Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD4 left swimming lesson unsupervised

148 replies

swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:27

My DD aged 4 left her swimming class and went to the toilet unsupervised. It was a new teacher who made no effort to let me know she needed to go (I was sat on other side of pool watching older DD). As soon as I saw she was not in her swimming group I rushed around and another parent had found her very distressed in the toilet by herself. The manager on duty took an account of what happened and I've followed up with an email. He said that someone would be in touch. I've booked my DC in at another centre in the same chain for lessons from next week. For completeness, when I raised it with the teacher (it was the teacher's first lesson) she said she was busy watching the other children and that I should have noticed. As soon as I saw DD missing from the lesson I panicked (as worried she'd gone under) so it must have been less than a minute she was alone.

What sort of response would you expect and AIBU by taking my children out of that centre?

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 17/03/2022 23:33

What's the usual system for a child who needs the toilet during a lesson?

SevenWaystoLeave · 17/03/2022 23:33

Did she tell the teacher she needed to go or did she just go on her own?

Aquamarine1029 · 17/03/2022 23:34

I would raise absolute holy hell. That instructor should be fired.

Lindaloo08 · 17/03/2022 23:34

I go to my DD swimming and I watch her the whole time, however when my 2nd starts I can't watch 2 kids. Also, i would be one of the knly people there who isnt on their phones. I would expect like it is in our place that there are 1 on the side, 1 in the pool and someone walking around when things like this arise. I wouldn't feel the response is good enough and would want assurance that my child won't go unnoticed again.

AreWeThereYetMummy · 17/03/2022 23:36

This may sound harsh but what did you want the teacher to do? Leave other children who might 'go under'? Depends how big the pool us but if to get your attention would have taken attention off others in the pool then I wouldn't expect her to do that.

Can your daughter not go to the toilet alone? Or could you not tell her she needs to come to you first?

MarthaFokker · 17/03/2022 23:37

How could she have got out of the pool, gone to the toilet and got very distressed in less than a minute?

Original poster
swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:38

Her old class teacher (who was also in the section of the pool and was horrified when she saw) would get my attention and I'd pop down to take her. DD told the new teacher said she needed the loo so the new teacher said to sit on the edge and she'd take her (not normal practice) but DD said to me she was desperate and seemed to have slipped away unnoticed.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 17/03/2022 23:42

I'm a swimming teacher. Parents all up in the balcony, but can't hear. I lift them out to the side and do the 't' sign to the parents. Quite often I have to wave around like a loon till one of them spots me and nudges the relevant parent. I'm not sure what I'd do if the parent didn't ever see me. I guess I'd have to get on with the lesson, and the kid would have to stand by the side, and probably wee poolside. It wouldn't be the first time.
Why was your child distressed though - did something else happen? Not saying she shouldn't be, but what exactly caused it?

I'm guessing it's a brand new teacher, probably young and not a parent. She doesn't need to be fired or shouted at, simply told that you can't let a 4 yr old out of your sight. She won't do it again I doubt.

Thesearmsofmine · 17/03/2022 23:42

In our pool they go on their own. I guess ideally you would keep eyes your youngest in her lesson she isn’t able to go to the toilet by herself yet.

Original poster
swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:43

From what the other teacher told me, she was sat on the side of the pool outside my line of sight. The toilets are the other side of the lockers and I had to walk around the pool. She could have easily done that in less than a minute, I didn't time it Hmm

I wouldn't expect the class teacher to ignore the other kids but she made no effort to even ask a lifeguard to find me and it's a lesson only session with 3-4 lifeguards and 5-6 teachers in a 25m pool in different sections. The previous teacher managed to do that.

Would you really expect a four year old to use a public toilet unsupervised? She couldn't come to me as the seating is the other side of the pool, accessed through the foyer.

OP posts:
Wowcherarestalkingme · 17/03/2022 23:44

Same at ours. Sometimes the parents notice and go out, sometimes the kids manage themselves. It’s usually the 3 year olds that need help but the rest just go off on their own then come back

Wowcherarestalkingme · 17/03/2022 23:45

Sorry that was in response to @Thesearmsofmine

Original poster
swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:47

She wasn't young @arethereanyleftatall, she was an older lady. My DD is only 4 so she got very distressed because she was alone in a public toilet and she didn't know where I was.

I didn't shout at her, it was the other way around actually. I don't expect her to be fired, my question is what sort of response would you expect from the leisure centre?

