To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

[annoyedfr]

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

@Mickarooni

Surely it’s just a jokey way of trying to relate to you and be a good friend. The basics of caring for a puppy and a newborn are similar - not much sleep and a lot of poop! Most people know it’s not comparative really but she’s probably trying to find common ground.

This. When a friend has a baby and you don’t it can feel like you’re on different planets.

If it is socially acceptable to crate train a toddler, or pop out leaving your toddler locked in the kitchen for a few hours, then yeah, sure, so similar.

Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child'

You don’t have to suffered a traumatic birth to be a mother!
Some babies are easier than puppies, some puppies are easier than babies.
Hate these competitive “I’ve had a worse time than you” type of threads.

YANBU

Puppies are much easier than kids. Our dog is far more obedient but much more expensive than young kids are.

Having had 4 babies, I'd say I found puppies far harder than babies in terms of the general stress and limitations on where you can go, how long for etc. Babies just go everywhere with you so less of a logistical nightmare. But I appreciate not everyone will feel the same, and that's fine as it's all subjective and there is no definitive "this is harder than that".

I used to be that annoying person who called myself a Dog Mum and genuinely thought my dogs were my babies. When I bought them as puppies ten years ago they were little shits but the stress was NOTHING compared to the mental and physical trauma of pregnancy, birth and caring for a small child. I know that now I have a three year old so I totally get why you find it annoying. My dogs are still hard work but they're still nowhere near as exhausting as my daughter.

@VeganSeason

Having a puppy must feel like harder work than it actually is, because surely your love for a puppy doesn’t remotely compare for your love for your baby

It’s the same feeling of love for my children as my dogs.

We might as well be different species

Are you honestly saying the grief you’d feel for losing your dog is the same as if you lost one of your children?

Would you die for your dog? Your children? Or neither?

YANBU and this would really annoy me

I constantly hear of people re-homing dogs because it “didn’t work out” but I’m yet to come across anyone who has re-homed their child because they pooed on the floor / showed signs of aggression etc ! Yes obviously I’m aware some children do get adopted but I’d imagine that’s limited to quite extreme cases

@annoyedfr

Blymie, this grew legs.

A shout out for the deliberately venomous posters who have been cruel for the sake of being cruel, nice one.

I'm not going to reply to everything as I would be here forever, but a few key questions which came up: yes I have had a dog, no friend is not TTC/infertile (and openly says she does not want kids but of course I don't know the truth or depth of that) and no I am not 'a self obsessed psycho'.

I think my post has been misinterpreted by some as 'caring for a baby' is harder than 'caring for a puppy' which wasn't what I was getting at. They're both incontinent and needy, I get that.

I am in the process of starting to deal with my trauma and thank you for those with compassionate answers, explanations, suggestions and alternate view points.

To be fair op, I don’t think you’ve been misinterpreted

In your op you did specifically state

* , and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?*

Which I 100% agree with btw!

The only reason that this thread is still going is because some mums cannot accept a world in which not everyone sees their form of love as the most worthy form of love. It isn't enough that they themselves get to experience and define their love for their child (and be agreed with by the majority of society) - everyone must also accept that their own experiences of love, if not for a child, simply do not compare.

I'm in the Upside Down. I have traumatic injuries from growing a uterine fibroid to the equivalent of a 9 month pregnancy then having it removed via major abdominal surgery, but no baby, so I don't count. I have an abusive mother who resented me from the moment I was born, so withdrew entirely from the process, but this doesn't count either because she didn't "rehome" me. Mothers' love is superior, and I am inferior because I cannot experience it - either from my own, or in the form of giving birth to a child. Having a pet makes me happy, brings me comfort and love and a reason to get out of bed in the morning. But obviously this is just the best I can hope for, and I must accept that it will never be as worthy as those who have birthed.

People have their own experiences and bring their own stuff to the table. I'm rightly sceptical of the concept of unconditional mothers' love, but I fully accept that most mums want to put it on a pedestal for themselves. But they can't force me to believe the same thing if I don't want to, and living in a society which is constantly trying to do that is pretty heart-breaking at times.

