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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babies like zombies at nursery

229 replies

BlueTreeCat · 18/03/2022 20:09

I’m trying to decide between childminder and nursery for my LO at the mo. At the nurseries I’ve visited all the babies just seem to be sat there all listless and blank looking. No smiling, no laughing, just sat staring, or crying. Is this normal for nurseries or have I just visited some poor ones? What’s been your experience? I’m talking babies 12 months and younger here. It’s not so bad with the older ones I don’t think, from what I’ve seen.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 19/03/2022 16:03

This was in London. V high staff turnover. Staff all seemed caring and friendly as individuals, managers weren’t up to much. Main issues were that DC was ill a lot and turnover.

OrlandointheWilderness · 19/03/2022 16:05

Sounds like an episode of doctor who!

Somethingsnappy · 19/03/2022 16:08

@Owieeee

Apologies *@Somethingsnappy*!
That's quite alright! After I wrote it I realised I hadn't made my point very clear. Grin
Incognito32 · 19/03/2022 16:31

@JudgeRindersMinder by your 'take' - it was to do with how you felt assured that the childminder you chose would be taking good care of your kids as there's not the same level as oversight as there is in a nursery. You've answered the question in your second post :-)

It was genuine question - not me trying to challenge you on your decision to use a childminder - promise!

JudgeRindersMinder · 19/03/2022 16:33

[quote Incognito32]@JudgeRindersMinder by your 'take' - it was to do with how you felt assured that the childminder you chose would be taking good care of your kids as there's not the same level as oversight as there is in a nursery. You've answered the question in your second post :-)

It was genuine question - not me trying to challenge you on your decision to use a childminder - promise![/quote]
@Incognito32 don’t worry, I didn’t take it like that!

angela99999 · 19/03/2022 17:43

One of my GDs had a nanny when she was small, her younger sister went to an excellent nursery. The nanny liked to play with her a lot, but didn't take her to playdates or playgroups. The GD who went to nursery was far more confident and sociable. Of course not all nannies are like this but I think you were unlucky with the nursery you visited. I think I'd always choose a nursery.

pointythings · 19/03/2022 17:50

@Loopytiles

This was in London. V high staff turnover. Staff all seemed caring and friendly as individuals, managers weren’t up to much. Main issues were that DC was ill a lot and turnover.
Yeah, that makes it tough. I was lucky - the second nursery DD1 went to (the only one DD2 attended) was small, family run and virtually no staff turnover at all. My experience with a childminder (after school care for DD1) was conversely very much not the best.
SmellyOldOwls · 19/03/2022 17:56

A few times when I collected DS from nursery as a baby he was totally zoned out. On reflection he did zone out when over stimulated - still does now briefly and he's 4.

restingbitchface30 · 19/03/2022 18:08

As someone who has worked in numerous nursery settings and is fully qualified, I suggest the childminder route. All nurseries are just interested in the money. The staff are overworked and underpaid. Childminders will be able to give your child more 1:1 time and attention.

Easymeasy · 19/03/2022 18:14

I don't think alot of parent's understand the realities of nurseries. It is quite telling that those who have worked in nurseries are saying they wouldn't send their babies. I sent my child to pre school at 4. I wouldn't put my child in a nursery and definitely not a baby or toddler.

Parker231 · 19/03/2022 18:22

Why do posters criticise nurseries when they never used them? How many did you visit and discuss the schedule and activities? The nursery DT’s went to had a ratio of one qualified member of staff to two children. Better than in many homes.

NannaKaren · 19/03/2022 18:45

Nursery or Ofsted Reg Childminder should be engaging children of any age and singing, babbling, giggling ie happy times being had. Little ones will also sleep at some point in the day in either setting - but babies and children should be discovering awe and wonder to keep them stimulated and engaged and therefore developing - go with your gut feeling ….

Ridingoutthewaves · 19/03/2022 19:22

There are a lot of bad or just ok nurseries , the exceptional ones do exist but they are few. I visited nurseries like the ones you mention, bored looking staff and babies ignored, left to cry or just staring blankly. We found an amazing one, after initially going with a childminder and having a bad experience. There are definitely a lot of bad childminders too. Any type of care work is under paid, understaffed and under resourced. For babies particularly being with parent, family member or nanny is better in most circumstances, sadly not possible or affordable for most. Keep looking, you find a good match.

Sammyclaire22 · 19/03/2022 20:12

Our nursery has been fabulous, my youngest had been in about 3m now since 10mo (still in the babies room) and has been showing me signs she's learnt for nursery rhymes when I sing them, and we get daily photos of all the messy/ sensory play set ups she's given as well as trips out to the local library or playground. They play out in the garden area too, often with the older ones (my eldest is in their preschool class and they get to play together)
Ours is expensive compared to some, but both of mine clearly come on leaps and bounds and are always happy and content when we collect. It's a real shame that it sounds like so many are such a far cry from our experience

cafedesreves · 19/03/2022 20:50

I saw a nursery which was a bit like you described OP. Babies stuck in bumbo seats with dummies. DS is in a fabulous nursery, always something fun going on! He is a total live wire. Look elsewhere!

