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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My sister doesn’t want my son/her nephew at her wedding..

137 replies

Lj99 · 18/03/2022 21:06

So I’m stuck between an answer on this and looking what other people think..
my son is 16 months old and my sister is getting married in June so he’ll be 19 months by then, he’s a happy little boy & just wants to play all the time. My sister also has two boys who are 9 & 10 who id do absolutely anything for but unfortunately the feelings aren’t the same for her with my son, I know she loves him and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him but she is and always has been very jealous of mine and my mums relationship and therefore things my son is my mums ‘favourite’ grandchild, which is ridiculous as she loves all her grandchildren equally.

Anyway, she’s asked if my partner can sit out of the wedding ceremony with my son and just join at the party but we’ve spent over £300 on a hotel room, travelling the day before so I can get up early & be at her hotel to help get ready and of course make sure my son and partner are ready also to travel the venue with my mum and step dad, I’ve organised her whole hen do and been to most dress appointments and I’m not maid of honour for those wondering, i am bridesmaids but I do get the feeling it’s purely because we’re sisters and because I refused to be bridesmaid if my son wasn’t allowed to go. The reason I refused was because other children on her partners side of the family are all going and she has paid for, I had to pay for my son but I’d rather. She explained to me how it’s because the registrar said no children which I understand but am I being dramatic for not being happy that she doesn’t want him there or would others feel the same with a young child?

This is a family and friend wedding with other 100 guests including plenty of other children.
She’s also suggested I got him a bow tie to match the colour of my nephews ties but I get the feeling it is only for the pictures to make her look good and so other people don’t wonder why he wasn’t involved as much.. my other family members seem to thing it’s her being unreasonable.

OP posts:

Janesmom · 19/03/2022 13:32

Her wedding; her choice. YABU.

Wedny1610 · 19/03/2022 13:40

My daughter got married last year and the member there was 2 years he was an absolute delight, othere kids were in tears as they were totally overwhelmed by the number of people who were there, just not used too it, ages 6, 8 and 10 so you never know how a child is going to act!!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 19/03/2022 13:40

@FelicityPike

Her wedding, her choice.

Wouldn't like it if others chose not to attend because of Her Choice, though, would she?

The problem with this attitude is that the rest of the world is expected to bend over backwards to accommodate it, otherwise the sulks and ostracism start.

The world won't.

SoupDragon · 19/03/2022 13:42

The problem with this attitude is that the rest of the world is expected to bend over backwards to accommodate it, otherwise the sulks and ostracism start.

Rather like some parents then.

TopCatsTopHat · 19/03/2022 13:46

Why not say to her that you can see she would prefer not to have your ds there given he is being singled out in the way his invitation is being treated compared to other similar children, and that being the case, you have no wish to spoil her wedding so you will bow out gracefully and not impose him upon her.
She will be happy, except for the fact that it makes her look bad to others, but those are the consequences of her preference and if she isn't happy about that she needs to include people equally with good grace.

Lunificent · 19/03/2022 13:51

If you’re certain she is excluding your son whilst others of a similar age are not excluded, I would not go at all. Use the message TopCatsTopHat posted above and bow out gracefully.

whattodu · 19/03/2022 13:57

Obviously there's a back story to this which I understand may be outing. If it's genuinely the case that your ds has been excluded while other young children attend and there's no reasonable explanation for it I absolutely would not go. Because it is personal. Tbh I wouldn't have entertained it this far.

grapewines · 19/03/2022 14:22

@SoupDragon

The problem with this attitude is that the rest of the world is expected to bend over backwards to accommodate it, otherwise the sulks and ostracism start.

Rather like some parents then.

Quite. The irony.

MichelleScarn · 19/03/2022 14:51

Whose are the other children going? It's such a bizarre stance from how it's being told here that there must be something catastrophically huge ticking away in the background.

LittleOwl153 · 20/03/2022 00:04

If he would not be the youngest there and you were not told before hand then I would return to your previous position of if he cannot attend then neither can you. And of course she will need to refund you on expenses so far - given that she changed her mind AFTER committing you to these costs. That's appalling.

LittleOwl153 · 20/03/2022 00:07

Can you get a refund on your room? Or pass on to someone else? I wouldn't go.

Sittinginthesand · 20/03/2022 07:16

It seems most likely to me that the reason your toddler isn’t wanted at the ceremony is because he’s more likely to be naughty than the other toddlers and knows you that you are less likely to take him out than the other toddler Parents’s. I’m guessing you have ‘form’. This is a very difficult thing to say to someone, but I think it’s much more likely than she’s ‘doing it out of spite’. It’s tough to hear though. Your toddler wont in anyway benefit from going to a wedding.

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