Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 16 17 18

Original poster

To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

430 replies

annoyedfr · 16/03/2022 11:35

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

OP posts:

PourSomeLove · 16/03/2022 19:49

No you’re a troll because you twisted stuff about my friends son. Go and get you kicks from someone else. My house is happy full of love, I wonder how yours is.

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 19:56

I pointed all the thing you can do with a child that you cannot with a dog. And then you accused me of being insensitive because your friend has a severely disable child and they cannot do these things. Which is truly truly awful. And I think this shows exactly the difference between being a mother and having a dog. Most people would put the dog down in this situation, but no one would do that to their own child. Because it's not the same. And I don't have to say anything about the amount of love in my life, because I find it insecure and don't need validation from strangers. Have a lovely day with your pets and children.

nokidshere · 16/03/2022 19:58

As if life isn't difficult enough it must be exhausting for everyone to be so angry all the time over such minor stuff.

If you have issues with your birth then get some counselling and work on how to come to terms with that for your own peace of mind because, unfortunately, people are always going to be thoughtless when engaging in chit chat. It's rarely malicious and certainly not worth losing an otherwise wonderful friend over.

There isn't one of us on this site who can hand on heart say we have never spoken without thinking before.

PourSomeLove · 16/03/2022 20:05

I pointed all the thing you can do with a child that you cannot with a dog.

And I pointed out that your experience of a child walking, talking, being in school plays and getting married would be different to someone else’s. Everyone’s experience is different. You are grouping all experiences of parenting as being alike. They’re not.

And one of the dogs I have from my rescue tonight is disabled and has wheels. He needs help eating and toileting. But no, he won’t be put down because he’s a lovely boy with a quality of life. Not everyone thinks disability shouldn’t exist in the world. All life is just as valuable whether human or animal.

I think I’ve seen you post before and you’re not pleasant. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some of your deleted posts before deletion.

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 20:19

@PourSomeLove

I pointed all the thing you can do with a child that you cannot with a dog.

I think I’ve seen you post before and you’re not pleasant. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some of your deleted posts before deletion.

Honestly, do you feel better that you accused me of being a troll, unpleasant and lacking love in my life? You don't have to get so agitated because I disagree with you. This only shows your insecurities.

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some of your deleted posts before deletion. Well you couldn't because it never happened. But you know that right? You don't have to lie to make yourself look better. It doesn't make me this awful human being because I recognise that dog isn't equal to a human. There are people who posted on this thread that said exactly the same things. Are they all trolls? Do they all lack love in their life? If you want to keep the discussion civilised I would suggest sticking to the facts/opinion without name-calling. Or if you cannot do that then I'm happy to end this discussion. Have a lovely life.

Briony123 · 16/03/2022 20:24

They are more like toddlers, you have to watch them like a hawk. Unlike toddlers, thank goodness, when they are tired they just go to sleep.

DonkeyKing · 16/03/2022 20:43

I love my children and dogs the same. They’re all my babies. Life is better with dogs.

Clarabe1 · 16/03/2022 20:48

Good God why does everyone have to get so angry? Nobody really truly believes a pet is like having a baby. People love their pets and feel protective of them and in that way it’s similar to having a dependent. Motherhood is not being trashed. It’s just something people say and it means nothing. Nobody would deny pushing a 10 pound baby out of your fanjo is hard so calm down the cult of motherhood is safe.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 16/03/2022 20:53

Did your friend say you have it easy? Because from what you've written you sound a bit out of order. Your friend is allowed to find something hard, even if you don't think it meets the same threshold as your hard. Can't you just support one another rather than competing with her?

Fairislefandango · 16/03/2022 21:20

Haven't rtft, but you do realise OP that lots of people who say "God, it's like having a baby!" when they get a puppy are probably women who have actually had babies? I said it (having had 2dc). I was mostly referring to the fact that the puppy kept me awake half the night for ages. And, for the record, I had pretty bad births with both my dc and horrendous post-natal anxiety after dc2.

When people say X is like Y, there's no need to assume they mean X is like Y in every single respect.

autumncrisp · 16/03/2022 21:29

I have 3 children and one dog. I will never ever have another puppy again. She was much harder work than all 3 of my children. It's put me off ever having another once she's no longer here.

