To find the school run relentlessly exhausting

[Longcovid21]

I will admit I feel a little under the weather at the moment and the school runs always fall to me (single parent). However I find the school runs absolutely exhausting. Other mums and dads don't look as broken as I feel. From waking up, cajoling to get dressed, recharging bags with packed lunch, fruit, water , getting them off screens which they sneak back on to as soon as my back is turned. Getting them to eat breakfast. Getting them in the car. Nag nag nag. Then rinse and repeat every day. They are 10 and 6 so the older one is a bit more independent but it's still exhausting for me. I work full time but am exhausted before I even start. I can't eat breakfast until they're in school as its too stressful. Also getting myself ready and making sure I look decent. Does anyone actually find the school run manageable or dare I say it enjoyable? What's your secret?

It sounds counter intuitive but if they have time to faff around and go on devices in the morning then they have too much time!! Get as much done the night before as you can and get them up later - so basically all they have time to do is wash, dress have breakfast (or whatever order you prefer) and leave.

Personally I've always got myself ready before my dc gets up and had my first cuppa in peace!!

My son has special needs and transferred to Sen school in year 3 . He gets collected by a bus , it's the best thing ever ! I hated the school run and now I can work around him as it's a longer day!

Every cloud and all that! 🤣

Single full time working parent here.

Get everything ready the night before.
Get up an hour before them and get yourself sorted.
No screen time, just hide devices the night before.

@Longcovid21

I will have to work out how to put extra controls on the devices. I'm not very good at that stuff.

Going forward and as your kids get older, my advice is to get better at this. Know the tech and platforms your kids are using and know how to work them.

Switch to school lunches? I know they won't suit every child/budget but it does save a lot of faff!

I have to admit that I did enjoy the actual walk to school and dropping off. The other bit I can't imagine I enjoyed very much, but seem to have blanked out!! I also didn't do it every day on my own. I worked and alternated with my partner. I imagine it gets a bit relentless if you are doing it every day on your own before work.

The 10 year really should be able to do this without you ( I know it is easier said than done...). What would happen if you took a more hands off approach and just told them what time you were leaving?

@Shtfday

Yes we seem to have a similar approach, I let her on her games on the iPad whilst she eats breakfast for an hour and that really helps, on some days she plays on it on the way to school as well for some distraction, it can be up and down with her but it's exhausting isn't it. Especially keeping your shit together when they're distraught every day ..or the night before.

@Longcovid21

My secret is my childminder
GetThem dropped off at 7:30 then relax and get ready for the day ahead
I'd be lost without her and I collect at
5:30

As a single parent you might be eligable for up to I think it's 70/75/80% off fees for registered childcare

I say iPad, I really mean cheap tablet 😂

No new tips here but there is a general theme of the whole household not doing stuff the night before, and screen time/taking the piss really.

you're the parent.

get as much ready the night before as possible.

no screen time in the mornings - OR, only once they're ready to go out the door as an incentive. quite frankly i often see that incentives just lead to tantrums and whining, so it's better to have a blanket rule which younger children can easily understand.

school dinners where possible, if not, make it all up the night before, as suggested.

same to laying out clothes etc.

the idea of doing homework in the mornings as some posters have suggested sounds stressful - again, move to the night before if it's similarly stressful.

build in rewards and not all punishment for doing the "right" thing, it depends what yours are motivated by (again, i'm not convinced more screen time is a great parenting tool)

visualise timings. sand timers, clocks, whatever they understand. don't use a phone, it's more screen time - use simple tools, not tech.

ample warnings: 5 min shout to getting in the car. 2 min shout. make it clear you expect ready to be ready -no faffing with coats or shoes when you leave NOW.

the 10 year old should be almost independant by now, if not, time to start being harsher - your mornings sound ridiculous and stressful for everyone. better for the whole family if you reset expectations on what does and does not happen in the mornings.

@Longcovid21

Amd if you are a single parent and get any UC you'll probably find your eligable for lunches too I'd ask the question

Anything to make it less stressful is worth it

I don't like the getting ready bit much. We have good mornings and bad. The older one is 8 and he is no bother but the 6 year-old has no interest in getting ready and needs constant nagging.

However I quite like my school runs but I think it's because I used to work full time and rarely do it pre covid so not too jaded yet. I also like the 20 min walk as it gets me ready for the day.

[quote Longcovid21]@Onlyforcake can I ask what you enjoy about it? I want to get myself in a better mindset[/quote]
I just enjoy saying hello to other parent friends. We walk home together. Sometimes we arrange play dates etc on these days. We have a no devices rule all week until Friday. Except for matheletics and tt rockstars

to the poster who said their child is up before 7am gaming on an xbox.. is that healthy/balanced? and i say that as a gamer.

