DD4 left swimming lesson unsupervised

[swimdisaster]

My DD aged 4 left her swimming class and went to the toilet unsupervised. It was a new teacher who made no effort to let me know she needed to go (I was sat on other side of pool watching older DD). As soon as I saw she was not in her swimming group I rushed around and another parent had found her very distressed in the toilet by herself. The manager on duty took an account of what happened and I've followed up with an email. He said that someone would be in touch. I've booked my DC in at another centre in the same chain for lessons from next week. For completeness, when I raised it with the teacher (it was the teacher's first lesson) she said she was busy watching the other children and that I should have noticed. As soon as I saw DD missing from the lesson I panicked (as worried she'd gone under) so it must have been less than a minute she was alone.

What sort of response would you expect and AIBU by taking my children out of that centre?

I would expect an apology and a written plan for future so that all new starters are clear on what to do.

@Midlifemusings

I taught swimming lessons for 8 years at two pools - one where the parents were right beside the pool and one where the parents were up in a balcony behind glass.

We had processes at both locations for kid needing toilets or other things. The pool where the parents are on deck has two toilet stalls right off the deck so we did send the little kids alone as we could see them go into the toilet and return. Often they had a parent near by but not all parents stayed by the pool so sometimes the child was on their own. One of the lifeguards would help them with the door if needed. At the pool with the parents in the balcony, we would bang our metal whistles on the metal pool railings and someone from the office would come out and take the child to the bathroom as they were a bit of a distance from the pool deck. Sometimes the parents in the balcony would see this happening and meet the child at the bathrooms. Little kids also often have a really hard time getting wet bathing suits back up and in place.

This is perfect.

And I think this is the kind of thing you had every right to expect OP. A really responsible and caring attitude towards teaching little children.

We aren't even in the same building as DD when she has hers as nobody is allowed poolside so we are all outside. I doubt the instructor could leave the pool to tell us tbh.

I've never thought how they would handle things like this...

I know I was late going back in one time by 2-3 mins due to a phone call, luckily another parent came to tell me my DD was in the changing rooms waiting for me.

Difficult one.

[quote swimdisaster]@libby09 she didn't try at all though. My DC's previous teacher said that she saw DC being sent to sit on the side and then next thing she was gone. It's about 5m to the toilets but behind the lockers so you can't see from the pool. DD told me she didn't sit and wait for long because she was desperate.

My DC overlap with the lessons as they are at three different levels. As I say though, that issue is solved as I have rebooked separate sessions elsewhere at a centre where you can sit next to the learner pool. My question was really about what would you expect as a response.[/quote]
Expect as a response? Nothing really, you seem to think that the teacher and life guards should be prioritising your child’s need to go to the loo above other children. 🤷‍♀️ As a response maybe they would suggest to you prioritise monitoring the younger one, take them to the toilet beforehand or suggest classes that are at different times.

I really don't know what you expected the teacher to do. She had a class full of other kids in the water. I understand it's difficult watching two kids at the same time but could you have sat somewhere where you had a better view and were able to quickly get to your dd once you saw she was out of the pool? At ds swimming lessons parents are expected to accompany young kids to the loo and are sat close enough to the pool to be able to notice and get to them quickly.

I think it's a bit unreasonable to expect so many members of staff to be involved in hunting you down (how to would they even know who's mum is who?!) when they have really important jobs to do.

I can certainly see why you're upset I'm just not sure what the answer is here and I think it's really unfair to try and get the teacher fired when she was in a difficult position too.

So firstly it sounds as if your dd needs to go to the toilet often in the lessons which is causing a distraction in the lessons. Could you maybe sit her on the toilet right before the lesson as part of your changing routine.

Secondly, if your four year old is still inclined to slip away from the group unnoticed then she may not be mature enough to be left whilst you sit in a viewing gallery watching another child.
Can you arrange to stay on the poolside until she's a little bit more mature?

Whilst what happened isn't great, the teacher was new and your dd was fine so maybe instead of a dramatic flounce and wanting the teacher sacked, you could talk things through and come up with a plan of action between you.

I'm amazed at some of these responses. OP, there is no way your 4yo should have been left wandering about in public toilets, which anyone could access, by herself. Also, there's the risk that she could slip or re-enter the pool at another location away from the class, or even leave the building and get run over in the carpark or on the road. Small children should be accounted for at all times in dangerous/public environments. And if the parent is meant to be taking responsibility for their child from the teacher, there needs to be some sort of 'handover' - it doesn't need to be formal, but the teacher at least needs to make eye contact and get some sort of acknowledgement from the parent that they'll take it from here.

In the other thread, lots of people were arguing that it doesn't matter if parents can't stay poolside/keep an eye on their children in 4yo swimming lessons because the teacher/lifeguard should be looking after them. Some comfort if your child is drowned/lost/run over, but it's not the teacher's fault because they couldn't both watch them and the ones in the water !

Your dd was told to wait on side.
She didn't and the teacher didn't see her go.
You watching from the gallery didn't see her either.
I am not sure what you are angry about. I guess you could complain she didn't notice her disobey the instructions. I suppose you would also have to complain about yourself as you didn't see it either.

* I don't think you can blame the teacher, who was looking after several children in the water. She told your DD to sit on the side, which was the safe option, and DD then walked off. You, who only had 2 children to be watching, didn't notice.*

^Not instructors fault at all

A simple complaint and measures to stop it happening again.
Teacher asked your child to wait, if she had ran after her then the teacher would be leaving other children.
Best solution is to have parents poolside ready, that's what ours do for under 7s.

