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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

430 replies

annoyedfr · 16/03/2022 11:35

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fiefofum · 16/03/2022 11:48

YABU

Hugasauras · 16/03/2022 11:49

It's just something people say to indicate the sort of relentless of it, isn't it? I don't think it's genuinely meant to be a parallel but just a 'I have this helpless creature who requires a lot of work' thing. Personally, DD was the easiest of babies so a puppy probably would have been more work! DDog was all grown up by then thankfully. I wouldn't overthink it.

LadyCatStark · 16/03/2022 11:50

It sounds like you’ve had a harder time of it than many people but for me, having a puppy has been equally as hard as having DS! In fact just yesterday, I found myself muttering under my breath that it’s just like having a toddler when I was trying to bribe my puppy off the beach while he had a massive strop 😂.

steff13 · 16/03/2022 11:51

I've had puppies and babies, and I would rather take on a baby than a puppy. Babies get older and more independent. Dogs don't, for the most part. They'll never feed themselves, they'll never stop needing walks, they'll never be able to be left home alone while you go away for the weekend.

housemaus · 16/03/2022 11:51

Also - see this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/1415709-I-understand-that-puppies-are-hard-work-but-in-what-way

Plenty of people on here saying they found having a new puppy harder than a new baby.

So no, obviously having a dog generally is not the same as having a child. But lots of people find it as hard at first.

CounsellorTroi · 16/03/2022 11:52

@JosephineMarchingOnwards

that it's like having a permanent toddler

Complete agree, that’s what owning dogs is like…
I use that analogy often!

You can train them, to a certain extent - but they cannot understand consequences etc

Agree and if you have a large breed it’s a toddler that is a lot stronger than you are!
Ottolin3 · 16/03/2022 11:54

I have a toddler and a baby and I would say having a dog in far harder than a baby!

AryaStarkWolf · 16/03/2022 11:54

@Hugasauras

It's just something people say to indicate the sort of relentless of it, isn't it? I don't think it's genuinely meant to be a parallel but just a 'I have this helpless creature who requires a lot of work' thing. Personally, DD was the easiest of babies so a puppy probably would have been more work! DDog was all grown up by then thankfully. I wouldn't overthink it.
House training puppies is painful as well, I'd rather change a nappy then be constantly cleaning it off the floor
Newfluff · 16/03/2022 11:54

I found having my first adult rescue dog harder than my first child. Baby came everywhere with me, with dog I had to factor nor being able to take him with me but equally not being able to leave him. I've never had a puppy as I genuinely do not think I could cope.

MissManagable · 16/03/2022 11:54

OP have you had any counselling for what you've been through? I can understand (and relate) to you feeling frustrated and upset by the comparison, you've been through a traumatic time by the sounds-

I do agree with the first poster that if your friend doesn't have children then maybe just let her have this- but your experience has been a tough one, if your friend knows this I'd hope she'd shown a little more empathy?

Have you explained it to her as you've written in your OP?

luxxlisbon · 16/03/2022 11:55

I don’t know why you would ‘bite’ / call her out on this. It isn’t invalidating what you went through for her to think that.
Of course having a dog isn’t exactly like having a child but the level of commitment and care in many ways is similar.

steff13 · 16/03/2022 11:58

House training puppies is painful as well, I'd rather change a nappy then be constantly cleaning it off the floor.

Right. Babies don't pee on your carpet. When they're teething they don't chew up your shoes or the legs of your chairs.

I had a non-sleeping baby, and it was tough for a couple of years, but that was it, a couple of years.

Divamuffin · 16/03/2022 12:00

Can your friend have children? Maybe this is her way of coping by saying stuff like that. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, it sounds awful, but as someone else mentioned it sounds like you are projecting and your viewpoint isn’t the only one in the world

Waspie · 16/03/2022 12:00

Obviously getting a puppy is nothing like pregnancy and birth but once they are both in your home it's very similar.

You have to care for a puppy the same way you care for a baby. An older puppy is very much like a toddler etc...

I have had both and frequently compare the two experiences as do my other dog owning friends.

Plumbear2 · 16/03/2022 12:01

I have described having a dog is like having a toddler every time my son asks for one. I remind him how much work a dog brings and explain it is hard work and like caring for a young child, needs must be met etc. I explain this the reason I don't have time for a dog.

OneShotOneKill · 16/03/2022 12:02

In the ‘have got both’ boat and I find my dogs are a far bigger cause of stress and restriction on what we do in life compared to my three children but admittedly have had a relatively easy time with the children growing up.

Baggingarea · 16/03/2022 12:02

It might be useful to explore why it irritates you? Do you feel friend is down playing your achievements? Is friend able to have children of her own? Would it help you to mention it to her?

Nelliephant1 · 16/03/2022 12:03

Commenting is probably more likely to cause upset. Just blah blah blah it in your head when she's saying it. It's probably not worth the hassle.

Hope your wee one is doing well now.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/03/2022 12:04

@Divamuffin

Can your friend have children? Maybe this is her way of coping by saying stuff like that. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, it sounds awful, but as someone else mentioned it sounds like you are projecting and your viewpoint isn’t the only one in the world
If she can't have children (or isn't in a position to have them but wants to) It might be really hurtful to her for someone to remind her how NOT like having a child, having a puppy is
IKnowYouDontTurnTheLightOn · 16/03/2022 12:04

Leaving aside the actual damage to our bodies I would say having a puppy looks a thousand times worse than having a baby - certainly from watching all my friends caught up in the puppy pandemic! I think they need their heads examined 😱.

PeanuttyButter · 16/03/2022 12:04

I think you are being incredibly rude. Just because your friend hasn't been through those same negative aspects you have, doesn't mean you get to minimise the stuff she's going through. Until you've experienced something to a certain degree you can't start to understand how it feels. A bit like miscarriage, I was ignorant to just how much is hurts and affects you going forward until I experienced it myself. I've had multiple miscarriages but I don't look down on people or tell them it's not the same if they have only experienced one. Dogs especially to those of us who don't have children are the closest thing we can imagine to that love.
I hope your friend told you where to go to be honest.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 16/03/2022 12:04

I had a lovely colleague who described her much-loved son as eight times the work of her chocolate Labrador, which seemed fair to me, having had both a puppy and a baby in my life at one point or another.

I have also had another colleague tell me that she thinks that having a horse is about the same amount of work as having a baby, which did make me Hmm Because I can just muck out the baby once a day and turn it out into a field in the morning and get it in at night and know it'll be fine with a rug and some hay...

Mommabear20 · 16/03/2022 12:06

Maybe it's not to you, but it may be to her! People need to stop trying to control everyone else and just let people get on with their own lives

Lovelteers · 16/03/2022 12:06

I have two kids and a puppy. And having a puppy did remind me of having a newly mobile baby, or a toddlerZ can’t take your eyes off them, have to get up
In the night etc
So people will say this. You can’t let your personal experience colour how you react to your friend enjoying her new puppy - or sharing about it. If it really bothers you that much then tell her that you find it difficult because of your experience and ask her to stop saying it.
But it is you not her.

Cognoscenti · 16/03/2022 12:08

YANBU at all! I have a close family member like this, couldn't say I was exhausted from sleepless nights without "oh (puppy) kept me up all night too!" even with bloody teething, "(Puppy) is teething too so I'm going through the same!"
I ended up ignoring any such statements for a while and it eventually calmed down. FWIW other family members, apart from their spouse, thought they were being ridiculous too!