To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East?

[Rainallnight]

We are a two mum family and we adopted our DC.

We are contemplating a move to the North East, where DP is from.

My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying.

Any thoughts from anyone in that part of the world? AIBU?

NE here, know three sets of same sex parents all with children in primary school none of which have been bullied (or had anyone bat an eyelid tbh)

@theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity

This is as amusing as the 'can we still do dance lessons and go to museums if we move away from London' thread

I don't think it is an amusing topic, there are still significant problems with homophobia and being worried about that is not a joking matter.

One of the hardest things for those suffering from homophobia is people often just deny it still happens.

I thought you were going to say your DC were Black and you were moving to a tiny mining village in which case, yes, they might. I have a friend who is from an ethnic minority and works in Newcastle but chooses to live in York for this reason. Even York she says is not very diverse.
I live in the NW and my DD who is adopted is mixed. I looked at the composition of schools and chose one, fairly easily, that has 25% non-White-British so she wouldn't be the odd one out. She's already the odd one out in our family because DH, I and DS are all White. So it's not really fair on her to be the only one who looks like her at school, too.
They don't publish national data on the family composition of schools though!

I'm in the North East of Scotland, and my daughter's primary school's headteacher is part of a family with same sex parents. They've just told the kids they're adopting a 1 year old child to expand their family. I think it's fucking fabulous, and my daughter hasn't blinked an eye about the situation. She's excited for them.
I think your insinuation that we're all backwards up north of London is pretty offensive to be honest.
We're in a very small rural village by the way, and it's a small primary.

We're quite enlightened in the North-East nowadays. We've got plenty of gay couples, interracial couples etc. Its really not such a big deal anymore.There will always be someone who will be an arsehole, but they will be an arsehole wherever they live.

@theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity

This is as amusing as the 'can we still do dance lessons and go to museums if we move away from London' thread

You really think it's funny the OP wants to avoid her kids being targeted by homophobic bullies?

Hebden Bridge is between Leeds and Manchester not North East.

@Rainallnight

It is a classic tactic of the majority to laugh at someone from a minority, and to tell them their concerns are all in their head. Well done, everyone. Feeling super relaxed and welcome about a potential move now.

Thanks to everyone who got my perfectly reasonable concerns about moving to an area where my children would, statistically speaking, be in more of a minority than they are now, and my need to think about the impact on them.

I hear you about everyone taking the piss - it is their failure and I hate to read these crappy responses.

I understand the reason for your question .

I understand your concerns OP but the NE is a great place with very friendly people. If you were moving somewhere else would you feel the same or is it just as regards the NE? In which case, seems very unfair.
Whereabouts in the NE are we talking about?

@SarahAndQuack no one has said that. Of course not. It’s the dickish presumptions that are getting everyone’s pants jn a twist

@Rainallnight

It is a classic tactic of the majority to laugh at someone from a minority, and to tell them their concerns are all in their head. Well done, everyone. Feeling super relaxed and welcome about a potential move now.

Thanks to everyone who got my perfectly reasonable concerns about moving to an area where my children would, statistically speaking, be in more of a minority than they are now, and my need to think about the impact on them.

It's not your concerns that people are commenting on. It's the ignorant assumption that people in "the north" (of where?) are somehow more bigoted and/or sheltered. Backward, if you will. Its the being concerned about being discriminated against, whilst discriminating against others.

It's not that homophobia doesn't happen

It's just when you are worried about discrimination it's not a good look to promote other types of discrimination/ it detracts from your question by insulting people

Perhaps better would have been " which areas of the north east are most accepting or which areas should I avoid " rather than the whole of the north east will be a problem

To all those jumping on the OP for being ridiculous, you're missing the point. I'm a lesbian in a long term relationship. We've both experienced homophobia in all its forms, obvious and subtle, for our entire adult lives. One of the things we think about before making any major moves is how we're likely to be greeted by new neighbours and new communities because frankly we haven't always had the warmest of welcomes. We've lived next door to people who refused to look at us, let alone speak to us. We've had people walking past us in the street say horrible things, the sly looks, the 'nice' neighbour who asks sexualised questions and suggests that if we ever fancy a threesome...

Years ago I posted on MN asking whether, as a lesbian couple, we were likely to experience problems moving to rural Ireland. Everyone who posted publicly laughed at me and accused me of assuming that Ireland was backward and Irish people were bigots. But privately I received three messages from lesbian couples living in Ireland who said yes, they hadn't found it easy. One couple had moved twice before finding somewhere they felt comfortable and accepted. As a result of those private messages we thought again about moving to Ireland.

The OP is only expressing the concerns that many of those of us who are a bit different feel when moving from the known to the unknown.

@HelenWick

Hebden Bridge is between Leeds and Manchester not North East.

Isn't Hebden a different place or is it the same?

I have lived in the northeast all my life, not in the city either but a little pit village.

My best friend is a lesbian with a DS from a sperm donor raised by her and her wife, no one has ever said anything bad about it.

