Babies like zombies at nursery

[BlueTreeCat]

I’m trying to decide between childminder and nursery for my LO at the mo. At the nurseries I’ve visited all the babies just seem to be sat there all listless and blank looking. No smiling, no laughing, just sat staring, or crying. Is this normal for nurseries or have I just visited some poor ones? What’s been your experience? I’m talking babies 12 months and younger here. It’s not so bad with the older ones I don’t think, from what I’ve seen.

It's why I chose a childminder. A friend felt really strongly that being taken on a school run, to the shops, post office etc was a bad thing, I felt the opposite. if the DC were with me, we would not have been spending all day doing sensory play or painting, we'd have been out and about or just at home doing jobs etc and that's what I wanted for them. I found a very local CM who did a school run to the preschool and primary my DC would attend, took them to the local toddler group, parks, duckpond etc. I was lucky to find her, and my kids were very happy there. It also meant that instead of very suddenly stopping going at age 4 and losing that important relationship instantly, they reduced it gradually through starting preschool at 3 part time, then dropping to just school wraparound.

Oh and also yes, every single childcare worker I knew had sent their own children to childminders and not used nurseries under the age of 2, which I found very revealing. The

We used a childminder for our boys (from 14 months when I retuned to work (my boys are 28 months apart) purely because nursery hours weren’t long enough for our commuting time.

It was the better option for us for sure as our CM was so much more flexible with sickness (e.g she would take them when they had sniffles whereas as friends who used nursery would be get calls all the time to come and collect or refuse to take them in the first place) and also when we got stuck on delayed trains etc.

It was a nice small family setting as she looked after my DS1 and her daughter who is just 5 months older, her nephew who was the same age and then a daughter of her friend who was similar age. We both coincidentally had our second children within a year of each other too so there wasn’t too much inconvenience on the mat leave front either. Looking back and writing that I realise how lucky we were!

@Parker231, I critised them as I worked in a good few many years ago but it wasn't for long and I wasn't in the UK. For me it heavily influenced by decision. Actually one thing I definitely found hard for the little ones in there was how long they were in the one space for, it was just so boring for them and staff. At that age my DC's were brought everywhere and loved a change of scene. Also maybe in the UK the workers are paid more than min wage? Or salaried? Not here.

@OfstedOffred , I didn't use childcare pre 3 but agree that being in one setting, often in fact the same room for hours and hours on end was so boring for the DC's . They were climbing the walls tbh, that was my experience. Having then out and about is so much easier , constant change of scene and view. Less illness also as not constantly in the same room. Obviously this is logistically impossible for nurseries but I honestly thought more day trips to the beach etc would have been so much better for DC's and staff..

I had a similar experience when visiting local nurseries l, some of them rated outstanding. We used a childminder for both our dc untill they were three which is about the age where I feel they really start to gain something from nursery

i would say those places just park them and leave them. No baby should be a zombie. Sounds like they have just down due to lack of anyone doing anything with them poor things.

@Owieeee - a little far from central London to the beach ! DT’s nursery had a large garden and outdoor play area and was opposite a park. They never stayed indoors stuck in one room.

Thankfully there is choice - don’t use professional childcare, use a childminder or a nursery. Everyone makes the best decisions for their families. I’m amazed at all these bad nurseries posters are mentioning. We visited about a dozen. None were bad and we would have been happy to use any of them but luckily settled on one which gave the best care to DT’s.

You absolutely can if you've worked in one @Abouttimemum

@Feelingoktoday such a shut down of critical thinking re nurseries, the vast majority who are critising them having worked on one! Also we aren't critising women , I work ( not when they were small) and am fully supportive of women who work , i don't like nurseries for DC's under 3 , I have every right to give my opinion on them also.
My DH and his friends absolutely do talk about this, my DH did his stint at sahp also. Also what about the childcare workers, predominantly female being paid just min wage?

Also tbh parents don't see whats going on , all the parents where I worked gushed about the nurseries as tbh who wants to think that they aren't great if they have to or want to use them. V v telling that people on here who worked in nurseries would not send their own dcs to one.
Anyway each to their own, I know what I saw and it influenced me a lot years later when I had my own.

@ApplesinmyPocket you put it very well

@Owieeee I know plenty of people who work in nursery settings and don’t share your opinions. And do also send their children there.

I know of a childminder that has just been shut down completely by Ofsted due to a safeguarding issue with one of the males in her home. Swings and roundabouts.

Parents are capable of making their own correct choices.

@Owieeee our nursery has staff children! And they are under 3.

[quote cafedesreves]@Owieeee our nursery has staff children! And they are under 3.[/quote]
Yes we had staff children at the nursery I worked at also. It was different for them because firstly, they were with their parent all day and not strangers and secondly, they were favourited by both the parent and management. Any disputes, management often came down on the side of the staff child. That favouritism did not help the child when they started school, in fact their behaviour was appalling because they expected to get away with it.
Also, as you can imagine, it was entirely unfair on the other children.
Again, the parents never saw this. The nursery’s excelled at the pretence of perfection in front of parents.

@Idkiibu

I will probably go against the grain here, but if I had a choice (which many of us don’t have) I’d never put my baby under 12 months to the nursery. It’s just not developmentally appropriate for them, I’d prefer one person to look after my baby. That being said, there are a lot of nurseries out there with very dedicated stuff who have babies best interests in heart. Find the one you have a good feeling for.

This. Where I live it’s not even legal to put children under 12 months in a nursery.

Nope. My children LOVED nursery. They would run through the door and spend the day having a great time. The women working there used to send pictures all through the day of them laughing and playing. And when we see them now in the village the kids run up for hugs. Sounds like you’ve seen some awful ones. Keep looking. You’ll find the one your child is meant to be at.

@Scandisaurus22 where do you live?

@cafedesreves Sweden

@Scandisaurus22 ah ok. Yes childcare seems great there! My cousins live there. But higher staff to baby ratio at aged 1, so I agree not ideal for tinies.

@cafedesreves it’s pretty good actually. Parents are entitled to 480 days of paid parental leave, and you can transfer the days to your partner if you want. I think around 30% of the fathers take parental leave, so not quite equal yet.. When a child starts nursery at the age of one (they have a right to a place), you can keep the paid days that are left up to the age of 12. It’s just a different system.

[quote Scandisaurus22]@cafedesreves it’s pretty good actually. Parents are entitled to 480 days of paid parental leave, and you can transfer the days to your partner if you want. I think around 30% of the fathers take parental leave, so not quite equal yet.. When a child starts nursery at the age of one (they have a right to a place), you can keep the paid days that are left up to the age of 12. It’s just a different system.[/quote]
Bring it on in the UK!!

A friend felt really strongly that being taken on a school run, to the shops, post office etc was a bad thing, I felt the opposite.

I was the same, I don't think it is universally a bad thing, but DS1 got car sick and hated being constrained in the pushchair so a childminder with school runs/lots of pushchair outings to the shops wouldn't have suited him all.

@cafedesreves Agree. But even though nursery only cost about £80 a month (three nicely cooked meals a day and well educated teachers) some people still complain that it’s too expensive. I’ve lived and worked in a few countries, and when you try to explain how good they have it in this aspect they look at you like you’re crazy..

[quote Scandisaurus22]@cafedesreves Agree. But even though nursery only cost about £80 a month (three nicely cooked meals a day and well educated teachers) some people still complain that it’s too expensive. I’ve lived and worked in a few countries, and when you try to explain how good they have it in this aspect they look at you like you’re crazy..[/quote]
Haha oh well. I feel like ours is good value here at 10 x that