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Original poster

To be miffed DH keeps putting the heating on?

159 replies

FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 11:19

He gets in from work in the small hours, he then puts the electric blanket on (on his side of the bed), sticks the heating on and turns it up to 20° (so the house warms up quickly) but then gets in bed and falls asleep. He's also taken to putting an extra quilt on top of DC.

The heating can be on then for several hours until I get up. So the house is baking, DC has kicked their blankets off or are sweating profusely under two quilts plus fleece blanket. Quite often the heat coming from his side of the bed wakes me up and I either have to wake him to turn it off, or get out of bed and then it off myself.

Our gas/electric bill has gone up from 100 to 235 last month. I want to hide the heating controller but can't quite bring myself to do that as it feels really controlling.

I don't want him to be cold but it's getting ridiculous. Will admit that I put the heating on as a last resort. I hate being cold but DC and I use blankets (electric and normal) hot water bottles and each have an oodie. He thinks the house should be warm and then walk around in a t-shirt.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 20:22

@twinsetandpearl

Honestly I think it's a bit cheeky - if he is paying the bill and it's not affecting you at the end of the day financially other than being a bit warm when you wake up I don't see the issue?
It is affecting us financially. It's expensive. Him leaving the heating on will mean that the food budget will have to be adjusted to accommodate it.

He likes to save, bit I'm in charge of the finances, so I've really scrimped to be able to have some set by in case of an emergency. I'll be really gutted if it has to be spent on a bill because he forgets to turn the heating off .

He'd certainly be miffed if it was a choice between his gym/sports memberships or the heating bill. I budget to make sure that he's got his down time money, and I'd go without to ensure he has that.

OP posts:
Tryingtokeepgoing · 17/03/2022 20:22

@FeelingTooHotHotHot

RedHelenB quotes:

bangaverage*

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.

This.

I don't expect him to stay cold. I expect him to turn the heating off when he gets in bed. Same for the electric blanket. No problems with him putting it on when he gets in, I do have a problem with him falling asleep leaving it on.

But night shifts are exhausting, so I’m not surprised he just falls asleep. I think you’re being a bit blinkered. You need smart thermostat. You can get ones that revert to a given temperature after a certain time, no matter what they’re adjusted to. Airbnb and holiday cottage owners often install them.
Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 20:25

@BadNomad

The problem we had with this, is that sometimes he finishes at 1, sometimes at 5:30, so it's unpredictable.

The house will still be warm for him coming in at either of those times unless your insulation is terrible. Plus it's more expensive to heat up a cold house than it is to keep a warm house warm. Coming home to a cold house is miserable.

He'd still turn the heating on so that the house got hot, even if it had just turned off and was warm.

It's not the turning it on, it's the going to bed and leaving it on.

OP posts:
bluedodecagon · 17/03/2022 20:25

Warehouse work means he is freezing. Most warehouses are -5 degrees to prevent spoilage and after hours it is in your bones. You can’t just walk into a cool house and warm up. I worked factories when I was a student. I was literally shivering in my bed for half an hour and my radiator was on full blast.

Can’t you also work if you are worried about money? Does you child get free 30 hours of childcare? Maybe you could do some short shifts with your DH. I know they are desperate for factory work and it would ease your financial worries.

Win win!

Svara · 17/03/2022 20:27

18/20 degrees isn’t going to make anyone asleep too not, even if he does accidentally leave it on.
18/20 would certainly make us too hot in pyjamas and under a winter quilt (we sleep fine in summer as our summer quilts are 4 tog and we have windows open).

Butterfly44 · 17/03/2022 20:28

You need a smart thermostat. You also need a dual control electric blanket with auto shut off. Conversation about not putting an extra blanket for the kids. All done. Problems solved.

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 20:29

@Tryingtokeepgoing I worked nights for years, I know they're exhausting. A lot.of the time he'll sit up for a while and eat, watch TV, wind down. If he turned the heating off when he came upstairs, then got in bed and turned the electric blanket off, it would be fine. It's the forgetting to turn either of them off that irks me.

I'm going to look into nest/hive systems and get a timer plug for the electric blanket that will switch it off automatically after an hour.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 20:34

@bluedodecagon

Warehouse work means he is freezing. Most warehouses are -5 degrees to prevent spoilage and after hours it is in your bones. You can’t just walk into a cool house and warm up. I worked factories when I was a student. I was literally shivering in my bed for half an hour and my radiator was on full blast.

Can’t you also work if you are worried about money? Does you child get free 30 hours of childcare? Maybe you could do some short shifts with your DH. I know they are desperate for factory work and it would ease your financial worries.

Win win!

My aim is to go back into work. We were planning/budgeting for another baby, and then had two babies who were ill and have died. So just keeping going has been difficult enough.

I'm not expecting him to be in a cold house. I'm expecting him to remember to turn the heating and electric blanket off when he gets in bed.

OP posts:
7eleven · 17/03/2022 20:35

I feel quite sorry for him, if this is a consequence of being cold as a child. The drive in him will be strong, especially to make sure his child isn’t cold. Could you talk to him about other ways he looks after his child?

I’m the same actually, for the same reasons. I can’t bear to be cold.

HappyWinter · 17/03/2022 20:46

I'm so sorry for your losses x

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 20:46

@7eleven

I feel quite sorry for him, if this is a consequence of being cold as a child. The drive in him will be strong, especially to make sure his child isn’t cold. Could you talk to him about other ways he looks after his child?

I’m the same actually, for the same reasons. I can’t bear to be cold.

