To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

[annoyedfr]

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

Have you ever had a dog, OP?

@100percent21

Crimesean

Not sure where it was asked that you give judgement on someone’s choice of breed.

Well you see, this is a public forum, where posters are able to comment on any element of any post - it's not some kind of chaired debate

Yes, having a dog can be hard/difficult. No - it is not the same as having a child.

Children are children, dogs are dogs, they are different species. But my feelings for both are the same. Yours may not be, but mine are. And that shouldn’t matter to you.

I don’t compare my children to other people’s, I don’t compare my dogs to other dogs or children. I don’t generally like people who constantly compare and must win. Or those who have a hierarchy of family members.

Yes, you're right. In biological sense humans and dogs are both animals.

So not a fact then.

YABU and letting your experience cloud your judgement.

I had a traumatic birth and pregnancy and a puppy. Those first few days were really similar waking every couple of hours, noise and crying from a puppy and a baby, crying when you shower!!

@Awalkintime

Yes, you're right. In biological sense humans and dogs are both animals.

So not a fact then.

No, not a fact. I should've said - The are not the same animals. But you know that already, as you conveniently ignored the other bit where I pointed differences between humans and dogs.

Oh and my baby was easy attention wise compared to the puppy!

So other than the obvious species difference, why can a dog owner not experience the same things, feelings etc as a mother? Sleepless nights, change of lifestyle, toilet training, feeding issues, illness, feeling of responsibility.

@PourSomeLove

So other than the obvious species difference, why can a dog owner not experience the same things, feelings etc as a mother? Sleepless nights, change of lifestyle, toilet training, feeding issues, illness, feeling of responsibility.

Yes, you're absolutely right. These are exactly the same. I can't wait for my dog to say his first words and call me mum. I can't wait to see him grow up and go to school, learn to be a caring, intelligent human being. I can imagine our long walks where we talk about all sorts of things and I show him the world and answer his every question. Seeing his first crush and first real love. Attending school plays and feeling immensely proud. Helping him to go through breakup and teaching him how to navigate the world. Seeing him getting married and having his own family. Being willing to die for him. Yes, totally the same experience.

Some one once told me that their cat dying was like losing a child. They were fully aware that I had just had a miscarriage...

No, not a fact. I should've said - The are not the same animals. But you know that already, as you conveniently ignored the other bit where I pointed differences between humans and dogs.

The bit about eating out of bowls on the floor and peeing outside? Babies do that.

@Potatoesdonthavefaces

Some one once told me that their cat dying was like losing a child. They were fully aware that I had just had a miscarriage...

That's awful. Honestly some people will tell you that 'all feelings are valid', but that's just insensitive crap.

I meant to say that ever since then I get the rage when someone calls an animal a fur baby.

@Awalkintime

No, not a fact. I should've said - The are not the same animals. But you know that already, as you conveniently ignored the other bit where I pointed differences between humans and dogs.

The bit about eating out of bowls on the floor and peeing outside? Babies do that.

Really? Mine didn't do that. But then I haven't seen any adults doing that either. Might be because we teach them to use the toilet and sit at the table. Funny enough, never saw a dog using a knife and fork, but I bet yours can do that

Yes, you're absolutely right. These are exactly the same. I can't wait for my dog to say his first words and call me mum. I can't wait to see him grow up and go to school, learn to be a caring, intelligent human being. I can imagine our long walks where we talk about all sorts of things and I show him the world and answer his every question. Seeing his first crush and first real love. Attending school plays and feeling immensely proud. Helping him to go through breakup and teaching him how to navigate the world. Seeing him getting married and having his own family. Being willing to die for him. Yes, totally the same experience.

Those are things many humans do because of their species. But dogs grow up and learn and interact and need help dealing with things too. They bond with their human, other dogs, and are intelligent. They show love to their humans and protect them. Just because they are dogs doesn’t mean that their human can’t feel the same level of excitement to see them grow up and feel the same level of love and responsibility to them. I feel all that for my dogs like I do my children.

And the things you’ve listed, many children will not get to do. My friends son is severely disabled, he will likely never talk so will never say mum, he probably won’t go to school or be very intelligent. He certainly will not walk or be independent enough to date it get married or do much of anything else you have listed. I wonder what you would say to her, is her experience of motherhood worth less than yours because your child can do those things.

YABU. I do think that some parts of having a puppy are similar to having a baby. Obviously not the labour and childbirth parts, but your friend wasn't saying that, was she? I didn't have an easy ride with my first either, and I also am now a single parent, but I can still appreciate that there are SOME comparisons to be made between having a puppy and a baby, examples of which have already been given on this thread.

Really? Mine didn't do that. But then I haven't seen any adults doing that either. Might be because we teach them to use the toilet and sit at the table. Funny enough, never saw a dog using a knife and fork, but I bet yours can do that.

