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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or should my husband be trying to help me?

140 replies

allupsidedown · 15/03/2022 12:27

I've got covid and I'm in the middle of a flare up of IBD. I've been struggling to eat because it hurts my stomach. It is also painful to move and I'm feeling very weak. I am able to drink but Yesterday I ate 1/4 of a bagel. I'm trying to stay in isolation so the rest of the household are fine.
My husband is acting like I don't exist. He prepares food for himself and the kids but doesn't make for me. I've been dragging myself to the kitchen, cleaning after myself and trying to get something. Today I just can't. I'm in bed. I can't face climbing back up the stairs. Have eaten nothing since yesterday breakfast.
The only time he has come near was to ask if today was pe day or a uniform day.
I have to admit I'm feeling a bit neglected.
Am I being a princess when he is organising the kids and working? Should I woman up and look after myself?
I honestly think I might just ebb away up here and he would barely notice.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 15/03/2022 12:29

What have you said to him about it?

cultkid · 15/03/2022 12:31

What a bastard of course he's being mean

cultkid · 15/03/2022 12:31

Order a deliveroo for yourself and text him to leave it outside your bedroom door x

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2022 12:33

Why are you married to this man? I'm guessing he has form for being such a useless prick.

Fatgalslim · 15/03/2022 12:33

He sounds like an arsehole, I cannot believe he would cook for himself and the kids and not make some for you. Who thinks like that?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 15/03/2022 12:33

Of course he should be helping you. It's not much extra trouble to do some food for you when he's sorting himself and the kids out. What a knob.

RandomMess · 15/03/2022 12:34

Can't believe he isn't ask if you food at meal times and cooking for you Shock

Sneezesthrice · 15/03/2022 12:38

Is he deliberately leaving you out of meals because he thinks he shouldn’t have to to care for you because he’s having to care for the kids? If so then he’s an asshole.

Or

Has it not occurred to him sick people need caring for?

Even the latter makes him a twat TBH but either way you need to tell him, you are ILL and you need him to help you just as you would help him if he was sick.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 15/03/2022 12:39

For goodness sake shout him to come up and see you, then tell him that you need to eat, and you would like a bit more attention, as you're feeling so low. If you feel you want company, tell him and the kids, but they can't read your mind, and some like to just be left alone while they're ill, so be sure an TELL him what you want and need.

Suprima · 15/03/2022 12:42

What has caused women to ask if they are ‘princessing’ if they expect basic kindness from a partner? It’s absolutely rife on here- from women who want Mother’s Day cards, a nice evening planned or to even be looked after when ill?

You are definitely not being U.

He is a cock and his actions suggest he doesn’t like you very much- you are simply a household appliance currently out of action.

WhenDovesFly · 15/03/2022 12:45

Your husband is an arse OP. If he's making food for everyone else it wouldn't hurt him to make something for you too. It would be better for all too if you weren't touching everything in the kitchen and potentially spreading germs.

Make sure you remember this if he's ever ill and needs support.

oopsididitagainx · 15/03/2022 12:47

What would you do if it was him instead of you in that situation? I'm sure you'll get your answer

Original poster
allupsidedown · 15/03/2022 12:48

Thanks, he just doesn't think and cannot multitask. I even heard the youngest having to ask him to get breakfast this morning. He is stressing and trying to ensure he doesn't get covid because he is busy with work.
But I like to think I matter at least a little bit too. He is very used to me taking charge, organising everyone and everything. The last I looked on the lounge it was as if we had been burgled. I've only been up in the bedroom a couple of days. Confused
I will ask him to make me something. The trouble is with my Crohns im not able to eat much and he sees little point in making food for me to waste it.
I'd love a deliveroo but we are too rural. I might ask my sister to drop off heaps of tins of peaches and mandarins. I can definitely eat those. It is what I fancy really!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 12:50

Is he staying away because of covid? I get that but that doesn't excuse him not making you food at an absolute minimum

BadBear · 15/03/2022 12:53

My best friend suffers from Crohns so I have experienced first hand how limiting it can be so you have all my sympathy for that.

I think he's essentially useless. Sorry but in situations like that you pull yourself together and support the other person while doing everything as well. This is a bigger conversation to have when you're feeling better for now tell that waste of space of a person to get you what you need.

nearlyspringyay · 15/03/2022 12:54

Get him to go the shop and get you what you want. What a prick.

FitAt50 · 15/03/2022 12:54

Have you actually asked your husband for some food? You said you couldn't eat and only managed a 1/4 of a bagel, perhaps he thinks you cant eat anything? Communication here is key xx

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/03/2022 12:54

Whaaaaat???

Say you need help.

I’d love to see the fucker in your situation with fuck all support.

AndAsIfByMagic · 15/03/2022 12:55

He's a prick, OP.

Gowithme · 15/03/2022 12:56

How are you going to get better if you're not eating? Of course he needs to make you food. He sounds pretty self absorbed to me.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/03/2022 12:56

My dh would say "stay in bed till you feel right and text if you need anything at all". I wouldn't expect to be asked each mealtime if I'm Bed bound but equally he wouldn't need to come in and ask about stuff for the dc or have them remind him of anything.

In your shoes I'd stay in bed way way longer than necessary as it sounds like he needs a short sharp shock when it comes to managing the house and kids.

Text him for food and drinks as you need

Shoxfordian · 15/03/2022 12:58

He’s treating you worse than I’d treat an animal

Why are you even married ?

Original poster
allupsidedown · 15/03/2022 13:04

I have asked him to get some things I fancy from the shop. He says he might have time to do it tomorrow. Why thank you! Don't be putting yourself out now. Hmm
He knows that when I'm flaring I crave fruit and veg. But nothing greasy. He was making himself and the kids pie, chips and beans last night. He didn't make for me because he knew I wouldn't eat it. Trouble is he didn't think to get me anything else. I suggested a bag of steam fresh veg. But we have run out. I didn't realise that.
I even had to ask his mum to go and get my medication as he said he didn't have time to nip to the pharmacy until the next day. The sooner I got it the better.

OP posts:
Innocenta · 15/03/2022 13:07

His behaviour is awful. He should be feeding you whatever you find palatable and offering you calorific drinks to keep your strength up. I don't have IBD but some similar conditions (am on some of the same treatments) and whenever I can't eat, my partner is incredibly watchful of what I'm taking in. Imo that is just part of being a loving partner to someone with a medical condition; it's not something you should have to ask for. I'm really sorry you're going through this, and no, this is not princessy at all.

BambinaJAS · 15/03/2022 13:09

So,

Your H is working FT and taking care of the kids while you are off sick.

And you are complaining?

He's not Super Man. Not sure why you expect him to do that plus cater to your needs to, specially when you are ill from covid (and likely still symptomatic).