It is and it kills me off honestly, he genuinely thinks DC will get hypothermia. He had a hard childhood, his absolute instinct is to protect and keep us safe. Not helped by our loses in the last 18m. And I wouldn't worry so much about the extra duvet if the heating wasn't also banging away at top whack. His heart is in the right place.
OP posts:
Booboobibles · 17/03/2022 20:50

I’d feel so ill if someone turned the heating on while I was asleep. I love it to be freezing cold (no heating, window open) with loads of cosy blankets. Also I have nightmares if I’m too hot.

tigger1001 · 17/03/2022 21:07

@BadNomad

The problem we had with this, is that sometimes he finishes at 1, sometimes at 5:30, so it's unpredictable.

The house will still be warm for him coming in at either of those times unless your insulation is terrible. Plus it's more expensive to heat up a cold house than it is to keep a warm house warm. Coming home to a cold house is miserable.

It's also miserable for the op and kids who are having their sleep regularly broken by being too hot. It's their house too. They deserve to be comfortable too.
pigcon1 · 17/03/2022 21:14

Put a note that the heating bill is now 235 a month - by the dial - it would make me hesitate to turn it up.

Satsumaeater · 17/03/2022 21:17

Nothing worse than coming home to a cold house, whatever time of day or night

not if you are getting straight into bed, and a warm bed at that, as the OP is in it. He's being very wasteful.

Svara · 17/03/2022 21:43

@Booboobibles
I have nightmares when hot too Sad. Rarely seems to happen to me in summer, only in other people's houses with warmer quilts or heating on at night, or when I used to have heating at 17 and slept in at the weekend so it was 17 when I was under my winter quilt.

gogohm · 17/03/2022 21:45

We have an hour boost button, it comes on for exactly an hour. That said I've never used it because I put on a cardigan instead

BadNomad · 17/03/2022 21:59

It's also miserable for the op and kids who are having their sleep regularly broken by being too hot. It's their house too. They deserve to be comfortable too.

Turn the radiator down in the kid's room then so the room cant get hot. Turn them down in any room you want to keep cool.

Do people not realise how central heating works? When you put the central heating to 20° it means the heating will stay on until the temperature at the thermostat reaches 20° then it will knock off itself. It doesn't keep burning away indefinitely until someone switches it off. If the temp never reaches 20° then you have serious problems with insulation.

The OP's husband is coming home and not going straight to bed. He doesn't want to be sitting in a cold house while winding down after work. He shouldn't be putting extra blankets on the kid or leaving the electric blanket on all night, but he shouldn't have to sit in a cold living room at 3am. It's not an all or nothing situation.

stayathomer · 17/03/2022 22:05

Have I missed what your house is like? I think everyone here is possibly applying what they think to their own home (and also how warm they are!!) . We've lived in houses where a light wind blew in the sitting room and there was damp, we're now in a nicely insulated house that needs less heating. I'm a cold person and used to get up at 3 to write and when I didn't put on the heating I'd be sitting with my hands shaking and feet like blocks of ice but I do appreciate he's getting into bed and I'd never have the heating on long enough for it to be stuffy or sickening and I'd always try layers. I do feel for your dh though, I hate that night time shiver!!!

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 22:13

@BadNomad

It's also miserable for the op and kids who are having their sleep regularly broken by being too hot. It's their house too. They deserve to be comfortable too.

Turn the radiator down in the kid's room then so the room cant get hot. Turn them down in any room you want to keep cool.

Do people not realise how central heating works? When you put the central heating to 20° it means the heating will stay on until the temperature at the thermostat reaches 20° then it will knock off itself. It doesn't keep burning away indefinitely until someone switches it off. If the temp never reaches 20° then you have serious problems with insulation.

The OP's husband is coming home and not going straight to bed. He doesn't want to be sitting in a cold house while winding down after work. He shouldn't be putting extra blankets on the kid or leaving the electric blanket on all night, but he shouldn't have to sit in a cold living room at 3am. It's not an all or nothing situation.

I don't want him to be cold. I want him to remember to turn off the heating and electric blanket when he gets into bed to sleep.

He likes the house to be hot. Radiators on downstairs when he gets in, on in DCs room so DC is warm, on in our bedroom so it's warm when he comes upstairs, and the electric blanket on the bed turned on and up.

I've turned the radiators off before and he switches them back on. Because he wants the house to be warm.

It wouldn't be an all or nothing situation if he would turn the heating and electric blanket off when he gets in bed.

He could put the gas fire on in the living room and shut the door, it would warm up much quicker, and he'd definitely turn that off.

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 17/03/2022 22:26

Why don't you get a single electric blanket which is just on his side of the bed ?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2022 22:28

18/20 degrees isn’t going to make anyone asleep too not, even if he does accidentally leave it on.

No. 20 is hot for ideal sleep. 18 is fine. I'd have it around 15 with a warm duvet but I'm weird and keep the fan on and windows open in the winter.

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 22:37

@comfortablyfrumpy

Why don't you get a single electric blanket which is just on his side of the bed ?
That's what we do have Grin

He turns it on when he gets in and then goes about his business until he actually gets into bed. Then forgets to turn it off. So he (a fairly large man) is then sweating his bollocks off under the duvet while heat is radiating off his side of the bed like the fires of mount Doom. It's unpleasant.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 22:40

@MrsTerryPratchett

18/20 degrees isn’t going to make anyone asleep too not, even if he does accidentally leave it on.

No. 20 is hot for ideal sleep. 18 is fine. I'd have it around 15 with a warm duvet but I'm weird and keep the fan on and windows open in the winter.

You've just reminded me that I stopped sleeping with the fan on (my side of the bed, pointed at me) because he hates it! I feel like he's definitely not meeting me half way here 😂
OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2022 22:44

Start again with the fan then you've got negotiation room!