My sister doesn’t want my son/her nephew at her wedding..

[Lj99]

So I’m stuck between an answer on this and looking what other people think..
my son is 16 months old and my sister is getting married in June so he’ll be 19 months by then, he’s a happy little boy & just wants to play all the time. My sister also has two boys who are 9 & 10 who id do absolutely anything for but unfortunately the feelings aren’t the same for her with my son, I know she loves him and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him but she is and always has been very jealous of mine and my mums relationship and therefore things my son is my mums ‘favourite’ grandchild, which is ridiculous as she loves all her grandchildren equally.

Anyway, she’s asked if my partner can sit out of the wedding ceremony with my son and just join at the party but we’ve spent over £300 on a hotel room, travelling the day before so I can get up early & be at her hotel to help get ready and of course make sure my son and partner are ready also to travel the venue with my mum and step dad, I’ve organised her whole hen do and been to most dress appointments and I’m not maid of honour for those wondering, i am bridesmaids but I do get the feeling it’s purely because we’re sisters and because I refused to be bridesmaid if my son wasn’t allowed to go. The reason I refused was because other children on her partners side of the family are all going and she has paid for, I had to pay for my son but I’d rather. She explained to me how it’s because the registrar said no children which I understand but am I being dramatic for not being happy that she doesn’t want him there or would others feel the same with a young child?

This is a family and friend wedding with other 100 guests including plenty of other children.
She’s also suggested I got him a bow tie to match the colour of my nephews ties but I get the feeling it is only for the pictures to make her look good and so other people don’t wonder why he wasn’t involved as much.. my other family members seem to thing it’s her being unreasonable.

If DH was asked to not attend the ceremony of my sister's wedding to look after our child he would be over the moon!

@herecomesthehotsteppa

I wouldn't want a 19th that old toddler who 'just wants to play all the time' at my wedding ceremony either Op Don't take it personally, it's just his age.

This. I don’t understand why parents think it’s ok if their kid makes noises or a fuss during a wedding ceremony. It’s the special day for the couple. However The reception is not an issue since there are no vows being said. I wouldn’t think twice about this if it was my sister asking me to do this

I went to a very smart wedding where a 2 year old was allowed by his DM to run around the church squealing during the vows. His DM was smiling round as though it was so cute.
After he ran across the bride’s train leaving muddy footprints, a bridesmaid scooped him up and took him out. Hastily followed by his red faced DM.

I think your DSis has made the right call if she wants to ensure no interruptions.

I also think it's the parents and not the child that causes the issues at weddings.

I've been to a few where it was clear the mother/father thought it was cute that their child was shouting/running/talking gibberish/throwing toys, and genuinely looked like they were enjoying the attention. Whereas everyone else in the registry office was clearly like please remove that annoying child NOW. It went totally over their heads. Just self absorbed behaviour.

By the time the kid has made the noise and is then taken out, it's too late. The ceremony has been disrupted and for what reason? So someone's 2 year old can look cute all dressed up for photos?

Oh you definitely do not want a 19 month at the wedding ceremony. Trust me. We always sat outside with our dc when they were little.

I think YANBU, But I am biased as I do not understand the whole 'no kids' thing and think it's a very uptight thing to do especially in this case where other children are allowed but not your son? She sounds a bit petty and to be insecure of her own nephew is just a bit upsetting

Are the other children going to the ceremony, OP?

If other children are going I feel it's unfair to exclude your son. But, you do say "just wants to play all the time". Is it possible your son is quite boisterous and she doesn't want him drowning out the ceremony?

Well she is lying on one part a registrar would not say no children!
Sounds more like she doesn't want a toddler there which is her choice but if other children are attending then does sound more like a snub tbh

YABU - a lot of people don't want young children at their wedding, and as it's their day they get to choose. Your child is hardly going to be disappointed at missing out.

