To find the school run relentlessly exhausting

[Longcovid21]

I will admit I feel a little under the weather at the moment and the school runs always fall to me (single parent). However I find the school runs absolutely exhausting. Other mums and dads don't look as broken as I feel. From waking up, cajoling to get dressed, recharging bags with packed lunch, fruit, water , getting them off screens which they sneak back on to as soon as my back is turned. Getting them to eat breakfast. Getting them in the car. Nag nag nag. Then rinse and repeat every day. They are 10 and 6 so the older one is a bit more independent but it's still exhausting for me. I work full time but am exhausted before I even start. I can't eat breakfast until they're in school as its too stressful. Also getting myself ready and making sure I look decent. Does anyone actually find the school run manageable or dare I say it enjoyable? What's your secret?

I also don’t think a sit down breakfast with various bowls and plates and cups to then wash up is always necessary. They get a morning break surely with drink/fruit if you’re sending that in, so I think often a croissant &babybel or a granola square and carton of juice has just the same nutritional value as a bowl of cereal and saves so much time and stress especially during busy periods of life

@Longcovid21

. I just think about how easy life would be without the school run (and bedtimes, but that’s another

Yes bedtimes too!!

Bedtime isn't a problem for me but my god bathtime is actual hell and the reason I have to drink at 7pm every night 😂

No devices, no TV, no screens, before school, same rule for adult and kids.
Kids on screens makes everything more difficult, and it doesn't set them up well for a good day's learning. I am militant about screentime, I think we don't even know yet the damage being done to kids.
You don't need to work out the device setting (though it will be helpful in general). Just tell them they are not allowed on them, you're in charge. Agree with all the other advice, everything prepped the night before. Good luck OP! This phase doesn't last forever and before you know it they will be sorting themselves out, especially once they hit Year 7. But they will struggle to do that if they are in the habit of wasting their morning on screens.

Prepare everything in advance. No tech except maybe a little tv once they are ready. My Dd is 13 and DS is 10. Dd is driven to bus stop ( not in walking distance) at 7.20am. DS gets up, dressed (occasionally shower) then downstairs to feed two indoor cats and one stray we've adopted who lives outside (I know I know. We've even forked out for an outside house that's waterproof. For all we know he still eats at his proper owners place 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️)

DS then walks or cycles on his own. The day this happened it was happy days. I wave him off at the door and start work.

I have exactly the same feeling OP, Iron and B12 tablets have really helped me with fatigue. Constant routine Monday - Friday, back the lunches the night before, create a list on the fridge so the kids can see what routine has to happen in the morning.

One reason I always worked full time and the used school coaches one as young as 4 - to save me the tyranny of the school run (and after school collection) although there is still the hassle of getting children's things out for school the night before etc.

@Longcovid21

I will have to work out how to put extra controls on the devices. I'm not very good at that stuff.

My ex w phones. Dd as she's 13 and needs one for school. DS walks or cycles by himself to and from school so needs one for emergencies. Both phones lock at different times. Ds (10) locked from 8pm to 8.30am then he listens to music on way to school. Older Dd locked 9pm to 7am (we leave house for her at 7.20am so she's mainly catching up with friends. Plus is reliable at getting out of house.

*My dc both have phones

Everything done the night before - even table set, cereal/jam out, everything. Lunches made, water bottles filled.

Each child has coat, shoes, bag hung on a cupboard in the kitchen.

Not just toothbrushes, hairbrush, flannel etc. in the downstairs loo - but actually in a basket in the kitchen (that then is stored in the downstairs loo).

Baths / showers the night before.

They get up and dressed upstairs. Make own beds.

Then downstairs (once - once they're down there's no going back).

We are lucky to have a table in the kitchen, but once they are in there, they are basically not allowed to wander around. They have weekends for that!

Breakfast, teeth, bags, coats etc. at the ready.

If they are ready ahead of time, they can read or play paper and pencil games together.

Absolutely NO screens in the morning!

We introduced this after a family meeting where we all agreed that mornings were stressful and that we all had to work together (i.e. they had to not work against us!) to get out of the door on time. We stressed that we have jobs to go to and also have to be on time and ready to work. Your DCs are old enough to start to understand this.

I have 3 to get ready, one with additional challenges. The secret to a smooth morning is treating it like a military operation, and planning everything in advance :-)

I make the lunches the night before (or supervise them making their own lunches... the plan being that they can start doing this themselves) I also get all the bags packed and get out all of their uniform and things that they need. Don't wait until things are stressful in the morning to find shoes, coats, pe kits, letters etc.

In the morning the first thing I do is set the alarm earlier than theirs - it's painful but it means I can have a cup of coffee, watch the news in peace for 5 mins and get ready myself.

I get the kids up and they have to get themselves dressed, washed, teeth brushed etc whilst I make breakfast. We've gone the other way to many families and will allow devices and TV in the morning, but only once the kids are ready. This gives them the incentive to get a shift on, because once they are done they can play for a few minutes.

