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Original poster

To be miffed DH keeps putting the heating on?

159 replies

FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 11:19

He gets in from work in the small hours, he then puts the electric blanket on (on his side of the bed), sticks the heating on and turns it up to 20° (so the house warms up quickly) but then gets in bed and falls asleep. He's also taken to putting an extra quilt on top of DC.

The heating can be on then for several hours until I get up. So the house is baking, DC has kicked their blankets off or are sweating profusely under two quilts plus fleece blanket. Quite often the heat coming from his side of the bed wakes me up and I either have to wake him to turn it off, or get out of bed and then it off myself.

Our gas/electric bill has gone up from 100 to 235 last month. I want to hide the heating controller but can't quite bring myself to do that as it feels really controlling.

I don't want him to be cold but it's getting ridiculous. Will admit that I put the heating on as a last resort. I hate being cold but DC and I use blankets (electric and normal) hot water bottles and each have an oodie. He thinks the house should be warm and then walk around in a t-shirt.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Scandisaurus22 · 17/03/2022 18:16

20 degrees is not ’boiling’ though. I’m in a colder country, heating is always on 21 day and night. If you live in a flat, it has to by law be kept over 18+ by the landlord, and 18 is considered way too cold here..

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2022 18:20

@Scandisaurus22

20 degrees is not ’boiling’ though. I’m in a colder country, heating is always on 21 day and night. If you live in a flat, it has to by law be kept over 18+ by the landlord, and 18 is considered way too cold here..
The best temperature for sleep is lower than 20 so keeping it higher day and night is not ideal.
CoffeeBeansGalore · 17/03/2022 18:25

@FeelingTooHotHotHot sorry for your losses Flowers

We have a hive. You can have the app on a phone so he could turn the heating on when he's on his way & set it for a time and temperature so it is only on for a limited time. You could also have the app on your phone or take the controller to bed so you can just turn it off if he forgets. They are around £200.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 17/03/2022 18:25

I'd be fuming if the heating came on whilst i was asleep...i'd wake up feeling thick headed and stuffy.

Scandisaurus22 · 17/03/2022 18:27

@MrsTerryPratchett we have a different heating system, it would cost more to warm the house up in the morning if you turned the heating down a lot at night..but yes, I sleep better when it’s cold too and don’t mind having the bedroom window open a bit even if it’s -20. It does sound horrible to be cold all the time at home though, but no choice if it’s that expensive with heating..something needs to be done.

RedHelenB · 17/03/2022 18:27

@bangaverage

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.
This.
ColdSeptember · 17/03/2022 18:29

@DuckyNoMates

Or if there's not enough coming in he can eat beans while you eat what you usually eat until he's paid for the heating.
I'd call that borderline abusive. If a man treated a woman that way it would be called abuse on here.
Mummyof2est201617 · 17/03/2022 18:34

Have you tried talking to him about this? It is unreasonable to cover the children with extra blankets/duvets as this can cause over heating and could make them extremely ill or worse. As he pays for everything it's his money to burn, but with rising prices he will start to notice it soon

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2022 18:35

Does the 'working hard to provide' argument ever apply to women? I've only ever seen it as an excuse for men to do what they like. I've worked hard, I provide, I've never felt the need for some additional consideration based on it.

Isn't working or caring just what you do when you have kids?

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 18:51

RedHelenB quotes:

bangaverage*

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.

This.

I don't expect him to stay cold. I expect him to turn the heating off when he gets in bed. Same for the electric blanket. No problems with him putting it on when he gets in, I do have a problem with him falling asleep leaving it on.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 17/03/2022 19:06

Poor guy just wants a warm house. Can you turn the heating on before you go to bed then he can turn it off when he gets home? Or set the timer for 00:00-02:00 for example. Longer than you want but still better than what he does.

MrsClatterbuck · 17/03/2022 19:14

Our heating control panel has a boost button. Press once for an hour and press twice for 2 hours. Turns off automatically.

Svara · 17/03/2022 19:27

Does the heating not have a plus one hour function? Mine does and it is one easy button, while on or off is lift a cover and click through options of on, off, auto (set times), and all day (off at night according to auto times but on in between).

