Babies like zombies at nursery

[BlueTreeCat]

I’m trying to decide between childminder and nursery for my LO at the mo. At the nurseries I’ve visited all the babies just seem to be sat there all listless and blank looking. No smiling, no laughing, just sat staring, or crying. Is this normal for nurseries or have I just visited some poor ones? What’s been your experience? I’m talking babies 12 months and younger here. It’s not so bad with the older ones I don’t think, from what I’ve seen.

Sounds awfully depressing.
Poor babies.
Always trust your instincts.
You knew it wasn’t right,
Try an individual .

I went to one twice and both times it was like you described. We went to an experienced and much loved childminder. She was like a granny to my kids.

Absolutely not my experience. DC in nursery from 10 months and would not nap as far too much fun going on. She was known as Duracell baby. Also when I went to collect, her keyworker would not even know I was there and observations were increadibly positive. She felt happy loved and secure.

I also work very closely with nurseries as part of my work (child protection). All are very amazing, skilled professionals who have considerable training in early years and development and are very child focused. For example, I worked with a parent who was very late getting a child into nursery who has obvious SEN and they were so quick getting Sendias involved so this child has support in place early on and will thrive.

How many nuseries have you looked at OP? Have you looked at LA run ones (if they exist where you live). The best nuseries I work with take on funded children- those who are eligible from aged 2 for some free hours.

Thanks @FrecklesMalone
That’s what I would suggest to OP. Smaller home like setting with the main caregiver you could trust to build a lasting relationship with your child who’s more able to tailor to individual needs of your child. Not easy to find, but so is not easy to find a good nursery and staff in the nursery may change frequently. Conditions of work for nursery assistants are awful these days.

My DD went to nursery and she loved it. Went from 9 months.

We picked a nursery that was quite relaxed, a bit shabby (old building) and quirky. It was so much nicer than any of the others we saw which seemed quite sterile and regimented in comparison.

DD was there until she went to school and she was so well prepared for school because the nursery had done so much with her.

I would look at a few more nurseries and only take your child to one which you feel 100% happy with.

Do you really have to ask if it's normal? Of course it's not. The babies should be interacted with at all times with staff actively engaging them whatever the activity is, whether that's mealtimes, active play, singing, messy play, imaginative play, outside play....

You have obviously had the misfortune of visiting some very poor nurseries.

To be honest I did find nurseries a bit like this with the younger babies. I decided against it in the end. I think it’s hard to fill a full day without going out anywhere and at least they usually get a change of scenery with a childminder.

The first nursery I visited with DD1 was like that. I walked away. The second one was the polar opposite - lots of interaction from the carers, movement, noise, chat. She had a great time there until it closed and then moved on to another great nursery where she and DD2 went until school age. You're right to think that isn't what a good nursery is like.

I had this experience with one I visited but I was told they babies had just had their nap so we're bit groggy still. However I got a really weird vibe there in that the staff looked disinterested so I went with another who are fab. Everytime I've been in, sometimes doing an early pick up, they always look like they're having fun and being interacted with. I'd look elsewhere.

[quote Idkiibu]@Lilimoon
Oh please. Let not start the great nursery debate. I’m a big fan of nurseries for toddlers, I believe in a very positive effect from this age. But not for babies. Provide sources how nursery or other group setting is beneficial for a baby under 12 months to stay there all day long without the main caregiver. I’d be very curious to read. I know what mother’s guilt is and I know most of us have to work. I also know nurseries are not ideal for babies, they are better off with parents or other caregiver who builds a consistent warm secure relationship with them.[/quote]
We chose a particular nursery in the end as it was highly recommended by several sources. I just had a nagging concern about our baby being with a child minder because it’s a private setting and you’ve no idea what’s going on. Our son didn’t go to nursery until he was over a year old. I don’t think it’s a one size fits all when it comes to child care and it’s a generalisation to say babies aren’t ideal for babies.

Our babies are happy and engaged with the people caring for them and with one another. Some babies may be a little unsettled when they are first starting nursery but the people caring for them should be giving them the care and attention they need to feel secure and happy. With good consistent staff in a baby room there is no reason the babies there should feel happy, secure and curious about the things in their environment. If the babies in the places you have visited don't seem to be interacting normally then that is a red flag but not indicative of all nursery baby rooms.

I’ve experienced nurseries and a childminder all from 3 months old. Since now having a childminder (a good one) I would never ever go back to nurseries. The care given is completely different. My daughter loves her childminder and relates to her as auntie “”. Childminders are more personal and hands on in my opinion. Especially with my baby going full time I feel it’s more family oriented

@Spudyoulikeit

To be honest I did find nurseries a bit like this with the younger babies. I decided against it in the end. I think it’s hard to fill a full day without going out anywhere and at least they usually get a change of scenery with a childminder.

At DT’s nursery they were in the garden or visited the park each day. We started looking when I was about four months pregnant and got our names on the waiting list by the time I was six months pregnant. Excellent nurseries are very popular!

Under 12 months they will have some structure to their day but mostly just be entertaining them when awake and feeding them etc. Our nursery did messy play with them ever week too but not a lot goes on in the baby room. We had a fab garden and a big ball pit room in the basement

I’ve visited nursery’s like you described,op. When you find the right one, you’ll know.

Must say I really agonised over sending mine to nursery but I didn’t want to give up my career so needs must. Glad I didn’t as both my teenagers (17 & 14) barely even remember their time there. They have a few vague memories of being there, same with their friends. So no not traumatised for life thankfully

I chose dd’s nursery based on how engaged and caring the staff were, especially in the baby room. Babies rocked to asleep in staff’s arms when they were tired but wouldn’t settle. Things like this.

My DD has just had her first week at nursery, and she loves it! They send me videos and pictures of her laughing and playing all day. And she's built good relationships with a few different staff members. She loves it and the staff have been absolutely amazing!

We opted for a smaller private nursery, supposed to a chain. I feel like we have the best of both worlds and great ratio 2 adults to 3 little ones (10-20mths)

I disagree that "not a lot goes on in a baby room". The nursery I used had a free flow covered outdoor area with all kinds of activities set up for the children each day. Mobile children could go out (weather and coats/wellies permitting) and play with all kind of things during the day. Babies that could sit but not crawl would be taken out by the nursery staff to do the same. They would also be taken out into the wider garden, to see the older children and the animals that the nursery had. There would be activities set up inside with lightboxes, projections, mobiles, messy play, real world toys, busy boards, so many different things. Between all the activities, meal times, nap times, story time etc the children were really well entertained. Crucially for me, they also had a very low staff turnover, so the children had the same carers for their time in each room.

I thought the same myself I worked very briefly in a nursery and honestly there wasn’t a moment of my working day where I wasn’t holding a baby.

I also visited some awful nurserys, and you couldn't have paid me the £60 a day to of sent my DD there

criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4

That’s really odd. Not normal at all. Visit more and you’ll find one that makes you feel fluffy

Definitely not my experience of nursery. When we went to look around the baby room at ours there was one member of staff bouncing a sleeping baby in a rocker with her foot while simultaneously cuddling and rocking another baby to sleep, and talking to an older baby sitting beside her chewing on some toys. Everyone looked happy and babies were crawling around exploring the sensory soft play area, lots of colourful displays and artwork everywhere and stimulating toys and activities.

DS went from 11 months and I got regular "artwork" home with him and he used to turn around and try to go back inside when he saw I was picking him up 😂