I really don't know what you expected the teacher to do. She had a class full of other kids in the water.

How about look after the children in her care? If she can't manage this, she and the pool need to review their procedures.

I am not sure what you are angry about.

Probably the fact that her 4yo was put in a dangerous situation where she wasn't being properly cared for.

Is she's old enough to follow instructions you should be taking her to the toilet pre lesson and telling her not to ask again during the lesson. Lessons are normally about half an hour long and children needing the toilet is very disruptive. Unless there's a medical issue she shouldn't need to go during the lesson.

In answer to your question, I’d expect the swim school to send you a letter outlining what they’ve put in place so it won’t happen again - staff training etc.

But my main question is…how often is your dd going to the loo in lessons for you to know exactly what the system is?! Swimming lessons are usually half an hour…go to the loo before the lesson starts and this problem will be eliminated, plus your dd isn’t wasting paid swimming time in the loo. I’m at 7+ years of swimming lessons/swim club with 2dc and neither of them have ever needed to go to the loo in lessons, certainly not on multiple occasions.

What's the process for this?

I'm a swimming teacher. The process for me is to get the child out, wave madly at the parent, then wait for them to pick the child up, but carry on my lesson with an eye on the child too, as it takes them a few minutes to get from the balcony.

I've been teaching for 16 years, hundreds upon thousands of 4 year olds. I've never once had one walk off when they've been told to wait. I have had a few have a wee poolside.

I don't think you can complain if you didn't notice either. The other instructor, who was presumably leading another session, noticed her sat there, so I don't think this all happened as quickly as you claim.

If your 4 year old is in a swimming pool with a group of other children you keep an eye on them - even more so if the one supervising adult is new and doesn't know the group.

You asked what response we'd expect from the centre. I'd expect them to tell you to watch your child. If the instructor wasn't watching your child in the pool because she was trying to get acknowledgment from a parent who wasn't paying attention, you'd be annoyed at that too.

It really doesn’t matter who ‘should’ be responsible according to anyone on this thread. The pool obviously needs to make the policy clear to all involved, just as pools make it clear that e.g. under 8s aren’t allowed poolside without supervision.

I'd expect an apology (which you've had) and the teacher to be talked to about what to do next time. It's hard for them as some will happily go alone and some will need an adult for a lot longer. My youngest is 6 and would probably still walk with her as pulling up a wet costume can be tricky!

It doesn’t matter what the policy is elsewhere - at the OP’s pool standard practise is that the teacher gets the attention of parents. That’s what should happen and the teacher has to answer why she changed the way things are done without informing the parents.

@cansu

Your dd was told to wait on side. She didn't and the teacher didn't see her go. You watching from the gallery didn't see her either. I am not sure what you are angry about. I guess you could complain she didn't notice her disobey the instructions. I suppose you would also have to complain about yourself as you didn't see it either.

This

• your child is younger so you should have watched her rather than eldest

• the teacher can hardly leave other kids unsupervised in the water - we have up to 8 kids in our lessons

• a life guard is there to do a certain job not flag for your attention

What we’re the lifeguards doing? At our pool, at that age, the teacher would raise her hand at the parents watching and the lifeguard takes the child to the viewing area to meet the parents once the teacher has seen the parent is moving to get them.

I’m not actually sure at what point they’d let the kids take themselves as it’s generally the little ones in the red hat class who seem to need the toilet.

DD told the new teacher said she needed the loo so the new teacher said to sit on the edge and she'd take her (not normal practice) but DD said to me she was desperate and seemed to have slipped away unnoticed.

So you’re DD was in the wrong here then?

@AreWeThereYetMummy

This may sound harsh but what did you want the teacher to do? Leave other children who might 'go under'? Depends how big the pool us but if to get your attention would have taken attention off others in the pool then I wouldn't expect her to do that.

Can your daughter not go to the toilet alone? Or could you not tell her she needs to come to you first?

At our pool, there is a teacher and a lifeguard. If someone needs the toilet, the lifeguard calls over the PA system saying "can the parent of X please come to the learner pool" and they take them. It doesn't happen often as they're only in the pool half an hour so most can hold it.

I'm really surprised people are blaming OP here. The teacher and life guard are being paid to supervise and teach the children. Would OP also be responsible if her child drowned or injured herself while the teacher wasn't paying attention?

*your

I think what you should be asking the centre is to give you a copy of any relevant policy they have, as in force at the time of this incident, for what a teacher should do if a child needs the loo during a lesson.

One of these is the case:
(a) their official policy is adequate but the teacher didn't follow it and is going to learn from this mistake and it won't happen again.
(b) their official policy is adequate but puts responsibility on to parents that hadn't been adequately communicated to you such that you didn't know that you were supposed to be on-call - and if parents are supposed to be on-call they need to have another policy forbidding siblings from simultaneous lessons unless there are two parents present, or they need to facilitate a way for one parent to be on-call with good visibility over two different lessons with a reserved viewing area, and a backup policy for what will happen if child 2 needs the loo while the parent is away from the poolside helping child 1.
(c) they either don't have a written policy at all or their official policy is inadequate/unsafe in which case you stop the lessons immediately because of course you aren't going to put your children at risk by entrusting them to an unsafe environment with inadequate policies.

Take her for a wee before the lesson. I don't think you can expect a swimming teacher to abandon 10 other 4 yr old kids in the water to take your dd to the toilet. Their job is to teach them to swim. It's probably only a half hour lesson so either take her prior to lesson or tell her to wait.