Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed DH keeps putting the heating on?

159 replies

FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 11:19

He gets in from work in the small hours, he then puts the electric blanket on (on his side of the bed), sticks the heating on and turns it up to 20° (so the house warms up quickly) but then gets in bed and falls asleep. He's also taken to putting an extra quilt on top of DC.

The heating can be on then for several hours until I get up. So the house is baking, DC has kicked their blankets off or are sweating profusely under two quilts plus fleece blanket. Quite often the heat coming from his side of the bed wakes me up and I either have to wake him to turn it off, or get out of bed and then it off myself.

Our gas/electric bill has gone up from 100 to 235 last month. I want to hide the heating controller but can't quite bring myself to do that as it feels really controlling.

I don't want him to be cold but it's getting ridiculous. Will admit that I put the heating on as a last resort. I hate being cold but DC and I use blankets (electric and normal) hot water bottles and each have an oodie. He thinks the house should be warm and then walk around in a t-shirt.

What would you do?

OP posts:
MindfulMarch · 17/03/2022 15:35

@FeelingTooHotHotHot

I think you need to have a proper conversation, rather than just a 'please turn the heating off before you get into bed & don't but extra duvets on the kids'

Tell him you understand he was very cold growing up & wants 'better' for his kids etc but he's overcooking them! They'd wake up if they were cold. Really talk properly to him about the how you understand he thinks he's doing it for the best, but it's really not. same with the house/bed for you.

See if that improves the situation.

If it doesn't try to expense angle

Failing that I'll help you bury the body!!

BruceAndNosh · 17/03/2022 15:37

Smart plug so that he can turn electric blanket on as he leaves work. Bed nice and toasty when he gets home.
Rather than putting heating on fr the entire house, just get a space heater for the kitchen while he has his tea and food

bangaverage · 17/03/2022 15:50

@DuckyNoMates

I guess if it's his money he can spend it how he wants. What a waste though.
Agreed. He works in the cold and probably comes home freezing. It's miserable trying to sleep when you just can't warm up. If OP is so worried about the bills perhaps she could think about earning some money and contributing to the household income.
tigger1001 · 17/03/2022 16:46

I think there are several issues here.

He is potentially causing the kids to overheat - that has health issues and needs to stop.

His desire to have heating on and electric blanket on seems to override the comfort levels of everyone else in the house. Maybe a compromise is the heating on for a couple of hours during the night. If he is getting into bed that's being heated with an electric blanket then there's no need for the heating to be on all night.

The cost is a factor. We are all being told bills are going to rise considerably. Most of us are actively trying to find ways to reduce costs and heating is an obvious one, certainly as we are getting into spring.

The two of you need to sit down together and have an honest discussion about this and agree a compromise that you can both live with.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2022 17:07

Agreed. He works in the cold and probably comes home freezing. It's miserable trying to sleep when you just can't warm up. If OP is so worried about the bills perhaps she could think about earning some money and contributing to the household income.

I'm trying really hard not to get deleted here...

No personal attacks so I will say that sounds like something a misogynistic arse would say.

OpheliaThrupps · 17/03/2022 17:10

turns it up to 20° (so the house warms up quickly)

Checking that you do both know - the house heats up just as quickly whatever temperature you set the thermostat to. The thermostat sets the max temperature which the house reaches, at which point it stops getting any hotter.

Bollix · 17/03/2022 17:10

If OP is so worried about the bills perhaps she could think about earning some money and contributing to the household income.

Seriously? Maybe the only way her DP can work those hours is if OP does stay at home or there could be a myriad of other reasons 🤨

DuckyNoMates · 17/03/2022 17:11

Do you have a "fun" budget? If so take your half of that and he can spend his half on the extra heating.

Northernsoullover · 17/03/2022 17:16

I honestly think the April bill will have his arse twitching. Then he'll be acting like turning the heating down was all his idea.

AuntyBumBum · 17/03/2022 17:17

@MrsTerryPratchett

Agreed. He works in the cold and probably comes home freezing. It's miserable trying to sleep when you just can't warm up. If OP is so worried about the bills perhaps she could think about earning some money and contributing to the household income.

I'm trying really hard not to get deleted here...

No personal attacks so I will say that sounds like something a misogynistic arse would say.

