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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

430 replies

annoyedfr · 16/03/2022 11:35

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RobotValkyrie · 16/03/2022 12:53

There's similarities, but also so many differences the comparison is rather pointless...
Honestly, the only way they could be the same is if you believe dogs and humans are the same, which does sound just a little bit bonkers...

Phyllis321 · 16/03/2022 12:55

I can't understand loving a pet as much as your own child, as some posters have said. I love my pets but if they die, I get over it although I miss them. People who've lost children are never the same again.

Crimesean · 16/03/2022 12:55

@XelaM

I have both and having a puppy is actually very similar to having a newborn/toddler - sleepless nights, worries, have to puppy-proof the house, can't leave them unattended etc. I also love my little boy like I love my daughter Blush He's my second baby 🥰
It is incredibly cruel to purchase a pug/bulldog type of dog, they have been massively overbred and suffer from serious health and welfare issues, including severe breathing problems, eye issues, skin infections, elbow and hip dysplasia, and a whole host of other things.

You are also able to leave them unattended (in a crate) for short periods of time, unlike a baby which needs to be with you 24/7.

You didn't go through pregnancy or labour, and a dog is not a human and should never be treated as human!

OhMygodddd · 16/03/2022 12:55

Yabu.

Clearly she means they are like each other, not that buying a puppy is the same as giving birth too one, your purposely reading into it wrong. Owning a puppy/dog is like having a baby. (Baby is easier actually, you can take them more places)

CatkinToadflax · 16/03/2022 12:56

DS1 was born 16 weeks prematurely and we were in NICU for a long, long time. He wasn’t expected to survive. He’s done astonishingly well but he’ll never live fully independently so DH and I will remain in full-on worry mode forever.

When DS2 was about 3 years old he caught up to and then passed DS1 developmentally. I used to comment that it was like having twins. I’ve since read on MN how infuriating parents of multiples find it when people with children with a close age gap claim twins! Blush Maybe I’d get away with it due to my special circumstances though! Wink

What I’m saying is, we all have our own experiences. Do you have a puppy, OP, or have you ever had one? I’m just wondering if you have experience of the same early puppy days that your friend is describing? After a truly horrific first birth and worries which will never go away, and a very stressful second pregnancy, when we brought our puppy home I must admit that I did think to myself (when standing in the garden with her at 3am for the 14th night in a row) that whoever said having a puppy was like having a toddler maybe had a point! No it’s not the same but it can still be very hard work.

Elsiebear90 · 16/03/2022 12:56

It’s not a competition, she is probably just trying to relate to you. If she’s unable to have children I think it would be quite cruel to point out how her having a puppy is absolutely not in anyway similar to having a baby, as for many people who can’t have children a dog is the closest thing they will ever have to a baby. Don’t rub salt in the wound.

BeeDavis · 16/03/2022 12:57

She is right though. I have a 5 year old labrador and a 5 month old baby. I honestly think they’ve been both as bad as each other, puppy and newborn stages are very similar! Do you or have you had a dog? They are an absolutely massive commitment in terms of training and behavioural issues. My dog when he was a puppy was and still is my baby! I’d honestly rather clean up baby poo than some of the piles my dog has left us 😂😂😂

KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa · 16/03/2022 12:58

Course you aren't unreasonable. When I had my first child my bil and his gf collected a puppy the same day I gave birth. When I went round to my in laws to introduce the baby they were there with this dog. I was sat holding the baby so she picked the dog (not a tiny dog) up and started to hold it the same way as I was cradling the baby and kissing the dogs face 😆. When my in laws asked how was breastfeeding going and how was I sleeping she interjected and said it was a nightmare getting up in the night and feeding around the clock, she was absolutely exhausted (I didnt share details of my cracked nipples but im pretty sure her nips would have been sore too 🤣). It was pretty bizarre thinking back, I think she was anticipating the same reaction to her new dog as them meeting their 1st grandchild.

EasterChimney · 16/03/2022 13:00

I have 2 grown up children and a puppy. I keep thinking it's exactly the same, but am willing to admit it's probably my empty nest syndrome and memories of the tough bits have faded.
Just roll your eyes OP, and consider you might even be a bit annoying to her when you don't "realise " 😉 her puppy is exactly the same as your baby .

AngelinaFibres · 16/03/2022 13:03

@XelaM

I have both and having a puppy is actually very similar to having a newborn/toddler - sleepless nights, worries, have to puppy-proof the house, can't leave them unattended etc. I also love my little boy like I love my daughter Blush He's my second baby 🥰
But you didn't have to carry him inside you for 9 months and push him out of your vagina /have major abdominal surgery to get him here. I have had both. There is very little comparison
myjumperisorange · 16/03/2022 13:04

I hate when people refer to their dogs as their child's sibling, calling a dog a "big brother"! What is that all about?!