My boss is gay and has a mutual co-parenting deal where he is the bio father and donated sperm but the child custody is split 50/50 between the mother and him and his husband

Even back in the 90s when I was in school there was a girl with lesbian mams in my class, I honestly didn't even notice that was 'different' until I was about 9 and I was in school with her from 5.

It's not 'mega' common (unlikely there would be several gay parents in a class or even once in every class, but most likely there will be a few in the school) but it's no rarer than anywhere else in the UK and certainly not odd.

It's pretty offensive you would even assume we are backward and homophobic based on geographical location.

Don't do it, OP. When I was 10, we moved to Durham (all the way from Sunderland and in a traditional two-up, two-down, 2.5 kind of family) and I was mercilessly bullied. Of course, being keen to show everyone in my class how I was much cleverer than them didn't contribute in anyway at all. I'd never have survived with a southern accent as well.

Joking apart, why not look for some contacts in the LGBT community in the region? One starting point might be to go through the listing here: The Crack. It's mostly about arts with LGBT themes, but I noticed a couple of community organisations (an arts group in Middlesbrough, a choir in Newcastle) that might be relevant. I'd guess that people involved there will have kids with same-sex parents and those kids will go to schools in the region. And thus, you might get answers from people who know what they're talking about, rather than people like me who can only guess.

I live in deepest darkest rural Wales and there are two lots of same sex parents with adopted children in my daughters school - no one bats an eyelid.
Honestly you are overthinking this

[quote Waterfordaston]@SarahAndQuack no one has said that. Of course not. It’s the dickish presumptions that are getting everyone’s pants jn a twist[/quote]
The only presumptions I'm seeing are from posters replying to the OP.

She hasn't said she's from London (so all the anti-London stuff is really weird).

She hasn't said she expects everyone to be homophobic.

She's just said she's concerned her kids might stand out if they're in a region where children with same-sex parents aren't so common. Unfortunately, the north east of England doesn't, as a whole, have very high numbers of people who identify as gay. It's not dickish to think about what that might mean for your child.

@mudgetastic

It's not that homophobia doesn't happen

It's just when you are worried about discrimination it's not a good look to promote other types of discrimination/ it detracts from your question by insulting people

Perhaps better would have been " which areas of the north east are most accepting or which areas should I avoid " rather than the whole of the north east will be a problem

Oh my god.

The OP phrased the question fine. You are projecting massively - the OP didn't say the whole of the NE would be a problem.

You are trying to make her dance on the head of a pin. This is exactly the same shit people get when they raise racism. 'You weren't sensitive enough in how you phrased your complaint' 'You have hurt our feelings'.

@Pluvia

To all those jumping on the OP for being ridiculous, you're missing the point. I'm a lesbian in a long term relationship. We've both experienced homophobia in all its forms, obvious and subtle, for our entire adult lives. One of the things we think about before making any major moves is how we're likely to be greeted by new neighbours and new communities because frankly we haven't always had the warmest of welcomes. We've lived next door to people who refused to look at us, let alone speak to us. We've had people walking past us in the street say horrible things, the sly looks, the 'nice' neighbour who asks sexualised questions and suggests that if we ever fancy a threesome...

Years ago I posted on MN asking whether, as a lesbian couple, we were likely to experience problems moving to rural Ireland. Everyone who posted publicly laughed at me and accused me of assuming that Ireland was backward and Irish people were bigots. But privately I received three messages from lesbian couples living in Ireland who said yes, they hadn't found it easy. One couple had moved twice before finding somewhere they felt comfortable and accepted. As a result of those private messages we thought again about moving to Ireland.

The OP is only expressing the concerns that many of those of us who are a bit different feel when moving from the known to the unknown.

YY, I have had the exact same experience when we moved to the north east.

Loads of 'ha ha, don't be so silly, homophobia is dead' from straight people who had no idea.

It's not like homophobes all wear t-shirts so you can easily identify them. If you're straight and think 'no one cares' or 'no one bats an eyelid,' you might be right, but equally, you might just be unaware because you're not the target here.

Because gay people don’t exist in the NE?

For reference, here's some numbers on homophobic hate crime in England and Wales in 2020/21 (as we all know by "the north" you mean England.

www.statista.com/statistics/623487/sexual-orientation-hate-crimes-in-england-and-wales-by-region/

@SartresSoul

Because gay people don’t exist in the NE?

The question is whether there is more homophobia, not whether there are gay people.

There are gay people in Jamaica, doesn't mean it isn't a homophobic place.

Good posts Sarah and carefullycourageous. I am sorry you have had such snarky and chippy responses OP!

[quote kittensinthekitchen]For reference, here's some numbers on homophobic hate crime in England and Wales in 2020/21 (as we all know by "the north" you mean England.

www.statista.com/statistics/623487/sexual-orientation-hate-crimes-in-england-and-wales-by-region/[/quote]
The raw number of crimes doesn't really tell us anything.

I would expect there to be far higher numbers of all hate crimes in London, but it is also the place people from minorities report feeling most comfortable.

Subtle ostracism from the majority is worse than acceptance from 90% and open hostility from 10%, in my opinion.