Page 5 | My sister doesn’t want my son/her nephew at her wedding..

Lj99 · 2022-03-18T21:06:42+00:00

So I’m stuck between an answer on this and looking what other people think.. my son is 16 months old and my sister is getting married in June so he’ll be 19 months by then, he’s a happy little boy & just wants to play all the time. My sister also has two boys who are 9 & 10 who id do absolutely anything for but unfortunately the feelings aren’t the same for her with my son, I know she loves him and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him but she is and always has been very jealous of mine and my mums relationship and therefore things my son is my mums ‘favourite’ grandchild, which is ridiculous as she loves all her grandchildren equally. Anyway, she’s asked if my partner can sit out of the wedding ceremony with my son and just join at the party but we’ve spent over £300 on a hotel room, travelling the day before so I can get up early & be at her hotel to help get ready and of course make sure my son and partner are ready also to travel the venue with my mum and step dad, I’ve organised her whole hen do and been to most dress appointments and I’m not maid of honour for those wondering, i am bridesmaids but I do get the feeling it’s purely because we’re sisters and because I refused to be bridesmaid if my son wasn’t allowed to go. The reason I refused was because other children on her partners side of the family are all going and she has paid for, I had to pay for my son but I’d rather. She explained to me how it’s because the registrar said no children which I understand but am I being dramatic for not being happy that she doesn’t want him there or would others feel the same with a young child? This is a family and friend wedding with other 100 guests including plenty of other children. She’s also suggested I got him a bow tie to match the colour of my nephews ties but I get the feeling it is only for the pictures to make her look good and so other people don’t wonder why he wasn’t involved as much.. my other family members seem to thing it’s her being unreasonable.

MindatWork · 19/03/2022 08:29

It’s one thing to say ‘could your partner sit near an exit so if DS makes a noise he can whip him outside’ but it’s pretty harsh to say ‘I don’t want him in the ceremony at all’.
She’s lying through her teeth about the registrar. I worked in the wedding industry for years and no registrar would EVER say that. As PP said I don’t think they’d be allowed. Only exception I can think of is an independent celebrant who specialises in child free ceremonies, but certainly not a local authority registrant.

Mommabear20 · 19/03/2022 08:32

YABVVVVVU! It's her day! She simply doesn't want to possibility of a screaming baby during her ceremony! We requested people didn't bring children under 5 to ours and 3 brought them because they said 'they're well behaved!' And quess what! 2 of them screamed the whole time! Don't be so inconsiderate of her day

TheWeeDonkey · 19/03/2022 08:45

There's about 3 threads on MN right now with women wringing their hands at how they let their child down by not providing siblings for them. I might point them in this direction to show them how much easier they've made their children's lives.

Avocadobacardi · 19/03/2022 08:50

Having a 19 month old in the ceremony is a total pain in the ass. I’ve done it. By the time you’ve tried to get them to sit but they want to stand on the chair a talk to the people behind, you’ve stuffed them with bread sticks to keep them quiet, you’re whispering the 87th rendition of their favourite peppa pig book and then they’ve had enough and either start shouting or crying it’s not worth it. I think your sister is being reasonable. She wants him to be part of the day just worried about Tje ceremony. You play your part and get your DH to be outside with the toddler. You can’t compare a 19 month old to a 9 & 10 year old at a wedding not to mention the other children are her own!!!

BingBangB0ng · 19/03/2022 08:57

I think it’s reasonable for her to ask for him not to be at the ceremony, I guess. I can’t believe she’s said he can only come if you pay for his food etc, while not doing the same for other children. Also that she was going to exclude him completely, while inviting other children, and only relented when you threatened not to go. Why is everyone just ignoring that part?

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2022 09:03

I am wondering if your sister has made the registrar excuse up because she thinks you’re the favoured daughter and fears being blackmailed by you and your mum. She obviously very much wants you and your family there otherwise she wouldn’t have asked you to be her bridesmaid or invite your ds to the wedding breakfast and celebration.

@marcopront
The legal comment I made was the reason as to why I hadn’t commented on the registrar. It’s obviously made up. I haven’t rechecked your question. But I think that’s answered it?

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2022 09:05

@BingBangB0ng

I think it’s reasonable for her to ask for him not to be at the ceremony, I guess. I can’t believe she’s said he can only come if you pay for his food etc, while not doing the same for other children. Also that she was going to exclude him completely, while inviting other children, and only relented when you threatened not to go. Why is everyone just ignoring that part?

I missed the bit about the food. That’s really unfair and something to call her out on.

waltzingparrot · 19/03/2022 09:16

Let the bridal couple have the ceremony they want and try not to be offended OP. I was the bride in this position and DN was at the age of squirming/crying, running around. I just wanted to be able to really concentrate on my vows so we asked for DN to not be in the actual ceremony.

There's only so much you can control though ...... MIL coughed her way through the ceremony .

Original poster

Lj99 · 19/03/2022 09:57

Those asking what age are other children going, they range from 2 weeks old - about 14 years of age, yes there are other toddlers and to clarify the only reason my son is going to the ‘afters’ is purely because me and my partner refused to go if he wasn’t invited for the whole day. After refusing she then said he can come, until a week ago then changing her mind again to ‘he can sit outside’, my partner is annoyed at this decision purely because it is always my son that gets left out and yes for the person who said there’s more to it, there definitely is but I’m not about to post my entire relationship in a short post of whether my son should be invited to his own aunties wedding or not. In no way would I ever even think about not inviting a family relative whether they were 1 years old or 100 years old. I do fully agree with her wedding her rules BUT those saying that clearly haven’t read that it would only be my son out of family and friends children not invited?

