To find the school run relentlessly exhausting

[Longcovid21]

I will admit I feel a little under the weather at the moment and the school runs always fall to me (single parent). However I find the school runs absolutely exhausting. Other mums and dads don't look as broken as I feel. From waking up, cajoling to get dressed, recharging bags with packed lunch, fruit, water , getting them off screens which they sneak back on to as soon as my back is turned. Getting them to eat breakfast. Getting them in the car. Nag nag nag. Then rinse and repeat every day. They are 10 and 6 so the older one is a bit more independent but it's still exhausting for me. I work full time but am exhausted before I even start. I can't eat breakfast until they're in school as its too stressful. Also getting myself ready and making sure I look decent. Does anyone actually find the school run manageable or dare I say it enjoyable? What's your secret?

I sympathise op I do most alone as dp works long and irregular hours.My dcs are hard work to get out in the morning and one has asd so needs more help. We are late sometimes but I think it is vetter than being totally stressed out all the time.

I'm a single parent too.
I have 3 teenagers now, eldest at college is fully independent and younger two need only a lift to school as we're rural. I do no chasing, if they forget something it's their fault.
I got to this point by having a strict routine.
Night before get uniform layed out, pack lunches made, bags packed and by front door with coat. Dc need to be involved in this.
In the morning no electricals, washed and dressed as soon as up before breakfast. After breakfast lunch in bags. Then wipe face /brush teeth. Shoes and coat on. Took 45 minutes to do this with 3 primary school dc.
It meant being very strict at first but payed off long term. Definitely worth it for us. You just need to find a routine that works for your family. The routine is still monotonous 14 years later but at least it's not stressful too.

Yep, it's annoying. Mine are 9,11.
We have to faff every morning, laddered tights, cant find shoes, cardies, blah, blah. Even though all this is pre-organized on Sunday.
And then the drive, why on earth some people just 'POP' out during those times is beyond me. Then proceed to drive like a massive see you next Tuesday.
Once getting to school, parents bring, scooters, dogs, friends, some parents stand in the middle of the paths and school entrances. Some walk at 0.1 mph.

I walked to school as a child as it was half a mile away.

@Infinitemoon

One more year of school runs left after 16 years. The last time I pick up I will open a bottle of champagne.

I have a rich friend who has literally never done a school run. They have a taxi too and from school everyday!

I was wondering how that would work, but then realised it's probably a private school where they have staff meeting the kids from the taxi!

Yeah absolutely no screens in the morning here. They make my kids much more lethargic and resistant so the only mornings they can have tv are the weekends. And yes to getting stuff ready the night before. I know it’s boring when you’ve already done all the washing up and sorting the laundry and tidying toys and you just want to sit down with a glass of wine, but I have found the trade off to be worthwhile! My kids also eat big breakfasts so I have to get them dressed and hair brushed etc before they eat. We usually walk in so that’s easier, it takes longer to leave on days we cycle so I imagine packing up in the car takes a chunk of time.
Could you look into breakfast club at school? Mine go 2 days when both me and DH are at work and obviously that means we don’t have to do breakfast at home which saves some time. Also means they up and out earlier!
I do feel for you OP, I used to hate it when mine were younger but now my oldest is at secondary she pretty much sorts herself out and I know that’s coming for my middle one soon too. It doesn’t last forever.

They pack their own bags the night before. Devices are put out of their reach until they are ready to go. Breakfast is on the table at x o clock and finishes at x o clock and if they aren't finished, tough. If they aren't dressed, they go as they are. Put a schedule of times in place and if there are two of them, make it a competition.

I used to have the biggest fights with my daughter over this stuff, but did the above and that all stopped. We had got into this routine of shit, so I changed it.

She's 12 now. The taxi picks her up and she pretty much takes care of as much of the morning routine as she is able to.

No devices, bags and lunches done the night before, everyone dressed before they come down and if they faff about with teeth cleaning and hair brushing keep a hairbrush and bobbles downstairs and also toothbrush and toothpaste either in the kitchen or downstairs loo so you can supervise and keep them within your eye sight

I was wondering how that would work, but then realised it's probably a private school where they have staff meeting the kids from the taxi!

Or, like mine, they are disabled and the local authority provides school transport.

Take control back.

Children should get completely ready before any TV or screen time. I do this and it encourages them to get ready first and no nagging required (one has very challenging behaviour but has adapted to this way).

Do what you can the night before, clothes out ready for them, packed lunches prepared and in fridge, any items required done the night before (homework etc before gaming time).

Get them up just 10 minutes earlier. Get them involved and leave 5 minutes earlier than you usually do. When you are not running late you are all much less stressed.

@Hercisback

Physically move them out the way. No controls required. Or unplug and hide wires if they are plugged in consoles.

This! Turn the internet off for good measures.

In our house, tv or screens are only allowed once they’re ready.

And get as much done the night before.

I hear you OP, it's relentless but there are things you can do to ease the load, here are my tips;
I make sure all their uniform is washed and ready for the week ahead on a Sunday, it's a lot of work bur it's all done and ready to grab.
Pack the lunches the night before
Have a shower or bath yourself the night before...this saves a ton of time and don't worry you still feel lovely and clean in the morning.
No devices at all unless they are completely ready to go out the door.
Explain if they've late they're late and they have to deal with the fallout. I hope this helps!

