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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family not taking no for an answer when I have covid

135 replies

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:08

I'm laid up with covid, feeling very unwell and have chest pain. I have 3 small sick children also. We're all hibernating in the bedroom.

My mother, who is a binge drinker, was supposed to come round two weeks ago to collect some bits she left here. Bus pass, phone charger etc.

She didn't turn up as she went on a binge and had everyone worried about her. As usual.

Fast forward to yesterday, my birthday, she decides she wants to come and collect her things. I told her she can't, I have covid and I'm not dealing with her right now.

Today my aunt rings and says they are coming at 2.30 regardless, I can just hand them over at the door.

I said no, sorry, not dealing with it I'm too ill. She's had weeks to come.

They refuse to listen to me and are planning on turning up regardless.

WIBU to just ignore the door?

OP posts:

heldinadream · 13/03/2022 12:12

Oh Op they sound a pain. You would be well within your rights to totally ignore them.
But could you bag the stuff up and leave it outside the door? Then hopefully you can stop being hassled by them.
Hope you feel better soon.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 13/03/2022 12:16

I would ignore the door and i wouldn't leave the stuff outside as ur aunt has been very rude and demanding. They can't be that important to ur Mum if she's done without them for 2 weeks through her own choice. You told them no, if they choose to come and waste a journey then leave them to it. They can knock as much as they like but they still wouldn't be getting an answer if i was in your position. You could certainly do without this. Hope you feel better soon

Leeds2 · 13/03/2022 12:20

Just ignore them, although they may let themselves in anyway if they have keys.

SickAndTiredAgain · 13/03/2022 12:20

YANBU, but I’d be tempted to leave the stuff in a bag outside the door. Not because they’ve been reasonable but just to get it out of your hands as a problem.

Gingercatlover · 13/03/2022 12:22

Just leave outside and don't answer the door.

Amybelle88 · 13/03/2022 12:22

How fucking rude!!! Keep the door locked and ignore completely or put the stuff on the step so you don't have to have any interaction.

Pair of bellends - not coming round to drop a care package I see. People battle me!

LittleBearPad · 13/03/2022 12:23

Stick the stuff in a bag and leave it outside - it will ultimately cause less hassle

FuckPutin · 13/03/2022 12:27

You could put the stuff outside and not answer the door or alternatively pin a note to the door saying 'I said NO!' and then not answer the door. I'm sorry you have such a selfish mother...I've got one of them too but without the alcoholism... 🙄

Original poster

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:30

I likely will put the bag on the doorstep.

I told my aunt on the telephone 3 times I do not want them coming and not to turn up, so after the third time she changed tac and said she was going to bring me a few bits from the shop.

I don't want or need anything.

Their sole motivation for coming to bother me is to collect her shit that as PP said, she can't need that much if she's gone 2 weeks without it.

I won't lie there's a part of me that thinks "fuck you, why should I do anything at all that you ask me to" and I would get some satisfaction from just not passing anything over at all.

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 13/03/2022 12:32

Given you are sick with 3 sick kids - what is going to cause you the least amount of hassle?

If it is easily possible to ignore - as you live in an flat and can ignore the entry door for example I'd do that. If not and they'd likely bang on the door repeatedly upsetting the kids and causing hassle as others say I'd leave the stuff outside in a bag/ box and say its there they can collect but the door will not be answered.

But it seems lowering your contact overall would be a good move.

Original poster

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:32

Imagine that, my own mother only ringing on my birthday because you have something she needs. Not because she wants to know if we're OK, not because she cares about me, just because she's sobered up now and wants her stupid bus pass.

My aunt is the one strong arming this without a doubt. I told mum yesterday do not come under any circumstances, she resultantly agreed, now my aunts got involved and is totally steam rolling over everything I've said

OP posts:

SunshineAndFizz · 13/03/2022 12:33

Totally inconsiderate after you've said you're poorly and it's not a good time (and not sure why it's urgent now given she's had weeks to collect her stuff). I hate seeing people when I'm ill. Put the stuff outside and don't answer the door.

Hesma · 13/03/2022 12:33

Put all in a plastic bag outside the front door for them and leave it at that

Original poster

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:34

I'm just going to have to put the stuff on the doorstep, begrudgingly.

The kids will hear the endless knocking otherwise and it'll upset my eldest who is autistic, and for some reason worships my selfish mother.

OP posts:

Howshouldibehave · 13/03/2022 12:34

Why does your aunt still want to come round when she knows you have covid and don’t want anyone there? I don’t get her motivation?

Flowersandhearts · 13/03/2022 12:35

Leave it outside with the door locked and don't answer the door. Job done.

drawingpad · 13/03/2022 12:36

I think YABU. Your mother has an illness which unfortunately is hugely misunderstood. I can't see any reason to not simply put her things in a bag and hand them over.

Original poster

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:36

@Howshouldibehave

Why does your aunt still want to come round when she knows you have covid and don’t want anyone there? I don’t get her motivation?

Oh she's my mother's handler, she appoints herself as the fixer. Mum will have been whinging to her about the bus pass so she's taken it upon herself to make sure she gets it back today.

They're totally undeterred by covid because they've had all their jabs, so have I for what it's worth and I'm still terribly sick.

I feel like coughing on the bus pass, joke

OP posts:

Original poster

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:38

@drawingpad

I think YABU. Your mother has an illness which unfortunately is hugely misunderstood. I can't see any reason to not simply put her things in a bag and hand them over.

Please, don't start with the "illness" card.

I have ran out of patience and empathy for it.

I've spent years pandering to that shit. No more.

I also have illnesses, ones I didn't inflict on myself, and she doesn't care about them so stuff hers.

OP posts:

Gizacluethen · 13/03/2022 12:39

I would definitely opened the door coughing horribly directly at them. Sorry

CagneyNYPD1 · 13/03/2022 12:39

Bag it up and leave it on the doorstep. Message both your mum and aunt the following "I have managed to bag up the bits and pieces and leave on the doorstep for you to collect this afternoon. Myself and the children are unwell and in bed. Do not knock on the door or ring the doorbell as we will be resting/sleeping. I am turning off my phone now so that I can get some rest".

Then turn off your phone and leave them to it.

Your situation sounds very familiar. Have you posted about your mother and aunt before?

viques · 13/03/2022 12:42

Don’t forget to disconnect the doorbell.

HeadToToesNo · 13/03/2022 12:43

Chuck it all on the door step, don't open the door and begin to cut contact completely.

Original poster

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:44

@CagneyNYPD1

Then turn off your phone and leave them to it.

Your situation sounds very familiar. Have you posted about your mother and aunt before?

Yes I have, I've had so much stress from them both.

I'm going to get the bits together in a bag now and put it outside.

I'm just so annoyed that I have to deal with it today. I told her a fortnight ago she needs to collect her things because I just knew it would end up being a problem when I least want to deal with them.

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/03/2022 12:45

Really sorry that you and the children are all sick, sounds horrendous 💐

Yep, bag on doorstep and disconnect doorbell/turn off phone.

Get well soon.

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