To find the school run relentlessly exhausting

[Longcovid21]

I will admit I feel a little under the weather at the moment and the school runs always fall to me (single parent). However I find the school runs absolutely exhausting. Other mums and dads don't look as broken as I feel. From waking up, cajoling to get dressed, recharging bags with packed lunch, fruit, water , getting them off screens which they sneak back on to as soon as my back is turned. Getting them to eat breakfast. Getting them in the car. Nag nag nag. Then rinse and repeat every day. They are 10 and 6 so the older one is a bit more independent but it's still exhausting for me. I work full time but am exhausted before I even start. I can't eat breakfast until they're in school as its too stressful. Also getting myself ready and making sure I look decent. Does anyone actually find the school run manageable or dare I say it enjoyable? What's your secret?

My 10yo DS is a head-in-the-clouds procrastinator but has still be trained to:

• get his own breakfast (I'm usually in the kitchen but he chooses and makes what he wants. I try to get him to wash his own bowl/plate too...variable outcomes here)
• brush teeth without being told
• get dressed and sort his own uniform or PE kit (all in one place, he's responsible for putting it away so he knows where it is)
• getting tablet time only when all the above is done - so he has a powerful incentive to move quickly!

Then when I call he has to be at the door getting bag and shoes on relatively quickly. If he wants a cereal bar or snack for school he knows where they are and needs to get it himself. I'm not saying this was painless getting to this point but I never have to nag him. I might say "do you need trainers/money" etc but nothing else. So it is doable. My 8yo DD is similar but needs a little more support and finds it harder.

Agree with pp saying get everything ready the night before. Hide all devices, no TV. Make the packed lunches and put in fridge, just put them in the bags before you leave the house.
They will whine and complain but don't give in. After a few days the new routine will settle in and mornings will run smoothly.
Try and eat breakfast together. With no other distractions it can be a nice start to the day.
Get all your work stuff ready the night before too. I used to pack my work bags and put them next to the door. Knowing I had checked everything made me much calmer in the morning. I just had to chuck all the lunches in the bags and go.
It is a really good habit to teach them before secondary school too.

I miss walking mine to school!

Put them on school dinners if you can
Bags packed the night before
Uniform sorted night before
Make sure you get up early enough so it's not a stress to get out of the door.

I agree it's organisation. I had to do the school run for my DD, from wake up. At first it was stressful, but I worked out the timings and would be strict. I used to set my phone on 10 minute alarms. Devices would be used to suit me, so one would sit when dressed while I helped the other/did hair. Books/water bottles would be put by the front door while they were eating. The youngest doesn't eat when she first wakes up, so sometimes breakfast would be a brioche etc on the way.
We have to get public transport places, so we have to have good time keeping. We walk to school.

Do absolutely everything that is possible the night before:

Lunches, drinks and snacks ready to go in the fridge
Shoes and coats by the door
Uniform piled up ready to put on

Homework never done in the morning always evenings

No devices until they have eaten, brushed their teeth and got dressed.

Why are they having any screens before school? I think this is where you are going wrong. I have 4 children and 3 different school runs so I do understand the stress in the mornings, but no way would I be allowing the TV on or tablets being played with. Surely screens only come out in the evening once school and extra curricular activities are over, homework is done and they have being behaving appropriately (I.e not been rude, room is tidy etc). Apart from the obvious logistical problems with having screens before school, too much screen time isn't healthy and they will be far too over stimulated for school!

Ditto what everyone else says. No screens.

Do your kids eat breakfast in their PJs or uniform? Mine get dressed & brushed first before coming downstairs. That way it's just eat breakfast & go.

Our routine (,in case this helps? Not sure it will? But maybe?).

1. 7.15 wake up. Call to kids to get dressed. They all dress themselves apart from little one who comes to my room for help. I have shower & get dressed (no make up).
2. Probably about 7.45 Breakfast. Toast, cereal, eggs, porridge. They serve themselves. I eat too.
3. 8.15 brush hair, ties on, shoes on, lunch boxes in bags (packed night before). Fresh water bottles.
4. 8.15 to 8.30 spelling practice & reading for little one

8.35 coats on out the door.

I then get home after school run & finish tidying up.

No time for screens in our schedule.

Mine are younger (3, and 6 months) but I struggle with how to get myself ready on DD’s nursery days. Ideally I’d get myself sorted before she’s up (6.45) but I can’t if the baby is awake and needs feeding then (6.15 this morning). DH leaves for work before 7 so I’m on my own on the days DD goes to nursery. She does end up watching CBeebies on my phone while I shower (and the baby is happy lying next to her playing with her skirt!). Do feel like a bad mum sometimes though….

No screens until they're completely ready. If they don't get ready in time, that means no screens at all.

We also travel by car and I get everything ready the night before and put bags and coats in the car so all we have to do is get in and drive off.

We do school lunches. Mine are younger so still get free school meals, but I'm hoping to continue this even once I have to pay as it is so much easier. When my eldest was at nursery I had to provide a packed lunch as that was the only option and it's amazing how much stress it added, I don't ever want to go back to that!

