Babies like zombies at nursery

[BlueTreeCat]

I’m trying to decide between childminder and nursery for my LO at the mo. At the nurseries I’ve visited all the babies just seem to be sat there all listless and blank looking. No smiling, no laughing, just sat staring, or crying. Is this normal for nurseries or have I just visited some poor ones? What’s been your experience? I’m talking babies 12 months and younger here. It’s not so bad with the older ones I don’t think, from what I’ve seen.

I’ve worked at a bad nursery there was one baby that crawled around crying all day long and management told me not to pick her up or comfort her as it will make it worse. It broke my heart and I did ignore that request. I found it awful the parents had no idea how bad things were. They also made one toddler stay in her wet urinated clothing for punishment and that was it for me I left and reported to ofsted who visited but there still open 🤷🏻‍♀️ You’ve just got to be careful which nursery you choose a think the privately run ones are worse as they seem to be all about making money.

@Ca6444443

I’ve worked at a bad nursery there was one baby that crawled around crying all day long and management told me not to pick her up or comfort her as it will make it worse. It broke my heart and I did ignore that request. I found it awful the parents had no idea how bad things were. They also made one toddler stay in her wet urinated clothing for punishment and that was it for me I left and reported to ofsted who visited but there still open 🤷🏻‍♀️ You’ve just got to be careful which nursery you choose a think the privately run ones are worse as they seem to be all about making money.

That sounds horrendous. At my son's nursery it's all about love and cuddles. He absolutely adores the baby room staff and there is very little turnover.

Remember parents only see what the nursery wants them to see at drop off or pick up. Alot of the pictures and videos are staged for evidence for the books. The one in particular I'm thinking of has 9.8 reviews on that nursery website, outstanding ofsted, an amazing manager and parents who give great reviews and are so happy with their child being there. I could tell many stories about day to day nursery life and that's why I wouldn't send any child under a particular age or to nursery in general.

@Ca6444443

I’ve worked at a bad nursery there was one baby that crawled around crying all day long and management told me not to pick her up or comfort her as it will make it worse. It broke my heart and I did ignore that request. I found it awful the parents had no idea how bad things were. They also made one toddler stay in her wet urinated clothing for punishment and that was it for me I left and reported to ofsted who visited but there still open 🤷🏻‍♀️ You’ve just got to be careful which nursery you choose a think the privately run ones are worse as they seem to be all about making money.

We were also told not to pick children up when they were distressed after parent/carer had left. I agree with the poster above, nursery’s put on a show for parents and ofsted, unless you stay there everyday, you do not know what goes on. You see what the nursery wants you to see! It’s as simple as that!

Visited a nursery like this this when my son was about seven months and was so horrified I left them an awful google review. They were over run by children, not enough staff, staff frantically singing or reading to try to get the children to stop crying, children putting their coats on before it was hometime and crying. To top it off the staff kept boast about all the extra curricular activities and outdoor visits then when we got to the outdoor classroom there were bags of open dirty nappy all over the floor. Lovely building and perfect location in a decent area but it was awful.
My son is now at a smaller nursery and thriving although the recent OFSTED inspection said they needed improvement

The stories from posters who have worked in nurseries (and have negative stories) make me so sad. Parents put their trust in these places for their precious children, and many don't have a choice as they have to work.

But many of us find good or even excellent nurseries where we get to know the owners, visit at random times of day (so no staged visits) and we source recommendations from friends.

Using a nursery for a baby is not bad - we did and it worked well so new parents don’t panic.

@Parker231

But many of us find good or even excellent nurseries where we get to know the owners, visit at random times of day (so no staged visits) and we source recommendations from friends. Using a nursery for a baby is not bad - we did and it worked well so new parents don’t panic.

Exactly! I can pick up DS any time and can see into baby and toddler rooms and they're having a ball!

I had the same experience, I was only 21 and on a gap year and thought a nursery would be great as I adored little ones, told not to pick up, not to cuddle as they'd get too clingy. Kids crying and wandering around a lot aimlessly.. I cuddled them anyway. There were a lot of young staff who never wanted to change dirty nappies. Before the parents came they would sit down the kids to cookies and milk and the parents were all oh and ahhhing about how the kids never wanted to leave..I thought that was v manipulative of the place tbh. The fact is seeing snap shots shows nothing. I would encourage parents to try and spend a longer time , do a short childcare course where you can observe some settings or just try and spend time in one.

Or try and choose one that has cameras but I'm not sure if that's allowed in the UK?

Childminder settings have been better for us, good amount of interaction with other children and focused care.

I live close to several nurseries and babies and children are left to cry continuously, no picking up or soothing. I get to see what the reality is there, I’m sure this isn’t the case in all nurseries but the ones around here are crammed to the hilt and focused attention is scarce.

I went to look at a nursery and the children were like this. It was rated Outstanding and i paid my deposit before looking around (stupidly). All the children were really quiet it felt really weird. DS pulled some toys out to play with and then the children were called to the tables for snack time. The manager came in completely ignored me and shouted at the staff "why are the children eating before they've tidied up!" , they got the children to leave their snacks and go and tidy up. They all then lined up to go outside, snacks uneaten. The staff just sort of hovered about. It was all really strange. I lost my deposit and found somewhere else where it was noisy with children laughing and talking and the staff were interacting with the children. DS was really happy there!

@Somethingsnappy

The stories from posters who have worked in nurseries (and have negative stories) make me so sad. Parents put their trust in these places for their precious children, and many don't have a choice as they have to work.