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 19:30

@BadNomad

Poor guy just wants a warm house. Can you turn the heating on before you go to bed then he can turn it off when he gets home? Or set the timer for 00:00-02:00 for example. Longer than you want but still better than what he does.
The problem we had with this, is that sometimes he finishes at 1, sometimes at 5:30, so it's unpredictable. I'm going to look into the nest/hive thins and then if he turns it on when he leaves work, it can be on for an hour, warm for when he gets in, and then switch off automatically.

And then perhaps a timer plug for the electric blanket so it switches off after an hour or so too.

OP posts:
Svara · 17/03/2022 19:51

I don't see the need for the heating on at night if he is just going to bed, especially making everyone else hot (and 20 degrees is very hot when you are in bed). Taking a hot water bottle to bed or the electric blanket for an hour should do it. Even if he was sitting up for an hour he could use a hot water bottle or electric throw.

veevee04 · 17/03/2022 19:53

That's unbelievably tight I have my heating on at 23 degrees all the time. It's bloody miserable being cold but I was brought up in a house as a chils where my father never put the heating on and there was damp and cold I used to cry as it was cold . Just let him put it on for a couple of hours I would rather eat beans on toast every night than have a cold house.

Svara · 17/03/2022 20:06

@veevee04
Regardless of the cost, OP and her DC are uncomfortably hot. It's horrible waking up too hot in a hot house. It's not being tight either with energy prices how they are, it's sensible.

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 20:07

@veevee04

That's unbelievably tight I have my heating on at 23 degrees all the time. It's bloody miserable being cold but I was brought up in a house as a chils where my father never put the heating on and there was damp and cold I used to cry as it was cold . Just let him put it on for a couple of hours I would rather eat beans on toast every night than have a cold house.
We wouldn't be able to afford to eat at all of we had the heating on at 23° constantly Grin

It's not the putting the heating on. It's the leaving it on, getting in bed and falling asleep that irks me. When the electric blanket is also on.

OP posts:
twinsetandpearl · 17/03/2022 20:10

Honestly I think it's a bit cheeky - if he is paying the bill and it's not affecting you at the end of the day financially other than being a bit warm when you wake up I don't see the issue?

Original poster
FeelingTooHotHotHot · 17/03/2022 20:11

[quote Svara]**@veevee04
Regardless of the cost, OP and her DC are uncomfortably hot. It's horrible waking up too hot in a hot house. It's not being tight either with energy prices how they are, it's sensible.[/quote]
Thank you. It wakes me up because it's too hot, both in bed and out of it. And he's sweating his bollocks off in bed next to me with the electric blanket going full blast. DC wakes up because he's kicked his blankets off with the heat of the house plus the extra duvet.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 17/03/2022 20:13

The problem we had with this, is that sometimes he finishes at 1, sometimes at 5:30, so it's unpredictable.

The house will still be warm for him coming in at either of those times unless your insulation is terrible. Plus it's more expensive to heat up a cold house than it is to keep a warm house warm. Coming home to a cold house is miserable.

Iggly · 17/03/2022 20:15

Surely a compromise is to put the heating on timer so it’s warm for when he gets home and ticks off after an hour?
Same for the electric blanket - can that be on a timer? Or a nice thing is a hot water bottle with boiling water on his side when you go to bed. By the time he gets home, it’ll be warm and the bed will be too.

HikingforScenery · 17/03/2022 20:16

20deg is too high? Wow! I’d need white a few layers if I were just sat down at that temp.

Iggly · 17/03/2022 20:17

@HikingforScenery

20deg is too high? Wow! I’d need white a few layers if I were just sat down at that temp.
20 is warm for a well insulated house.
Tryingtokeepgoing · 17/03/2022 20:19

@bangaverage

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.
I have to say I agree with you. Nothing worse than coming home to a cold house, whatever time of day or night.

Can you get a smart thermostat with geofencing linked to his phone? So it comes on at 18/20 degrees or whatever when he’s 15 minutes from home (I don’t know how he travels so no idea what distance that is) then when he walked though the door the house would be warm. 18/20 degrees isn’t going to make anyone asleep too not, even if he does accidentally leave it on.

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