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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

331 replies

joboy2 · 18/03/2022 12:03

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 18/03/2022 14:15

@Beamur

I think that you're very sensible to be clear about this beforehand.
I echo this completely. You also sound like a good father.
Villagewaspbyke · 18/03/2022 14:15

Yanbu op. I’m a single mum and my assets are going to dds no matter who I couple up with in future.

Cookay · 18/03/2022 14:16

Why on earth would you want to leave it to a new partner?
My friend has left her property to her 2 daughters, but her 'new' husband of several years can live it until he dies or moves out. That seems much fairer.

Mindmatters668 · 18/03/2022 14:17

I wouldn’t let her move in, what if your daughter has problems evicting her?

Red flag!

huuskymam · 18/03/2022 14:18

Don't let her move in, ever. Even if she agrees with you're daughter inheriting, she sounds like the type of person that won't leave peacefully if you pass. I can see your daughters life being made a misery.

Aprilx · 18/03/2022 14:21

Just another perspective but my FIL got remarried whilst in his 60s. He was a homeowner whilst his now wife was renting, she moved into the home my husband and his brothers grew up in. She will in all probability live longer than him and as far as I know the family home will pass to her and her own children eventually. My husband and his brothers accept this and they are glad that their father found somebody that brought him happiness in his later years. They would not have wanted to see her evicted and homeless as a 70 or 80 year old or whatever. I am not saying that the house should be pu t into joint names, but if it really is a partner, expected to be long term, then I would have thought some kind of provision would be quite normal.

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 18/03/2022 14:21

You’ll be very lucky if you don’t have to sell it to fund your care in later years. People these days don’t often inherit anything because it’s been swallowed up in care home fees.

Fairiesandmonsters · 18/03/2022 14:22

OP I would suggest taking ‘moving in together or later on marriage with this women’ off the table completely.
Major red flag alert, she’s highly likely after your house, and is happy to leave your ‘single mother’ daughter and grandkids without an inheritance or a place to live in the future.
Give her an ultimatum, keep things as they are (living separately as boyfriend and girlfriend), or break up.
The regret you’ll feel from disinheriting your struggling daughter and grandkids out of a stable and mortgage free place to live, will be far greater, than any regret you’ll feel of losing this potentially gold digger girlfriend.
If your girlfriend wants more financial security for her future, that’s not your job, she should find another asset rich man without children/deadbeat dad that doesn’t care about his children and leaving an inheritance for them/man that thinks purely with their dick….Your clearly a decent man and father-so that man isn’t you.
As someone who has been disinherited, it’s something I would never do to my DC, as I know the pain and struggle it causes DC. Don’t do it OP.

user1471538283 · 18/03/2022 14:22

Do not let her move in. Even if she doesn't get a share your daughter would have to cope with losing you and then evicting her.

It is her problem she is still renting. I bet you having your own home is a big incentive for her to want a relationship with you.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 18/03/2022 14:22

Just don't even think about letting her move in
Carry on dating her. I would shut down any further discussion and of course leave your assets to your Daughter
Sounds like she may have pound signs in her eyes to me

DixonD · 18/03/2022 14:22

@NotMyselfWithoutCoffee

You really need to write a will if you want your daughter to have your house. Name your daughter as the sole benefactor.
Not necessarily.

As he is not married, his daughter (if she’s his only) will get everything.

I work in this area of law.

SucculentChalice · 18/03/2022 14:23

@MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig

You’ll be very lucky if you don’t have to sell it to fund your care in later years. People these days don’t often inherit anything because it’s been swallowed up in care home fees.
Oh no, that will probably be the responsibility of the girlfriend!
Porfre · 18/03/2022 14:23

Yup.

If she didnt change her mind I would be breaking up.

What is rightfully for my kids isnt up for bargaining.

cruisecrazy · 18/03/2022 14:23

On no account let this woman move in with you. It is obvious she has only got eyes on your house. Run as fast as you can.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 18/03/2022 14:24

YANBU.

My grandfather had similar situation but the lady owned the property. He moved in and put his “rent” into investments and savings. At thier passing her house passed to her children and his savings & investments passed to his children. It still got a bit messy with furniture etc.

She should consider similar, but you’d need it in writing, legally advised and stipulated in the will. If she moves in she will be saving rent so can save it up as a nest egg. If things go well you can add to it for her so she’s provided for if you pass before her.

If she refuses frankly I’d run a mile. My uncle had a second wife do that to him, and she made off with his house that she never paid a penny towards when they divorced.

MzHz · 18/03/2022 14:25

Recent partner of any sex should not be demanding anything

Don’t move her in. It’ll keep things far more clear cut.

If you’ve not long met her this is a whole fucking parade of red flags.

You know this. It’s not just men who can take the piss and move in for their own gain.

I think you ought to end this, she’s got an agenda and her friends are egging her on apparently- or is this “all my friends think so too” because that’s in the BS script of cocklodgers/manipative arseholes…

Bananalanacake · 18/03/2022 14:26

Why do you have to live together? just enjoy a relationship living apart. or you could say to her, 'No moving in until we've been together at least 10 years' Her reaction will tell you everything.

Farahilda · 18/03/2022 14:26

I think carry on as you are.

Even if it has to be sold to pay for you to live in a care/nursing home, anything that's not been spent can be left to whoever you wish idc. And if you want that to be to your DC, there is considerably less chance of a successful challenge to your will if the challenger was clearly not being supported by you.

Can I also recommend that you make power of attorney arrangements now, for your DD.

Walkingthedog46 · 18/03/2022 14:28

Don’t let her move in. It could get very messy.

cakewench · 18/03/2022 14:28

You say 'would like', which leads me to believe she hasn't yet moved in.

Absolutely do not live together.

C152 · 18/03/2022 14:28

YANBU at all. If it we were me, and I wanted the relationship to continue, I wouldn't move in together but continue to stay in your respective homes.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/03/2022 14:29

I'm a single mother. I want my son to inherit everything, so for that reason I will never marry or let a partner move into my house. I'd give that advice to every single mother who wants their children to inherit.

longwayoff · 18/03/2022 14:31

Ohhh OP, don't do it. If she can't look after herself and her future by now then that's her misfortune, she's had long enough to prepare herself. 67 and scrounging, I'm outraged and you should be as well.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/03/2022 14:33

Don't move in together. She is after your money and your house. Sorry.

Kinko · 18/03/2022 14:34

How long have you been together?

You absolutely need to question the motives of someone who is recently on the scene but feels entitled to a financial stake in your home which you intended to be left to your daughter (regardless whether she's a single mother or not - she's your daughter!).

I can also see her predicament to some extent. She moves in with you and she could wind up in her 80s looking for a new place to live.

Overall though, she brings nothing to the table financially. I think if you were having this conversation 10yrs down the line everyone might be in a different situation and you might feel differently but I think her walking into it now with those expectations speaks volumes on her character.

With that in mind - I'd say you're best off keeping the status quo.

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