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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find having guests with young children hard work?

387 replies

Willowtreegreen · 14/03/2022 13:22

We had SIL staying with us last weekend with her husband and 2 DC (aged 2 and 5)

The house pretty much got trashed as it always does when people turn up with their DC. They come with so much stuff too (which I understand) so a lot of clutter! SIL’s DC were up at 5.45am each morning, running round downstairs, TV went on in the living room which is directly below our bedroom. The kitchen was like a bombsite constantly due to their constant need to ‘snack’

Last month we had friends to stay with their 9 month old. It’s a baby, it obviously won’t sleep through the night and will cry, I get that but we were pretty much kept awake all night by this baby crying, I felt really sorry for my friends, but we were all like zombies the whole weekend. We then couldn’t really do much as everything had to revolve around baby’s naps. So there was a lot of sitting round the house waiting for the baby to start/ finish napping.

We’ve now 2 other sets of friends, one with an 28 month old, one with a 6 and 4 year old wanting to come and visit/ stay in the next couple of months. DH is cheerfully all for it but I’m really starting to not enjoy visits from friends or family members with young children Blush it’s a lot of work, a lot of sleepless nights, house getting chaotic and very messy and actually never really doing a lot as it ALL has to revolve around the DC’s and their routines or what they want to do.

AIBU to just not find the visits that enjoyable at the moment? We don’t have children ourselves and although we have a fairly large house, it’s certainly no mansion so you do hear a lot of other’s noise!

OP posts:
Squeezita · 15/03/2022 18:10

@whizzielizzie

The consolation … they go home. Then you can have your house back. Don’t expect too much, they’ll go home with their parents who deal with it night and day, day after day
How is that any consolation? What the hell does OP get out of that?
pompomseverywhere · 15/03/2022 18:10

@Pancakeorcrepe

I get what you mean, OP. It probably is a break for them but not for you. I would limit it to day trips or lunches out, otherwise it won’t be enjoyable for the child-free people.
I bet it isn't a break for them. It's a nightmare being in other peoples houses with children to manage and not all your own stuff
pliddy · 15/03/2022 18:11

Oops! Ought not to

🙈

Sorry teach

skippink · 15/03/2022 18:11

Yes…sounds about right, those are the realities of having children especially when there babies or young children. Why invite them to stay,you could just say no!!

pliddy · 15/03/2022 18:12

@Squeezita no need to swear. You're rude too

Squeezita · 15/03/2022 18:12

[quote pliddy]@Squeezita no need to swear. You're rude too[/quote]
What swear words did I use? Confused

Squeezita · 15/03/2022 18:13

Oh I see, I mean I didn't swear at you.

BobbinHood · 15/03/2022 18:13

It’s rubbish being a guest with a small child too, when we visit family who live long distance tend to get an air b n b or something instead. Definitely not being unreasonable to want fewer visits from guests with young children!

Sooziewoozie · 15/03/2022 18:15

Do they live so far away that they can't visit for the day? Maybe you would be better off meeting them halfway if the distance is prohibitive then you won't have to have them in your house. I would hate that!

Blossomtoes · 15/03/2022 18:17

I bet it isn't a break for them. It's a nightmare being in other peoples houses with children to manage and not all your own stuff

In which case, why invite yourself to visit?

godmum56 · 15/03/2022 18:20

@whizzielizzie

The consolation … they go home. Then you can have your house back. Don’t expect too much, they’ll go home with their parents who deal with it night and day, day after day
not relevant. That doesn't mean that the OP has to put up with it
Nnique · 15/03/2022 18:20

Yes you need to talk with your DH about this and tell him straight out that it’s too much. Once a quarter is plenty to have people over (and even that would be too often for me).

Also, if you’re usually left to do most or all of the hosting shit work then he needs to step up and do his share of that too. By which I mean at least 50% preparations before they come (cleaning, meal planning, buying extra food in, making beds, etc) plus at least 50% of cooking/cleaning/hosting duties during the visit, and then the same again when they’re gone and it’s time to get the house in shape again.

godmum56 · 15/03/2022 18:20

@skippink

Yes…sounds about right, those are the realities of having children especially when there babies or young children. Why invite them to stay,you could just say no!!
the OP doesn't, they invite themselves
beeline · 15/03/2022 18:22

Agree, limit to day trips x

bozzabollix · 15/03/2022 18:23

Reading this I don’t know whether to feel you’re a bit on the intolerant side or whether you’ve got the kind of friends who think their little darlings can do whatever they like. Parenting has become in my opinion a bit extreme, with incredibly strict routines kept to and elaborate needs. Maybe you’ve got too many of those parent friends? If so you have my sympathy.