OP posts:
Original poster
swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:51

The Duty Manager from the leisure centre and swimming lesson manager were both apologising so although it obviously happens elsewhere, it suggests to me that they know there was an issue given the location of the toilets relative to the pool and spectator area

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 17/03/2022 23:53

@swimdisaster

Her old class teacher (who was also in the section of the pool and was horrified when she saw) would get my attention and I'd pop down to take her. DD told the new teacher said she needed the loo so the new teacher said to sit on the edge and she'd take her (not normal practice) but DD said to me she was desperate and seemed to have slipped away unnoticed.
Very odd that she said she'd take her. That isn't what we're taught at safe guarding obvo!

But - if your dd slipped away without being told she was allowed to, I do think this makes it less 'bad' towards the teacher. She didn't tell her to go alone. As a teacher , my eyes can't be in two places. If I had children in the pool and one on the side I would be watching the children in the pool if I had to choose. If I told a 4 year old to wait, I would expect them ti wait. If your daughter slipped away, and the teacher was in the pool with other children, what would you have expected her to do?

MarthaFokker · 17/03/2022 23:53

There was definitely an issue, but no way did all of that happen in less than a minute, it's just not possible.

I'd email a complaint but with an accurate account of what happened and then ask what (if any) measures they're going to put in place to prevent it from happening again.

Original poster
swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:56

@MarthaFokker why not?

OP posts:
libby09 · 17/03/2022 23:58

The instructor can't take their eyes off the other children and can only spend so long trying to get the parent's attention so you really need to be watching. Can your DDs go at different times? Quite a few siblings go one after the other at my son's lessons.

SD1978 · 17/03/2022 23:58

Sorry- but the 4 year old needs more supervising, clearly, than the older child. By your own post- your child was sat on the edge of the pool, without you realising, and walked off, without you realising. Clearly she's the one you should be supervising, and staying at that end of the pool with, not the older child.

DelphiniumBlue · 17/03/2022 23:59

I don't think you can blame the teacher, who was looking after several children in the water. She told your DD to sit on the side, which was the safe option, and DD then walked off. You, who only had 2 children to be watching, didn't notice.
Maybe the pool should have had an attendant patrolling, but tbh most pools are minimally staffed.
It might be worth asking the pool management what the policy is for small children to go to the toilet- I would imagine that they are absolutely not allowed to wander round alone. Is it in fact the parent's job to make sure they don't leave the pool area? Because, as another poster said, the teacher can't be leaving the pool to chase after one child when they've got a whole class to be teaching. The pool maybe needs a system to make it impossible for the children to leave the area, and if it is relying on parents to be responsible for their children, they need to make that clear.
Luckily your child was fine, but it sounds quite scary for both of you. It needs to be made very clear to her that she is not ever just to wander off like that- would she do that in a shopping centre, or at school? Or in the street? But I think if you were there, she is ultimately your responsibility. It would be different if parents didn't stay.

Original poster
swimdisaster · 18/03/2022 00:03

@libby09 she didn't try at all though. My DC's previous teacher said that she saw DC being sent to sit on the side and then next thing she was gone. It's about 5m to the toilets but behind the lockers so you can't see from the pool. DD told me she didn't sit and wait for long because she was desperate.

My DC overlap with the lessons as they are at three different levels. As I say though, that issue is solved as I have rebooked separate sessions elsewhere at a centre where you can sit next to the learner pool. My question was really about what would you expect as a response.

OP posts:
libby09 · 18/03/2022 00:06

You weren't watching so you don't know if she gave you a wave or not. Your DD then walked.
I wouldn't expect any response, I think you need to take some responsibility here. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

libby09 · 18/03/2022 00:06

*walked off

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 18/03/2022 00:07

I think this one is on you as well. It's not the swimming instructors fault you chose to have two kids having different lessons at the same time, you chose to watch the older one rather than the one that needed you more and you could have taken her to the toilet beforehand to prevent this happening at all.

Original poster
swimdisaster · 18/03/2022 00:09

@SD1978 as I mentioned though, I was not sat closer to my eldest DD out of choice, it is due to the layout but it happened I was watching her and we have never had an issue before that the teacher didn't attempt to get my attention (as the other teacher and parent told me). If I doubted for one second that the teacher would not be watching her then I obviously wouldn't have done that.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread