Babies like zombies at nursery

[BlueTreeCat]

I’m trying to decide between childminder and nursery for my LO at the mo. At the nurseries I’ve visited all the babies just seem to be sat there all listless and blank looking. No smiling, no laughing, just sat staring, or crying. Is this normal for nurseries or have I just visited some poor ones? What’s been your experience? I’m talking babies 12 months and younger here. It’s not so bad with the older ones I don’t think, from what I’ve seen.

@JudgeRindersMinderKeen to hear your take* (not tale) sorry!

@Cinnabomb

I put my DD in nursery at 11mos, just so I got a break. There’s not a chance she would have sat still like a zombie no matter how crappy the nursery was 🤣

What magic babies are these?

Magic babies

No you’ve visited shit ones. I’m sure you probably know that, unless you think that’s what parents are happy with for their children? Although maybe that’s why I see so many children being dragged along behind awful childminders in the parks near me

@NotNotNotMyName

Can I ask why you haven’t found a different setting for your daughter? Hers sounds horrible. I’m sorry if I’m speaking out of turn as I know it’s not always as easy as that.

Re: bumbos, they probably don’t use them anymore (hopefully, anyway!) as I was looking 12 years ago when these things were more popular. I didn’t use one for my babies as I just remembered reading somewhere that it’s an unnatural position for a baby who can’t sit up on their own yet.

Mine didn't attend nursery but could both walk at 9 months by 10 months ran as fast as me - no way without they have been calm at nursery

I get you OP. I had a similar experience so found a childminder instead. She was wonderful and gave my children a real home from home.

i dont agree with leaving children in nursery. its a choice with me that they would stay close to me. i dont belive they will get the one on one attention that they would get from a mum. but each to there own.

nursery staff do a amazing job and i am sure they are well looked after but its just a issue i have. i was ignored at school though so who can blame me not wanting to send my child away from me.

Thank you for the link @BeardyButton.

@bruce43mydog certainly isn’t a choice for most parents to be apart from their babies I don’t think anybody would choose that if there was an alternative…. what a nasty thing to say

@Incognito32 I saw enough Nanny‘s & au pairs at the local park on their phone ignoring the kids they’re meant to be looking after to know that the ideal scenario is a group of childminders that work together so that they have each other‘s back in case of sickness and the bad one wouldn’t be tolerated within the group because they wouldn’t want the reputation to go before them. If you can find that kind of co-op that’s the dream.

I viewed nurseries like that.

The kids all looked expectedly at the door when I went in and then just looked straight ahead again. It was very sad to see.

A nursery worker said that they write the children's diaries - what the children ate, played at and slept - in the morning time - as they were too busy to do it at the end of the day. Basically the daily diaries are BS.

I went for a childminder who could of course been equally as disinterested.

i just dont agree. to be fair. who said anything about choice. i choose for my child to be free. we will live a bit more frugally and make cut backs to accomadate money worries. although i do understand not everyone has a choice of not being in a position to do the frugal route.

Nurseries are horrible for children under 1 years old, they need a secure attachment figure, there are plenty of studies on this.
But our money ruling society doesnt want to believe this. Its so sad for those babies.

@FrodoAteMyRing - nothing horrible or sad about the nursery DT’s went to.

@FrodoAteMyRing
I think you’re allowing your own personal experiences to cloud your judgement which is understandable. As we all know babies have different personalities and needs and many flourish at nursery, and some don’t. There are some crap nurseries, crap childminders, and even crap mums. So people should do what is right for them without all the scaremongering. I’m sure we all make parenting choices that others would disagree with.

i choose for my child to be free

Hear that lads? Nursery is baby borstal!

@idkiibu

I think it depends on the nursery…my daughter only has 2 different caregivers in the baby room so it’s very consistent! The whole nursery has the same group of caregivers that they had 5 years ago when my oldest was little too so they really get to know your child…I know some places have high turnover of staff but not all of them!

@FrodoAteMyRing

Nurseries are horrible for children under 1 years old, they need a secure attachment figure, there are plenty of studies on this. But our money ruling society doesnt want to believe this. Its so sad for those babies.

Don’t feel sad for my child who started nursery at 10 months old. She had already developed secure attachments to her primary caregivers who were then, and still remain, her dad and I. There are absolutely not plenty of studies which show UK nurseries are “horrible” for babies who have secure attachments to their parents. But please feel free to wheel out one of those Romanian orphanage studies and unconvincingly mangle its results to fit your argument.

When my baby first started, I found baby room a bit depressing. Seeing little cots and beds in the room made me feel sad, but I think a lot of that was mum guilt and in the blink if an eye he she had moved into the toddler room

@FrodoAteMyRing

Which early years qualifications do you hold?

My baby started at 6 months. I was advised that 9-12 months is a difficult time to settle in and younger ones adapt quicker

She's incredibly confident and sociable. Really good at making friends and loves nursery. Always has loved it

Like an earlier poster said, the weaning was excellent. She was eating spaghetti bolognaise and fish pie when id have been offering carrot puree

@Theredtoyphone

Not my experience of nurseries. We’ve used a small local nursery for both children and found them to be extremely nurturing and offering lots of different activities. They go outdoors twice per day either a walk in the buggies, in the small baby garden or the larger garden.

As a PP said, I’ve never met a childminder I would trust with my child - the babies who go to the ones I see locally appear to spend most of their day in the buggy doing school/nursery drop off and pick up for the various other children in the cm’s care.

What a strange comment! You object to the childminder taking the babies to school for drop off and pick up? What - just like millions of parents do each day when they're collecting their older siblings?

As for taking "most of the day".....

She had already developed secure attachments to her primary caregivers who were then, and still remain, her dad and I.

You were happy in your choice for your daughter and that's great, but you say yourself that her secure attachments were you, and assuming she was in nursery FT, then for a great part of her waking hours, her secure attachments suddenly weren't there. That is simply a fact. If parents have done research to find out the effect on children of removing their secure attachments at that stage of development, and are happy with it, then that's fine. Some parents prefer the idea of childminders precisely because of this - they can develop a close bond with them (i.e. another secure attachment), in a homely quieter environment. I'm sure some babies would prefer this. Perhaps others who are more robust and extroverted may be equally as happy in a nursery at that age.

Not my experience at all, my daughter loves the baby/young child (they often combined depending on activity and which children were in) as the ratio enabled lots of interaction. It was pre-covid and so I could drop her off in the room, I never saw anything other than similar to what would be going on at home at any given time. She started at 10 months and only just crawling so still a baby in most senses.

My 'problems' with her nursery started when she went in the toddler room and I think that was down to sheer increase in numbers per staff.

I’ve seen this too. I work with children in a different capacity and visit nurseries. It scares me how many of the best rated larger chains have babies who are clearly experiencing trauma. I’ve also seen staff at two outstanding nurseries screaming in the face of toddlers and making fun of children in a cruel way. I obviously reported these incidents.

My own children went to a small nursery which didn’t have a baby room (mixed ages all the way through) for this reason.