@mastertomsmum In times past, children didn't go to weddings at all, it's only recently that people have made a fuss and hit back at childfree weddings. And no, inclusivity for children isn't always right. Weddings are about 2 adults entering a relationship, a sexual relationship for life. Not appropriate for children nor are many of the 'speeches', nor are the venues where there is loads of alcohol, food being carried out on trays etc. It's an Adults Only event. Not to mention that it's selfish taking children to weddings. They cannot sit still for hours, are bored and get tired and cranky. Those who understand children and their needs know that children do not belong at weddings. Sometimes we can't be 'inclusive' of children because of safeguarding.

@Happymum12345

It shows how different people are asi didn’t twice about having babies/toddlers at my wedding. Surely that’s what weddings are sbou~ love & family

@Happymum12345 So are meetings with the bank manager but we don't take our kids to them. Weddings are Adults Only events, they are not for children. And if people know children, they will know weddings are torture for them. No child can sit still for hours. I question why any parent who understand children would drag her child to a wedding that lasts all day.

@FrecklesMalone

If DH was asked to not attend the ceremony of my sister's wedding to look after our child he would be over the moon!

Lol, yep, I think most men would be. Most men from experience would be happier at the pub or anywhere but attending a wedding unless it's one of their mates getting married.

@PollyAnnie

I also think it's the parents and not the child that causes the issues at weddings.

I've been to a few where it was clear the mother/father thought it was cute that their child was shouting/running/talking gibberish/throwing toys, and genuinely looked like they were enjoying the attention. Whereas everyone else in the registry office was clearly like please remove that annoying child NOW. It went totally over their heads. Just self absorbed behaviour.

By the time the kid has made the noise and is then taken out, it's too late. The ceremony has been disrupted and for what reason? So someone's 2 year old can look cute all dressed up for photos?

Yes, that too is the issue. The type of parents who expect their child to be invited to a wedding are invariably the exact same parents who will refuse to take their children out and grin and smile while their child creates havoc like GirlsTalk250's example above. The type of parents who know children and weddings don't mix are the type who would take their children out.

I've seen weddings disrupted by screaming toddlers.

He might scream through the speeches. But she's let him be there for that as a compromise. Very fair.

What do you want. For him to be at the ceremony and to be taken out once he has already started shouting and disrupted things?

Your husband drops you off. Chills at the hotel for an extra hour. Arrives at the end joining the people coming out of the church. You all go to the ceremony.

What do you want different from that? A toddler shouting through the vows. That's what you want. YABU

*you all go to the reception.

19 months is a tricky age.
If he wants to " play all the time" he's not going to sit on someone's knee quietly while the ceremony takes place.
You're husband can supervise him for an hour surely?

Totally refused to even entertain my great niece at my wedding she was 2 at the time. Luckily I went nc with the whole family

God she sounds hard work. I can’t imagine not inviting a niece or nephew to my own wedding! Her wedding, her choice but equally it’s your choice whether to attend. We had a toddler babbling during our wedding (including the bit for objections which made everyone laugh!). How boring would you have to be to not want a family wedding with all that goes with it.

YABVU. Nobody wants a toddler at a wedding regardless of who that toddler is.

She explained to me how it’s because the registrar said no children which I understand but am I being dramatic for not being happy that she doesn’t want him there or would others feel the same with a young child?

This is the only part of the OP that is actually significant.

Your child is invited to party but not the ceremony.

Surely your question should be either

1. Is my sister lying that the registrar said this?

2. Is the registrar being unreasonable?

3. Should my sister gave argued with the registrar?

I don't understand why so few people have focused on this part because it is not the sister's decision.

@marcopront

She explained to me how it’s because the registrar said no children which I understand but am I being dramatic for not being happy that she doesn’t want him there or would others feel the same with a young child?

This is the only part of the OP that is actually significant.

Your child is invited to party but not the ceremony.

Surely your question should be either

1. Is my sister lying that the registrar said this?

2. Is the registrar being unreasonable?

3. Should my sister gave argued with the registrar?

I don't understand why so few people have focused on this part because it is not the sister's decision.

@marcopront People are saying the sister lied and the registrar would not have said it.