The final thing that find useful is using a countdown just before we go - so I'll tell them we are leaving in 5 mins, then 4 mins, then 3 mins etc so that there are generally no last minute panics.

I hate it. Angry DC refusing to do anything for themselves, tears and tantrums over hairbrushing, the dog whining for us to get going, DC discovering they've forgotten their bus fare just as the bus is rounding the corner... it's a shitshow every damn day.

@Tdcp - I know this is a slight side point, but what is your daughter like with other people. As in, if you had to go out on a saturday, and had to stay with dad/babysitter/grandparent?

Because in my bitter experience of school-related anxiety, it’s not about separation.

It’s a whole other issue, which I’m not going to go into now because it’s the wrong thread, but after 5 years of what you describe, I have to ask.

Being forced, whilst in a state of severe anxiety, to go to school, is an awful situation to be in. And I’m talking a bout you, not just your daughter.

Anyway, meanwhile, screens are a huge form of respite for the neurodiverse. I love the adamant posts about no screens, but I’m quite happy. Now I know that some brains are different others. For autistic kids, screens help with down-regulation of emotions, and they react completely differently.

So no, school mornings were vile. Now I know what is going on, we’re all happy, but not regimented. Can’t think of anything worse. Put me off school for life.

@JudgeRindersMinder

Do everything you can the night before, lunches made, bags packed, uniforms ready , and remove their screens till they’re ready in the morning

that. you're the parent. take control.

I don't find screens a big issue. Dd gets up by herself and is on her ipad in pjs while I have shower and get dressed. When I come down about 7am she puts it away and we do breakfast/dressing etc. Getting dressed downstairs is quicker and easier then they take pjs up when they brush teeth. Packed lunch made the night before and usually clothes are out ready. Except today when I had to raid the dirty laundry for a t shirt

I have 4 aged 7 to 14. Sounds like we have the same mornings, I feel like I just nag all the time!! I used to find it hard before starting to work ft, now I just feel exhausted all the time. The only thing that has ever helped me is that now I make sure I wash lunch boxes the night before and have my clothes and theirs ready, and all shoes and coats at the door

I enjoy the school run too.

I make packed lunches the night before, no screens are allowed in the morning, we have a clear routine. Up at 7:30, teeth, clothes, hair, tidy room. Downstairs for breakfast at 8, leave at 8:20.

One more year of school runs left after 16 years. The last time I pick up I will open a bottle of champagne.

I have a rich friend who has literally never done a school run. They have a taxi too and from school everyday!

*to

I find it hard but I have 4 and I’m a single parent, 4 all in primary, it’s a nightmare and we aren’t at our closest school it’s a bus ride away and the bus in the mornings is awful. Takes forever to get out the door with my lot in the mornings

I do packed lunches the night before and keep them in the fridge ready to grab in the morning. Uniforms etc are also laid out ready to go. I will start asking them to dress/get shoes on much earlier than actually needed so that they are actually ready to go when it is time (I get the nag nag nag thing..)

We have no screens in the morning unless they’re dressed, fed and sat ready early. We get up, they eat, then get them washed, brushed and dressed. Check homework and bags have everything they need and they’re ready. Only then can they have tv on. It’s their responsibility to help get ready to leave on time. Some days it a rush, some days it’s easy, but it’s never horrendous (unless there’s traffic!). We also leave ten minutes earlier than we need to, so there’s a buffer if we’re running late

I am also a single working mum. I have similar age children to you as well. We get up have breakfast, while they are eating I sort their uniform and lay it out for them, then they shower ans get dressed. They aren't allowed screens until they are ready with shoes on and coats and bags next to them. This seems to hurry them along. Then I get ready. I've got my make up routine down to 5 mins! We get up at 7 and leave at 8.15 the latest.

I find it so draining sometimes. Some days it all runs smoothly and others they seem to be having a competition as to who can get ready the slowest!

I had this issue until about a month ago. I was getting so stressed I nearly cried at work.
There is a massive added stress in having to then go to work strait after.
My children are similar ages. I got them both Smiggle alarm clocks. Set the alarm and said they sent 25p for getting up and dressed and generally not being pains in the morning. It has worked! It'd not 💯 but a lot better.
I now don't give them the 25p they just get up and dressed because the alarm clock has gone off. I also get everything ready the night before.

I found it really tedious and was glad when it was over after 9 years. I remember a mum saying she'd miss it and I couldn't relate

I’m sorry you’re finding it stressful. My mum was a single mum with 3 of us working two different jobs to make ends meet. It was really hard.

I’m a SAHM so I’m really fortunate that I don’t have the added stress of getting to work on time and only have DS, 8. We’re up at 7, DS has breakfast at the dining table, and then is allowed to watch children’s BBC before school, but no tablet time. We leave the house at 8:30. I don’t drive so we always walk to school which I really enjoy, except when the weather is awful. I think the key thing is to have a routine and stick to the same timings every day.