AIBU to ask how anyone else copes being overcrowded?

[Lemontree1]

I am in an overcrowded very small 2 bed privately rented flat with 3 children.
The bedrooms are tiny.
To envisage how small the bedrooms are, a double bed can fit but nothing else maybe a bedside table, but no chest of drawers, or any other furniture.
According to the council, My 3 children are expected to share one of these bedrooms and myself in another room.
I can’t make them all share, as there physically isnt enough room to fit 3 beds in one room with all their toys, or any other furniture. (We don’t have vast amounts of stuff but 3 children combined do have a significant amount, and I am constantly decluttering)
So, I sleep downstairs on the sofa.
we are all on top of each other there is no where for me to escape and my mental health has been deteriorating for years now.
I have been told that I am not a priority and that there are bigger families in a one bed flat.
I don’t want anything fancy, just a room and a bed to myself and somewhere I can have time to myself.
I can’t get anywhere else privately as I can’t afford it, I work,but rent prices are high and I just can’t afford more than I already pay. I can’t work full time at least until my youngest boys are in school.
I am so claustrophobic and although I try my best this affects my parenting.
Also, for reference I have twins and a singleton. My children’s ages are 3,3 and 12. All boys, so apparently can all share until they are 16.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? How do you manage to cope? I just feel like I can’t cope much longer, but have no idea how to get out of this situation.

I think its very difficult living in small cramped arrangements which is why I would make sure I didnt find myself in them if I had anytning to do with it (and it might be that OP really could help this)

Why on earth do people feel the need to post stuff like this when the OP is clearly struggling?! Does it make them feel superior? Grim. Honestly can’t understand this mentality

I would de-clutter, see if you can find a cheap bunk bed, underbed storage etc. are the kids dad paying any maintenance? Can you put a claim in through cms if they aren’t?

I’m sorry it does sound really tough.

Twins in one room in double 12 yo in other in bunks so he can have sleep overs then in a year or 2 swap over so he gets the double and the twins are in the bunks. It's a sofa bed for you in the living room. It's not ideal but it's all you've got right now so you have to make the best of it. I'm right there with you. Once you've put little ones to bed and 12 yo has gone full teenager and hidden in his room you will have time to yourself

@Blossom64265

Bunk beds for the kids room. The 3yos have to be on the bottom for now, but eventually one can move up and you can convert the lower to an open or storage space.

Single bed for you in the other bedroom. Consider getting a bunk bed or at least a raised bed so you can have storage underneath. Remaining floor space is for as much storage as possible.

Kids toys and things, even some of their clothing storage might end up in reception room. You getting a dedicated space is probably worth that bleeding into that space.

This. Under bed storage and proper storage in living roo is required. Store/ rotate your Winter and summer clothes so they are away when not in use. Minimise shoes and coats. 2 max per person.

Do not let stuff over the threshold if you don't need it.
Declutter regularly and get out of the house as much as possible.

Longer term: Work on your job propects and try to earn more / decrease outgoings so you have more choices.

Can you put yourself up for a council swap? You won’t necessarily get a 3 bed, but someone with bigger bedrooms or a more practical space might be looking for a swap.

I sympathise. It’s really hard when you don’t have enough space. The only real options are being minimalistic and getting tonnes of storage. Facebook marketplace is great for things like cheap bunk beds, shelving etc.

You need a plan to dig yourself out of this hole op. You’ve got a roof over your head, and it’s not the council’s responsibility to hand you social housing to make your life easier. I’d love a council house, I’ve been on the list for 13 years, I’ll doubt I’ll ever be offered one though. Presumably you need to bring in more money to afford somewhere bigger. I started studying doing all of the courses I could when my youngest turned 3 in preparation for him starting school full time. Some of them were free online, some the job centre paid for to help me get back into work. When he started school full time I decided to start applying for jobs and literally landed the first one I went for doing community work for the nhs, but through an agency so I could literally pick my own hours on a week by week basis around my childrens school hours/childcare etc. There’s loads of option out there. You can’t spend years deliberately letting yourself become overcrowded and waiting for the council to help you without helping yourself

OP isnt in council housing @lapasion so csnt swap

@lapasion

Can you put yourself up for a council swap? You won’t necessarily get a 3 bed, but someone with bigger bedrooms or a more practical space might be looking for a swap.

I sympathise. It’s really hard when you don’t have enough space. The only real options are being minimalistic and getting tonnes of storage. Facebook marketplace is great for things like cheap bunk beds, shelving etc.

OP is in private rented so can’t do a council swap

Could you divide the bigger room into 2 by doing something like this. Cheap MDF on standard bunk beds might do the job.

When we moved into our current house it had two bedrooms, we were a family of six.
As we intended extending the house, to make two extra bedrooms initially all four DC's (all boys 13,11, 2x7) had to share one room, We managed with two sets of bunk beds, 1 normal size and we got some child sized/smaller ones,
Both sets of bunks were purchased second hand as we really didn't have the funds for new ones at the time.
All four sharing wasn't ideal, especially with homework etc but we managed for 3 years.

