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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Families in a and e

183 replies

stormynight1 · 17/03/2022 19:24

Currently in a and e waiting to be seen and the rules at the moment are no one with you unless vulnerable etc. I was dropped off and partners now gone home and will come back later to get me. But I’m amazed at how many people are here with Someone there’s a lady in her 30s with both parents i had to stand for 5 minutes in pain until someone left as all sets where taken. Why can’t they read the rules or go wait in the car one couple have just got out a packed lunch type meal.

OP posts:
Hospedia · 17/03/2022 20:30

in our Trust we're still asking people to attend almost all appointments alone and only allowing one parent or carer into A&E.

Same in both Trusts where I live and, from my what I've seen myself, staff are very efficient at telling extra people to leave.

Hospedia · 17/03/2022 20:31

They allow 2:1 carers where there is clinical need, faster than a porter and less stressful for my dad to have familiar faces.

Onlyhereforchaletschool · 17/03/2022 20:31

When I got sent to A&E by my GP he advised me to go and get something to read and take something to eat as he knew I’d be there a while - so even though he said I had to go immediately (thought I’d had a TIA) he was telling me to be prepared!

pinkpirlie · 17/03/2022 20:33

I went to A&E (well the local minor injury unit) week before last and my partner had to help me in as I couldn't walk. They said to us that I wasn't meant to have anyone with me, but he could stay until I got called in as I was immobile and then he would probably be asked to leave. No one did ever ask him to leave so he stayed with me the whole time.

It was much easier having him there to help me between sections as I ended up in a wheelchair which he pushed. There were definitely other people there with companion, though we were the only ones when we first arrived.

I just assumed they were starting to return to a semblance of normality.

thebellsesmereldathebells · 17/03/2022 20:36

Non-patients should know better than to take up seats if there are patients needing them. YABU to judge them for being there at all, though. You have no idea what someone else's circumstances or care needs might be.

Odd of you to judge people for eating a "packed lunch type meal" as well (I'm not sure what other type of meal you'd expect to see). People can wait hours and hours in A&E. Why wouldn't they have something to eat?

Redglitter · 17/03/2022 20:36

I'd take a packed lunch if I was going to A&E. My poor Mum came with me & we were 8 hours in A&E before they decided to admit me. She was also allowed to come in due to my anxiety, which is well documented in my files at the hospital.

To anyone else in the waiting room I'd have looked like a perfectly capable adult with some 'breaking the rules' and sitting with me.

You have no idea by looking at people what their story is

Bagelsandbrie · 17/03/2022 20:37

Everyone is so quick to judge everyone. Yes some people do take the piss but equally there are a lot of situations people know nothing about…

I had to accompany my dh to A and E the other week after he fell and hit his head. He was walking and talking okay but had lost consciousness and wasn’t actually talking much sense to those that knew him! A and E let me stay with him because they were worried he’d suddenly collapse again or they’d need me to explain / care for him etc.

Another example - I’m 41 and appear fit and healthy and if you listened in to me checking in at A and E it could be anything from a UTI to a severe stomach ache or anything in between and my dh or my adult dd would be allowed to stay with me. This is because I have something rare called Addison’s disease which means I don’t produce my own cortisol to cope with stress or any illness and in extreme situations I can suddenly collapse and go into adrenal crisis which can be quickly fatal if I am not given an emergency steroid injection or IV steroids and then hospital treatment. My dh or dd are there to advocate for me and inject me if necessary whilst I wait to be seen.

But yeah in both those situations I’ve had some horrible looks from people!

mumwon · 17/03/2022 20:37

haven't some people been stuck waiting in a & e for up to12 hours recently
maybe take a camp chair, several books, an iplayer, a pillow, blanket & thermos & picnic & offer some to staff
as they probably haven't had a chance to eat... (helpful suggestions only slightly ironic)

I worry about going there because I need to go to loo every hour & what if I miss them calling me through ... (I use to have to go for eye problems at one stage) & if dh had to go I would def need to go with - he would never hear them call out when it was his turn
Seriously op if there is no seat & you are feeling to unwell to stand say something to staff

Tsuni · 17/03/2022 20:37

You sound hangry, op. If only you'd packed a sandwich.

SickAndTiredAgain · 17/03/2022 20:43

I think YABU about people being accompanied.

YANBU at all about the seats, those who aren’t patients should be moving so patients can sit down.

THisbackwithavengeance · 17/03/2022 20:44

If you've got time to get your friends and family over for a group day out to A&E and managed to pack a picnic as well, it's not really an emergency is it?

YANBU. People generally take the piss in A&E. I don't know how the nurses remain polite, I'd have something to say if I worked there.