I find that it helps to prep most of lunch boxes the night before, i make a sandwich, then in the morning i onlu have to sling it along with other items into lunchbox, job done. Also, get all the neccesary bits ready and in one place, reading journal in the bag, check, shoes ready, check, change of clothes if needed, check. Getting all the stuff ready only takes some 5 mins but that can set you back a lot in the morning.
I also trained them to know that we always do things that have to be done first, e.g. we get dressed, brush teeth/hair and only then can get back on e.g. ipad if there is still time for that.
Lack of parking and need to get there in time to get a space stresses me out but there is bothing i can do about it. So i try to make sure i get there on time.
I used to get very stressed but that was because i was less organised, it is much better now that i do simple steps the night before to help myself.

I feel for you op . I find the mornings soul destroying (4 kids under 13). I found a few things that help.

Pack lunches and fill drinks the night before.

School bags ready the night before.

Put uniforms out for the youngest 2 the night before.

Breakfasts that don't take any effort are a godsend. Ready to eat stuff like croissants, waffles, cereal bars.

A ban on electronics until the kids are dressed, hairs done, breakfast eaten, teeth brushed, and shoes on. This one guarantees my kids will get ready quickly and then I get 20 mins before we leave to sit and have a cup of tea.

@Longcovid21

I will have to work out how to put extra controls on the devices. I'm not very good at that stuff.

What devices do you have? My two used to have an ipad Mini, now they have Android tablets and one has a Switch. I can tell you how to control the time on any of these. We also have wifi plugs on the TV so we can switch it on when they are dressed and off when it's time to go.

@Onlyforcake can I ask what you enjoy about it? I want to get myself in a better mindset

I wouldn't dare leave anything in the car overnight where I live, tbh.

Yea forgot to say. Dress before breakfast. Any little bits of breakfast that get on their clothes can just wipe off.
For some reason it’s less stressful when we do it this way round.

Agree with others, do lunches and drinks the night before. No screens allowed. Get up before the kids to get yourself ready, then it’s just the kids. Mine are 9 and 6 and get themselves dressed- I put their uniforms out ready for them the night before. While they’re getting dressed I make their breakfast. I do my daughters hair after breakfast and they go up and brush teeth then They get coats and shoes on and we go. There’s definitely some nagging from me most mornings but it’s not too bad! I get my cuppa at work because it’s more peaceful though!

Yanbu. It's surprising how much work goes into getting kids to school on time with everything they need!

I don’t do it anymore because my older DC are old enough to get themselves ready including breakfast, they just need prompting to brush teeth and hair really but don’t need help with anything. DH drops them on the way to work and they make their own way home. I remember how relentless it was when they were younger though so feel your pain, it absolutely was exhausting. Always fell to me in the past because DH started work too early back then and they were awful to get sorted. They’ve always attended a school almost 2 miles away from home and DH takes the car to work so always had to walk it which makes things that bit tougher. I used to honestly cry sometimes when it had been a difficult school run especially in the rain and cold. Pleased I don’t have to do it but will start up again in September when 3 year old starts nursery- yay.

We had no screens in the morning at that age - they just turn them into sludge children.

If you live in a house (basically if you have more than one floor) bring uniform downstairs and get dressed there. Brush teeth in kitchen/downstairs loo. Just prevents them being lost to the land of upstairs.

I used to have a timer on my phone and would time them getting dressed to see if they could break their own record. Shout encouragement/make a chart.

Cereal, bowls etc out the night before. Do as much as you can the night before.

Finally, can you get up before them so you have 20 minutes of peace before the nagfesf? Might help you feel a bit calmer

Why are they having any screens before school?

Because for me before school can start at 5.30am and there’s fuck all chance of me spending the next two hours playing and entertaining at that time.

[quote Longcovid21]@Onlyforcake can I ask what you enjoy about it? I want to get myself in a better mindset[/quote]
Although it could be a bit stressful I actually quite enjoyed it too.
I really enjoyed it when DD went to Secondary and it was just me and DS in the car (Y4 onwards) it was our time when there were no devices or distractions and we had our best talks. Now he’s at Secondary too and while I make sure to chat to him every day he isn’t trapped in a car with me so he can’t now escape.
I do remember when the dc were younger and the neighbours used to hear me yelling “just get in the bloody car” most days though

My youngest is 12 so it's a drop and run at this stage. So so happy those days are behind me.

it is exhausting and i hate it, i'm glad mine are a bit older.. my oldest has autism/adhd and its nightmare getting him ready for school, i have to cajole all the way, at least his younger sister is pretty self sufficient and i can rely on her to sort herself out.

We get up at 7, they have until 7.40 to eat while i do their lunches, they have to leave their tablets with me (hand them to me and i keep them on my person) while we all then get dressed, my being upstairs means i can keep DS on track, then i stuff DS in his taxi while DD packs her school bag about 8.20, then i take DD to school. If they're ready early, they get some extra tablet time until DS's taxi gets here.

I come home, have my breakfast (usually just a black coffee tbh) then i get on with my day, we do baths/showers after school.

I loathe it as well. My dc are perfectly fine getting ready and out the door, it's the seeing other parents at school that I hate. Hate the small talk, hate the forced conversations and I just want to get out of there.

Sympathies OP. Lots of tips here, just have a think and find what will work for you.

I've hated the school run at times too, lone parent. I will never forget turning up slightly late one morning and apologising. The head said to me 'don't worry Egg, I like to see kids with a bit of spirit '.

I thought, great, me too ..... it just doesn't help you to get them out of the house in the morning does it!

It is wearing - I've found it much easier while WFH as it removes me having to look presentable from the equation.