. It's infuriating.