Canyoujustgotobedplease · 17/03/2022 20:47

You don't know anyones situation and yes whilst some people are probably being over the top with their chaperones some people have people with them for a reason.

Last year I had to take my son to A&E and had to bring my other son with me as I have no one to help with him and my mum lives 200miles away. I was made to feel like absolute shit by the ignorant and uncaring nurse who laughed and said "oh family day out" then said I need to get someone to pick my son up.
Obviously I wouldn't have brought a 6 year old to sit in a&e for a laugh or some entertainment.
Yes its annoying if you see it as unnecessary but it's none of your business and you don't need to judge people, It does not affect you.

londonrach · 17/03/2022 20:49

Very sensible to bring food. Wish I'd thought about that when I took DH. Re the 30s lady you no idea re carer, LD etc. Just stop being nosey. Fingers crossed you not waiting too long.

AlwaysLatte · 17/03/2022 20:50

I don't think it's always as obvious as it seems. For instance my Dad had to accompany his wife with Alzheimer's to A&E because she would get very anxious without him, and he is wheelchair bound so needed someone with him too - so all three of us had to go.

Capri3 · 17/03/2022 20:50

@Hospedia

Why is A&E a free for all when it comes to judging other people?

I agree. People are there for a reason, they've been triaged at the desk and it's been agreed they should be there rather than at some other service, the rest is none of your business.

When my dad goes to A&E, which can be frequently due to health conditions, he has 2:1 care as my mum does all his paperwork, has all the medication details, and advocates for him but she needs a second adult to assist with setting up his wheelchair, transferring him from car to chair then chair to trolley, pushing it, etc. Some of his medications need to be taken with food, he's diabetic, and he meeds snacks for his bedside locker if he gets kept in (for those two reasons) so you can bet your arse there'll be a pack-up in one of the saddlebags.

IME on the few times I have been to A & E I have never ever seen anyone triaged then asked to leave and book a doctors appointment instead.
MrsTimRiggins · 17/03/2022 20:53

Wish I’d brought a packed lunch when I ended up in a&e with my three month old. I was in the hospital for 8 hours.
My husband was told to leave as only one parent could go in per child.
That was super fun 🙃

Honestly, I think you’re probably best just focussing on yourself and your own health and not on judging other people quite so much.

XenoBitch · 17/03/2022 20:53

IME on the few times I have been to A & E I have never ever seen anyone triaged then asked to leave and book a doctors appointment instead

No, but they will be waiting to be seen for the longest time. And some people do give up and walk out.

Toomanypeople · 17/03/2022 20:53

I took dm to a and e yesterday, security on the door very sternly told me no accompanying people before I had even tried to go in. I was only seeing her to the door as she felt a bit unsteady and had no intention of staying. Surprised other hospitals are allowing that many extra people

TodayWeShark · 17/03/2022 20:58

I’ve been triaged and told to see my GP.

I had just an hour previously. They hadn’t read my medical history and once they did they realised I was right where I needed to be.

Nanny0gg · 17/03/2022 20:58

@Donra

We took our son to A&E last week. My husband drove and I sat in the back of the car in case he was sick. We were there for five hours and I took a blanket, a charger, an iPad, bottled water and snacks. Should I have gone without those comfort items? Or not gone with my child at all?

As for not allowing people in with you, well those aren’t the rules any more, there are no longer any Covid restrictions.

There most certainly are in medical settings. Don't know anywhere that's relaxed them.
OystercatchersPaddling · 17/03/2022 20:58

My 94 year old Grandad went to A&E yesterday, and had to go in alone. He was in a&e for 18 hours before being moved to a ward.

No one was allowed in with him, and he’s vulnerable. It annoys me that these restrictions vary so much.

Best wishes OP.

bubblegumunicorn · 17/03/2022 20:59

@XenoBitch

IME on the few times I have been to A & E I have never ever seen anyone triaged then asked to leave and book a doctors appointment instead

No, but they will be waiting to be seen for the longest time. And some people do give up and walk out.

It depends on the hospital I guess our local has a walk in attached so if you don't need a&e you get sent through the archway to the walk in it keeps wait times in both low too bonus!
mumwon · 17/03/2022 21:00

@Capri3 in one of our local hospitals you can be triaged to the Gp out of hours in the section next to a & e actually

FrownedUpon · 17/03/2022 21:00

Agree that some people treat it like a day out for the whole family. It’s really ignorant. I don’t know how the staff manage to stay calm.

OystercatchersPaddling · 17/03/2022 21:02

Let me make myself clear, I am glad that there are some restrictions. He’s been in hospital many times recently, and the care he has received has been fantastic. And he hasn’t caught covid at the hospital so far, partly down to masks, social distancing and less people around. But it is hard when he goes in alone.