AIBU to ask how anyone else copes being overcrowded?

[Lemontree1]

I am in an overcrowded very small 2 bed privately rented flat with 3 children.
The bedrooms are tiny.
To envisage how small the bedrooms are, a double bed can fit but nothing else maybe a bedside table, but no chest of drawers, or any other furniture.
According to the council, My 3 children are expected to share one of these bedrooms and myself in another room.
I can’t make them all share, as there physically isnt enough room to fit 3 beds in one room with all their toys, or any other furniture. (We don’t have vast amounts of stuff but 3 children combined do have a significant amount, and I am constantly decluttering)
So, I sleep downstairs on the sofa.
we are all on top of each other there is no where for me to escape and my mental health has been deteriorating for years now.
I have been told that I am not a priority and that there are bigger families in a one bed flat.
I don’t want anything fancy, just a room and a bed to myself and somewhere I can have time to myself.
I can’t get anywhere else privately as I can’t afford it, I work,but rent prices are high and I just can’t afford more than I already pay. I can’t work full time at least until my youngest boys are in school.
I am so claustrophobic and although I try my best this affects my parenting.
Also, for reference I have twins and a singleton. My children’s ages are 3,3 and 12. All boys, so apparently can all share until they are 16.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? How do you manage to cope? I just feel like I can’t cope much longer, but have no idea how to get out of this situation.

I would share with the 12 year old.

You might be able to use curtains in the living room too - ikea does a great ceiling track system. I got full length second hand curtains and sectioned off part of my living room - curtains look great drawn or back against the wall. Get a proper bed - much better off with a single and good cushions doubling as a sofa than a sofa pretending to be a bed - ikea day beds good as beds too. Make a bower for yourself.

I would get rid of the double bed pop in bunks and a single for the kids and you go in the small room in a single you can get a screen devider for some room separation the in living room make 1 corner for 3 Yr old and another for 12 year old its more the possible unfortunately the rising rents are screwing everyone at the moment rents have gone up by £200 a month on average here in the last 9 months alone

@CannaBelieve

i dont understand why this is the councils responsibility though?

Agreed. I feel sorry for the OP, that set up does sound a bit shit. But the council didn’t create three children, so why does it now have to provide a bigger house?

@homeedregret

I get that in an ideal world you'd want your own room, but you have to work with what you've got. Perhaps decorate the living room to make it more 'bedroomy' for you, and when the dc go to sleep it is your space. Ikea do nice day beds which double up nicely as seating.

Another poster has suggested the idea of an IKEA day bed, I will look into this

Not going to be much help but I feel you, shared a small room with my 2 children and 3rd child (eldest) has other small room. 8years and counting, I've been bidding on council.

Give the boys the largest room and use bunk beds

A member of my family raises 3 kids in a 2 bed and finds it tough. She was sleeping on the sofa until her teenage son built his own shed in the garden last year! I'm aware 12 is young to be sleeping out but if you had outdoor space would it hold a small conservatory or shed as an outdoor escape? He bought a flat pack on eBay and insulated it nicely.

I’ve not said the council have to give me a bigger house, I’ve not said I’ve had 3 kids now the council have to house me.
I have stated my current situation, 3 boys, two of
Which are twins which I didn’t obviously plan on having.
All 4 of us are in a very small 2 bed flat. I work, but whilst boys are at nursery only part time. I have searched and searched for a bigger privately rented place for us, but none which I can currently afford, and if I have, by chance found something I may be able to afford as soon as I explain I am a single mother with 3 children I know they have no intention of conversing with me further.
So, a bigger private rent is looking very bleak. Therefore I have had no choice but to see my options with the council, if they might be able to help, and I’ve only quoted them on the reasons why they cannot help me at this time.
I’ve not said they should give me a house.

Grim OP - in London families of 4 often live in a one-bedroom flat.

It’s not OK. But you can fix yourself up a bit (see above).

Triple bunks are ace.

I reckon. Bedroom only for sleeping. Littelest room. For all three. We have this set up, eldest has a wee clip on light up high and can stay up later than the other two to read. Only other furniture in there is their clothes chest of drawers. They literally just sleep in there.

You take the biggest bedroom, but you set up a good desk in it with understanding that you eldest can you use it for study/homework
You use extra space In your big room to store stuff eg. Clothes. No point having stuff like that I'm kids rooms when you cant organise it after they're in bed.

Living room as an actual living room.

I feel your pain, I shared with my daughter till she was 13 and then I took to the living room. I made sure I bought the best sofa bed I could afford.
I hate not having my own space but also trapped in rental.

Similar situation... but 2 children... both boys 14 & 7 months, private rent. Currently baby is in with me & teenager in box room (literally bed & small unit, no wardrobe etc) have chest of drawers on the landing for him.
Once baby is sleeping better (breastfed & co sleeping) I will move baby into box room, teenager into mine & ill move downstairs on a mattress at night.
It's not ideal but I'm not even allowed on the housing list til eldest is 16.
Personally I'd give the twins the bigger room, eldest the box & you sleep downstairs.
I store things in the most random places, you've got to be creative. Under units, under sofa.
In winter I put summer clothes in the loft & swap over as weather changes. I'm brutal with getting rid of things too.... the sentimental things I box up & luckily my mum stores for me.

