To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

[annoyedfr]

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

@StolenYourStollen in your opinion
We are all entitled to have an opinion
Im a mother i don't feel minimised because i actually found my puppy / dog harder work than my kids
I am a mum so i know what its like to have kids and i know whats it like to have a puppy and my kids were easier , its that simple to me
For others they could say the other way round and if thats their experience thats fine but stop telling people they can't state their experience and that they are wrong

Yes, but they are not YOUR BABIES. There is a word for an animal that you keep at home for company and care for - pet. So why do you have to use the word that's reserved for a human baby? Calling an animal what it is - a pet, isn't offensive.

Do you get as irate about people who called their adult children 'babies' when they clearly are not human babies any more?

I said this many times. I care because it minimises the experience of parenthood/motherhood. There responsibility of caring for human being is enormous and cannot be compared to having a pet.

You should really think why your own experience of motherhood is minimised by other people loving their dogs as much as their kids or calling their dog baby.

@StolenYourStollen some things won't be comparable exactly but her friend probably doesn't mean it like for like on every situation
But OP says children need more attention , some dogs need more than some kids and as kids grow they become more self sufficient dogs don't , mine hasn't learnt to make a drink or so his own food yet , or even use a toilet
Obviously the pregnancy birth isn't the same but there are some comparisons
I love my dog but obviously love my kids more but if i only had a dog then that love would all be on the dog

YANBU. However she's either extremely naive or insecure. Let her delude herself, it would be the kind thing.

Yeah my ex husband did this after he got his dog he was amazed how expensive dogs were and how much of his life he had to change for her not his kids his fucking dog although he did kind of acknowledge the children he said it makes me realise just how much work you did having the boys my face was like

OP i think you have taken it too literally she won't mean like for like every experience , but some aspects
Its like some women say childbirth os easy but for many of us its not , we all have different experiences
Even raising kids we all experience it very differently and have different challenges but at the same time some will be the same
She probably means in terms of sleepless nights , responsibility , being tied down, puppy training, generally looking after something else that can't look after itself

I found giving birth and looking after a baby a breeze compared to the puppy stage

@PourSomeLove
Having children isn’t the same for everyone. No, but there are things that most mothers go through like pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding. And it's only a beginning. You don't have to do that with your dog. Honestly why are people so defensive when you state A FACT? Humans are not animals. Pets are not your children. You can love them, care for them, find some aspects similar, but it is not and never will be the same experience. And that's what OP's post is all about. That her experience of motherhood is not the same as her friend's experience of having a dog.

Everyone has different experiences and to be fair you need to deal with your trauma and let it go. Your friend is trying to relate to you, is happy and just be kind and happy for her.

For me pregnancy and birth were a breeze compared to looking after a puppy. I love my children more than any animal but if I didn't have them I would compare the love for a dog to having a child as I would not know any different.

Let it go, enjoy your baby and her puppy.

Humans are not animals.

They are!! They are mammals just like dogs.

@57StolenYourStollen

It's not being defensive. Many people have pointed out that people know there is a biological difference between a baby and a dog. But, for some people a dog feels like their baby, and you cant deny someone that feeling because you don't understand it.

It's not nieve or deluded as said above, if a person loves their dog and considers it their baby, it does not harm you in anyway.

What I find more harmful is this attitude from some mothers of 'oh you can't possibly understand responsibility or unconditional love until you have given birth'. To me that is far worse than someone calling their dog their baby.

@Awalkintime

Humans are not animals.

They are!! They are mammals just like dogs.

Yes, you're right. In biological sense humans and dogs are both animals. But I guess you don't eat from the bowl on the floor or pee outside and can speak English (or any other language).

@Mreggsworth
And I have acknowledged their opinions that having a pet can be hard and that there are some similarities. I just said that it is not the same experience. Which is not. I even gave relevant examples. Yet it seems that everyone's opinion is valid, but mine not?

No, but there are things that most mothers go through like pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding. And it's only a beginning. You don't have to do that with your dog. Honestly why are people so defensive when you state A FACT? Humans are not animals. Pets are not your children. You can love them, care for them, find some aspects similar, but it is not and never will be the same experience. And that's what OP's post is all about. That her experience of motherhood is not the same as her friend's experience of having a dog.

I don’t think anyone is claiming to have given birth to their dog. OP hasn’t said her friend has claimed that either. 😂

People’s experiences of motherhood are different to each other, my experience of motherhood has been different even between my two children. There are similarities between parenting my first and second child and there are similarities to parenting my children to owning my dogs. My love for my children and dogs and my responsibility to them is the same. That’s how I am. I’m not going to say that I found children harder than dogs or that I love my dogs less or that I won’t call my dogs baby to validate your feelings. Everyone’s feelings are valid.

The similarities are in the sleepless nights, toilet training, responsibility, teaching, changing your life for them etc. OP asked whether she should tell her friend that having a puppy is ‘not like having a baby.’ In the ways stated, it is ‘like having a baby’. If OP feels the need to point out the ways she feels it’s different, that’s up to her. People are simply pointing out what they think OPs friend would have meant. That’s not to say that OPs friend shouldn’t have just listened if OP was struggling, because that’s what friends do. The issue isn’t trying to prove which is harder, it’s that OPs friend has been insensitive to what OP needed from her.

