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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD4 left swimming lesson unsupervised

148 replies

swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:27

My DD aged 4 left her swimming class and went to the toilet unsupervised. It was a new teacher who made no effort to let me know she needed to go (I was sat on other side of pool watching older DD). As soon as I saw she was not in her swimming group I rushed around and another parent had found her very distressed in the toilet by herself. The manager on duty took an account of what happened and I've followed up with an email. He said that someone would be in touch. I've booked my DC in at another centre in the same chain for lessons from next week. For completeness, when I raised it with the teacher (it was the teacher's first lesson) she said she was busy watching the other children and that I should have noticed. As soon as I saw DD missing from the lesson I panicked (as worried she'd gone under) so it must have been less than a minute she was alone.

What sort of response would you expect and AIBU by taking my children out of that centre?

OP posts:
Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 09:28

Again, whether or not anyone in this thread thinks the OP’s daughter shouldn’t be having toilet breaks or the OP should be responsible for supervision isn’t the point.

Anybody providing swimming lessons should have a written policy on who is responsible for the child at pool side.

starfishmummy · 18/03/2022 09:58

I agree with PP. She was asked to wait and decided not to. You say she's at school so will be used to being asked to wait a few minutes.

Goldbar · 18/03/2022 11:04

@starfishmummy

I agree with PP. She was asked to wait and decided not to. You say she's at school so will be used to being asked to wait a few minutes.
4 year olds are not responsible for ensuring their own safety.
lanthanum · 18/03/2022 11:16

It shouldn't have happened.

The teacher was new.

The fault, therefore, is either in the swim school's policy or induction training. Do they have an established policy (eg children over a certain age may take themselves to the toilet; for younger children their parents' attention should be sought before allowing them to leave the pool)? Was the teacher given sufficient guidance? If it is left to the teacher's discretion, do all the teachers have sufficient experience of children to make that judgement? (Some instructors are only teenagers, who may not realise that there's a difference between a 9 year old and a 4 year old in this regard.)

Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 11:53

4 year olds are not responsible for ensuring their own safety.

Agree.

vivainsomnia · 18/03/2022 11:54

Anybody providing swimming lessons should have a written policy on who is responsible for the child at pool side
Who says there isn't one?

Ultimately, you don't need to be a genie to work out that if parents are required to stay during lessons, it is so that they can supervise their kids if required!

Bananarama21 · 18/03/2022 11:57

Aquamarine1029

I would raise absolute holy hell. That instructor should be fired

Why what did you expect her to do? She's teaching the rest of the class. It's on the parent to sit next to her child's class at that age so she can assist her child and take her child to the toilet its not on the teacher. I always tell the child to ask their parent to take them and they sit infront of the class on the bench.

Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 11:59

Ultimately, you don't need to be a genie to work out that if parents are required to stay during lessons, it is so that they can supervise their kids if required!

No, nobody should be making assumptions. Either the OP signed a safety document when the lessons were booked and has forgotten about it, or the swimming school does not have adequate safety policies.

SevenWaystoLeave · 18/03/2022 12:05

Ultimately, the teacher has to prioritise the kids in the pool because those kids are at risk of drowning if she takes her eye off them for too long. I suspect your pool has no clear policy on what to do when a child needs the toilet, or if they do, this new teacher hadn't been properly trained on it. Sounds like this happened in a very short time frame, the teacher asked DD to sit at the edge of the pool safely while she sorted something out. I think OP perhaps isn't getting that when you have small children in the water, the person supervising them can't simply ignore them for extended periods of time in order to sort out one child or wave for a parent who isn't paying attention. The kids in the water have to be her priority for supervision because they're the ones who could literally drown if someone takes their eye off them for too long. Perhaps the real problem here is there aren't enough adults supervising this class so a situation like this can be dealt with without leaving anyone vulnerable. But the teacher is not at fault for asking your DD to sit somewhere safely for a short period of time. DD needs to know she has to do what the teacher tells her for her own safety. She can't have been sat there long at all or OP would have noticed - unless OP wasn't paying attention for a much longer time than she's admitted. Feels like the teacher is being scapegoated for what may be a wider problem with lack of adequate staff/supervision for this number of kids, or lack of a clear policy (or maybe being scapegoated because the real problem is OP wasn't paying attention).

Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 12:06

My experience of swimming lessons is that most parents are looking after multiple children at swimming lessons and will be helping siblings to get changed/go to the loo.

Making an assumption that they will also be responsible for children in the pool is dangerous, unless this has been spelled out in writing.

It’s not about good/bad parenting it’s about adequate risk assessment and communication.

