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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gifting grandparents on Mother's Day/Fathers day?

98 replies

Kage30 · 17/03/2022 11:01

Normal right? I've always had a very close relationship with my maternal grandparents, sadly my grandad is no longer with us though.. my granny is still going strong. Never knew my dad or his family, not that is relevant here really but I did only have one set.

Anyway, as kids we always gave a card and little gift to granny on Mother's Day (Father's Day too for grandad) as well as for my mother. Always carried on doing this as an adult

My granny is an incredible woman. I don't think there's enough Mother's Day cards or gifts in the world to thank her for everything she's done for us both as kids and as adults. She has done a lot more for me than my mum to be honest, I get me mum something too obviously plus my own kids get my mother a card, the card I get my granny is from both me and my kids.

Anyway, dp finds it weird. He has no issue with me getting to granny something but every year he makes a point of saying 'it's Mother's Day, not grandparents day'. I mean he's right technically but still I can't be the only one surely? There's lots of cards in the shop for them.

Dp does not want to get the kids to do a Mother's Day card for his mum from the kids, their nanny. He thinks it's weird. I'm not sure what mil thinks of it herself, never spoken about it.

The difference is Dp had about 60 cousins on his mother's side growing up and was never all that close to his grandparents who also lived a couple hours away. Whereas my grandparents have only a few grandkids and live close by, we seen them every day. It's a whole different dynamic and I don't think he gets it. I don't think he gets what a massive role my grandparents had growing up!

Aibu? I just feel we should get mil a card from grandkids as they will be going one for both my mum and granny. Don't want to leave her out.

OP posts:
RaraRachael · 17/03/2022 16:54

Never done it and can't understand why people do. It's Mothers' Day, not grandmothers' day or am I missing something?

Washermother33 · 17/03/2022 16:56

We don’t do it - but I’ve signed my Mother’s Day card to my mum/mil from all of us for a while

LuaDipa · 17/03/2022 17:56

Totally normal on my side. I always organised cards and gifts from the kids to my dm and mil. If my dgm was still with us I would be sending her something too.

PrincessPaws · 17/03/2022 18:10

I've not heard of anyone doing that

Sceptre86 · 17/03/2022 18:19

I've always done it. My grandma lived abroad but when she came to visit she was very happy to get flowers and a card for mothers day and took the card back home with her. We always bought my nan flowers on mother's day and she would be chuffed to bits, lots of kisses all round, God bless her. I do it for my mum and send her a little something from her grandkids (nothing major, usually a mug or chocolate), dh is like yours and doesn't see the point so he chooses not to for mil. I think my bil does give mil a little something from his kids but they all live together and mil helps them out with childcare. Our kids unfortunately don't have the same relationship with her.

No right or wrong. If she is a lovely mil I'd get her a little something tbh.

TheSoapyFrog · 17/03/2022 18:23

It's not something we've ever done in our family. I do believe there is an official grandparents day, no idea when though.
I certainly don't think it's weird.

Rewis · 17/03/2022 18:38

It's Mothers' Day, not grandmothers' day

For us that's exactly the reason why all of us grandkids sent a card to grandma. It was for grandMOTHER. I understand that people have different idea on what the day means. But I think it's one of those that it's not weird (giving or not giving a card) one way or another and quite easy to make the leap to understand both traditions.

inappropriateraspberry · 17/03/2022 20:57

It's ok, they've created Grandparent's Day on October 2nd! 🙄

KylieCharlene · 17/03/2022 21:03

Always a card and gift for my grandmother and my great-grandmother.
I also bought a card and gift for a special Aunt too.

Weirdsituationworries · 17/03/2022 21:08

I always have sent cards to grandmothers and mothers

thewhatsit · 17/03/2022 21:11

Well yes I didn’t think what you do is wrong or abnormal but at the same time, it’s not wrong or abnormal not to include grandparents. Just do what you want for your side of the family and your DH can do what he wants for his side of the family.

thewhatsit · 17/03/2022 21:13

And I honestly don’t even know most years if DH is getting MIL a card or not, it’s really nothing to do with me as it’s between them.

Hesma · 17/03/2022 21:15

I find it odd, I give to my mum, she gave to her mum and mine kids give to me.

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 17/03/2022 21:17

I get my nan a card and perhaos a small gift like flowers or chocolates. It really makes her day so worth it

Satsumaeater · 17/03/2022 21:21

YABU to use the expression "gifting".

When I was little I sent my grandmothers a card for Mother's Day. But I don't really know why so my son hasn't ever given either of his grandmothers cards on Mother's Day. He gives me one and I give my mum one and DH gives his mum one.

Satsumaeater · 17/03/2022 21:22

@inappropriateraspberry

It's ok, they've created Grandparent's Day on October 2nd! 🙄
Have always ignored that one.
Andacherryonthetop · 17/03/2022 21:24

It’s normal for some and not for others. Just depends on your family. I don’t do it because my mum gets my nana a card. I get her a card. Kids get me one. Everyone has one happy days.

Kite22 · 17/03/2022 21:27

Another who is with your dp.
It isn't Grandparents' Day (which Hallmark have cottoned on to and made up, if you want to get on board) it is a special day for your Mum / Mom / Mam. In turn, they treat their mother to something nice, if your Grandmother is still around.

I mean, obviously anyone can do something nice for their Grandmother on any day of any year, but this isn't an expectation on Mother's Day, no.

RaraRachael · 17/03/2022 22:06

Rewis A mother is not the same as a grandMOTHER though. I gave a card to my mother, my kids give cards to me. They didn't give cards to their granny because she was my mother, not theirs. Confused

Each to their own.

Sweetener12 · 18/03/2022 10:10

It's normal for us but we don't do anything huge, more like a smartshow 3d video card and something like a family dinner or going to some nice place to eat.

MaryAna89 · 22/03/2022 11:07

This reply has been deleted

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MrsAvocet · 22/03/2022 11:24

It's a matter of personal choice. Not unreasonable to send one and not unreasonable not to.
I used to sign the card I bought for my Mum from us all but didn't get a separate one from the children, but then my family aren't into that kind of thing really so my Mum probably thought one card was excessive anyway! In those days I used to pick up cards for DH whilst I was getting mine for my Mum and he would generally ask for a separate one from the children.
When my Mum died I stopped getting his cards - I didn't mind getting extra when I was in the shop anyway but I'm damned if I am going out specifically - so I don't know, or particularly care, what he did thereafter. Our kids are old enough to decide for themselves and buy their own cards now anyway. I'm not certain if they send anything to their grandmother or not, but I doubt it.

Notadramallama · 22/03/2022 12:51

no, not normal for my family. It's mothers'/ fathers' day not grandparents' day.

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