It is very sad. The nursery’s I worked in really only cared about getting more children in and earning more money. At one of the settings, the director swanned about in her posh car and her job basically involved paperwork with no interaction with the children at all, while the staff earned minimum wage and ran around like blue-arsed flies.

I work in a nursery as relief staff for a few hours one day a week, I have a two degrees, and a PG Diploma so not 'under-qualified' by any means. However, witnessing the way other staff interact with the babies and toddlers (shouting, slagging of parents in their absence, mocking the babies and toddlers), I would never leave my DC in a nursery, especially as this one claims to be welcoming and family-run. We are very fortunate that we live close to my mother, who is willing to have my 11-month-old for that time, and have the flexibility to decide not to go in some weeks, meaning I can be a SAHM for the rest of that time.

And before we are assumed to be wealthy or high-earning, my DH earns £23k a year, we have a mortgage and run a car, and I'm also expecting our second DC. We are by no means wealthy, but like many, have to make sacrifices to achieve our wish for me to remain at home with our children.

@Parker231

But many of us find good or even excellent nurseries where we get to know the owners, visit at random times of day (so no staged visits) and we source recommendations from friends. Using a nursery for a baby is not bad - we did and it worked well so new parents don’t panic.

It is true that lovely ones exist too. My nephew was in one from 10 months and was happy to be there and had a warm attachment to his key-worker, who he was always excited to see. Although babies can't talk and tell us about their day, as 3 year olds can, there are other ways they can communicate whether or not they are happy to be there.

@Hmm1234

Visited a nursery like this this when my son was about seven months and was so horrified I left them an awful google review. They were over run by children, not enough staff, staff frantically singing or reading to try to get the children to stop crying, children putting their coats on before it was hometime and crying. To top it off the staff kept boast about all the extra curricular activities and outdoor visits then when we got to the outdoor classroom there were bags of open dirty nappy all over the floor. Lovely building and perfect location in a decent area but it was awful. My son is now at a smaller nursery and thriving although the recent OFSTED inspection said they needed improvement

Yeah, I remember a few years back being shocked at a "needs improvement" from Ofsted at the nursery my kids had used a couple of years earlier. (they didnt' take any under 2s though). My kids had loved it and I trusted all the staff, they'd been there years and their own kids went there.

I asked a current mum what the ofsted result was all about as I couldn't understand it, and it turns out that it was one complaint from a parent about a supposed safeguarding thing, some paperwork that wasn't in place or something. The way they worked was perfectly safe, it was just Ofsted being overly nitpicky. Luckily the parents who knew better and were very happy with the place ignored it and they all kept their children there.

I've worked in schools for years and know exactly how they can get round Ofsted to appear to be great on paper, when the reality can be very different. I take Ofsteds with a massive pinch of salt. You have to be in the know really to know what a place is really like.

@Somethingsnappy - I knew that DT’s were happy at nursery even at six months old as when I was carrying them in, they didn’t need passing over as they would hold their arms out to a member of the nursery staff. These were the same staff we trusted as our babysitters

[quote Parker231]@Somethingsnappy - I knew that DT’s were happy at nursery even at six months old as when I was carrying them in, they didn’t need passing over as they would hold their arms out to a member of the nursery staff. These were the same staff we trusted as our babysitters[/quote]
Yes, my nephew was the same. There are good ones out there! Just wish it were all a bit more consistently reliable.

I've never seen children that young at a nursery.. why would you send a literal baby to a nursery. I'd rather quit my job and be on benefits than send a small baby to strangers.

@EliyanahM

I've never seen children that young at a nursery.. why would you send a literal baby to a nursery. I'd rather quit my job and be on benefits than send a small baby to strangers.

I'd rather pay my mortgage and have a house to put over his head.

As other have repeatedly said, some nurseries are absolutely lovely. I can pop into ours any time, there are windows into all the rooms along the corridor so I can see in before they even know I'm there. I often pop by to drop off some more clothes or something we forgot, and the rooms are always noisy, happy and busy. The manager is in and out of the rooms all day, the office staff (all qualified) chip in when staff are off sick rather than use unfamiliar bank staff. I'm actually sad my son will leave next year and go to school!

When we went into lockdown my son had only been at nursery a couple of months (started before he turned 1). We happened to walk past someone in a park who looked strikingly like his key worker, who he hadn't seen for weeks. He stopped still and grinned at this stranger, clearly thinking it was his beloved key worker. He wouldn't have done that if he wasn't happy and settled there.

@EliyanahM

I've never seen children that young at a nursery.. why would you send a literal baby to a nursery. I'd rather quit my job and be on benefits than send a small baby to strangers.

When I had DT’s, maternity leave was six months. As I wanted to work and continue with my career, we looked for a nursery to provide the care we wanted.

Ha. Love the idea that you can voluntarily quit a job and immediately receive enough "benefits" to pay your rent and mortgage and bills and food without sanctions. Let's all do that!

Very much NOT normal in my experience, even for the smallest children and babies.

@Lilimoon if you read Steve Biddulph's books he states this often, with various supporting research and sources, sorry to busy to go through them. But having read these books and then the supporting research I agree with @Idkiibu

Difficult to stomach as a working parent and we have to do what we have to do but as grown ups it would be disingenuous as part of a discussion suggest a nursery/daycare setting is what's best for a baby.

I would see as many as you can OP but from my research and experience if it is available a small CM setting is a better setting for a baby.