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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD4 left swimming lesson unsupervised

148 replies

swimdisaster · 17/03/2022 23:27

My DD aged 4 left her swimming class and went to the toilet unsupervised. It was a new teacher who made no effort to let me know she needed to go (I was sat on other side of pool watching older DD). As soon as I saw she was not in her swimming group I rushed around and another parent had found her very distressed in the toilet by herself. The manager on duty took an account of what happened and I've followed up with an email. He said that someone would be in touch. I've booked my DC in at another centre in the same chain for lessons from next week. For completeness, when I raised it with the teacher (it was the teacher's first lesson) she said she was busy watching the other children and that I should have noticed. As soon as I saw DD missing from the lesson I panicked (as worried she'd gone under) so it must have been less than a minute she was alone.

What sort of response would you expect and AIBU by taking my children out of that centre?

OP posts:
ChoiceMummy · 18/03/2022 08:04

my question is what sort of response would you expect from the leisure centre?
I would hope that they reasonably say that it was unfortunate your child was distressed, but you're responsible for your child and if you cannot manage to keep an eye on two, then you need two adults there.

Anydream · 18/03/2022 08:05

I'm not sure what response I'd expect from the pool. I'm trying to think what would have happened in years of watching my children have lessons (as parents we had to sit poolside but at the deep end). I don't remember ever seeing anyone need the toilet in a half hour lesson if I'm honest and I'm surprised it seems to be as much of an issue as other people are mentioning. (Doesn't everyone go to the toilet before swimming?)
I think what would have happened though is that the teacher would have got them out to stand poolside and would have then tried to get a parent's attention in the next couple of minutes or so when she could, in between teaching the other pupils. I don't think it would have been an immediate process.
I don't think - if the child walked off on their own - they would have been able to do anything about that. It wouldn't be safe for them to leave their position poolside.
I think the problem here is that it's impossible to do anything in such a short time. By your own explanation your DD must have stood at the side of the pool for less than 20 seconds - and that's not long enough for the teacher even to try and get your attention.
My godchildren who are lifeguards day they are not allowed to leave their seats for any reason - other than saving someone's life - so I don't think you could expect them to fetch you either.
If I was running the pool and didn't have a policy for this then my response would be to create a policy to state a) everyone needs to use the toilet before entering the pool and b) if they still need to go after that then they have to wait in a designated "toilet waiting" spot until their parent notices and fetches them.

girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 08:06

I'm really surprised people are blaming OP here. The teacher and life guard are being paid to supervise and teach the children. Would OP also be responsible if her child drowned or injured herself while the teacher wasn't paying attention?

They're paid to supervise and teach them in the pool.

If she was injured in the pool it'd be the teachers responsibility. If she goes off to the toilet on her own and her mom didn't notice because she's too busy playing Candy Crush (not saying that's what OP was doing!) that's not the teachers fault.

SeasonFinale · 18/03/2022 08:07

@swimdisaster

She wasn't young *@arethereanyleftatall*, she was an older lady. My DD is only 4 so she got very distressed because she was alone in a public toilet and she didn't know where I was.

I didn't shout at her, it was the other way around actually. I don't expect her to be fired, my question is what sort of response would you expect from the leisure centre?

I would expect the centre to say that you should have been watching out for her and that a teacher will not be leaving other class members unattended in the water. Your DD chose to leave the side of the pool and you chose to watch your older child rather than your younger child.
vivainsomnia · 18/03/2022 08:08

I'm amazed how once again, when a parent fails in their duties they are quick to blame others.

If parents are expected to remain by the pool, it is for this exact scenario. You chose to watch your eldest and not supervise your little one who still needs your support.

Why are you so keen to shift the blame on the tea her who is there to teach, not spend up to 10mns helping a kid to the toilet because their parent are too busy doing something else but supervise their own child.

SeasonFinale · 18/03/2022 08:08

The lifeguards are also there to ensure safety in the pool and are not childminding.