Unless of course it was a woman coming home from work to a freezing house with a partner quibbling about the heating. In which case the partner would be a tight-fisted controlling misogynistic cocklodging arse Hmm
crispmidnightpeace · 17/03/2022 17:17

My husband is also a perpetually cold lizard. It causes mould as he sits upstairs heating on and everything closed. Whenever he's out I put on a big jumper and air the whole house out with all the windows and doors open. If he put it on while I was asleep I'd probably wake up since I can't sleep in heat! I'd fume at him and tell him to stop doing it.

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 17:23

Agreed. He works in the cold and probably comes home freezing. It's miserable trying to sleep when you just can't warm up. If OP is so worried about the bills perhaps she could think about earning some money and contributing to the household income.

She could Grin She's had two stillborns in 18m though so hasn't been entirely mentally present enough to get a job.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 17:24

@DuckyNoMates

Do you have a "fun" budget? If so take your half of that and he can spend his half on the extra heating.
We don't, we just have household budget. Everything comes out of that and fun (and warmth!) is clearly rationed in our house!
OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2022 17:28

Unless of course it was a woman coming home from work to a freezing house with a partner quibbling about the heating. In which case the partner would be a tight-fisted controlling misogynistic cocklodging arse

Find me that thread and I'll agree with you. It can't be 'bloke is fine with both putting the heat on AND having an electric blanket, just not all night' because I'll bet that doesn't exist. Oh and he has to do all the budgeting as well.

DuckyNoMates · 17/03/2022 17:30

We don't, we just have household budget. Everything comes out of that and fun (and warmth!) is clearly rationed in our house! has he seen your spreadsheet? I'd definitely allocate some money for discretionary expenditure. He can spend his on the the extra heating and you can spend yours on something you'd like.

Chely · 17/03/2022 17:31

Get him a book on home insulation

DuckyNoMates · 17/03/2022 17:31

Or if there's not enough coming in he can eat beans while you eat what you usually eat until he's paid for the heating.

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 17:32

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Sorry for suggesting the obvious, but have you tried actually talking to him about this?
Yes, a few times. We've had a conversation about it this afternoon and he agrees that he either needs to turn stuff off before he gets into bed, or not turn it on at all if he's going to forget.

I don't want him freezing, but one hour of heating cost is different to five or six. Plus DC is a warm one who has a tendency to puke when he overheats. I reminded him of this. He's promised to stop loafkyhim.up.with extra blankets.

OP posts:
Summerofcontent · 17/03/2022 17:34

On my heating controller I have 6 times when I can change the temperature.

So I set 1 for 18°c in the morning and then for 15°c an hour later.
Then the same in the evening which leaves me 2 spare.
I then set another one for around midnight for the same temperature as the one at 9pm. That way if anyone gets really cold and puts the heating back on it'll turn itself off again without having our running all night

I appreciate it's fairly old and probably out of date but do you have a way of setting the temperature at 3am for your off?

RoseslnTheHospital · 17/03/2022 17:35

What is the actual temperature of the rooms he is in when he comes home? Is it actually unacceptably cold for anyone, or just not as hot as he'd like?

(Sorry for your losses, Flowers, @FeelingTooHotHotHot)

ChristmasCurry · 17/03/2022 17:37

How old is he and where do you live that he puts the heating on at night and uses an electric blanket.

I'm in my 50's and use a summer tog duvet all year round, no heat on at night and live in the North East and I'm never cold.

Slept on the top of the Cullin Mountains on the Isle of Skye a few years ago - now that was cold !

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 17:41

@RoseslnTheHospital

What is the actual temperature of the rooms he is in when he comes home? Is it actually unacceptably cold for anyone, or just not as hot as he'd like?

(Sorry for your losses, Flowers, @FeelingTooHotHotHot)

We don't have a thermostat so I'm not sure, but feels chilly if you want to be warm I suppose. We're well insulated and it's not freezing by any stretch. It's just not hot. Grin

Thank you, it been rough. They weren't full term so probably I probably shouldn't be calling them stillbirths. One was born extremely prem but live, one was born too early to survive birth.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 17/03/2022 17:44

Its very wasteful, you don't live in Alaska do you. Nobody needs all this intense heat all the time.

RoseslnTheHospital · 17/03/2022 17:50

I wonder if you had a digital thermometer in each room you could monitor the temperature when he gets in and demonstrate that it is not objectively cold, assuming that is the case. Just to back up what you're saying and that you are not being unreasonable.

Gizacluethen · 17/03/2022 17:54

I think you could look into getting something that would turn off on a timer. I know ours does if I were to manage to change the language back from German and read the instructions.

But I think if that's not possible then he should be able to turn the heating on when he's getting home freezing at night.