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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister doesn’t want my son/her nephew at her wedding..

137 replies

Lj99 · 18/03/2022 21:06

So I’m stuck between an answer on this and looking what other people think..
my son is 16 months old and my sister is getting married in June so he’ll be 19 months by then, he’s a happy little boy & just wants to play all the time. My sister also has two boys who are 9 & 10 who id do absolutely anything for but unfortunately the feelings aren’t the same for her with my son, I know she loves him and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him but she is and always has been very jealous of mine and my mums relationship and therefore things my son is my mums ‘favourite’ grandchild, which is ridiculous as she loves all her grandchildren equally.

Anyway, she’s asked if my partner can sit out of the wedding ceremony with my son and just join at the party but we’ve spent over £300 on a hotel room, travelling the day before so I can get up early & be at her hotel to help get ready and of course make sure my son and partner are ready also to travel the venue with my mum and step dad, I’ve organised her whole hen do and been to most dress appointments and I’m not maid of honour for those wondering, i am bridesmaids but I do get the feeling it’s purely because we’re sisters and because I refused to be bridesmaid if my son wasn’t allowed to go. The reason I refused was because other children on her partners side of the family are all going and she has paid for, I had to pay for my son but I’d rather. She explained to me how it’s because the registrar said no children which I understand but am I being dramatic for not being happy that she doesn’t want him there or would others feel the same with a young child?

This is a family and friend wedding with other 100 guests including plenty of other children.
She’s also suggested I got him a bow tie to match the colour of my nephews ties but I get the feeling it is only for the pictures to make her look good and so other people don’t wonder why he wasn’t involved as much.. my other family members seem to thing it’s her being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Movingonup22 · 18/03/2022 21:09

You are being unreasonable

givethatbabyaname · 18/03/2022 21:13

Isn’t it just that a toddler could interrupt / distract during the marriage ceremony?

Hiddenvoice · 18/03/2022 21:14

So are there other children going to the ceremony? If so are they as young as your son?
It’s a lot to pay to travel and miss the ceremony but is your son able to sit in through the meal or is your partner expected to miss thag too?

Pyri · 18/03/2022 21:15

You are being unreasonable. It’s her day.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/03/2022 21:16

It’s his age. A tricky age at a wedding,

Florin · 18/03/2022 21:16

What age are the other kids that are going? If all more 9-10 then they are completely different as they can sit still when need be and know when to be quiet. 19 months has to be the hardest age to have at a wedding.

MintJulia · 18/03/2022 21:17

Surely it's because a toddler is likely to make a noise all the way through the wedding ceremony. Maybe she is nervous and wants to be able to concentrate on her words, without having a chatting/crying baby in the background.

I think YA probably BU

BenjiMcSchmenzie · 18/03/2022 21:22

Unless the other kids are also toddlers, YABU.

She’s only asked that your partner keeps your son outside during the ceremony itself - and as someone whose toddler nephew chattered so loudly throughout my wedding vows that I could not actually hear my husband saying his vows to me at all, I totally sympathize !

LoganberryJam · 18/03/2022 21:23

Is it just the ceremony bit they'd miss? Just an hour or so? If so YABU.

TheresALight · 18/03/2022 21:40

I can't believe the answers on here. If any of my siblings asked one of the others to keep their toddler out of the wedding ceremony we'd all be thinking they'd gone loopy. Especially as she is happy for her own sister's husband and child to miss the wedding but still expects them to attend thr rest of the day and play happy families for the photographs.
Almost every wedding I've been to has had one young baby or toddler in attendance and if they make a nuisance or start crying then one parent will take them outside to settle them. That should be the expectation rather than saying they can't come at all, especially due to the closeness of your relationship being sisters, it's not like its a child of an acquaintance.
A service with a register officiating is usually pretty quick anyway, not like a church service which could be an hour. So not as if much damage could be done.
The ceremony is surely the most important bit to have family to attend?

Yika · 18/03/2022 21:41

YANBU. Her own nephew? Ridiculous. If she's worried about him disrupting anything she can agree that one of you takes him out in case of noise. Or she should provide childcare for small children from the family.

FelicityPike · 18/03/2022 21:41

Her wedding, her choice.

Hoppinggreen · 18/03/2022 21:42

It’s a shame but if she doesn’t want a toddler at her wedding then it’s her right not to

herecomesthehotsteppa · 18/03/2022 21:44

I wouldn't want a 19th that old toddler who 'just wants to play all the time' at my wedding ceremony either Op Grin
Don't take it personally, it's just his age.

HundredMilesAnHour · 18/03/2022 21:44

YABU

Pyri · 18/03/2022 21:45

@Yika

YANBU. Her own nephew? Ridiculous. If she's worried about him disrupting anything she can agree that one of you takes him out in case of noise. Or she should provide childcare for small children from the family.
Why? It’s her wedding, why should she pay for childcare for a noisy child?
NorthSouthcatlady · 18/03/2022 21:46

Her wedding = her day. Especially as most likely she has organised and pay for it with her future husband. You aren’t in a position to make demands

NorthSouthcatlady · 18/03/2022 21:46

@Pyri exactly. Why should the budget include childcare for someone else’s child Confused

axolotlfloof · 18/03/2022 21:48

He is not going to enjoy the wedding ceremony. How does your partner feel?
He might rather take your son to the park (I would) than try and keep him quiet.

Robin233 · 18/03/2022 21:49

I always thought children made a wedding.
Screaming baby's aside (parent can always remove outside the church in that case)

lisaandalan · 18/03/2022 22:13

I don't believe the registrar would say that I think she has said that herself. X

GetOffTheTableMabel · 18/03/2022 22:15

It’s reasonable for her to not want a toddler of that age at the ceremony.
He’s too little to understand what’s going on and he’s too little to be quiet when he’s asked to be.
You need to stop making this about you.

Comedycook · 18/03/2022 22:17

I think her requests are reasonable. A child that age will interrupt the ceremony, no doubt, unless they're asleep! I took my child at a similar age to a wedding...five seconds into the ceremony, I had to take him straight out! As for the bowtie, just put it on him...she wants them matching for the photos..it's no big deal!

crumpet · 18/03/2022 22:17

The ceremony will be what, an hour? Out of the whole day/evening? It’s not a big ask to have any potentially noisy babies/toddlers out of the way for that time. I wouldn’t have done it, but can understand why others might.

Lorw · 18/03/2022 22:20

It’s just his age OP and it’s only the ceremony not the whole day, she probably wants to make sure there is no interruptions, my SS cried the whole way through our ceremony which ruined it a little tbh, the video is just him screaming in the background and us struggling to hear registrar (He has autism but it’s not like we could have put him outside with being DH son)