Family not taking no for an answer when I have covid

[Twentyn1ne]

I'm laid up with covid, feeling very unwell and have chest pain. I have 3 small sick children also. We're all hibernating in the bedroom.

My mother, who is a binge drinker, was supposed to come round two weeks ago to collect some bits she left here. Bus pass, phone charger etc.

She didn't turn up as she went on a binge and had everyone worried about her. As usual.

Fast forward to yesterday, my birthday, she decides she wants to come and collect her things. I told her she can't, I have covid and I'm not dealing with her right now.

Today my aunt rings and says they are coming at 2.30 regardless, I can just hand them over at the door.

I said no, sorry, not dealing with it I'm too ill. She's had weeks to come.

They refuse to listen to me and are planning on turning up regardless.

WIBU to just ignore the door?

@implantreplace

Could it be that she needs her bus pass and charger for work tomorrow?

Nope, she hasn't worked since she fell pregnant with me. I was the perfect excuse to never work again now she has the booze

Have you got a TV or radio olin your room? Put it on loud to try to cover the noise of them at the door. If you have a doorbell remove the battery. And turn off your phone.

Good luck, and hope you're all feeling better soon.

As you have mentioned your partner coming home later today, I would think about texting back to say to say that aunt/mum can collect stuff from partner at (say) 7pm.

@CremeEggThief

implant, do you really think you are helping the OP, going on and on like this?

Have a word with yourself.

My advice was mute phone Dump stuff on doorstep Lock door

Minutes.
And yes they might knock and whinge but they will go

And then the op doesn’t have this hanging over her

@Twentyn1ne I’m glad your partner will be back later.

People who havent experienced this really can be clueless sometimes.

I would wish you a happy birthday but that seems a bit rubbish in these circumstances! I hope you have a happy belated birthday celebration once you feel better, and that you manage to find a way to make peace will all of this, in time.

Implantreplace clearly has an agenda here so I think it's best to ignore their advice.

@Twentyn1ne ignore the twattish posters. Honestly. Some people come on here and think they spot someone vulnerable they can bully. That's all it is

Hope you're feeling better and hear from 111 soon. I was fully vaxed and still felt rubbish

He's checking in with me every hour, I don't know why this has become about him when it's my mother and aunt putting me under undue stress..

I'm sorry you're all so unwell op.

Unless you're all having quiet time, could you put the tv volume up a little more or some music so kids are less likely to hear the talking or knocking downstairs?
Theyd be pretty stupid to even knock on the door once if the bag is outside for them. But they dont sound like the brightest people anyway.

Hopefully they come and go quickly and quietly.

Feel better soon op

As pps said, leave the stuff bagged up and mute phone.
People who overstep boundaries won't be told no.

I might leave a note on the door saying stuff in bag, leave groceries outside.

For me the partner comes off worse!

Oh for fuck sake 🤣🤣

@drawingpad

I think YABU. Your mother has an illness which unfortunately is hugely misunderstood. I can't see any reason to not simply put her things in a bag and hand them over.

I am trying to craft a polite reply to this because the urge to swear at you is strong right now..

The people with the closest relationships to alcoholics often face the worst of the consequences of the condition. They are victims and have no power to fix the situation. The only long-term defense is strong boundaries.

You said you're in the front bedroom. Can you move to one at the back of the house just for a bit and shut the door and maybe play a video loud so the children can't hear the knocking?

This might work for you, OP: I mentally "divorced" my long-term alcoholic mother after years of a difficult and one-sided relationship. She became (to me) just someone I used to know. I kept in touch, but her emotional blackmail didn't work any more, and our own family life became much easier. She's been dead for a long time now, and I can think more kindly of her.

@bellocchild

This might work for you, OP: I mentally "divorced" my long-term alcoholic mother after years of a difficult and one-sided relationship. She became (to me) just someone I used to know. I kept in touch, but her emotional blackmail didn't work any more, and our own family life became much easier. She's been dead for a long time now, and I can think more kindly of her.

How did you manage that please?

I'm so so sick of her. I must have posted on mumsnet about her and her bloody sister half a dozen times since I've joined the site. It's exhausting. They are exhausting.

I want nothing to do with her when she's drinking but feel like I need to know she's safe at the same time.

I'm so sorry for your loss

@Blossom64265

I was only talking about handing over some stuff, i really wasn't going deeply into the relationship. I'm glad you resisted the urge to swear at me. I take things at face value and for me if OP gives the stuff the mother stops hassling OP for the stuff. It really was that simple for me.

We can't move to another room unfortunately, only double bed is this one and the kids want to be with me