@BoredZelda

They pack their own bags the night before. Devices are put out of their reach until they are ready to go. Breakfast is on the table at x o clock and finishes at x o clock and if they aren't finished, tough. If they aren't dressed, they go as they are. Put a schedule of times in place and if there are two of them, make it a competition.

I used to have the biggest fights with my daughter over this stuff, but did the above and that all stopped. We had got into this routine of shit, so I changed it.

She's 12 now. The taxi picks her up and she pretty much takes care of as much of the morning routine as she is able to.

Exactly. Once it is set up it works and becomes routine in time.

@Longcovid21

I will have to work out how to put extra controls on the devices. I'm not very good at that stuff.

Just put them in a cupboard and say No.

It's totally exhausting and an executive function nightmare! I have ADHD myself and really struggle with this type of thing. DH does the morning one because it takes so much out of me.

I think you could review it, I did not have these difficulties. You have to invest to reap rewards but better self-care and better organisation will surely help.

These are things I would suggest:

• Have everything organised e.g. separate school pegs or drawer or box and get them to put their school stuff there every day on the way home
• Pack tomorrow's bag when first home from school
• Prep pack ups in the evening, and they should be packing their own bags and getting water bottles filled
• Get them to set the breakfast table in the evening and pre-decide what they are having
• Eat your breakfast before doing anything else in the morning - you are not caring for yourself properly

Try to do more with them rather than you doing it.

As for screens, my suggestion would be you put them in a high cupboard in the morning. Just stop them from using them and take control.

Sounds to me like your main problem is that they have access to screens. There is no screen access in our house in the mornings, because I know that DD would never do the basic things like getting dressed, eating breakfast etc. if she could be playing games or watching videos. You don't need to put extra controls on the devices - just put them away at night and don't give them back until they've done their homework in the afternoon.

Clothes and shoes are laid out and ready from the night before. I make lunches before the kids get up (I get up about an hour earlier than them so that I can get some time to myself).

Thank you OP I needed to read this today!! I agree its just so hard some days

I get up at six and sort uniforms/lunches in the hour before everyone else wakes up. That's also my time to shower and get my things by the front door on work days (currently on mat leave). I'd love to have everything sorted the night before but we have six children and the bedtime routine is harder for me than the morning one. Children wake up at seven and dress, eat, teeth, hair and then we're out the door. There are no devices or tv at all as we they would get nothing else done. They do try to sneak a book or some drawing to the breakfast table and that slows them down massively so I've had to say they can only read or draw if they've got their coats and shoes on and everything else is done.

I am a single parent, however when I was married to my ex, my ex never did the school run (or breakfast, or bedtime or much else children wise etc)

I know there are couples who share the load, but there are also many who do not share the load. Not that that helps OP but I thought it was worth saying.

They should not have any screen access in the morning at all. There is quite simply no need for it.

Put them on a star chart in the morning to get things done quickly and without causing you trouble.
eg) breakfast, teeth, get dressed, get bags ready, get into car quickly

Only if they get all the ticks do they get their device after school. You will need to be tough but this can work. Do not give them a tick unless they do the task as requested.

Modify the tasks according to what is causing you trouble. If they don't co operate then simply ban electronics until they fall into line.

Once they start cooperating you must not let standards drop!!!

I’m guessing the long covid isn’t helping OP? Xx

We had a fixed morning routine which was all geared to the arrival of the rural school bus at our gate, 10 past 8 prompt. The drivers never waited because they had a long and exacting route and timetable to keep.

Our sons ate like horses and school-day breakfast was a relaxed substantial meal served by me at the table. I made sure they really enjoyed breakfast. They had to be fully dressed before eating, and finish in time to clean their teeth and catch the bus.

It's the job of parents to organise routine domestic life in a simple way that is easy comfortable and enjoyable for all.

My school run days were before screens were so all-pervasive but we always had a strict "No TV" rule until you were sat downstairs, teeth brushed, shoes on and coat and bags ready to go beside you.

So they might have got ten minutes of telly at most, if they were good and quick at doing everything else.

Even then it was stressful – I can't imagine how hard it must be trying to get a child with an iPad in its hand ready to leave the house.

So screens away from next week (that includes you - lead by example) - and I bet you'll notice a difference.

The other thing I used to do was to set alarms - so the 7.45 alarm was "come to the table for breakfast", the 8:15 alarm was for toothbrushing and the 8:25 alarm was for getting shoes on if not already done: Military discipline, if you like!

It is a really stressful time of day and it's the one I look back on with most sadness about I often lost control and shouted at my lovely children. A shouty, tearful start to the day is not in anyone's best interests.

It is and I work evenings so I’m not trying to get off to work. No packed lunch here. I try not to allow devices in the week and no tv until dressed and pretty much ready.

It can be stressful but less so if you get organised.
1- hide screens when they’ve gone to bed.
2- packed lunches made night before.
3- set a routine for the morning and stick to it.

1. Get up early enough to not be stressed.