@pixie5121

But OP, you were always going to have your 12-year-old sharing with one 3-year-old. How is that much different to sharing with twins? I don't think it's mean to point out that a two-bed flat was always going to be a squeeze even having one other child. That was your decision and it seems like you're not really owning it.

One three year old is completely different to three year old twins. Completely. The twins are such a handful they get up to all sorts of mischief together and egg each other on. I could see how it was affecting my eldest having to share with his brothers. I have said before that we could have somewhat lived comfortably as a family of 3, of course it would have still been a squeeze and I completely own that it would still not have been ideal but somewhat more comfortable as I could have possibly shared with youngest for the foreseeable Or split the second bedroom.

I have also tried sharing with the twins and I never got any sleep.

Maybe bunks with a trundle bed underneath might be a short term solution. As money is tight, you could try looking on the app Nextdoor. There is one in every area and they have for sale and free items. Also you can connect with other people on there and other areas who might have something better to rent privately. Do look. It's a free app and very useful.
Wishing you the best outcome 💐

I live in a tiny house by most people's standards and at various times with step-kids, new baby, wfh and guests staying we have had to be really creative with the space.

I'd recommend doing a few things immediately to prioritise your physical and mental health so that you don't get too exhausted to do anything.

Sleep is your priority - I think in the current situation, you using the living room to sleep in is a good solution but you absolutely cannot keep sleeping on the sofa - it won't be supporting your body well enough for good health and proper restorative sleep. Aim for one of the types of day beds or sofa with mattress underneath which has a proper mattress for you.

Try something like this one

www.ikea.com/us/en/p/hemnes-daybed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-30349329/

You can bundle up the duvet, pillows and sheet each morning and put them in the drawer below.

Or one like this
www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/andover-mills-astra-twin-daybed-with-trundle-w006427608.html?piid=269236205

And get a storage chest / ottoman which can be used as a side table/seat where all the bedding gets put during the day.

Storage:

Some people remark to us that it's like we a living in a boat! I think they mean that we make every bit of space count and it's all very organised. So you make the most of things which can do 'double duty' furniture that can fold, furniture that can be storage as well as it's original purpose etc.

Third - if you can afford it having a gym membership where you can shower, relax and hang out on your own will do amazing things for your mental health. If there's somewhere where you can also rent a small locker to keep some toiletries in etc - that can be an amazing place to experience as an extention of your living space.

Forth - When it's nice weather spend as much time as possible outside in the fresh air. You don't mention if you have any outside space with the flat but if not find a local outside space that can be your go-to option.

Op, I don't think your twins necessarily need separate beds, unless you'd prefer that. Many kids sleep together for years and it used to be more common that each child having their own.

But if you are looking for a smaller bed, IKEA has a short loft bed called KURA that might work for you. They don't require high ceilings but with an extra mattress make a perfectly good bunk bed for kids up till the teen years - I actually took mine to university with me. Or, you can just have two and use the underneath for toy storage and play space.

My inclination OP would be to have all three kids share the larger room, but I can see why your eldest might find that difficult too. Maybe think about ways to make a separate space within your flat, either in the lounge, or even in a storage area. Sometimes the end of a hall can be sectioned into a kind of bedroom.

@LoisLane66

Maybe bunks with a trundle bed underneath might be a short term solution. As money is tight, you could try looking on the app Nextdoor. There is one in every area and they have for sale and free items. Also you can connect with other people on there and other areas who might have something better to rent privately. Do look. It's a free app and very useful. Wishing you the best outcome 💐

Thank you for your suggestions, I have never heard of that app but will have a look.

Ikea daybeds are brilliant. Really comfortable, plus they look like sofas, not beds.

One idea for keeping toys out of the way at night is hooks on walls (like the Command hooks which come in different sizes and leave no marks when you remove them) and hanging netting or string bags between two hooks like a hammock. Toys are off the floor but easily accessible if on the wall the bunks are against so each child can reach their own things. There has to be safety in mind so if you think they may try to remove the sling holding their toys or get their necks caught on it while messing about, then shelves would be better. Again, Nextdoor would be bound to have help available, someone who would fit them for free or have wall shelves going free. Do try it.

@pixie5121

But OP, you were always going to have your 12-year-old sharing with one 3-year-old. How is that much different to sharing with twins? I don't think it's mean to point out that a two-bed flat was always going to be a squeeze even having one other child. That was your decision and it seems like you're not really owning it.

Oh shut up 🤐

I am shocked and saddened by many of these posters responses OP. No one has asked you how you have become a single mother of 3 - For all we know you have been widowed or a victim of DA or rape, or the father walked out.

Its pretty tragic the judgement on here from other women.

Shame on those of you who would rather berate the OP than offer support.

Sorry PP, she has been asked where Dad is.

Full sympathy OP. I will be in a similar situation soon due to low income and this thread has / will provide some practical insight into solutions.

I bet your children are beautiful and as long as you are all together, that's all that really matters (that's what I tell myself).

Good luck.

Compact living is a challenge without throwing 3 year old twins into the mix! There's some great advice on here op, hopefully you'll manage to make things work for you.