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 19/03/2022 10:05

I wouldn’t go at all if you are being treated differently to everyone else

LittleBearPad · 19/03/2022 10:42

OP can she trust the parents of the other toddlers to take them out if they are noisy? Have those parents already said they’ll take them out. Can she not trust your DH to do the same if needed.

Everyone’s been to weddings where parents benevolently look at their little darlings causing chaos, it’s unkind and unfair. It’s a good reason why many people say no children.

mastertomsmum · 19/03/2022 10:47

Hmm, never heard of a Registrar saying no children. Maybe it’s all different these days. Most churches have a crèche room or some such available. I doubt a Vicar/minister would ban children

grapewines · 19/03/2022 10:50

YABU also for putting this in the completely wrong section. It's her wedding and her decision.

grapewines · 19/03/2022 10:52

Everyone’s been to weddings where parents benevolently look at their little darlings causing chaos, it’s unkind and unfair. It’s a good reason why many people say no children.

Exactly.

SoupDragon · 19/03/2022 10:55

he’s a happy little boy & just wants to play all the time.

So, sitting still and quiet during a wedding ceremony is unlikely. Does he have form for being, ahem, "lively"? No judgement - only 1 of my 3 would have been a good wedding guest at that age!

newnameswhothis · 19/03/2022 10:58

You are not being unreasonable if there is other children the same age as you son going to be there, then there is no reason for him not to go.

WordleGirdle · 19/03/2022 11:19

Be honest. Is she really asking your DP to take your 'happy, loves to play all the time' toddler out during the ceremony just to spite you? And will you enjoy the ceremony if your happy, loves to play all the time toddler decides to play happily in the middle of their vows and everyone spins in their seats to see what's going on?

ABitBesotted · 19/03/2022 11:22

Weddings are family ceremonies in my culture and I can't relate to this at all.

BrieAndChilli · 19/03/2022 11:29

Not having children at a wedding - fine, brides choice although not my personal option

Asking people to pay for own children - weird but maybe if tight budget I would do it to help the couple out.

Only inviting family children - fine numbers are limited and a line has to be drawn somewhere

Asking all children of a certain age to not come to actual ceremony - mmmm ok they don’t want to risk sqawking toddlers

Singling out 1 person, particular a close family member - not on, this is pure spite or part of some deeper story eg the child has a behaviour problem that means the will scream all the way through.

Hawkins001 · 19/03/2022 11:35

All the best op

Hawkins001 · 19/03/2022 11:37

@Lj99

Those asking what age are other children going, they range from 2 weeks old - about 14 years of age, yes there are other toddlers and to clarify the only reason my son is going to the ‘afters’ is purely because me and my partner refused to go if he wasn’t invited for the whole day. After refusing she then said he can come, until a week ago then changing her mind again to ‘he can sit outside’, my partner is annoyed at this decision purely because it is always my son that gets left out and yes for the person who said there’s more to it, there definitely is but I’m not about to post my entire relationship in a short post of whether my son should be invited to his own aunties wedding or not. In no way would I ever even think about not inviting a family relative whether they were 1 years old or 100 years old. I do fully agree with her wedding her rules BUT those saying that clearly haven’t read that it would only be my son out of family and friends children not invited?

Why is it just yours and not everyone else's ?

RandomBasic · 19/03/2022 13:04

The issue here is that your DC was singled out when there are others the same age going.

So did the registrar say those children can come or what?

SpicePumpkin · 19/03/2022 13:16

@Lj99

Those asking what age are other children going, they range from 2 weeks old - about 14 years of age, yes there are other toddlers and to clarify the only reason my son is going to the ‘afters’ is purely because me and my partner refused to go if he wasn’t invited for the whole day. After refusing she then said he can come, until a week ago then changing her mind again to ‘he can sit outside’, my partner is annoyed at this decision purely because it is always my son that gets left out and yes for the person who said there’s more to it, there definitely is but I’m not about to post my entire relationship in a short post of whether my son should be invited to his own aunties wedding or not. In no way would I ever even think about not inviting a family relative whether they were 1 years old or 100 years old. I do fully agree with her wedding her rules BUT those saying that clearly haven’t read that it would only be my son out of family and friends children not invited?

I wouldn't go to be honest. She's purposely excluding your child, not others the same age, just to be nasty and there is no need for that even if it is 'her wedding her rules'.

SpicePumpkin · 19/03/2022 13:17

And if any other family members/friends ask why you weren't there I'd tell them you couldn't be there as you were asked not to bring your child.

VeganFuture · 19/03/2022 13:31

Those asking what age are other children going, they range from 2 weeks old - about 14 years of age, yes there are other toddlers and to clarify the only reason my son is going to the ‘afters’ is purely because me and my partner refused to go if he wasn’t invited for the whole day.

I would just stay home and save my money. You can’t choose your family as they say, I totally understand you not posting other issues on here but I can imagine based on what you’ve said. I cut a few family members out years ago as I just couldn’t be bothered dealing with constant drama. Life is so much easier now, I don’t know why so many people put up with so much rubbish from others just because they’re related. Spend your money on something the 3 of you can enjoy together.