DM only has a landline..no internet, no mobile phone.

[sleaf]

Not really an AIBU but posting for traffic and to vent. I love my DM very much but I'm frustrated and sad that communication is often very difficult.

She is 75, lives 3 hours away, lives alone and only has a landline which she often doesn't answer and goes to answerphone.

She has no WiFi or internet and although she has a mobile phone, does not use it despite being shown several times and at her request being given written instructions on how to. So quick communication via text or email isn't possible.

The only means of communication other than in person is her landline or sometimes by letter.

Probably irrelevant but she doesn't drive and never has.

I know I'm probably bring an awful daughter but being 3 hours away means I can't simply pop round to see her.

when I did my dad's online shopping, I just had his card details on the tesco account ( I didn't use it for me).
Might now run into problems with the recently introduced two-step verification?
Assuming she spends a similar amount each week/month, get her to set up a standing order for the average - sometimes will be over or under, but you can square up on a regular basis.

If you're worried about safety, what about one of those necklace things that alerts emergency services if there's a problem?

If it were me, I’d take a day off, sign her up for internet, tell her she needs it, and get her Alexa and a tablet or chrome book. Leave the landline. She can do just about everything with those 3 things.

What if she's someone like my mum who had to be talked into learning to drive after my dad died - twelve years after we first started pressing her to sign up for lessons she passed her test. She phoned after her first ever supermarket trip under her own steam one rainy weekend and breathlessly exclaimed how handy it was, how she could buy far more than she could carry home on the bus, how she could get out as soon as the supermarket opened and not have to depend on the Sunday morning bus timetable or the availability of friends or what the weather was doing.. Everything Dsis and I had been saying to her for donkeys years she told me as if it was completely new and had just dawned on her. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Some people are extremely task/process-bound, do not value convenience or their own time, or the time or convenience of others it may be suggested, and simply do not envision easier ways to do things or ways that make it easier for others to help them until they are actually right in the middle of it.

Mine would strongly resist any attempts to be signed up for internet etc. I have warned her about landline going but there seems to be an age uk vulnerable option where they can install phone broadband for people like her. She would refuse to open a tablet.
It’s very hard to describe mindset it’s totally alien to most people, a few posters on here have similar relatives the sneery/superior/not for the likes of me is a good way to describe it.
I do worry about her but then on other hand it’s her choice and if life is harder or she misses out that’s her choice. She has a recent model iPhone my sibling sent her but it’s in a drawer turned off. Suggesting I set it up so she could see easily pics from us/grandchildren caused real anger (she’s usually calm)
She gets cross at service providers not using post/paper timetables etc she sees it as their issue not hers. How ridiculous etc.
She gets around it well by being very on top of things and proactive. Going in person to book things. She won’t charge. She lives in a retirement area so the local businesses are geared up. Travel agent you go in and book your coach holiday - the young girl checks availability on her computer. She books train tickets by going to big station. She asks people at bus stops bus times - he got it up on his phone!

I have a couple of dear friends who are 79 and 85 respectively. Neither of them will have any sort of device or mobile phone. I do find that I need to make extra efforts to remember to ring them/write to them. It is a shame because a video chat and the opportunity to send photos would be nice. Obviously this is their choice, but they are also running into problems with managing their money. Thankfully it is still possible to use cheques via post office counter services, but post offices are closing and queues are getting longer.
I had an actual appointment at a bank recently because I said I would take a death certificate to the branch rather than post it. Having lost our local branch, I had to travel a couple of miles to the next one. The queue was very long by the time the place opened, there were 2 staff there and no counter service. The average age of customers was 70+. They were all being advised to download the banking app onto their phones and many of them were getting very upset.
I was informed that the branch would be closing and the nearest one would be a further 5 miles away and that some staff would be made redundant. There is going to be a real problem for elderly people when more branches close and there are even fewer humans in the remaining ones.

The other issue is that they are both getting increasingly deaf, so conversations on the landline are going to be problematic.