My kids haven’t been allowed to trash houses, they’ve been able to sleep in their buggies on days out, and have generally fitted in, same with many of my friends kids (although one very old friend has certainly gone the extreme parenting route), we can always have a nice weekend together.

Parenting styles are incredibly divisive sadly, and it does hinder the odd friendship. But kids grow older very quickly, might be worth swallowing your annoyance to maintain these old friendships and family bonds, because they’ll be arsey teens not wanting to go anywhere with their parents before you know it.

Fairislefandango · 15/03/2022 18:23

We moved to a very popular holiday location 8 years ago. We had lots of visitors for a while too. We have dc though, and have no problem having people with children to stay. It will get easier as your friends' children get older. And the novelty of you living where you do will wear off for them.

Ellie56 · 15/03/2022 18:28

I just knew you lived near the sea with so many visitors inviting themselves. So rude!

As PP suggested, you need to be a bit busy with other things and tell them sorry that weekend /week doesn't work for you. Or invite yourselves to visit them for a change. Grin

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/03/2022 18:29

@whizzielizzie that was the parents choice to have children and thus put up with day after day

FrangipaniBlue · 15/03/2022 18:31

I really don't understand all the people saying "ah well, that's life with children" - is it?

Is it normal for peoples kitchens constantly look like bombsites due to children needing constant snacks? Mine certainly didn't and I'll bet the OPs visitors own kitchens don't either.

Do people never go on days out due to children needing to nap? I bet they do and they use these funny things called prams and pushchairs, I did!

I don't think YABU at all OP, I think your visitors are taking the proverbial.

hoadinthetole · 15/03/2022 18:32

Don't have them to stay then?

As a mother of 2, I completely understand how annoying my kids are to other people but while I do my best to keep disruption to a minimum in these situations there are some bits that are just unavoidable (naps/ snacks etc)
My best friend moved about 4hrs away a few years ago and at the time didn't have kids. We've been to stay with her regularly with the kids and she's always made us feel welcome and accommodated the needs of the children. I've tried to always balance it with making sure I tidy up, clean up etc after my kids and not let them completely wreck the place although I'm sure she's found them annoying at some point!
She had her first baby not too long ago and my kids are a bit older now so I've tried to return the favour when we've been to stay by helping with night times/ cooking/ cleaning/ nappies etc especially in the early days.

Your house your choice but I'd say don't invite them if you don't like what kids entail 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tortabella · 15/03/2022 18:36

The problem you have is the colonising of your home and your entire weekend by parents who are looking for a bit of break/variety/socialising even though they are, by virtue of having small kids, not going to be particularly flexible or relaxing to spend time with.

It's so so disruptive and better for everyone's wellbeing if people just pay for a hotel or airbnb. Only exceptions would be my parents or siblings or nieces/nephews, but I'm close to them.

So no, you are not being unreasonable to find houseguests hard. And you don't have to have them. Just find a polite way of saying no that you feel comfortable with and enjoy your peaceful home.

Ourlady · 15/03/2022 18:40

It would annoy me that maybe they are using you/your home as a convenience rather than actually wanting to see you and your husband.
I would be knocking it on the head. I would say now things have settled down after covid you will be getting out a lot more at the weekends so won’t be available for guests.

RhubarbCrumble12345 · 15/03/2022 18:43

Not unreasonable at all but it did make me laugh. That's life with kids so can't expect much else from your friends and family! Kids have got to come first. Just don't invite them and enjoy your peace. That's the benefit of having no kids, enjoy it.

cherish123 · 15/03/2022 18:43

They really don't need to behave like this. As a guest, you should not take over someone else's house. When DC were young we never behaved like this. Even if you normally put tv on at 5.45 in your own house, you don't do it when visiting. Similarly, we have had guests with young children and they never created mess/were noisy. People need to behave and realise the world doesn't revolve around them and their children. Adults are far too entitled nowadays.

NannaKaren · 15/03/2022 18:45

We need our family and friends - But have some ground rules to help ease their stay or can’t they stay a Travel Lodge or Similar when visiting then you can enjoy nice outings, meals, etc…