When my friend's daughter was about 8 she was a terror for getting ready for school. One weekend my friend sat her down and explained that this was not acceptable and that she would be taken to school at the correct time whether she was ready or not.

She went to school twice in her pyjamas. Was never late for school again.

It’s awful isn’t it! I hate it!

My only suggestions are

• hide the screens the night before / turn off internet until they’re gone
• is there a wag you can stop doing pacjed lunches? My life improved so much when dd agreed to have school dinners!

Have a 4yo and a newborn- it isn't a joy but also isn't the worst (however I am not having to get myself presentable for work so when I go back to work I'm sure ill feel the pinch more). I pack lunch bags and school bags night before, hang uniforms up downstairs and then DD changes in living room. No TV until breakfast has been eaten and uniform got into- so this is a good carrot to chivvy her along. Do her hair and teeth in living room whilst she watches TV. Keep school coat and her shoes in the car and carry her to car (appreciate that's not an option with a 10yo or poss even a 6yo). If I were you I would be using the screen time in morning as reward for eating breakfast, getting dressed swiftly and ant other stuff they need to get done. Dilly dallying will just reduce the screen time they get. So ipads/phones stay with you until kids have done what they need to.

Best routine I have seen involved a series of alarm clocks - much like the PP who mentioned 20 minute blocks. So first alarm is to get children up and dressed. Next alarm is to wash faces and brush teeth. Next alarm is to go downstairs for breakfast. Next alarm is to put on shoes and coats. Final alarm is to leave the house. These days you could train a smart home device to provide the alerts for you.

By using a series of alarms it makes the expectation clear without you nagging at them. It also limits the going up and down stairs, which is a huge time waster and opportunity for them to get distracted (have them use aprons for breakfast if needed, and wipe faces as required). As they get better at it, you can reduce the alarms to one for getting up washed and dressed, another for going downstairs and doing breakfast, coat and shoes, and a final alarm for time to leave.

All the prior points about no screens and everything packed the night before should be a given. Screen time needs to be a reward and not an expectation. If they keep to schedule of a morning then they can have screens after school - if not, they can try harder tomorrow.

Stop stressing about screens.

Get up earlier so it’s not such a rush? , get the 6 year old being more organised in the morning, mine dresses herself now.
I just hand her clothes to her.
I make their breakfast whilst she dresses, she comes down and eats it.
I dress my 5 year old (just turned) and he eats with his sister.
I hand their toothbrush to them before we leave, job done.

Any lunch boxes get made the night before, usually when I’m prepping dinner.

Get a behaviour chart so they have consequences for you having to nag in a morning.

I actually prefer mine to just sit down in the mornings otherwise they drive me insane.
Once I say go get your shoes and coat on their begging to get up and do it so there’s no nagging.

As a single parent my tips mirror others

All bags need to be packed the night before including lunches. Bags and coats left by the front door

Uniform laid out in their rooms ready to put on

No tv or devices until they are totally ready

I have also said to my kids that if they are on time all term we will go to a desert restaurant at the end of term and if they are late I won’t pretend why. I will tell the school/teacher that they ar elate becuase they didn’t listen and wouldn’t get ready. They are both old enough to read a clock tell them what times things need to be done by ie dressed by 7.30 breakfast by 8.15, teeth and shoes on by 8.30 to leave etc.

Make them more responsible

Devices surely don’t come out in the mornings just put them away at night when they’re off them and don’t get them out again

Lunches done night before or do school dinners if you work FT it reduces stress
Kids fill their own bottles and pick a piece of fruit and put in bag

I’d say no screen time in the morning. Or otherwise only as a “reward” when they are literally ready to move out the door having had breakfast, got dressed and all the rest of it.

My top tips are:

Set your alarm earlier than you need to to give yourself some extra time – I wake up half an hour early and have a cup of tea in bed before I do anything else. I'm not a morning person and this really helps me feel human enough to face the day.
Make lunches and get everything ready the night before.
Set a no-screens-until-you're-completely-ready-for-school-rule – breakfasted, dressed, bags ready, shoes/coats on. Take their devices away until this time if you need to.
When you're making packed lunches the night before, make yourself a packed breakfast to take to work.
Can you walk to school rather than drive? Sometimes a quick walk can be a nice time to chat to kids. Also, you get to walk back alone and get your head around the day ahead!

Bags and lunches packed the night before. NO SCREENS (ever, not just in the mornings, at that age they don't need them), TV off, and maybe for the little one have a tick chart where he/she can tick off the tasks to do in the morning, on a little white board (clean teeth, get dressed etc). Reward on Friday if all days go smoothly.