Bananarama21 · 18/03/2022 12:09

Our policy is parents are in attendance at the activity pool for children who require assistance to the toilet, it sounds like it's on you. The role of the teacher is to teach the children in the water, if I can witnessed a child wander off I would have alerted the lifeguard but it would have absolutely been on the parent for not supervising the child adequately.

girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 12:13

@Merrymouse

Again, whether or not anyone in this thread thinks the OP’s daughter shouldn’t be having toilet breaks or the OP should be responsible for supervision isn’t the point.

Anybody providing swimming lessons should have a written policy on who is responsible for the child at pool side.

I don't care what the written policy is. If I take my child swimming and I'm sat poolside I'll make sure they're safe - whether a piece of paper says that's my responsibility or not - that's my responsibility as a parent.
Onlyforcake · 18/03/2022 12:22

This is why younger children 's lessons need two teachers or assistants. One person can then bring a child to a parent to go to the toilet. It also means if one child gets distressed or is struggling there is still someone to watch other children. The place my children learned to swim under school age the lessons have two teachers. Above that the children are expected to put their hand up and are directed to a parent until they are the age they are expected to use changing rooms independently (9 at our pool).

Onlyforcake · 18/03/2022 12:23

Of course parents are always responsible, but then the swimming teacher needs to be clear that they've 'handed over' a child they are responsible for poolside too.

Alicetheowl · 18/03/2022 12:59

There might need to be a clearer procedure, but if the toilets were, as you say, 5 metres away, that's barely leaving the room is it? A four year old will go further than that in their house, and certainly in school. Why was she distressed?

girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 13:05

@Alicetheowl

There might need to be a clearer procedure, but if the toilets were, as you say, 5 metres away, that's barely leaving the room is it? A four year old will go further than that in their house, and certainly in school. Why was she distressed?
To be fair it's pretty hard to get a wet swimming costume off and back on again.
Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 13:06

If I take my child swimming and I'm sat poolside I'll make sure they're safe - whether a piece of paper says that's my responsibility or not - that's my responsibility as a parent.

But that is not the expectation at all swimming lessons. In many cases parents will be allowed poolside, but to spectate, not to supervise. Many parents will leave to get siblings changed for their lesson or take a sibling to the toilet. If they are expected to stay for safety reasons that therefore needs to be in the T&C’s.

It’s NOT an AIBU question.

It’s a check the agreement question.

vivainsomnia · 18/03/2022 13:21

To be fair it's pretty hard to get a wet swimming costume off and back on again
Exactly! No need to say the outrage that would be written if male teachers or lifeguards were to take the child and help them take their child' s costume off.

It really is obvious that this should be the responsibity of parents, I'm really speechless that so many parents so strongly believe it is that of teachers.

Then again, this lack of responsibity by parents is one of the main reasons so many teachers are quitting the profession. Whatever they do, it's never right by these parents.

DoomPoodle · 18/03/2022 13:21

I'd be furious if my dc's at 4 had been sent to the toilet alone. The toilets at my local pool are in the "changing village" which has no separate men/women changing areas. Even the shower area is mixed.

My youngest (10) still has lessons and on the odd occasion someone from his group needs to go the teacher sends the child over to the parent.

ladycardamom · 18/03/2022 13:55

YBU because it is the swim teachers job to watch the swimmers. She can't come to find you to take your child to toilet, nor watch your child go find you, her eyes must stay on the swimmers at all times. You stay poolside for that reason.

bonjourolaoi · 18/03/2022 14:10

I always make mine go to the loo just before they get in the pool. Reduces the chances of them needing to go mid-lesson.

cakewench · 18/03/2022 14:18

Well you've said you're asking what you would expect, so, I'd expect two things:

Staff (sounds like in particular, this new member) to be made aware not to allow a child to leave the side of the pool until their parent has noticed them.

And

Parents to be sent a letter reminding them that this is one of the reasons they're asked to stay for these lessons. Maybe encourage them to look out for each other's children and give a nudge to those looking elsewhere.

JuneBug94 · 18/03/2022 14:20

@drpet49

* I don't think you can blame the teacher, who was looking after several children in the water. She told your DD to sit on the side, which was the safe option, and DD then walked off. You, who only had 2 children to be watching, didn't notice.*

^Not instructors fault at all

Totally agree with this.
Marvellousmadness · 18/03/2022 14:23

Yabu. You should have kept your eye on your 4yo tbh... even though you were seated elsewhere.

liveforsummer · 18/03/2022 17:13

I am confused by some posters saying if she's too young to follow instructions she shouldn't be in the class contradicting PPs saying she should have been fine to go to the loo alone at that age and didn't need to wait.

The latter is probably parents whose dc are/were fine to go alone at 4. Your dc isn't as she got distressed in what must have been about 30 seconds given your timeline. That's fine many wound have managed no problem but others at 4 like your dd don't. That's why they need to be able to listen to instructions. I'd have told mine it's fine to go alone. Your dd knew she wasn't so should have waited. You have been apologised to so surely that's all you want/need? If you e emailed I assume you might receive another apology.