HotMummaSummer · 16/03/2022 13:05

My friend got at puppy at a similar time to me having DD1. Puppy was co-sleeping and up every 3 hours in the night to be taken outside for the toilet.
DD is 19months now and sleeps through in her own bed, their puppy still co-sleeps Confused
They also have to spend quite a bit on classes, daycare and sitters and have pulled out of social gatherings as no one can look after their dog.
I actually made the comparison to them!

AryaStarkWolf · 16/03/2022 13:06

Whilst sure there are some mild comparisons to be made sure but they clealry aren’t the same and it’s a bit offensive to claim otherwise.

fgs another a day in the offended Olympics

Samanabanana · 16/03/2022 13:06

Having had both I can say the puppy was far more hard work than a baby Grin

TatianaBis · 16/03/2022 13:06

But you didn't have to carry him inside you for 9 months and push him out of your vagina /have major abdominal surgery to get him here. I have had both.

Yes that’s exactly what she meant and of course it needed pointing out. I don’t know where we would be without the useful information we don’t give birth to puppies.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/03/2022 13:08

But you didn't have to carry him inside you for 9 months and push him out of your vagina /have major abdominal surgery to get him here. I have had both. There is very little comparison

So what? neither do fathers or adoptive parents? The comparison is clearly about looking after the puppy not pregnancy

DillDanding · 16/03/2022 13:09

Having a puppy has similarities with having a baby and toddler tolled into one.

I don’t suppose your friend is trying to diminish what you’ve been through.

GoodReazons · 16/03/2022 13:09

YANBU. I remember being in town with my 3 month old baby and my friend and a homeless man was shouting at his dog and she said the dog was as important to her as my newborn (precious firstborn), i nearly lost my mind with rage!

Bluehawaii29 · 16/03/2022 13:09

Having just found out we are pregnant through IVF after years of challenges and going through intensive fertility treatment and not knowing if we would ever get pregnant I can’t believe you would hold a grudge against a friend who considered her puppy like her baby. After we found out we had fertility issues we got a puppy and yes he is our baby, he will always be our first born and he is just as much part of the family as any of our future children will be!

whumpthereitis · 16/03/2022 13:10

But you didn't have to carry him inside you for 9 months and push him out of your vagina /have major abdominal surgery to get him here. I have had both. There is very little comparison

So what? She can feel however she likes about her dog. Your understanding or approval is neither necessary nor relevant.

SevenWaystoLeave · 16/03/2022 13:10

But you didn't have to carry him inside you for 9 months and push him out of your vagina /have major abdominal surgery to get him here. I have had both. There is very little comparison

Do you think people don't understand that they don't give birth to puppies? Hmm No one is saying having a puppy is like being pregnant/giving birth. If you're talking about your traumatic birth and your friend starts telling you about pushing puppies out of her vagina then you can complain. But no one says that or means that when they make the comparison. Seems like you're willfully misunderstanding what they mean just so you can get offended about it tbh.

Kanfuzed123 · 16/03/2022 13:10

@AryaStarkWolf

Whilst sure there are some mild comparisons to be made sure but they clealry aren’t the same and it’s a bit offensive to claim otherwise.

fgs another a day in the offended Olympics

Oh hush. I didn’t say I’m offended but if you had tough pregnancy or suffered a loss it’s obviously in incredibly poor taste to turn around and say oh yeah I know how you feel, I had a tough week with my puppy or yeah I know how your loss feels my dog died last year.
AnIconOfImperfections · 16/03/2022 13:12

@whumpthereitis

But you didn't have to carry him inside you for 9 months and push him out of your vagina /have major abdominal surgery to get him here. I have had both. There is very little comparison

So what? She can feel however she likes about her dog. Your understanding or approval is neither necessary nor relevant.

😂
MabelsApron · 16/03/2022 13:12

@AngelinaFibres I spent 9 months growing a fibroid the size of a watermelon and had to have major abdominal surgery to remove it. Lots of people adopt. Does the suffering olympics only count if you have a baby at the end of it?

HorseInTheHouse · 16/03/2022 13:12

@Phyllis321

I can't understand loving a pet as much as your own child, as some posters have said. I love my pets but if they die, I get over it although I miss them. People who've lost children are never the same again.
They're not actually being serious. Imagine Sophie's Choice but with your child and your dog. Anyone who thinks that would be a dilemma is a liar.