Page 11 | To find the school run relentlessly exhausting

RickyDad · 17/03/2022 17:52

My wife used to say the same so I took over. So far I do not find it tiring. I wouldn't say enjoyable but I like the fact that I walk with my son to school and we have a little chit chat along the way.
I have also noticed that tiredness is directly related to your willingness to do something.
Like window shopping at a mall. Tiring for some ..enjoyable for others.

Wingingit44 · 17/03/2022 18:01

I'm a single parent of 3 under 10, and have many adhd traits so I feel your pain, also have neurodivergent children. Getting ready and bedtime routines sometimes feel physically unbearable. I think being a single parent exposes adhd characteristics when previously I had someone else in the house as external source of accountability, which helps me a lot. I have loads of issues with executive dysfunction in general and it really doesn't go well with being a sole carer! Looking into adhd and finding support groups is beginning to take away the feelings of shame and isolation I have felt for a long time about my 'failings'. Anyway, good luck x

puddleduckmummy · 17/03/2022 18:02

You are absolutely NBU! My husband works nights so all the school runs fall to me, trying to get everyone fed, dressed, and out the door to wrap around care and then get to work is exhausting! And then poof, 5 minutes later they need picking up again. It is relentless and exhausting. I look forward to the school holidays just so I don’t have to do the school run!

1forAll74 · 17/03/2022 18:03

Getting well organise with school things the night before. children can do a few little things for themselves before going to school if you ask them to., no nagging or shouting at all, as its pointless and stressful,

There would be no TV on, and definitely no gadgets to watch before school. all totally unecessary before a day of learning at school.

jo3009 · 17/03/2022 18:07

I know exactly how you feel, try that AND have to get the bus to and from school as we have no car!

Mirw · 17/03/2022 18:08

Why did you have children? Be grateful as plenty women would love to be in your position but aren't. Where is their dad? Why can't he help?

Pinkpeanut27 · 17/03/2022 18:10

Prep everything the night before
Hide all screens and remotes - no screens in the morning .
Mine are 18 , 18 and 12 so I’ve had a few years doing it and I still don’t eat breakfast until after school run ! Which I still have to do due to lack of public transport

FavouriteGame · 17/03/2022 18:11

Absolutely no screens here anymore. We banned them because the shift from screens to getting out of the house was too much. Eldest, 10, makes own packed lunch and breakfast. It’s easy as they are autistic so have basically the same thing every day so doesn’t have to think too much about it. I have to do some directing to stay on task, but on the whole it’s not too bad.

I have had times when it was awful. But at 10 your eldest can definitely do much more and it will help them when they get to secondary.

Jeannie88 · 17/03/2022 18:12

It is ground hog day. Getting everything ready, dropping off at club at 8am then going ro work in a school, yes exhausting! I try to make it easier by having absolutely everything ready and prepared night before, even order clothes go on lol. X

pcl09 · 17/03/2022 18:12

I feel your pain OP.

My strategy may be unpopular but I had to turn into a super super strict mum (also a single parent) to get through it.

First was focussing on myself because I was drained and felt awful every single day - I get up an hour before they do and have a shower, get dressed, do makeup and hair, get their breakfast ready and then have 15 mins down time before I wake them up. It means I can then focus entirely on getting them out the door with everything they need, we’ll dressed, we’ll fed with everything for school in their bags. If one of them wakes up before I’m finished, they can go do something else until I’m ready. It’s my time for getting ready and probably the only hour in the day that I’m not catering for someone else so I try to protect it.

The children had a list of things they have to do in the morning and the order that they do them in. They had to tick each thing off on the list as they completed it - the older one has to do them more independently. 3 years on they are now 12 and 9 and don’t need a list anymore but it’s ingrained and not nearly as stressful. So my house is far far far from fun in the morning - but it functions!!!! I do recognise that an hour less in bed is not an attractive proposition but for me it’s better than feeling rotten for the whole day.

This too shall pass OP xx

FourChimneys · 17/03/2022 18:13

Mirw is that the most helpful and supportive response you could think of?

My neighbour who used to have trouble with her DC using devices in the morning now takes them away in the evening and they go in the boot of the car in the garage, both of which are locked.

pcl09 · 17/03/2022 18:13

Well dressed and well fed - autocorrect!!

FavouriteGame · 17/03/2022 18:14

I also find not getting up too early helps our particular brand of neurodivergent house. That might be different for others, but here ensuring everything happens at a quick pace keeps us all on track. The more time we have, the more likely someone is to get distracted.

5thnonblonde · 17/03/2022 18:14

Totally feel your pain. Mine wake up starving but are t allowed breakfast until they’re in uniforms which helps. The older one (6) can do her own cereal if I put milk in a mug in the fridge (so it’s not too heavy) or they have croissants so they’re expected to get up, dress and to their own breakfasts so I can pop in and out while get dressed myself.

As others have suggested, bags and uniform prepared the night before. I used to be a single mum tho and just to say it is just harder! If something gets spilt or anything at all goes not to plan and you’re not on it right away the wheels just start to come off and as no one can be that hyper vigilant it does just mean sometimes things go awry so don’t beat yourself up :)

MrsAmber · 17/03/2022 18:17

I always encouraged DS to get dressed on waking then at least we didn’t have that rigmarole to sort!

mixedkebab · 17/03/2022 18:17

I also hate the school run! I have 3 boys and a girl and the worst time for me was when the oldest boy was about 8 and the youngest boy was 2 and that was despite having my adult cousin living with us and helping!