Leave them to their own devices for 5 seconds and they will eat anything out of a bowl on a floor, many kids pee in the garden or outside when they are training.

I will disagree that most parents teach their kids how to use a knife and a fork. Or at least they give them ones to eat with but really do not teach them how to use them. Sticking a fork into a potato and eating it like a lolly is certainly not using a knife and fork properly and many also do not both to teach them to use the toilet properly either these days or sit at a table.

@Potatoesdonthavefaces

I meant to say that ever since then I get the rage when someone calls an animal a fur baby.

I’m so sorry someone said that to you.. this thread is bananas.

I was struggling ttc about to start fertility treatments and that was likened by a ‘ friend’ to waiting to pick up your puppy/ get a puppy from a breeder

@PourSomeLove

Yes, you're absolutely right. These are exactly the same. I can't wait for my dog to say his first words and call me mum. I can't wait to see him grow up and go to school, learn to be a caring, intelligent human being. I can imagine our long walks where we talk about all sorts of things and I show him the world and answer his every question. Seeing his first crush and first real love. Attending school plays and feeling immensely proud. Helping him to go through breakup and teaching him how to navigate the world. Seeing him getting married and having his own family. Being willing to die for him. Yes, totally the same experience.

Those are things many humans do because of their species. But dogs grow up and learn and interact and need help dealing with things too. They bond with their human, other dogs, and are intelligent. They show love to their humans and protect them. Just because they are dogs doesn’t mean that their human can’t feel the same level of excitement to see them grow up and feel the same level of love and responsibility to them. I feel all that for my dogs like I do my children.

And the things you’ve listed, many children will not get to do. My friends son is severely disabled, he will likely never talk so will never say mum, he probably won’t go to school or be very intelligent. He certainly will not walk or be independent enough to date it get married or do much of anything else you have listed. I wonder what you would say to her, is her experience of motherhood worth less than yours because your child can do those things.

Those are things many humans do because of their species EXACTLY. Because they're different (surprise, surprise).

I wonder what you would say to her, is her experience of motherhood worth less than yours because your child can do those things.
I would say, 'Well having a dog is exactly like having a disabled child', I'm sure she would be sympathetic and understand my feelings.

Those are things many humans do because of their species EXACTLY. Because they're different (surprise, surprise).

The species is different. The feelings involved can be the same and people can call their dogs their babies if they want to.

I would say, 'Well having a dog is exactly like having a disabled child', I'm sure she would be sympathetic and understand my feelings.

And now I know you are nothing but a troll. You must be very unhappy to have to compare and twist things. Happy people don’t need to do this. I’ll keep loving my children and dogs and being happy. You do you.

@Philisophigal

Are you going to get all your friends to fill out an application form for what they are allowed to talk about? Can pregnancies and children only be difficult if they had a harder time than you did?

People say that having a puppy is like having a baby. They say that losing a pet is like losing a child. They say getting a divorce is like a bereavement. It's what people feel. They call them furbabies and take them to doggy daycare. It's normal.

You are more than unreasonable and a bit sad to be honest. I'm glad I don't have to tiptoe around someone as unstable as you. Fancy being offended because your friend has got a puppy and said something numerous people say. I strongly suggest you get some counselling to deal with your own problems instead of blaming an innocuous friend.

Who says losing a pet is like losing a child? Christ that’s horrific

@PourSomeLove
I'm a troll because I used your own argument? Laughable. I guess once you run out of things to say you resort to name-calling and projecting. You're right, there is not point talking to each other, go live in your own reality.
^Nonetheless, “pet parents” point out that they do everything real parents do — feed, bathe, cuddle, clean up, care for, and love. Indeed, all these actions constitute part of the rituals and routines of true parenthood. But only in part, and with far lower stakes.
One does not, and cannot, teach character and morality to cats and dogs, yet that’s the most important job of a parent. Having a child means preparing another mind and soul for adulthood and independence. Having a pet means keeping an animal obedient and dependent so it never leaves the way a child will.^
medium.com/@acculturated/stop-calling-your-pets-your-children-b17fb99e7b53

I’d be surprised if some people on here are capable of successful relationships with family or friends. Accepting people are different is key but doesn’t seem a strength of many.

Off to put my dogs babies to bed in their own beds in their own bedroom. And we have a couple of extra tonight from my rescue. Happy days.

That's fine for people to think, feel and believe those things. But as someone who has lost both a child and a dog, I would think it absolutely despicable for them to SAY in front of or to me that losing a pet is the same as losing a child. That's my opinion. I'm entitled to it. I don't try and force my opinions or beliefs on others. I also think its deeply insensitive and shows a lack of caring, understanding and empathy.

You can't get over the loss of a child with counselling, it stays with you forever. As I am sure the loss of a pet may do too. But if someone, who knew my history said it in front of me, I would have no trouble cutting that conversation dead and telling them under no circumstances should they ever say it in my vicinity again.