If they have this ultimate form of love, can't they just be happy and stop telling other people that theirs isn't good enough?

@MabelsApron I'm sorry for your difficult experiences.

I don't think this is anything to do with 'mothers love' being superior, but that a baby is a bigger life change and responsibility than a dog.

Everyone has established that I am bringing my trauma to the table here and it is clouding my views, at least try to see the same in yourself.

I don't think this is anything to do with 'mothers love' being superior,

Superior to the love for a dog?

Well yes I suppose I do think it’s superior. As it least it’s really bloody should be!

@implantreplace

*I don't think this is anything to do with 'mothers love' being superior, *

Superior to the love for a dog?

Well yes I suppose I do think it’s superior. As it least it’s really bloody should be!

(I agree but don't tell everyone or they'll start shouting at me again!)

Well then own it

That’s what I think. I don’t say that “I don’t think” what I do think!

@implantreplace I said that I don't think this is about mothers love being superior, not that I don't think it is.

I don't think a mother's love is superior to all other forms of love. I think the love between partners, friends, and other forms of relationship between people can be just as deep, meaningful and fundamental. I do think that love for other people is and should be much deeper than the love of an animal and I'm astonished that that's in any way controversial.

I've two kids, and it was the puppy that caused the most sleepless nights, dog would not stop crying, all night long.

Training is hard going too, but must be done. Dog is now one and a great family member, well worth the work.

I agree with a previous poster who said all people should realise the work that goes into having a dog. Would mean a lot less being needlessly dumped in shelters.

@implantreplace Do you have a dog? It's not something you can imagine until you experience it and it completely depends on the dog.

Our dog had a freak accident when he was only a tiny 10-weeks-old puppy and he had to have serious surgery under general anaesthetic by a team of surgeons at a highly specialist hospital (think"Supervets"- type of surgery). I can honestly say that I felt like I was taking my baby in to have surgery (I apologise if this is offensive to anyone on this thread) but I was absolutely beside myself in floods of tears and calling the hospital every 10 minutes for an update (thankfully the receptionists had angelic patience). It was absolutely horrendous and made me realise the amount of love I actually have for this little creature.

My daughter is regularly jealous and thinks I love him more than her I certainly shout at him much less (but then she's a stroppy pre-teen at the moment and he's my little cuddly bundle of love who just wants to sleep on my lap)

Yes, had a family dog throughout childhood and also pre children with boyfriend.

Loved it? Hell yes.

Drop in the ocean compared to love for my children. Would o have died for either of the dogs? Not. A. Chance.

Would I die for my children? In a heartbeat

My daughter is regularly jealous and thinks I love him more than her blush

Snap.

Why do people have to be so competitive and need to win an argument. Just let her experience be valid, I am not sure why you or anyone else needs to beat others in the dog versus child debate.
Some mothers are bloody awful, and don’t love their children. Some dogs fill their owners lives. It isn’t a competition, she’s had it tough, her puppy fills a void for her, allow her to have this- why do you need to win?

Thank you, @mrswinters. That's all I was saying.

[quote annoyedfr]@MabelsApron I'm sorry for your difficult experiences.

I don't think this is anything to do with 'mothers love' being superior, but that a baby is a bigger life change and responsibility than a dog.

Everyone has established that I am bringing my trauma to the table here and it is clouding my views, at least try to see the same in yourself. [/quote]
Of course having a baby is a bigger life change a d commitment but I don't think people are saying (well most people anyway) that it's exactly the same experience just that some parts are similar is all

I think the hierarchy of love is daft. No one understands how other people feel.

These threads pop up ever so often and I think that if you were comfortable with your own feelings anyone comparing how they felt about their pets versus children would not matter one bit so I do think if it causes you pain then you need to look inwards at what is really triggering that.

I never wanted children but always wanted a dog. Ironically it has been parents that state having a puppy is just like having a baby and sympathise with me and my struggles just as I sympathise when they are struggling even though I will never walk in their shoes.