To find the school run relentlessly exhausting

[Longcovid21]

I will admit I feel a little under the weather at the moment and the school runs always fall to me (single parent). However I find the school runs absolutely exhausting. Other mums and dads don't look as broken as I feel. From waking up, cajoling to get dressed, recharging bags with packed lunch, fruit, water , getting them off screens which they sneak back on to as soon as my back is turned. Getting them to eat breakfast. Getting them in the car. Nag nag nag. Then rinse and repeat every day. They are 10 and 6 so the older one is a bit more independent but it's still exhausting for me. I work full time but am exhausted before I even start. I can't eat breakfast until they're in school as its too stressful. Also getting myself ready and making sure I look decent. Does anyone actually find the school run manageable or dare I say it enjoyable? What's your secret?

It has to be a military operation. Bags ready the night before so no last minute scrabble in the morning, I didn’t have packed lunches, but if I had I would have prepared these the night before as well. Up, dressed and beds made (pocket money dependant on this happening), breakfast together (I tried to offer something that generated enthusiasm - a favourite cereal, yoghurt, juice whatever to get them to the table) then teeth brushed, coats on and only then could they watch a bit of TV or go on devices in whatever time was left before they needed to step out of the door.I must confess I do slightly miss the school run - yes it can feel like a mad dash, but if you have a routine it’s actually a lovely chance for a bit of uninterrupted time together talking about what’s happening at school that day. As with so much of life with small children, none of these things can be expected to happen organically. Routine is key - far from being dull, routine is what simplifies much of your life as a parent and makes it more enjoyable for everyone. This stage doesn’t last forever so you can either enjoy it while you can or console yourself with the fact that it will eventually come to an end.

It gets a lot easier when eldest can’t go themselves to high school and you haven’t got long?
I actually enjoyed the school run with a single child and the oldest one left early so mornings became infinitely easier!

Same here, DD 7 has anxiety problems (mainly separation anxiety) and every day from the second she wakes up until the class room, so about 1.5 hours, it's me consoling her and trying to make her feel better but with the constant I feel sick, tears and begging me not to send her in, I'm at the end of my rope. It's been 5 years of it now and I'm so bloody tired. I wish her dad could do the school runs sometimes.

I feel your pain. Mine are 10 and 6 too. We have to leave at 7:30 to catch the school bus.
I get them up at 6:50 although 10yr old often up playing Xbox.

Be strict - tablets away by 7am. I do breakfast first to let them come round a bit uniform laid out for 6 year old. Bags packed and coats bags shoes by the door.

If things are still a struggle get up 10 mins earlier. I like to have 5 mins to myself before I wake them just to have calm

Enjoy isn't a word I'd use but it's habit now and not so stressful - we have to leave the house at 8:15 for nursery then school drop off then I head straight to work.

Water bottle sorted before bed and in fridge. Bags, coats and shoes are by the front door and clothes are out ready.
Mine are 6 and 2, they eat in Pjs as they both seem to make a mess. Then its get dressed and teeth. Tv only on a morning, no other screens.

Usually awake/up anywhere between 6/6:30, Breakfast is weetabix or other cereal, A rice cake and a piece of fruit (they both have always had a big breakfast appetite) While big does shoes and coat for him and little I'm putting bags in the car, we have to start getting ready to actually leave at 8 as it somehow takes 15 mins to get into the car after turning everything off and closing doors etc, it is busy but not stressful if that makes sense.

I hate making packed lunches. Such a slog when I’m half awake. Actual dropping at school isn’t so bad but they’ll walk from September and that feels liberating. I’ll get 20 minutes with no dc in the house before I leave for work!

I really enjoy the school run! Also have to do it every time due to husband's working hours.

Mine are 9, 7 and 4.

I get up well before the kids - get myself ready, have a coffee (in peace!), get bags ready and by the door so I won't have to be distracted.

I then get the kids up well before we leave the house (about 1.5 hours before we go). Having plenty of time takes the stress out of it all.

We have a strict routine: no breakfast until dressed, then no TV/laptops until teeth, washed and toilet done.

After that, they usually have around 45 minutes to watch TV. The Switch/PS are banned before school otherwise there is hell on earth getting them off!

Then it's coats and shoes on 5-10 minutes before we have to set off, again giving plenty of time for feet-dragging/suddenly remembering something we've forgotten etc.

Also, keep in mind that it's not the end of the world if things don't go to plan! I always see many parents turning up later than we do.

Everything the night before and table laid up for breakfast. No screen time at all

I like it when we are all ready that I get 30 mins to feel organised and prepared. I like the walk or cycle to school, we take our time and chat on the way. But that time to myself in the shower before they're up or in my 30 min window for "admin" gives me a sense of being on top of things. So I guess that helps my mindset. I'm not going to lie. Some parts of my day feel more out of control, but the start really helps me feel in the right place.

I find the top of the fridge freezer the best control for tablet usage!

My eldest who I have to take to school isn’t really a problem, he makes his own breakfast (his choice, I’d happily do it for him but he likes doing it himself) and gets himself ready to go with reminders. He has school dinners so only needs his books and his drink.