@WandaThePanda

I think its very difficult living in small cramped arrangements which is why I would make sure I didnt find myself in them if I had anytning to do with it (and it might be that OP really could help this)

Why on earth do people feel the need to post stuff like this when the OP is clearly struggling?! Does it make them feel superior? Grim. Honestly can’t understand this mentality

No I wasnt trying to be superior but one of the issues caused by disempowerment and not taking responsibility is that it can cause a person to feel like a victim, like things happened outside of their control.

Depression is often caused by that disempowerment. Once people realise that they made decision xyz because they wanted a particular thing, thats great. But at the same time its caused the consequences abc and now they want to do something about abc.

I realised also I made a typo in that original post, I meant to say it might be that the OP really couldnt help this)

I have seen bunk beds which then have a trundle bed underneath so that could sleep 3 and a single for you or a small 4ft double
Alternatively single bed with a trundle bed underneath for twins and single in other bedroom for eldest and sofa bed in lounge for you
Not ideal but sometimes you have to just make it work
Online lots of storage solutions for small space which might give ideas and you may be able to pick up things second hand

There are minimum space requirements as well as bedroom requirements used in the overcrowding calculations. You may want to measure the space and add that to your housing needs assessment

@AHungryCaterpillar

This wouldn’t be priority in my council either, I lived in a one bed flat with 3 kids, it was hard but council will see it as your choice to keep having kids in a small flat. So they see that as deliberately making yourself over crowded.

Yeah, I can see that point of view, But I didn’t chose to have twins. If I had two kids like I’d planned they could share, but 3 in one tiny bedroom is chaos I’ve tried and I felt so bad for my eldest.

@CannaBelieve

where were you before? how long have you lived there?

Have lived in current flat for 8 years, before I was also in a same sized flat but had to move due to landlords selling. I hadn’t been planned on having twins so thought current flat would be big enough for two children but it’s such a squeeze now.

I lived in a 2 bedroom house with 2 siblings for several years.

DM slept in the living room on a sofa bed & us kids had the bedrooms. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her being an adult & not having space of her own, it must have been so difficult.

Hi, we were overcrowded for a while, so I really do understand.

What got me through was:

• being extremely organised with what they could bring into the house - it was one in one out for books!
• being ruthless about clutter and teaching them to tidy
• going out a lot to escape
• making a special corner for myself
• making a fuss over things like setting the table nicely, decorating nicely
• and teaching them and myself to count our blessings, which was sometimes very very hard

Just ignore any judgey/unkind cunts on here btw

@MichelleScarn

How long have you been in the flat? Could you do a triple bunk or a double with a single above for the kids?

The ceilings are too low for a triple and I’ve tried the double and single but there’s just no room for anything. Eldest also goes stir crazy from sharing with twin siblings

You basically get rid of 99% of the toys and clothes. You need to change your priorities fast. Where's the Dad/Dad's in all of this? Is he paying you maintenance?

I would put the twins in one room - small cot bed each and x 1 small IKEA type wardrobe. That is all they need. That's all mine had. Then your eldest son in the other room - and he has a single bed, x1 wardrobe and another x1 wardrobe in there for your things.

Then you sleep downstairs.

If you can fit a double bed in the second room, you are not in a tiny tiny house by any stretch. My son's room only fitted a cot. We had to put his wardrobe in our room.

You need a plan to sort this. No one is going to help you get out of a situation you put yourself in (this is true even if some of the posters on here feel it's mean to point it out) Accept this and make a plan to move out of it. Write lists. Take an issue at a time. Tidy daily and declutter EVERYTHING. Sell it to make some money. As the children grow out of clothes do not replace like for like. If you have 'significant' stuff for 3 kids you are not decluttering enough.

@CannaBelieve

i dont understand why this is the councils responsibility though?

It’s not exactly. But when your a low income single parent family it’s really the only option. If I could afford a bigger private rent or find a landlord that wants to even look my way I would go down that route.

But even in a council house you wouldn’t be over crowded, not in my area anyway...Are you in London? The waiting list is much longer in London and you wouldn’t get anywhere fast.

@Camomila

Is your flat a maisonette if your living room is downstairs? Could you store some of the DCs things on the upstairs landing and then just have 3 beds in the biggest bedroom and you take the smallest?

Yes, it’s a maisonette the landing is so small I could get anything on there really.

Could you get a "twin over double" bunk bed; the twins in the double and the older boy in the upper twin? I'm
Sure you'd feel Much better if you hayvleast had your own sleeping area. At least it's only a year or two until your twins are in school. I'm sure it feels like forever but it really isn't,

@carefullycourageous

Hi, we were overcrowded for a while, so I really do understand.

What got me through was:

• being extremely organised with what they could bring into the house - it was one in one out for books!
• being ruthless about clutter and teaching them to tidy
• going out a lot to escape
• making a special corner for myself
• making a fuss over things like setting the table nicely, decorating nicely
• and teaching them and myself to count our blessings, which was sometimes very very hard

Just ignore any judgey/unkind cunts on here btw

Thank you, this is what I wanted to hear. Just some advice rather than criticism. I will take on board all your points

Surely you knew you'd be overcrowded having more children though?

Maybe declutter a bit?