Now that DD is 9 and boys are 16,17 and 21 its a lot easier! Not single but husband has worked abroad for last 6 years so might as well be! My only wish now is for 17 year old to get his driving licence and do the run for me 😂

Definitely remove devices. Mine still have parental controls on their phones which allow usage after 8am.

Also, dont stress about looking presentable for the school run! If you are going straight to work thats a different matter of course and you may need to get up a bit earlier but if you are coming back home just throw something on like tracksuit and trainers or a maxi dress in summer. Life is too short to care what others think

HappyAsASandboy · 17/03/2022 18:19

We have parental controls on the devices that lock them until after we leave for school. They can have them unlocked if they're completely ready (including shoes!).

I refuse to make packed lunches. I am happy to pay for school dinners and will buy packed lunch food for the fridge, but if they want to take a packed lunch then they've always made it themselves (from about age 7; before that they had to have school dinner).

My only advice is to make things easy for them, then make it their responsibility to do the things that need doing. Eg cereal/bowls/spoons stored low down and in easy open containers and they do their own breakfast. Teach them to use the toaster. I buy porridge pots so the older ones can make their own porridge. The earlier you start then doing things themselves, the earlier your mornings get easier!

It is like Groundhog Day, particularly with younger kids. It gets better as they got older.

starkers22 · 17/03/2022 18:22

I may be way off the mark here OP but have you had a blood test lately? Without me even realising it a routine blood test flagged up that I was anaemic. Iron tablets have made all the difference and the school run along with bedtime/bath time etc are no longer quite as exhausting. I just thought it was normal to feel that way as a knackered old mum.

LawfulSearch · 17/03/2022 18:23

Absolutely feel your pain. I have two disabled children, one by of whom requires 90minutes of medical interventions before we leave the door and she routinely refuses to cooperate. Roll on the holidays!

Feeascotime · 17/03/2022 18:24

The school run was stressful for years, even at teen age and now having both my children at uni, it's demise us the best thing that happened to me. Even would hear my neighbour battling and going off her rocker over it. That been said, I made sure as much as possible was done the night before and quit taking responsibility for late kids. Just stayed calm and let them feel the consequences.

Chely · 17/03/2022 18:33

Hate the morning run. 16 year old only needs letting out the house, she lost her key and I refuse to get her a new one yet after having to fork out for a new lock. Primary kids are 11, 9, 6 (twins) and we have a 7mth old baby. The 9 year old is a nightmare, so slow and needs constant kicking up the arse. DH has been working away for long stretches since we met so it is mostly just me doing things. I am a sahm though so I can have my coffee as a reward after the school run is done. We have electronics time restricted and they do not dare touch the TV remote in a morning. Baby is no bother mostly but has chicken pox atm and has not let me have much sleep for several days.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 17/03/2022 18:35

I totally understand how you feel OP. I was in a similar situation. I don't have any magic answers, but a few things we did that have helped:
-Pocket money: pocket money of 20/25p is contingent on havina 'good' cooperative morning - listening to parents, doing what is asked with no tantrums etc (and same for a 'good' bedtime in the evening).
-I got big clocks and put them in the DC bedroom, in the bathroom and in the kitchen - so they can't say they aren't aware of the time as the morning goes on!
-Get up earlier - if possible. Aim to be ready to leave the house 10-15 minutes before you actually need to, build in that buffer.
-Map out the morning - say, get up at x time; toilet at x time; breakfast at x time; getting dressed at x time; brushing teeth at x time etc etc. Write it all (or at least the tasks, if not the timings) in large writing on a piece of paper and post it somewhere prominent. Add any other reminders specific to your DC/family.
-Confiscate screens and only allow them (if at all) once the DC are ALL ready for school.
-Try to stay cheerful OP! I found this very difficult. But if I start losing the plot, it is a downward spiral for the whole family. Plaster a smile on, use humour even when you don't feel humourous, esp when youre asking DC to do something repeatedly....
-Sit your DC down and explain to them how difficult youre finding the morning routine, how you need their help to make it run smoothly. Approach it as a team. Good luck OP, it's not easy!

Gingerbaby2020 · 17/03/2022 18:36

@Longcovid21

I will admit I feel a little under the weather at the moment and the school runs always fall to me (single parent). However I find the school runs absolutely exhausting. Other mums and dads don't look as broken as I feel. From waking up, cajoling to get dressed, recharging bags with packed lunch, fruit, water , getting them off screens which they sneak back on to as soon as my back is turned. Getting them to eat breakfast. Getting them in the car. Nag nag nag. Then rinse and repeat every day. They are 10 and 6 so the older one is a bit more independent but it's still exhausting for me. I work full time but am exhausted before I even start. I can't eat breakfast until they're in school as its too stressful. Also getting myself ready and making sure I look decent. Does anyone actually find the school run manageable or dare I say it enjoyable? What's your secret?

Your a single mum and work full time!! hats off to you op!

. I'm with you I work and school runs + nursery run are the bain of my life!! Some people enjoy them but most of those I see at school have time to chat to friends and are going home to spend the rest of the day in peace. Can't blame them...im probs just a bit jealous

BlueVixen · 17/03/2022 18:37

I was always amazed that they couldn't get socks on Monday to Friday however seemed to managed fine on Saturdays and Sundays!

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 17/03/2022 18:40

Oh and doing as much as you can the night before - I set out breakfast things, check the diary (eg if it's PE, or music, or library, you get the relevant items ready to take in), check weather forecast, wash waterbottles etc, you could get clothes set out (I am bad at this and often end up drying socks with the hairdryer in the morning lol).