Trying to battle my younger two is the issue. Middle often mucks about getting dressed, then youngest inevitably wants a feed even if he’s only just had one so then he’s screaming the place down whilst I’m wrestling to change my middle one, then middle trashes his room whilst I feed, then I have to get ready and one of them is often squawking. Then it’s the battle of getting them both in their coats and into the buggy, again one or both of them usually arent happy with this. I’m done in by the time we actually get out the house. I’m fortunate the school is only down the road so have more time to get out the door 😅

I have a complete morning screen ban on weekdays. It’s still stressful but would be 100 times worse with screens.

A friend has success by letting them watch telly but only if they are completely ready so sitting there in shoes and coats with bags fully packed.

Oh and no screen time for eldest before school. We trialled letting him have it if he got ready and had time before school to go on it, but it just caused tears when I said it’s time to turn it off and leave so that’s been stopped. He can read or play with his Lego if he has time before he has to leave.

Family link is a great free app for managing screen time on different devices.

Yes they are early risers here too @wnkingawalrus

Not a single mum however tips are…

Mine are 12 and 16 and we still follow the rules to a certain degree, its second nature for them now.

Mine starts on a Sunday.

5 sets of uniform ironed and put into their drawers for the week.

Boys polish shoes / Boys get school bags ready on a evening for their next day.

No pack lunches here now but when we did at primary I made 2 days worth at a time.

Breakfast with a timer (20 mins) and then 20 mins to brush teeth and get dressed. (We don’t use the timer now but they still follow the 20 min rule)

If they farted on for whatever reason they got screen time taken away from them.

No devices in the morning, when we brought these rules in we took them away at bedtime (to do story books) and they were given them back after dinner was eaten.

I used to despair that we have moved to somewhere where there are no school uniforms. I hated the lunchboxes too - until at lockdown I also had to make lunch.

I have kids 9 and 5. The oldest must be in school by 7:45. They will both dress themselves and brush teeth. The younger sometimes will refuse to get up and I try and deal with her when I can.

Organize lunchboxes the night before. Put clothes out. But the main difference is- absolutely no devices in the morning.
These are not helpful and not your friends. You’d be better off letting your kids sleep 10 min longer and then physically dressing them.

One of the reasons I got a nanny but then I was at work before anybody was even awake.

@tdcp

yes.... i don't think people realise how difficult this can be with anxious children.
Earlier riser here so from about 5.30am - ignoring all things school related till the last possible minute keeps her calmer and reduces the time of hightened stress for her but i dread then having to get her ready and into the car.
screens distracted her from all her school based worries a little

I’m counting the days down, 28 to go till I’m finally free forever

DS is 18 so it’s been forever, he has inattentive ADHD and so until his meds kick in is a zombie. Has to be constantly prompted at every stage and no sense of urgency and has to be driven 3 miles to school each and every day

I’m actually disabled and have CFS so this battle every day just drains my energy and no strategy works until his meds kick in, even then his executive function skills mean he’s disorganised and needs keeping on track

28 days until he leaves school….

Get rid of the screens and devices. Today.

The 10-year old should be pretty much independent by now. You need to take control and stop them taking the piss, quite frankly.

Do as much as possible the night before, e.g. setting out uniform and packing bags, packing packed lunch.

Get them alarm clocks.

Simplify breakfast: a cereal bar and sealed milk container that can be eaten in front of the TV while you get ready?

Set time for TV to be turned off that everyone is clear about, e.g. after xyz programme.

Phones/tablets: install e.g. FamilyLink or similar and apply time limits. You can also lock them at a certain time when it is necessary to leave the house or get ready.

Contingency time for very slow shoe putting on situations.

Yes to tv/devices only when all actions have been completed ie dressed, breakfast, teeth brushed. They can help make their lunches, even at 6, start them now. Yes they might whine but you have the threat of no screen time before school. They can choose their fruit, pack their lunch boxes. Don't underestimate what children can do. It isn't like you are sending them to work down mines or in the mill.

From reception in school if they have a school lunch they collect their trays, choose their food, collect their water glass and cutlery. When they are finished they empty the water, stack the glasses, scrape their food from their trays etc. They tidy classrooms. Start them young enough at home with chores then it is just part of what they do. Mine were putting their clothes into a laundry hamper at 18 months.

Sit them both down today and tell them your new routine from tomorrow, what is expected of them. Then follow through with any consequences. You could ask them what would happen in school if a teacher asked you to do something and you didn't? Make them think about the fact that there are consequences for their actions.

Do what you can the night before
Get up an hour before the kids and get yourself fed and ready before they get up
Get the kids up earlier than you think they need to (mine get woken at 7am when we don't need to leave until 8.45am). It gives you time for disasters
Get them dressed first then breakfast, then devices. I let mine have 20 mins on the switch after they are ready and have eaten. If we did the other way around they'd still be in their pjs at 9am.

Good advice on here.

I went the whole hog one day with mine, when she was 14.
She was in danger of missing the school bus so many times, [her siblings used to hold it up for her] that when she did, I made her walk to school[5 miles]. I knew she would be late, but that was up to her to sort out.

As it happens, her grannie was going into town, passed her on the road, and gave her a lift to school for the 2nd half.

Taught DD a lesson which no one has forgotten.