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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gifting grandparents on Mother's Day/Fathers day?

98 replies

Kage30 · 17/03/2022 11:01

Normal right? I've always had a very close relationship with my maternal grandparents, sadly my grandad is no longer with us though.. my granny is still going strong. Never knew my dad or his family, not that is relevant here really but I did only have one set.

Anyway, as kids we always gave a card and little gift to granny on Mother's Day (Father's Day too for grandad) as well as for my mother. Always carried on doing this as an adult

My granny is an incredible woman. I don't think there's enough Mother's Day cards or gifts in the world to thank her for everything she's done for us both as kids and as adults. She has done a lot more for me than my mum to be honest, I get me mum something too obviously plus my own kids get my mother a card, the card I get my granny is from both me and my kids.

Anyway, dp finds it weird. He has no issue with me getting to granny something but every year he makes a point of saying 'it's Mother's Day, not grandparents day'. I mean he's right technically but still I can't be the only one surely? There's lots of cards in the shop for them.

Dp does not want to get the kids to do a Mother's Day card for his mum from the kids, their nanny. He thinks it's weird. I'm not sure what mil thinks of it herself, never spoken about it.

The difference is Dp had about 60 cousins on his mother's side growing up and was never all that close to his grandparents who also lived a couple hours away. Whereas my grandparents have only a few grandkids and live close by, we seen them every day. It's a whole different dynamic and I don't think he gets it. I don't think he gets what a massive role my grandparents had growing up!

Aibu? I just feel we should get mil a card from grandkids as they will be going one for both my mum and granny. Don't want to leave her out.

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 17/03/2022 11:43

Not normal. But as you say many children do it for their grandparents. But as DH says it's odd and it's his mum don't do it for her. My mum would be Confused if my kids gave her a card.

SartresSoul · 17/03/2022 11:43

I don’t do it but I don’t think it’s weird.

user1493494961 · 17/03/2022 11:43

We always do it.

irregularegular · 17/03/2022 11:44

I've never done it, but YANBU. On the other hand, I can also see why your DH feels slightly odd about it.

I would actually explain to MIL "hope you don't think this is weird, but it's something I've always done etc etc".

WalkingOnSonshine · 17/03/2022 11:45

Normal in my family.

Growing up, we were very working class and my mum does cards or gifts for everything. DH is more middle class and wasn’t seen as normal in his family.

AHungryCaterpillar · 17/03/2022 11:47

I guess it your mum plays a mothering role to the child it might be ok but my mum never bothers with my kids and doesn’t even have them over or take them out so yes it would be weird for me to give her a Mother’s Day card from them and I think she would find it odd too.

Danikm151 · 17/03/2022 11:47

We do it.
They're a still a mother. It's mothering Sunday, they are a mother figure.
There is a grandparent's day but it doesn't have the same feel as mother's day.. feels made up to pander to the moaners/card companies.

Gladioli23 · 17/03/2022 11:48

Surely your children do gifts for you, you do gifts for your mum and your mum does gifts for hers? Everyone gets a gift/card but it's from the person whose mother they are?

Obviously it's fine to do it for your granny if she's had a particularly big impact on your life but it seems v odd to then do it for your mum who you imply hasn't, or for your kids to do one for their great grandmother.

BobHadBitchTits · 17/03/2022 11:49

Normal but we don't do it

YellowRosesWhiteRoses · 17/03/2022 11:51

I don't find that weird. We didn't do it for my granny when we were little, but I wish I had now as she was such an important mother figure to me. I always wish my MIL happy mother's day and sometimes we'll give her a little gift from our dcs, but generally, I leave it to my dh as he is her actual child.

My dmum died quite young, so we haven't had the opportunity to celebrate her with our children as she was gone before they were born. I get my dad presents for fathers day and mark some of them from our dcs.

DontbesuchanarseGlenda · 17/03/2022 12:09

Not done in either of our families.

GinPalace2 · 17/03/2022 12:50

Something I once read is relevant even though it refers to Christmas and that is:

It is only once you are an adult and spend Christmas with your partners family do you realise not everyone celebrates Christmas the same way your family do.

This applies to other events such as Mothering Sunday (for my family it’s important to recognise the Christian origins of returning to the mother church), Father’s Day, Shrove Tuesday (are pancakes a meal or a dessert?).

Having a close relationship with Grandparents is lovely, please continue your tradition of a card and small gift and include your MIL. I’m sure she will be touched by the kind gesture.

NutCheeseBag · 17/03/2022 13:06

I live with my daughter and her children, look after them 3 days a week. I get cards from the GC at least weekly for every kind of reason they can think up, hand made and beautiful. They don’t have any other grandparents and I’m sure they would find it very odd not to give me a present on an official “Day”. So yes, I get a lovely home made card from each and they help me cook a special cake for their mummy.

1stTimeMama · 17/03/2022 13:14

Nope, not normal here. I'd be livid if my husband sent his Mum a card from my children. I'm their Mum, she has her own children, it's my day!

SundayTeatime · 17/03/2022 13:17

@1stTimeMama

Nope, not normal here. I'd be livid if my husband sent his Mum a card from my children. I'm their Mum, she has her own children, it's my day!
Livid? A bit of an overreaction there.
Hugasauras · 17/03/2022 13:21

Livid over doing something nice for another family member? Confused I really don't understand people sometimes!

movpov · 17/03/2022 13:22

I think you should do whatever you want to do. If it gives you pleasure to do it, and gives her pleasure to receive, that's a good enough reason. I don't think It's weird at all.

AliasGrape · 17/03/2022 13:31

@1stTimeMama

Nope, not normal here. I'd be livid if my husband sent his Mum a card from my children. I'm their Mum, she has her own children, it's my day!
That's so weird and possessive!

Why would a 'to GRANDMA on mothers day' type card take anything away from you or your day, or imply that anyone thought you weren't the mum?

Maybe if grandma got a card and you didn't I can understand being livid.

DefiniteTortoise · 17/03/2022 13:34

Not normal for my family, or DH's.

SundayTeatime · 17/03/2022 13:39

@1stTimeMama

Nope, not normal here. I'd be livid if my husband sent his Mum a card from my children. I'm their Mum, she has her own children, it's my day!
What on earth is wrong with you?
inappropriateraspberry · 17/03/2022 13:42

Never done it! It's for parents, not grandparents. Seems as odd as Mother's Day cards from the cat, dog, aunt, 2nd cousin once removed!

MinglingFlamingo · 17/03/2022 13:43

Not normal in our family

I give something to my dm and she gave something to her dm. And my dad gave something to his dm

If someone was absent ie uni or something then it was expected that a card would be sent to the mother then a close member of the family would buy flowers which were to be an iou

Some years my grandson both sides and various aunts and uncles and my parents and me would all go out. My grandparents were vvvv close

Livpool · 17/03/2022 13:44

My mum never liked - until I had DS ha ha! We just do something nominal for his nans

Blossomtoes · 17/03/2022 13:44

@1stTimeMama

Nope, not normal here. I'd be livid if my husband sent his Mum a card from my children. I'm their Mum, she has her own children, it's my day!
Blimey! Love on ration in your house?
MinglingFlamingo · 17/03/2022 13:45

@inappropriateraspberry

Never done it! It's for parents, not grandparents. Seems as odd as Mother's Day cards from the cat, dog, aunt, 2nd cousin once removed!
FlamingoDog is very generous and gives a gift for fathers days, Mother's Day, birthdays and Christmas

He uses his Pawket Money

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