TaraRhu · 16/03/2022 21:37

Obviously conception and birth is not like having a puppy. BUT having a puppy is not that dissimilar tbh.

worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 22:01

@StolenYourStollen funny as more people agree with me than you on this yet your right im wrong
I also said in many ways its like not all ways , not all situations and that yes i found a puppy harder work than my kids as babies. Thats a fact not an opinion as that is my experience , it may not be someone elses and thats fine
We have no concept of when OP friend said this as in just idle hit chat and said gosh having a dog is like having a baby again or if when OP was saying how bad birth was etc and Friend said yes like having. A dog. Same words two different scenarios where one would be a of the cuff comment and the other insensitive
i know when ours was a puppy I sad worse than a baby because thats what I found
I wouldn't liken my pet dying to a child though, whilst its upsetting when you loose a dog etc and hard , it would in no way compare to loosing a child as that is devastating and something that there are no comparisons too

worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 22:05

@Daisiesunderblueskies yes in that scenario it would be a horrendous thing to say to someone
I can't imagine someone would say that and think it ok
In the scenario where you say to friend gosh having a pupoy is like having a baby again in general chit chat, I would say that is fine and I know I said that because it was hard work.
Sorry for your loss

SQLserved · 16/03/2022 22:23

@JosephineMarchingOnwards

Of course not! (And you already know that) I love my dogs but there really is no comparison.

Well done you for holding your tongue so long…

But please try and be kind to her, maybe she would actually rather have a child…? (And she probably wasn’t intending to be insensitive)

This. Maybe she would rather have a child.

Be kind op.

WrongWayApricot · 16/03/2022 22:28

It's insensitive just like all the other comparisons people make about other people's problems. I wish people would stop doing it. You don't know what it's like to nurse an elderly relative because you have a toddler. You don't know what it's like to be in a car wreck because one day you broke down on the motorway. You don't know what it's like to lose someone to suicide because your great grandad died of heart failure.

Is it so hard to accept and say 'oh that's really tough, it's understandable you feel that way' and then later on in the conversation when it's a good time say 'I'm really struggling with my puppy, he cried all night'. Then friend can accept and validate those feelings without feeling resentful and unheard. Why does everything need to be a competition and comparison. Everyone's problems are relative, they don't exist in a vacuum.

Walkingalot · 16/03/2022 22:45

On my, the first weeks of having a puppy was in fact much more hard work than my DS! Dogs never really grow up but that's their appeal in a way. I get what you mean though, the two can't compare really and everyone who says it's like having a baby, knows it isn't. It was clumsy of your friend to say that given that she knows you've had such a difficult time.

ShinyTiger · 16/03/2022 22:50

Please don't say anything. You may know all your friend's secrets but you don't know if the puppy is to try and help her get through infertility, to fill a longing for a child she isn't in the position to have at the moment or otherwise.

Different if she actively has always said she doesn't want dc. But you just don't know what's going on for others.

NannyKrampus · 16/03/2022 23:19

You sound like a shit friend!

skeptile · 17/03/2022 02:50

I can see that for some people, having a puppy might be like having a baby. Certainly, I was not expecting the flood of love I felt toward my puppy - I had PND after a traumatic birth, and was devastated not to feel much of anything pleasant for many months afterwards. Feeling a powerful attachment to my puppy almost instantly was quite therapeutic.

skeptile · 17/03/2022 02:51

Add in the care, sleep support and constant supervision a puppy requires, I think your friend has a point.

LiveLaughaandLovehun · 17/03/2022 03:16

You really sound a bit of a self absorbed nightmare OP.

TheFuckingDogs · 17/03/2022 05:40

Ugh I love my dogs but come on guys - if you were in Ukraine right now and had to escape with your kids or keep the kids in danger to remain with the dogs there’s not a person on this thread (with both) and ho would do the latter.
It would break our hearts to leave the dogs but it’s the truth

TheFuckingDogs · 17/03/2022 05:42

Puppies are mega hard work though!

MumsGoneToIceland · 17/03/2022 06:01

We have a puppy and I have said it’s like having a baby but not as extreme. When your friend says that I don’t think she is referring to anything pre birth/bringing them home so I think you have to see it as she is comparing aspects of caring for a baby. The similaritIes being, the toileting accidents, early wakings, not being able to leave it unattended, clingyness/separation anxiety, food fussiness etc. And then as they grow, it’s the mischief, and defiance that I’d liken to a child :)

In the nicest possible way, I think you are being a bit over sensitive

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 16 17 18

Swipe left for the next trending thread