To be miffed DH keeps putting the heating on?

[FeelingTooHotHotHot]

He gets in from work in the small hours, he then puts the electric blanket on (on his side of the bed), sticks the heating on and turns it up to 20° (so the house warms up quickly) but then gets in bed and falls asleep. He's also taken to putting an extra quilt on top of DC.

The heating can be on then for several hours until I get up. So the house is baking, DC has kicked their blankets off or are sweating profusely under two quilts plus fleece blanket. Quite often the heat coming from his side of the bed wakes me up and I either have to wake him to turn it off, or get out of bed and then it off myself.

Our gas/electric bill has gone up from 100 to 235 last month. I want to hide the heating controller but can't quite bring myself to do that as it feels really controlling.

I don't want him to be cold but it's getting ridiculous. Will admit that I put the heating on as a last resort. I hate being cold but DC and I use blankets (electric and normal) hot water bottles and each have an oodie. He thinks the house should be warm and then walk around in a t-shirt.

What would you do?

If he can't sort it out for the kids then I'd hide the controller. It's not fair on them to boil every night.

What does he do for work? When DH is working out and about or in a cold semi built house he will be frozen to his bones when he gets in. Maybe suggest he have a hot bath to warm up properly when he gets home but I think it's just a case of his working times not working perfectly for you. I'd cut him some slack tbh unless you're counting every penny.

I just don't think he should have to come in from work cold while everyone else is wrapped up in bed and get in a cold bed and try to go to sleep cold. When it obviously reminds him of his miserable cold childhood and he shouldn't have to go to bed cold when he's working.

@CoffeeBeansGalore

Can you set the heating to come on 30 mins before he gets home so he walks into a warm house, but also set it to go off within an hour. He then won't need to turn it on & leave it on. Should stop him covering up the kids too much as well. Can his electric blanket go on a timer plug so again it's warm for him to get into bed, but goes off within an hour, & hopefully not get so warm it disturbs you.

That’s what I’d do. It’s miserable coming into a freezing cold house.

Does he come in and go straight to bed? If so I’d get a smart plug for the electric blanket to come on 30 mins before he comes in.

I can’t bear the heating been on whilst I’m asleep, it makes me feel ill.

Agree with pp about maybe getting a bath when he gets in to get nice and warm and then jumping in bed.

I grew up in a very cold house as well and as an adult keep my home on 20C in the day and 18C at night. I personally think having the heat completely off is a step too far.

I don’t think he should come home to a cold house and try and get into a cold bed. He is obviously worried his DC will be experiencing similar to what he did as a child. I have very bad memories of suffering from grinding constant cold in my childhood.

I think you two need to find a compromise to this. Plotting to hide the controller and calling him ridiculous is being unreasonable.

@Gizacluethen

What does he do for work? When DH is working out and about or in a cold semi built house he will be frozen to his bones when he gets in. Maybe suggest he have a hot bath to warm up properly when he gets home but I think it's just a case of his working times not working perfectly for you. I'd cut him some slack tbh unless you're counting every penny.

Warehouse/outside, so he is cold. Especially this time of year. He has on occasion had a hot shower or bath when he gets in, but I appreciate he probably doesn't fancy it every night.

We are low income, not exactly struggling, but with prices going through the roof (and me being in charge of budgeting) it's all a bit worrying.

@Gizacluethen

I just don't think he should have to come in from work cold while everyone else is wrapped up in bed and get in a cold bed and try to go to sleep cold. When it obviously reminds him of his miserable cold childhood and he shouldn't have to go to bed cold when he's working.

Just to clarify, he not getting into a cold bed, he bangs the electric blanket on when he comes in, then has a cup of tea and some food downstairs, then gets into a boiling bed

@DuckyNoMates

I guess if it's his money he can spend it how he wants. What a waste though.

Yikes. I’ll get my popcorn…

it's not very healthy to sleep with the heating on. Bedrooms should be cool and ideally with a window open. Also not sure from your posts, but you should never go to sleep with an electric blanket on!

@EmpressCixi

I grew up in a very cold house as well and as an adult keep my home on 20C in the day and 18C at night. I personally think having the heat completely off is a step too far.

I don’t think he should come home to a cold house and try and get into a cold bed. He is obviously worried his DC will be experiencing similar to what he did as a child. I have very bad memories of suffering from grinding constant cold in my childhood.

I think you two need to find a compromise to this. Plotting to hide the controller and calling him ridiculous is being unreasonable.

I wouldn't hide the heating controller, and I haven't called him ridiculous. I've said the situation is ridiculous with him turning the heating on/up at night and then leaving it on.

I don't think it's ridiculous that he wants to be warm, I do think it's ridiculous that he falls asleep with it all left on.

I appreciate I'm the other end of the scale in that I don't turn the heating on if I can help it. DC runs warm generally and will complain vociferously if something isn't to their liking, so would always tell me if they were too cold/hot.

There definitely needs to be a compromise. I think I'll look into the hive/nest type things, unless they're expensive, it might be the solution!

I would get a Nest so he could switch it on as he leaves work so the house is warm when he arrives home. I hate running the heat too much, but understand why he doesn’t want to come home in the middle of the night to a cold house. This might also help with agreeing on a temp since it could be pre-warmed.

Have a pre-programmed off time so it doesn’t stay on too long.

I think he’s being very unfair. Just put the blanket on, give it half an hour while he has a cup of tea then switch out of when he gets into bed. No need to switch heating on at all.

I think you need to find some middle ground. I wouldn’t want to have to walk around the house wearing a hoodie, carrying a hot water bottle and dragging a blanket around with me either. It sounds like you are rationing the heating a bit too much. On the other hand, he needs to stop putting the heating on at night, that is the time when extra blankets should suffice.

What temperature is the house at 2am etc when he is putting the heating on? If its anything over 15c he needs to wear some extra layers. Its 2 30pm here. The temperature in this room right now is 15.3c I think we've only had the heating on twice in the last week (for about an hour each time). Yes its not warm....... but its winter (Spring now really) I dont expect to be warm in the winter. I put extra layers on and remind myself spring is doing its thing! Summer is on its way.

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.

Hive is definitely the answer, plus smart plug for the electric blanket - then he could boost the heating easily for an hour or so, turn the blanket on remotely to warm the bed & (with the right plug - we have Tapo as the Alexa plugs didn’t have a timer function), put the blanket on a timer when he does come to bed (so it turns off after 30 mins or whatever).

He does fall asleep with it on, I've told him of nothing else he's definitely frying his sperm!

@bangaverage

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.

Hyperbole much? She doesn't want him to stay cold. She wants a compromise which doesn't boil everyone and bankrupt them. An hour or so with timers does that.

FWIW heat on at night makes me ill. I absolutely hate it. Why are her needs less important than his?

I know it's miserable to return home cold but if you're using an electric blanket, you don't need to heat the house to 20*.

@bangaverage

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.

to be fair, be could try this, seems a bit drastic though.

@bangaverage

If you expected me to stay cold when I'd come home from working hard to provide for the family and for you, I'd tell you where to go.

Except that's not what OP does expect. Try reading her posts.

@TiddleyWink 😆

**DuckyNoMates

I guess if it's his money he can spend it how he wants. What a waste though.

Yikes. I’ll get my popcorn…**

Whoops messed up the quoting 😬

Sorry for suggesting the obvious, but have you tried actually talking to him about this?