@PourSomeLove

No, but there are things that most mothers go through like pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding. And it's only a beginning. You don't have to do that with your dog. Honestly why are people so defensive when you state A FACT? Humans are not animals. Pets are not your children. You can love them, care for them, find some aspects similar, but it is not and never will be the same experience. And that's what OP's post is all about. That her experience of motherhood is not the same as her friend's experience of having a dog.

I don’t think anyone is claiming to have given birth to their dog. OP hasn’t said her friend has claimed that either. 😂

People’s experiences of motherhood are different to each other, my experience of motherhood has been different even between my two children. There are similarities between parenting my first and second child and there are similarities to parenting my children to owning my dogs. My love for my children and dogs and my responsibility to them is the same. That’s how I am. I’m not going to say that I found children harder than dogs or that I love my dogs less or that I won’t call my dogs baby to validate your feelings. Everyone’s feelings are valid.

The similarities are in the sleepless nights, toilet training, responsibility, teaching, changing your life for them etc. OP asked whether she should tell her friend that having a puppy is ‘not like having a baby.’ In the ways stated, it is ‘like having a baby’. If OP feels the need to point out the ways she feels it’s different, that’s up to her. People are simply pointing out what they think OPs friend would have meant. That’s not to say that OPs friend shouldn’t have just listened if OP was struggling, because that’s what friends do. The issue isn’t trying to prove which is harder, it’s that OPs friend has been insensitive to what OP needed from her.

But it seems like it's pet owners that need to have their feelings validated and once you point out that having a dog is not the same as having a child then they get defensive. I stated my opinion in the same way as many other people on this thread and I supported that with facts. Of course feelings are important but they don't change the reality. Child is a child, dog is a dog. Coming back to OPs post - Not sure why anyone would be so insensitive and ignorant to minimise the experience of a new mother that went through so much physical and mental pain by comparing that to having a dog, but some people are just selfish I guess.

@StolenYourStollen no Op post said nothing is the same some of us are saying some things are the same , not all mothers do go through pregnancy so if someone adopts and then is having a hard time can they not say oh this is hard because people would be like ah but you didn't give birth so you didn't have it as hard as me
At no point as OP said her friend compared it to pregnancy etc just simply said its like having a baby and in many ways it is

@StolenYourStollen no your stating and twisting to suit your narrative no one has said its the same like for like but their are similarities
And to me it seems like the Op has taken the remark out of context
She can of course say to her friend she finds it hard when she says that as she is having a tough time , but you can't tell others what they can think
You can't change my view that for me having a puppy was harder than a child as for me it was that is a fact, i had easy children, difficult birth but it was a long time ago so its something i have been able to forget about now ,
I think the OP is having a tough time and has taken the comment out if context and personally which is understandable as she hasn't had it easy

@StolenYourStollen have you ever had a puppy ?

[quote worriedatthistime]@StolenYourStollen no Op post said nothing is the same some of us are saying some things are the same , not all mothers do go through pregnancy so if someone adopts and then is having a hard time can they not say oh this is hard because people would be like ah but you didn't give birth so you didn't have it as hard as me
At no point as OP said her friend compared it to pregnancy etc just simply said its like having a baby and in many ways it is [/quote]
I AGREED with you that having a dog can be hard and that some aspects of having a puppy can be similar to having a child. What I said IT IS NOT THE SAME EXPERIENCE. And mothers that adopted would also confirm that adopting a child IS NOT THE SAME EXPERIENCE as having a biological child. It doesn't mean that they're not mothers, but the experience is different. What's wrong with saying that? You can feel what you want and you can believe what you want, but you can't change the reality.

I've had both, personally, they aren't in the same league.

[quote worriedatthistime]@StolenYourStollen no your stating and twisting to suit your narrative no one has said its the same like for like but their are similarities
And to me it seems like the Op has taken the remark out of context
She can of course say to her friend she finds it hard when she says that as she is having a tough time , but you can't tell others what they can think
You can't change my view that for me having a puppy was harder than a child as for me it was that is a fact, i had easy children, difficult birth but it was a long time ago so its something i have been able to forget about now ,
I think the OP is having a tough time and has taken the comment out if context and personally which is understandable as she hasn't had it easy
[/quote]
You're the only person that have a problem with selective reading, so I wouldn't point fingers. As I said earlier, you can think what you want, it doesn't make it true though. Let's make it simple for you - Yes, having a dog can be hard/difficult. No - it is not the same as having a child. Hope there's no more misunderstandings.

But it seems like it's pet owners that need to have their feelings validated and once you point out that having a dog is not the same as having a child then they get defensive. I stated my opinion in the same way as many other people on this thread and I supported that with facts. Of course feelings are important but they don't change the reality. Child is a child, dog is a dog. Coming back to OPs post - Not sure why anyone would be so insensitive and ignorant to minimise the experience of a new mother that went through so much physical and mental pain by comparing that to having a dog, but some people are just selfish I guess.

I think most people realise that biologically dogs are not human children, at least I hope so.

What some people can’t accept is that others love their kids and dogs the same. Or call them their babies. I don’t know why anyone would care what others do. There’s is nothing that would minimise parenthood for me and my partner, but we still both love our dogs like we do the kids. The kids wouldn’t have it any other way.

I think OPs friend was insensitive if OP was telling her how hard she’s found it all and instead of listening, she talked about herself and her dog. But I’d think she was insensitive if she talked about anything instead of just listening. If the friend had started talking about her experience of motherhood, it would have still been wrong. Sometimes you just need to listen.