Justmebeingme245 · 19/03/2022 21:13

@Idkiibu

I will probably go against the grain here, but if I had a choice (which many of us don’t have) I’d never put my baby under 12 months to the nursery. It’s just not developmentally appropriate for them, I’d prefer one person to look after my baby. That being said, there are a lot of nurseries out there with very dedicated stuff who have babies best interests in heart. Find the one you have a good feeling for.
I agree with this and I have worked in a couple of nursery's over the years, both rated 'Good' by OFSTED. I really believe that children aged 2 and under are too small, in fact I wouldn't personally send my child until they were at least 3 or maybe not at all. Some of the children under 3 would be traumatised when left and it'd usually take a while for them to settle. They were forced to mature quickly and become 'school ready' because god help us if they weren't. It was a constant cycle of drumming EYFS curriculum based learning into them and doing observations, children were very often told to 'go and play please' while staff were completing paper work. Of course, the parents never saw any of this, they just thought their child had come on so well because they were meeting/exceeding EYFS milestones. I left childcare because I couldn't stand seeing children analysed constantly/forced to grow up too quickly and develop independence by effectively being told to go away and play all the time. Also staff on minimum wage under constant pressure.
Chaznay · 19/03/2022 21:36

Please report this to Ofsted. This is not normal.

Abouttimemum · 19/03/2022 21:45

I love our nursery and so does DS. He just had a party today with all his pals, and they had a whale of a time.

I wouldn’t criticise anyone who took their child ti a childminder or had a nanny or whatever as I’ve never experienced it, so you can’t criticise a nursery unless your child has been there.

My son has absolutely thrived there.

cafedesreves · 19/03/2022 21:51

@Justmebeingme245 this really is not my son's experience. He absolutely adores it and can't wait to get in and plan every day. He also loves being with us and lots of cuddles etc too. He's a very happy chap.

wentworthinmate · 19/03/2022 22:00

They've probably been up since 0600hrs. Bless them.

Feelingoktoday · 19/03/2022 23:14

Why do women feel the need to criticise the decisions other women make? We all do our best. You don’t hear men saying this rubbish. Nursery, childminder, home, grandparents. Who really cares. We are all doing our best so just stop it with the guilt tripping.

ApplesinmyPocket · 19/03/2022 23:37

"I really believe that children aged 2 and under are too small, in fact I wouldn't personally send my child until they were at least 3 or maybe not at all.
Some of the children under 3 would be traumatised when left and it'd usually take a while for them to settle. They were forced to mature quickly and become 'school ready' because god help us if they weren't. ..
Of course, the parents never saw any of this, they just thought their child had come on so well because they were meeting/exceeding EYFS milestones"

Totally agree with this. I also worked in a nursery, for 6 years, during which it became obvious that from about the age of three and a half, children really start to benefit from group care for short periods. They form actual friendships and get a good deal out of the experience, genuinely looking forward to it.

Below that age it's not so good. We all know that these days many or even most parents have to work so there's no other option and if it has to be done so be it, but I think there's a danger in listening to idealistic parents saying 'he's come on so much since nursery' - of COURSE he has, that's what children do.

It isn't ideal for babies to be in nursery (see the critical science link if you don't believe me) but it is often inevitable (due to parents who have to work) and those babies will be ok - they will be cared for and they will cope (mostly) - but I don't believe there is any benefit whatsoever to children under 3 being in group care as opposed to in a loving family circle,

DobbleBobble · 20/03/2022 00:01

Going back quite a few years now but my oldest didn't go to nursery til after he was 12 months, we chose a big nursery that we were very happy with but never looked at the baby room. Moved abroad and my youngest had to go at 9 months, I got that same baby room feeling from some of the nurseries we looked at but we chose a small one where all kids (age 0-3) were mixed and had na extended family feel. If you don't like the look of the baby rooms you could always start with a childminder and then move to nursery when they are a little older

OMG12 · 20/03/2022 07:34

Did you accidentally visit a Romanian orphanage in the 1990s? Of course it’s not normal. Every nursery we visited was lively and vibrant in the babies room. I believe it’s still one staff to 3 kids. We still keep in touch with some of the staff there 6 years later who still retain an interest in how our DS is.

Our DS goes to a childminder now after school and the babies are in and out of pushchairs doing the school run etc.

Personally I would choose a good nursery but you should visit both and see which you click with

londonrach · 20/03/2022 07:37

That's very strange op. My daughter loved nursery and at drop off and collection the babies and children were doing everything you expect. Best decision I ever made was her nursery, despite the cost and she thrived in it. I'd look at others op. Something not right about that one

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