SeasonFinale · 18/03/2022 08:11

@Bunnycat101

What we’re the lifeguards doing? At our pool, at that age, the teacher would raise her hand at the parents watching and the lifeguard takes the child to the viewing area to meet the parents once the teacher has seen the parent is moving to get them.

I’m not actually sure at what point they’d let the kids take themselves as it’s generally the little ones in the red hat class who seem to need the toilet.

Lifeguards at most pools are there to supervise people in the water in case their lives need saving and not to act as toilet monitors.
arethereanyleftatall · 18/03/2022 08:14

I'm really surprised at all the pools where the lifeguard gets involved. For our company, the lifeguard has one job and one job only, to prevent people drowning. That's it. Their entire focus has to be 100% on that.

olympicsrock · 18/03/2022 08:18

The issue is that your daughter did not listen to the teachers instruction to sit and wait.
Perhaps look at yourself. Next time tell her to use the toilet before class and listen to grown ups/ not just slip off.

Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 08:26

@olympicsrock

The issue is that your daughter did not listen to the teachers instruction to sit and wait. Perhaps look at yourself. Next time tell her to use the toilet before class and listen to grown ups/ not just slip off.
No, this really, really is not the issue.

Poolside safety cannot rely on a 4 year old obeying instructions. There needs to supervision and a clear understanding of who is responsible for the 4 year old.

If that is the parent, the pool needs to make it clear that they must be watching their child at all times.

gogohm · 18/03/2022 08:32

I'm not sure what they are meant to do, put all the other kids at risk? The lifeguards have a job to do and it's not finding parents. I would suggest that if she's not old enough to take herself to the toilets either you make sure she goes before the lesson (ideal scenario) or you need to pay for 1:1. I didn't put mine in group lessons until they could manage themselves including getting changed, we weren't allowed poolside back then.

Goldbar · 18/03/2022 08:33

@WonderfulYou

DD told the new teacher said she needed the loo so the new teacher said to sit on the edge and she'd take her (not normal practice) but DD said to me she was desperate and seemed to have slipped away unnoticed.

So you’re DD was in the wrong here then?

Nope, 4 year olds are not responsible for ensuring their own safety in the absence of proper supervision.
GrandRapids · 18/03/2022 08:33

She needs to go to the toilet before the lesson. You also need to tell her that if she gets out of the pool again she needs to wait as the teacher told her to do.

BurntO · 18/03/2022 08:35

Isn’t the point of you being there to supervise?

Somebodylikeyew · 18/03/2022 08:40

Firstly: you need to sit her on the loo right before the lesson starts, cos it sounds like this happens regularly. Build an extra 5 minutes into your changing routine.

Secondly- Are you really saying there is nowhere you can sit and see either the younger group or their teacher? If so how does any parent ever manage to see that their child in that group needs a wee? If that really is the case, the centre need to rethink their layout.

I’m sorry you got such a shock, it must have been scary in the moment. I think you needed to be sat somewhere you could see instantly that she needed taking, that’s the crux of it. You’re lucky it only took 1 minute/ 5 metres really though, most centres would have a much longer walk to the loo.

Moodycow78 · 18/03/2022 08:42

I think you're both in the wrong, you both have a duty of care and you both failed miserably by just assuming the other would take care of your child.

It was a new instructor, you should have spoken with her beforehand and made an agreement what would happen if your DC needed care when you were with your other child. If the teacher had let you know she can't watch the kids and you need to be there you should have arranged another adult with you. I have this exact scenario with my kids and my DH now comes to all lessons. It's on you to take actions to make sure your kids are safe, you can't relinquish that responsibility to a swimming instructor you just met. Your daughter could have drowned, maybe that's what you should focus on, not whether you can safely pass blame.

Backtomyoldname · 18/03/2022 08:44

Similar thing happened to my DD at a similar age. Non- swimmer.

Swimming lesson finished and she was wandering around unsupervised. Couldn’t make myself heard from observation area to tell her to go to changing area.

So I had to walk round, through the changing room, shoes off and paddle through the footwash.

Ended up poolside with DD only to be told off by lifeguards. Told them that if they’d been doing their jobs properly the situation wouldn’t have arisen.

Tontostitis · 18/03/2022 08:48

Sorry but this is more yours and your daughters fault. The teacher gave her instructions which she ignored and you weren't supervising. I think you're feeling guilty and looking to apportion blame. Use this as a learning opportunity for both of you

Cognoscenti · 18/03/2022 08:55

If you DD can't go to the toilet unsupervised, you should be keeping an eye on her in case she needs to go. If you can't watch both kids, either take just one or another adult to help.
If my kids were also in the pool and the teacher took their attention away from them or had to spend time trying to get another parent's attention (I assume OP wasn't watching as she wasn't immediately aware her DD had left the pool), I wouldn't be pleased.
As others have said OP, the lifeguard is definitely not a childminder and the teacher has many kids to supervise, don't try to shift blame onto them.

PineappleWilson · 18/03/2022 09:01

4 year olds have to take themselves off to the toilet at school, and in assembly or similar will be in a less familiar part of the building. If she's old enough to be unaccompanied in lessons, I'd say she's old enough to go to the loo, although may struggle to get the main door open etc. if it's heavy. The centre just needs to explain to their new teacher what the required process is. This sounds like a lack of induction training for new staff and easily rectified.

beinggreen · 18/03/2022 09:04

Assuming your older DD is old enough to take herself to the toilet, you should have been positioned so you were primarily watching your younger DD. If they both require supervision, you should have booked them to swim at different times.

Your younger DD should have alerted her teacher she needed to go earlier and/or waited for you to take her, but children don't always realise they need the toilet with bags of time to spare.

I don't think your younger DD necessarily did anything wrong - if she thought she was going to run out of time, then far better to attempt to make it to the toilet than to wee herself in front of her classmates.

It's unfortunate no one was able to supervise her in time.

You said she was distressed in the toilets - I assume it's because she didn't make it on time, even though she left by herself? In which case, even if you had been sat near her, watching like a hawk, you might not have been able to supervise in time either, so she would have still been distressed.

The bit that's gone wrong is the teacher not knowing where all the pupils are at any one time. In an ideal world, if it's the sort of swim class where the teacher gets into the water with the kids, you'd have both a separate lifeguard keeping an eye on the pool, and an assistant keeping an eye on the 'land', to watch out for children wandering off. However, it seems as if they've outsourced this assistant role to the parents, and you've all agreed that's fine.

So... what would I expect to happen?

Probably a ban on multiple siblings swimming unless there is at least one parent/responsible adult spectating for each. A bit shit, but practically, I can't think of anything else they can do.

Rainbowshit · 18/03/2022 09:09

I'm not sure how you expected the teacher to get your attention when clearly you were otherwise absorbed given you didn't notice your DD walking off.

The teacher should not be taking their attention off the children in the water for too long.

Okayokayokayokay · 18/03/2022 09:11

This should never been allowed to happen! At our pool (GLL) they give you then T sign if your needs the toilet. If they can't get your attention (you might be on your phone) some other parent will be watching and they'll tell you.

Okayokayokayokay · 18/03/2022 09:11

@Okayokayokayokay

This should never been allowed to happen! At our pool (GLL) they give you then T sign if your needs the toilet. If they can't get your attention (you might be on your phone) some other parent will be watching and they'll tell you.
Have
JustLyra · 18/03/2022 09:12

The new teacher should have informed parents that the way of doing things has changed.

I’d expect the pool to clarify to parents clearly what the procedure is for children needing the toilets and there to be consistency in the staff.

They also need to review the procedures because a 4yo should not be able to slip away unnoticed